Let’s Talk About: I Am A Hypocrite
California got too expensive and I got a job offer in Cleveland.
I moved to Cleveland to work on a contract that was supposed to be a year. In my heart I considered it a stopover on my way back to NYC. I would be making plenty, and living in Cleveland was cheap. I could save more than enough and get back to NYC after a year.
The contract ended after six months, and I was unemployed for three. I hadn’t saved nearly as much as I thought I would. Thanks to GOMI donations I was able to stretch through, but I had to find another job asap. I finally found one, and I was earning almost nothing - like 20k a year. I saved practically NOTHING.
Probably because I was drinking. A LOT. A LOT A LOT. Way too much. I alienated people. I drank to the point of crazy. Meaning…bordering on mental illness. I would drink and be nuts, act like an asshole. I was depressed, but when I drank I didn’t care. My life became a cycle of drunk/hungover/better/repeat.
Finally people straight up told me I sucked. And with some help from a friend I was able to finance moving to Brooklyn which to be honest saved my life. I was miserable in Cleveland. I felt trapped. I was thinking about packing it in (I honestly can’t even consider suicide, because I could never leave my pets but I WAS thinking I’d have to move back to Wichita Falls with my parents.) I had maybe two friends, but they weren’t really FRIENDS, more like people who would come over and drink with me. Which is fine, but that’s all we did.
This friend was absolutely pivotal in a financial sense for me being able to move back here. I owe him money still, and being a gentleman he doesn’t seem to like when I try to pay him back. (And I have tried a couple times.) I won’t name him but I owe him a lot - not just money. He has been there for me for a long time when I was down or lonely, telling me things I may not want to hear about myself.
I’m telling you all this because I think it is important that people know I’m not some superwoman who pulled herself by her brastraps back to nyc. I had some help. Yes I saved up some, but this friend also helped. I rag about these lifestyle bloggers who act like they can make it in NY with just ad revenue, and it feels hypocritical of me not to be honest and say hey, without the GOMI donations and a friend helping me, I could have never made it back to Brooklyn. And without GOMI readers and you guys here on tumblr I probably wouldn’t have the opportunity at The Gloss I have right now, to write a column (I KNOW OMG I HAVE A COLUMN OMG…ok sorry I still get excited about it).
I’m a bitch, and I like to do the overdramatic writer thing because it’s funny to me, but I’m not an island. I’ve had help, and I am indebted forever to everyone who reads GOMI and my friends who pay for drinks when I’m broke and helped me with my apartment deposit so I could get here. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I feel like I have been. I wanted to clear the air.
I suspect this will be her next fundraising scheme now. False flag dox and pirating followed by e-begging, whether she puts the site back up or not depends on if she's ready to bow out and GOMI herself.
