Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

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Otterly said:
I’ve seen both ways. Lifelong marriages surviving the ups and downs and people leaving partners with shocking cruelty. Also men remarrying months after being widowed and women staying single for the rest of their lives.
People in general are disappointing.
I still believe that if you can find a partner who will stick through the ups and downs of life, it’s better than being single. But they have to be someone who is a quality partner and there seem to be fewer these days
Marriage has always been an odd combination of love, optimism and hard economic calculation. It’s there to protect the weaker party financially, to ensure that there’s a framework for raising offspring you know are yours, and as a vehicle to amass wealth and property. The fact that divorce is no longer penalised by society has led to people just checking out as soon as things get tough. Personally I’d like to see easy no-fault divorce gone and society put more emphasis on thinking about it before you get married and sticking with it. That would mean you needed a reason for divorce and that would be all the usual old stuff - cruelty, abandonment and adultery. There’s a lot that needs doing with the Uk child support as well. I know a couple of women where the partner fucked off, left them with the kids and has managed to ‘become unemployed’ and so has a token child support payment that about covers school lunches and nothing else.
With all that said, happy marriage trumps being single
Click to expand...

Happy people trump miserable people. Clear-headed people trump self-gaslighters. Strong sense of self and self-actualization trumps self-deception and active or passive delusion.

Goes both ways.
 
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Otterly said:
I’ve seen both ways. Lifelong marriages surviving the ups and downs and people leaving partners with shocking cruelty. Also men remarrying months after being widowed and women staying single for the rest of their lives.
People in general are disappointing.
I still believe that if you can find a partner who will stick through the ups and downs of life, it’s better than being single. But they have to be someone who is a quality partner and there seem to be fewer these days
Marriage has always been an odd combination of love, optimism and hard economic calculation. It’s there to protect the weaker party financially, to ensure that there’s a framework for raising offspring you know are yours, and as a vehicle to amass wealth and property. The fact that divorce is no longer penalised by society has led to people just checking out as soon as things get tough. Personally I’d like to see easy no-fault divorce gone and society put more emphasis on thinking about it before you get married and sticking with it. That would mean you needed a reason for divorce and that would be all the usual old stuff - cruelty, abandonment and adultery. There’s a lot that needs doing with the Uk child support as well. I know a couple of women where the partner fucked off, left them with the kids and has managed to ‘become unemployed’ and so has a token child support payment that about covers school lunches and nothing else.
With all that said, happy marriage trumps being single
Click to expand...
I used to divorce people. Professionally, I mean, I was their lawyer.

You don't see the best of people when you are midwife to one of their greatest traumas. I had some clients I genuinely despised, some I was legitimately terrified for. Most of them I just felt really sorry for, to one degree or another.

The 'walkaway wife' panic is something that the internet moid hivemind has just snapped to, but it's been happening since... forever. It is how a "blameless" dude who "loved his wife and was doing his best" just out of sheer fucking thoughtlessness and self-focused disrespect completely erodes the marriage until the wife just battens down and waits him out until D-day. I have never seen any walkaway wife, not one, who was anything other than happy, content and completely at peace with her decision. If this is happening to you, gents, it is over. Do not bother "trying to work at it" or suggesting counselling or any of that shit. It is long, long past fixable. It is beyond over because she isn't even angry any more. This is a long term plan that just finally being put into action.

I saw a lot of these dudes. The reason "most divorces are initiated by women" isn't because most marriages are blown up by the wife. It's because the wife does the work to determine whether she can continue the relationship and then she makes the decision and she becomes the person driving events. The dudes overwhelmingly bury their heads in the sand because this is a painful situation and if they ignore it, it will go away.

Most divorcing husbands "don't know what they did" because they dismissed the many, many small ways they made their wife feel like a bangmaid as just not that important to them. They took the view THEY wouldn't be upset in a hypothetical reversal of the situation, so she has no right or justification for her feelings. Well, marriage is not about hypotheticals, and your spouse's feelings are determined by your decision of whether those very real emotions are reasonable-to-you. Look, you piss someone off most days for years and years on end, and they just don't want to hang around with you any more. It's actually that simple. People came to me for a divorce usually not because the other spouse was terrible, but because they just couldn't fucking stand them any more.

