Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[grimacefetishist]

Is it a good idea to message your GF's online friends to get more info on who she is as a person?

It's not Elaine Miller again, is it?

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

Is it a good idea to message your GF's online friends to get more info on who she is as a person?

Bro i swear that you ans your insecurities are going to leave you forever single and ruin this relationship. I genuinely recommend to go therapy.

However if you want to sniff around if you are so insecure i wouldn't ask online friends , if you ever sleep over check search history , chat history etc. problem is you are so anxiety ridden that you will interpet everything as break up worthy because you believe you aren't worthy of happy relationship.

Therapy now nigga .

It's not Elaine Miller again, is it?

No thats the pink triangle this guy actually has normalish chick but is insecure and anxiety ridden thanks to the internet.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Bro i swear that you ans your insecurities are going to leave you forever single and ruin this relationship. I genuinely recommend to go therapy.

However if you want to sniff around if you are so insecure i wouldn't ask online friends , if you ever sleep over check search history , chat history etc. problem is you are so anxiety ridden that you will interpet everything as break up worthy because you believe you aren't worthy of happy relationship.

Therapy now nigga .

No thats the pink triangle this guy actually has normalish chick but is insecure and anxiety ridden thanks to the internet.

So far I found nothing of concern and I didn't even snoop on her computer or phone. Some of her actions just confuse me and I need reassurances.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

So far I found nothing of concern and I didn't even snoop on her computer or phone. Some of her actions just confuse me and I need reassurances.

Describe to best of your ability and try to be as neutral as possible.

Edit if you don't feel comfortable here dm me though i would recommend to post here to get multiple opinions since last time there were really good explanations that everyone should read

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Describe to best of your ability and try to be as neutral as possible.

Edit if you don't feel comfortable here dm me though i would recommend to post here to get multiple opinions since last time there were really good explanations that everyone should read

Not trying to get into too much detail but,...

She sometimes mentions how other men compliment her or hit on her. It's not a regular thing but like once a month max. I keep my cool when she brings it up because it's an obvious shit-test but I can't help but wonder if she's telling the full truth there.

Her online bestie is a married man too, who lives several states away and she also knows his wife too. He also knows about me as well as her relationship status. They text a lot IRL which I find weird and offputting but one time I saw him message her asking if we smashed lmao. So he knows I'm hitting it. Not to get too TMI or anything. But there are a lot of degenerate weirdos out there who wouldn't give a shit if their side piece fucked. I'm just not sure about this guy. Another friend of hers said he admitted to not being attracted to his wife, though he also said he's not attracted to anyone and he likes the convenience of marriage. Perhaps he's asexual? This is just speculation. They game a lot together too. We just so happen to be into very different kinds of video games which is fine and not too surprising.

There's also the fact that she hasn't introduced me to her new set of online friends, though they do know about me. I saw her post pics from our dates on their discord which I was cool with, but I find it weird that we've never been properly introduced.

She's a fucking complicated person and she's got my paranoia kicked into maximum overdrive because I've run into BPD before.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

Not trying to get into too much detail but,...

She sometimes mentions how other men compliment her or hit on her. It's not a regular thing but like once a month max. I keep my cool when she brings it up because it's an obvious shit-test but I can't help but wonder if she's telling the full truth there.

Her online bestie is a married man too, who lives several states away and she also knows his wife too. He also knows about me as well as her relationship status. They text a lot IRL which I find weird and offputting but one time I saw him message her asking if we smashed lmao. So he knows I'm hitting it. Not to get too TMI or anything. But there are a lot of degenerate weirdos out there who wouldn't give a shit if their side piece fucked. I'm just not sure about this guy. Another friend of hers said he admitted to not being attracted to his wife, though he also said he's not attracted to anyone and he likes the convenience of marriage. Perhaps he's asexual? This is just speculation. They game a lot together too. We just so happen to be into very different kinds of video games which is fine and not too surprising.

There's also the fact that she hasn't introduced me to her new set of online friends, though they do know about me. I saw her post pics from our dates on their discord which I was cool with, but I find it weird that we've never been properly introduced.

She's a fucking complicated person and she's got my paranoia kicked into maximum overdrive because I've run into BPD before.

Are they all online?

