Spunt's helpful guide to Britain for fat Americans - Learn about Anglos so you can hate them better

[NerdShamer]

Why are British accents so grating and almost all British dialects of English incomprehensible and sound like botched German/Dutch/Icelandic/Swedish?

Welsh was an actual language.

They were "visited" by vikings, once. Probably in hopes of dying to enter Valhalla, but it turns out that the only things that locals could routinely kill were each other and occasionally someone from mainland Europe; so chief Steve the Red cucked them and had an protection racket going.

The Romans also visited them, built some shit or something. Nothing much was happening, so the legion that was assigned to British Isles got reassigned, elsewhere.

Regional isolation was an actual thing for most of the island nation's existence.

Up until the industrialization kicked in and the concept of feudalism was gradually neutered; there hasn't really been much of an practical need to unify them.

 

[RACISM]

Regional isolation was an actual thing for most of the island nation's existence.

Up until the industrialization kicked in and the concept of feudalism was gradually neutered; there hasn't really been much of an practical need to unify them.

Everyone in England thinks that the next town over is full of stupid faggots. They're mostly right too.

 

[Otterly]

If for whatever ungodly reason I were to cross the wall separating the civilized world and enter the godless wastes of Caledonia, which of that perfidious nations many whiskey distilleries is a must visit, especially if I'm not planning on visiting the Hebrides or islands?

Best ones are mostly out west. If you only go to one island it’s Islay for whiskey and it’s well worth it. Ardbeg is nice, and they always used to be sound to visit, as are Bunnahabhain and llagavulin . If you’re confined to the mainland then the most dense area is up by Spey side but there’s distilleries all over. Really do get out to Islay though. It’s well worth it. Go June time when the Machair is blooming and before the midgies really get going.
There’s a few whiskey trails aimed at tourists where they’ll bus you round so you can get as drunk as you like. Probably nicer to pick one place and stay close and have a good look round it though.

 

[Buttigieg2020]

Visited recently, Wales really is depressing. London is the nicest Indian city I’ve ever visited though.

Very pretty countryside.

People shit on US suburbs for being soulless, but the council housing absolutely everywhere in the UK is truly the most depressing looking shit.

 

[bongaloid]

Welsh was an actual language.

Still is in some rural parts of North and West Wales. It was my father's first language.

 

[Alabama Gamer]

the National Institute for Clinical Excellence - NICE

This is darkly hilarious to me, because in C. S. Lewis's That Hideous Strength (published in 1945) the technocratic NGO secretly run by Satan for the purpose of bringing about the Apocalypse or something was called N.I.C.E.

 

[Anti Snigger]

>euros think wyoming is big and difficult to navigate
Lol

 

[RX-78]

Still is in some rural parts of North and West Wales. It was my father's first language.

I would rather vigorously learn Welsh than listen to some eastmidlander drone on for one second.

 

[Alex Krycek]

I would rather vigorously learn Welsh than listen to some eastmidlander drone on for one second.

Interesting fact. The only language Cwcville could be intelligibly pronounced in is Welsh and it would be pronounced “Cuckville”.

 

[bongaloid]

Interesting fact. The only language Cwcville could be intelligibly pronounced in is Welsh and it would be pronounced “Cuckville”.

It would probably be Cwcfil in Welsh, there's no v and LL is well, it's a separate letter.

Wales does have the best placenames for terrifying people. My nephew's sister lives in Ynysbwl.

 

[teriyakiburns]

I would rather vigorously learn Welsh than listen to some eastmidlander drone on for one second.

Only accent thing worse than Brummie is Liverpudlian.

 

[RX-78]

Interesting fact. The only language Cwcville could be intelligibly pronounced in is Welsh and it would be pronounced “Cuckville”.

All that on top of black man translating to diein du? Fuck it, make Welsh the state-mandated language asap, this is God's tongue.

 

[Thomas Talus]

This is darkly hilarious to me, because in C. S. Lewis's That Hideous Strength (published in 1945) the technocratic NGO secretly run by Satan for the purpose of bringing about the Apocalypse or something was called N.I.C.E.

The National Institute for Co-ordinated Experiments.

 

[AnOminous]

>euros think wyoming is big and difficult to navigate
Lol

Wyoming is a beautiful state. The lack of people is also pretty awesome.

 

[Major Filth]

Only accent thing worse than Brummie is Liverpudlian.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

If there's one thing to note, seems like a lot of British politicians are basically skeezy evil clones of their American counterparts, transforming already highly questionable politicians into amoral monsters by amplifying their worst qualities. Tony Blair being some shitty Clinton/Bush hybrid counterpart, and Boris Johnson being the Trump counterpart.

The other thing to note is that Britain is at the forefront of some of the principles /r/fuckcars champions (down to 15 minute cities), and that seems to have been in effect for a long time. The British Motorway system seems to be inspired off of the American Interstate system but seems woefully inadequate and hopelessly outdated, and any attempts to expand the system are squished under a myriad of bureaucracy.

 

[AnOminous]

Tony Blair being some shitty Clinton/Bush hybrid counterpart, and Boris Johnson being the Trump counterpart.

bLiar being the cringing groveling piece of shit he was really was what turned me away from my previous Anglophilia. Simping for Clinton and then for Bush was so spineless and unprincipled there was really no way to respect it, or the people who would put that servile toady into power over their country.

 

[Alex Krycek]

I am considering making my own version of this but for Texas. I moved overseas about 3 months ago and live the state but I do have plenty to say about it that can be taken as comical.

 

[Morethanabitfoolish]

bLiar being the cringing groveling piece of shit he was really was what turned me away from my previous Anglophilia. Simping for Clinton and then for Bush was so spineless and unprincipled there was really no way to respect it, or the people who would put that servile toady into power over their country.

Don't forget you can directly trace Blair's ascension to power directly back to Soros decimating the British pound for his personal profit. Really makes the fact that these days despite having been proven to have lied to the country to drag it into a war Blair's still palling around with his buddies in the WEF like there's no scandals in his past.

 

[teriyakiburns]

or the people who would put that servile toady into power over their country

In a parliamentary democracy, We, the People don't vote for the Prime Minister, but for the party. People didn't elect Blair; they elected their local MP, either because he was from the party they always voted for, or because he was someone they liked. The party elected Blair its leader. If you want to blame anyone for Blair, blame the people of Sedgefield. Bunch of tossers kept voting for him long after it was clear he was pure evil in a suit.