It is very easy to get to that place if you don't make the other person feel valued. Say thank you for the things they do. Seriously. Just say thank you for dinner. Say it was nice. Say they look nice. When they have obviously put effort into something, acknowledge that, even if YOU "don't think it's worth the effort". (by the way, not acknowledging the ton of effort a mom of young kids has put in to organising 'a nice family Christmas' is why initial divorce consultations are allllll family lawyers do for the first six weeks of the year. Real, real hurt and anger comes into our offices then.) When you ask for or invite opinions, try to receive them respectfully. Look to your own faults first: maybe your spouse doesn't really do it for you any more, but take a good long look at yourself.

Fucking ask "what can I do to help" if you really don't know where to start. (this is gender neutral advice). If you are asked to help with something, put on your smile and help reasonably cheerfully, even if it's a shit job. Thank your spouse for helping you. And mean it. DO NOT WAIT TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO. That is gender neutral advice too. That is fucking enraging in a colleague; imagine it in a life partner.

Wash. Put shit away when you are done. Use a fucking bin. "It doesn't matter to me if the housework is done/the garden is done/the kids go to activities" well you fucking muppet, if it matters to your spouse, what they hear when you say that is "I don't care about my spouse's priorities and openly disrespect them". This shit gets so old, so fast. A marriage is a partnership. You no longer get to unilaterally decide what is important. You don't get a fucking veto over what are supposed to be your joint family responsibilities. "I don't care whether the floor is clean" very quickly gets met with "I don't care that you don't feel sexually desired". Do not start playing the same of I Can Care Less Than You. That is the death spiral that will bring you to my office.

Do not disrespect whatever work your spouse puts in to making sure you have a pleasant, active family life, with friends and family, and a nice place to live in and do those things. That really is gender neutral advice. That matters. You will fucking say thank you and show your appreciation for it.

Mothers and Father's Day, your wedding anniversary, Valentine's Day, Christmas and birthdays are NOT OPTIONAL. It is a massive fucking show of mad disrespect to "forget", i.e. ignore these. Your phone has a cunting calendar in it with a reminder function. Set reminders. You do not need to spend money you do not have. You have to fucking remember to get a card and some kind of token of love, respect and acknowledgment for all your spouse does for you and your family. Put actual fucking thought into this. If you are thinking of whining "but I don't know what he/she liiiiiikes", you are a cunt. This is the principal interpersonal relationship of your life. You fucking SHOULD and MUST have a good idea about their preferences and hobbies. Just fucking pay attention to what they do and say. Just fucking pay attention.

Your spouse is not going to have the same youthful look or energy buried under kids at 40 as they did at 20. Try and fucking remember that. "I just want things to be the way they used to beeeeee" well that is not possible, so work on making them good now.

Sometimes you are going to have to apologise like you mean it when actually you think you are in the right. Not all the time; that's a really fucking big red flag. But sometimes I am afraid your autistic prideful ass is going to have to hold that L. Hold it, and when your spouse is having to hold it in turn, accept your victory gracefully and discreetly.

Fucking mean it when you apologise.

Love is a verb. Love is a doing word. "She knows I love her" is the most braindead statement in the galaxy. Your wife cannot possibly know whether you love her unless you regularly and freely do things to show her that you love her. They don't need to be big things. In fact a lot of small things often is vastly more effective than something big once in a blue moon.

Don't disrespect your husband in public. Yes, even if he is stupid, even if he is self aggrandising, even if he is fucking cringe. You married him. You chose to be on team husband, so as long as you are married, in public you act respectful and supportive. Do not argue with him in public, do not cuss him out, and most importantly of all, do not join in when other people are laughing at him. Men do not and cannot emotionally tolerate that kind of public disrespect from a wife, because their emotional bond to you is contingent on them believing you unconditionally accept, respect and support them. This is how men conceptualise love. (Go read Rollo Tomassi, and then if you are pissed off, read him again.) As soon as you reveal you think they are a useless dick the same as the rest of the world does, you seriously and probably permanently damage that bond. If you reveal to the rest of the world that you think they are a limp dicked tadger, that damage goes nuclear. We all know the guy whose wife thinks he is dogshit. None of us respect that guy, even if (especially if) her assessment is correct.