Also no thats not shit test she basically talks about her day . Before when i was online as in hanging out in discord would get guys hitting on me and sometimes i would just mention it as part of my day . Like lol this guy hit on me or someone really liked what i had on me at work like clothes etc.

But i would check her bestie conversations sounds more like bro talk that i usually have with male friends. If there is lot bruvs they just talk like friends.

Her posting images of your dates is green flag she is signaling to everyone she is taken and happy. Does she posts selfies of herself anywhere and how do they look .

Please explain your encounter with bdpy

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Yeah they're all online. She has one IRL bestie who's a pregnant and married now and she's friends with a lot of her (all woman) coworkers who she hangs out with occasionally. AFAIK, no IRL guy friends. However, I consider emotional affairs as serious as physical ones.

The images weren't selfies, but like pics of the hotel we stayed at and all that. Which I don't mind, I prefer to keep a low profile. The only selfies I've seen her post publicly were a couple years old on Insta and she did have her discord pfp as her face a couple times but it was edited.

Well, it was the standard getting lovebombed early on and they got hypersexual. Then one of them fuckzoned me instead of wanting to date, and another just kinda coldly left me when I said that it wouldn't work. This was after she talked about shit like love, kids and marriage. She was crazy so I'm glad she just discarded me at the very least. My GF on the other hand, trauma dumped about her bad experiences with men a few weeks after we first started talking. She was probably drunk when it happened too. Different from the rest, but in hindsight it does raise some alarm bells.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

Yeah they're all online. She has one IRL bestie who's a pregnant and married now and she's friends with a lot of her (all woman) coworkers who she hangs out with occasionally. AFAIK, no IRL guy friends. However, I consider emotional affairs as serious as physical ones.

The images weren't selfies, but like pics of the hotel we stayed at and all that. Which I don't mind, I prefer to keep a low profile. The only selfies I've seen her post publicly were a couple years old on Insta and she did have her discord pfp as her face a couple times but it was edited.

Well, it was the standard getting lovebombed early on and they got hypersexual. Then one of them fuckzoned me instead of wanting to date, and another just kinda coldly left me when I said that it wouldn't work. This was after she talked about shit like love, kids and marriage. She was crazy so I'm glad she just discarded me at the very least. My GF on the other hand, trauma dumped about her bad experiences with men a few weeks after we first started talking. She was probably drunk when it happened too. Different from the rest, but in hindsight it does raise some alarm bells.

There is no way to know unless you check convos. I would recommend to be discreet as possible if she finds out you might ruin her trust in you. But in general nothing i mean nothing indicates she is cheating. It looks like she is buddies with men who game same game and she doesn't even thought to introduce you because you don't play same game.

Just to point green flags here: she doesn't even post basic pictures of herself online on socials, all men she talks with are online gaming buddies, irl almost all of her friends group are women both of her closest friends are married one with kids on the way. Shows pictures of dates and everyone knows you exist.
You need to talk with her if you are so insecure. But honestly therapy nigger therapy like yesterday.v

Truma dumping while drunk happens. Its not much of a read flag as you think it is.

The other two . Not BDP my dude . You have very twisted interpretation. The fuckzone one probably thinks thats what relationships are banging brains out the second one wtf she supposed to do? You told he is not going to work out. So she moved on . Some women talk about love, marriage and kids because they wanna make sure you are on the same page and she doesn't waste time . Its common talk if you want relationship that leads to marriage.


I swear the internet is ruining men.

Therapy bro like yesterday.

 

[JamusActimus]

Is it a good idea to message your GF's online friends to get more info on who she is as a person?

Bro just stalk her.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Maybe I have been gaslighting myself this entire time and making mountains out of molehills. There's more to this story (as it usually goes with this sort of thing) and I sometimes get my paranoia juiced up. It's hard to balance out friends, work and relationships when you struggle with a chronic illness and it sometimes leaves me wondering if I'm being way too hard on her or if something really is going on. We DM all day when she's not busy at work , gaming or shopping but we don't really call anymore. I'm kinda guilty myself because I don't really pressure her into doing that because of all the other stuff she deals with but it feels like we kinda just do our own thing when we're apart. IRL though, it's been getting a lot better. IDK, just bizarre as hell to me.