Your spouse of any gender is not going to respect you unless you generally make efforts to handle your shit and have a reasonable control of yourself. They promised in sickness and in health, and unpleasant shit like depression is common, but just deciding you are 'blackpilled' or 'over it' or 'quiet quitting' will make them quit you, and honestly? No one around you will blame them. Work to be the best version of yourself you can be right now. If you can lay your head down at night and say 'today I did the best I could', you are doing all that can be expected of you.
 
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Otterly said:
I’ve seen both ways. Lifelong marriages surviving the ups and downs and people leaving partners with shocking cruelty. Also men remarrying months after being widowed and women staying single for the rest of their lives.
People in general are disappointing.
I still believe that if you can find a partner who will stick through the ups and downs of life, it’s better than being single. But they have to be someone who is a quality partner and there seem to be fewer these days
Marriage has always been an odd combination of love, optimism and hard economic calculation. It’s there to protect the weaker party financially, to ensure that there’s a framework for raising offspring you know are yours, and as a vehicle to amass wealth and property. The fact that divorce is no longer penalised by society has led to people just checking out as soon as things get tough. Personally I’d like to see easy no-fault divorce gone and society put more emphasis on thinking about it before you get married and sticking with it. That would mean you needed a reason for divorce and that would be all the usual old stuff - cruelty, abandonment and adultery. There’s a lot that needs doing with the Uk child support as well. I know a couple of women where the partner fucked off, left them with the kids and has managed to ‘become unemployed’ and so has a token child support payment that about covers school lunches and nothing else.
With all that said, happy marriage trumps being single
Click to expand...
>It’s there to protect the weaker party financially

It really isn't. The protections - aka alimony, welfare - came about centuries after marriage itself, around the beginning of the 17th century (basically, with capitalism). No fault divorce basically is the guarantee against a bad marriage, and when it got introduced, dv, child abuse and murder rates tanked significantly. Abuse and often adultery are often about as easy to prove as rape is, they all happen in closed rooms, so return to at-fault divorce would just make divorce rates be as low as successful rape prosecutions.

>happy marriage trumps being single

Whatever 'happy' means here is doing a lot of heavy lifting, or possibly setting up a no true scotsman defense. Studies keep finding that married women are less happy than single women, and that comes down to having the biggest workload in the relationship, the most stress; that'll go up if we go back to women being trapped in marriage, not down.

MasterBaiter is right. The only thing that will improve social stability through relationships is men being willing to actually contribute 50/50 to a relationship, emotionally and physically, which some do, but a lot look back a generation to where their feminist mothers still did all the housework and ask why they can't have an easy ride like that. Or do the work while dating but then switch after marriage / pregnancy. You can't just get away from the history of what marriage actually is, which is women being bought to provide domestic and reproductive services to men. Women are rightfully low trust right now and with men seeking mass escapism in porn and the idea that sex bots are just around the corner, I don't think there's an easy fix.

I'm struggling not to PL, but I can't agree more with MasterBaiter, the women I know irl who are most derogatory about men aren't the single women, with previous bad luck, it's the ones in relationships and marriages right now. They won't trash their actual bfs/husbands but just talk about Mennn in general. Their relationships don't even sound like bad relationships; they'll tell you themselves that if their current relationship ends they'll stay single or whatever.

I really really do have sympathy with any sincere guy who is dating right now who is basically having to prove that he's not a liar or manipulative or entitled or selfish to get even a look in, which is basically impossible through dating apps, because the default user is going to be more likely to be those things already, and dating basically doesn't exist outside the apps.

I will say that volunteering has always been a mostly female thing, and that still holds true around me, and around me (urban area) that includes a lot of 20-30s women not just middle aged women. Plus it looks good on your CV and gets you out of the house. So maybe try volunteering and see if you hit it off with anyone.
 