Also I still stand firm in my opinion that those girls I talked to before I met my GF were in fact BPD. We're talking about sexting within a day of first meeting online, literal lovebombing (not just normal compliments you'd give someone you first met) and acting super, super clingy. I don't think that's really normal when you first meet someone you want to date. I wasn't even using a dating app either lol. This was just through an online community that had a personals section. Shit's enough to make me wonder though.

 

[Taxidermied Rat]

wondering if I'm being way too hard on her or if something really is going on

Have you discussed your concerns with her? Does she know that some of her actions are making you feel paranoid? If you have discussed this with her, what was her reaction?

From what I read I don’t think you are unjustified for feeling the way you do, however it still sounds like she is committed to you and you might be unnecessarily suspicious. So I would recommend discussing it with her, since internet advice can really only go so far.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

another just kinda coldly left me when I said that it wouldn't work. This was after she talked about shit like love, kids and marriage. She was crazy so I'm glad she just discarded me at the very least.

If you told her it wouldn't work, you discarded her. Hanging around for sex and "right now" if that's what you thought would happen, is bullshit.

it feels like we kinda just do our own thing when we're apart

Generally speaking, that's healthy behavior, in the sense of not being tethered and taking care of one's life, with or without a relationship.

We DM all day when she's not busy at work , gaming or shopping but we don't really call anymore. I'm kinda guilty myself because I don't really pressure her into doing that because of all the other stuff she deals with

OK, this is a bad habit to get into - all of it, both the constant contact and the lack of focused time. If you're trying to have a real relationship, it's a good idea to treat it like one. And constant messaging, while a comforting experience and way to connect, can deplete the energy from real interaction.

Shit's enough to make me wonder though.

 

[Anti Snigger]

Is it a good idea to message your GF's online friends to get more info on who she is as a person?

Just ask her, she'll appreciate the interest and attempt to get to know her. Women love communication

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Have you discussed your concerns with her? Does she know that some of her actions are making you feel paranoid? If you have discussed this with her, what was her reaction?

From what I read I don’t think you are unjustified for feeling the way you do, however it still sounds like she is committed to you and you might be unnecessarily suspicious. So I would recommend discussing it with her, since internet advice can really only go so far.

I have brought it up in the past and she usually tells me where she's at IRL or what she's doing online. Her chronic illness also means she sometimes naps during the day or falls asleep/wakes up at odd hours and I know that this is for real. She'll tell me when she napped as well.

Generally speaking, that's healthy behavior, in the sense of not being tethered and taking care of one's life, with or without a relationship.

OK, this is a bad habit to get into - all of it, both the constant contact and the lack of focused time. If you're trying to have a real relationship, it's a good idea to treat it like one. And constant messaging, while a comforting experience and way to connect, can deplete the energy from real interaction.

Our independence from each other has been a blessing in disguise at times. We can do our own thing for a little bit and be our own selves. The lack of focused time though.... that's a really good way to put it. That's what's kinda gone away in the last year and IDK why. She says she's been working more, which is true.

I'm going to move 4 hours completely on my own for this girl and all the last minute hangups and anxiety hit my like a ton of bricks last week. This is now turning into the try not to self sabatoge challenge.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I have brought it up in the past and she usually tells me where she's at IRL or what she's doing online. Her chronic illness also means she sometimes naps during the day or falls asleep/wakes up at odd hours and I know that this is for real. She'll tell me when she napped as well.

Our independence from each other has been a blessing in disguise at times. We can do our own thing for a little bit and be our own selves. The lack of focused time though.... that's a really good way to put it. That's what's kinda gone away in the last year and IDK why. She says she's been working more, which is true.

I'm going to move 4 hours completely on my own for this girl and all the last minute hangups and anxiety hit my like a ton of bricks last week. This is now turning into the try not to self sabatoge challenge.