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So, a form of date I've long been fond of are what I like to call "cooking dates," where myself and the girl I'm on a date with plan out and cook a meal together.
I see it as a win-win, because 1. It's an actual activity, 2. It's a team exercise so to speak, and 3. It's just cheaper than going out most places.
I've had success with this, but I'm curious as to if anyone has thoughts on this kind of date and if I'm on the right track.
 
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🔪Cold Steel Brand Rep🔪 said:
WHY DOES SOME WOMEN ARE SLUTS
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SAME AS SOME MENS ARE FOR
SEX CAN IS FUN BUT ALSO SOME WOMEN IS ADDICT
LIKE FOOD AND DRUGS, SEX MAKE HAPPY BRAIN
SOME WOMENS ABUSE FOOD - CHANTAL
SOME WOMENS ARE DRUG - LUNA SLATER
SOME WOMENS SLUTS - UR MOM
SAME SAME UR MOM CAME

some women are sluts because they like having sex, some are abusing it to cope with whatever is wrong with them, and sometimes a woman isn't a slut, you're just mad she fucks guys who aren't you. There's no singular reason and it depends. That's probably the answer to most "why do X do Y" questions.
 
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Doubly Punished Snigger said:
So, a form of date I've long been fond of are what I like to call "cooking dates," where myself and the girl I'm on a date with plan out and cook a meal together.
I see it as a win-win, because 1. It's an actual activity, 2. It's a team exercise so to speak, and 3. It's just cheaper than going out most places.
I've had success with this, but I'm curious as to if anyone has thoughts on this kind of date and if I'm on the right track.
Click to expand...
Certainly a nice idea for someone you’ve met a few times and they’re comfortable being at home with you . I’d be very hesitant to do it before I knew someone as it involves going back to their place or them to mine, just be aware of that.
 
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Otterly said:
Certainly a nice idea for someone you’ve met a few times and they’re comfortable being at home with you . I’d be very hesitant to do it before I knew someone as it involves going back to their place or them to mine, just be aware of that.
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Oh no I meant as like a later date. I usually always ask to meet at a coffee shop the first couple times
 
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It's said that women have a good eye for color. I need to pick out a shade of light blue for a bug I'm restoring. Got these three variants but maybe something else would look good.

1710019076010.png


Kinda leaning towards 180 70 40.

Other colors, I've pretty much decided on but still open to ideas.

Interior:

1710019161935.png


Highlights:

1710019187306.png
 
KittyGremlin said:
It's said that women have a good eye for color. I need to pick out a shade of light blue for a bug I'm restoring. Got these three variants but maybe something else would look good.

View attachment 5800387

Kinda leaning towards 180 70 40.

Other colors, I've pretty much decided on but still open to ideas.

Interior:

View attachment 5800395

Highlights:

View attachment 5800396
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I like 200 60 40 tbh, I feel the more mintier greens are really overdone these days especially on any retro-style apparatuses or restorations.
 
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I have been reading the man hate thread and I am legitimately horrified at some of the things being written there. Not because I find it is offensive or anything but because I have realized how little I actually know about women.

I really can't see women the same way anymore. Is there any literature I can read to understand the female perspective of the world?
 
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Oligarca Caballero said:
I have been reading the man hate thread and I am legitimately horrified at some of the things being written there. Not because I find it is offensive or anything but because I have realized how little I actually know about women.

I really can't see women the same way anymore. Is there any literature I can read to understand the female perspective of the world?
Click to expand...
That's how I felt after lurking Crystal Cafe once. You'll get over it.
 
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Oligarca Caballero said:
I have been reading the man hate thread and I am legitimately horrified at some of the things being written there. Not because I find it is offensive or anything but because I have realized how little I actually know about women.

I really can't see women the same way anymore. Is there any literature I can read to understand the female perspective of the world?
Click to expand...
GreenJacket said:
That's how I felt after lurking Crystal Cafe once. You'll get over it.
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you guys don't interact much with women at all, do you?
 
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GreenJacket said:
That's how I felt after lurking Crystal Cafe once. You'll get over it.
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Is cyrstal cafe actually inhabited by women and how much of it is trannies? The reason I am saying this is because whenever there is a radical man-hate ultra-feminist group here, there is almost always a clique of men leading it from the shadows. I did infact had a female friend who browsed /cow/, and she was cool.
 
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