That puts some context to your concerns (sorry, I think you might have talked about a planned move before, but I didn't have that at hand in my mind when reading your comments I replied to). I think it's good you're looking at things objectively and thinking more deeply about this person you're moving to be near. And if connection has dropped off, that's something to pay attention to and address. If you're feeling like you're making all these plans and she's mild, I think that's worth a frank conversation. Though not bringing your concerns about her online friends into it, because that's not the central point. (And purely as an anecdote, I have had some very constant/ close but primarily online/ distance male friends through the years who were not a threat at all to my romantic life/focus. ...But I know that sometimes there can be complications and I wouldn't presume to speak for your gf. Just know that it's possible to have close opposite-sex friends who aren't rivals in a woman's mind for one's romantic affection. ...that said, I've ended all but one of those friendships because they absorbed too much energy that needed to go toward real life things, and most of those friends did ultimately have ulterior motives (either romantic interest or just being.a situational friend to someone (me) who gave too much time and concern and energy and didn't receive the same in kind). And I keep very hard boundaries with the one friend I didn't cut off.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

It's weird because the connection IRL has gotten stronger but online it's mostly just messaging all the time and occasionally sending each other gifts. Like some weird inverse thing. Maybe she's comfy enough with me IRL that she can wait every other month to actually talk and do things together? She's definitely the patient type with the right people. Me, not so much.

I do want to talk to her more about this but I can be clumsy with it and accidentally make her mad. Now isn't really the best time.

It's really possible to have platonic opposite sex friends, because I've done it too. But I'm also aware that a lot of men end up having ulterior motives. And sometimes women lead men on and keep them around as emotional tampons. That shit is always paranoia fuel to me.

 

[pork and beans]

For the ladies that wear a ponytail that comes right out the back of the head: how do you drive with that? Do you just not rest your head on the headrest, or do you balance it on the ponytail?

I don’t drive (lol) but I do go to the gym and i used to wear a ponytail even though laying or sitting at the bench with it was totally uncomfortable. Now I wear two braids and it’s miles better plus way less scalp pressure than high ponytails. Do recommend. if you have never tried it you should for sure.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I don’t drive (lol) but I do go to the gym and i used to wear a ponytail even though laying or sitting at the bench with it was totally uncomfortable. Now I wear two braids and it’s miles better plus way less scalp pressure than high ponytails. Do recommend. if you have never tried it you should for sure.

I wear a high pony sometimes, and though I guess I am occasionally bothered by it in the car, not really . Oh, God, am I taking up the old lady driving stance of leaning forward from my already jacked-up-high and upright seatback? Say it ain't so! My kids already mock my preferred seat positions; apparently low-rider style (low and reclined back) is way cooler. Fuck that noise. I'm short, and I put my seat at about the highest height bc I can't stand to have the steering wheel in my line of vision. Which means I have to be pretty far forward because pedals are farther away when the seat is boosted...and I also make the seat back close to vertical so I don't slouch, deluding myself that concentrating on posture in my 30-minute commute is actually strengthening my core.

Not me:



My kids:



What I think I do:



What I'm now afraid I do:

 

[Susanna]

Fuck that noise. I'm short, and I put my seat at about the highest height bc I can't stand to have the steering wheel in my line of vision. Which means I have to be pretty far forward because pedals are farther away when the seat is boosted…

Oh, to be so tall that not having the steering wheel in the line of sight is even an option.
I figure, since I’m going to be low no matter what I do, I may as well be comfortable, and have the seat a little reclined. I do elevate it fully though, which means when my husband drives my car, he has to hunch over to fit while the seat adjusts to his profile.

One nasty trend I find is how street signs are sometimes only painted on the road, rather than actually signed. Impossible to see! I can’t imagine anyone but very tall men can see those properly, even when I lean all the way forward like what you’re afraid you do, I can’t read them.

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

It's weird because the connection IRL has gotten stronger but online it's mostly just messaging all the time and occasionally sending each other gifts. Like some weird inverse thing. Maybe she's comfy enough with me IRL that she can wait every other month to actually talk and do things together? She's definitely the patient type with the right people. Me, not so much

Dude there is so much you can do online take it from me , me and my partner were long distance for the first two years because we were 3 hours drive. Eventually you are going to get tired of long phonecalls with nothing to do but talk. Luckily we got into dnd online group and played some games. Otherwise we were like talking basically with messages.

Honestly you should take the jump unless it's leaving you unemployed. At the end of the day love is just a gamble you can do so much to avoid getting fucked and there is a chance still that you might get fucked anyway.