Kaiba Cuqk63
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2022
Time traveler images of wendigo autopsy
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2021
"I am eating pizza. I escape out the back as the world comes in through the front.
I am eating steak. I am rising from the dead.
I am eating chicken. I am guarding the main entrance.
The names don’t matter. They are placeholders, nothing more; all meat is interchangeable. What matters is that these are all that is left of me. The world has burned everything else.
I see myself through the window, loping through the storm, eating pizza. MacReady has told me to eat salad if he comes back alone, but MacReady still thinks I am one of him. I am not: I am eating pizza, and I am at the door. I am eating chicken, and I let myself in. I take brief communion, tendrils writhing forth from my faces, intertwining: I eat steak pizza, exchanging news of the world."
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2021
Don't worry, Jack—that 4-hour pizza dry spell will end in no time. Just keep waiting patiently. TMDWU
Yes, for Fatty that is "burnt" he whines about "burnt" pizza constantly because it has a dark spot here or there. It's even more ridiculous when he goes to a brick oven pizza place and whines there. Fatty has the taste buds of a 4 year old even before his current strokes. This is the video where he meets his estranged half sister, shoves a camera in her face, eats some pizza, and whines that its burnt.
The only reason he's whining about the dough being raw in the video where he's picking at the pizza like a toddler, is because it isn't meat, cheese, or grease(3 of his 4 favorite food groups) and the crust of a pizza is practically irrelevant as it only serves as a vehicle to get meat and cheese into his face. This is also the same retard who knew nothing about chicago deep dish, whined that it couldn't be delivered in 20 minutes, then burned himself with the sauce because he didn't have plates or anything and tried shoveling it into his face like a retard.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2016
How is that burnt???!!!
So he hates dedicated pizza ovens, but he still accepted one for a review? What a lousy, obnoxious fat Karen.
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2017
The best you'll get in California is the rare "it's-just-like-New-Jersey" quality of pizza slice, or some overpriced Italian bullshit.
And that's being generous. Unless you're talking about the local chains like Triple Beam Pizza, or Blaze Pizza, you're going to be driving 10 miles for okay pizza.
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2019
The crust has to be pre-baked because it's some carnivore abomination. "Patiently" is not a word I'd ever use to describe Jack, however.
Looks like God finally got done with all of Jacks praying and decided to give him a saintly lobotomy instead. Like, it literally looks like he's about to drool all over himself and that there's nothing going on in his eyes. Just a blank stare like a person in a vegetative state.
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2023
If this is burnt to him he might as well be eating raw dough. There's nothing wrong with that pizza, if you cook pizza in a designated pizza oven you're going to get a slight char on the bottom. I think he's just convinced himself that a slight char is burnt and therefore tastes like he's eating carbon.
He looks like an older, fatter Cobes.
Like I said, he's got the tastebuds of a 4 year old. The slightest amount of char on the bottom is perfectly fine, and if anything adds to it. He can't handle anything more complicated than dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets dipped in BBQ sauce loaded with sugar when it comes to flavor complexity. This is why whenever you see him season shit, it's like he has no idea wtf he's doing. His sugar based bbq rubs that always end up burnt is something he only puts up with because that's how he has trained himself to prepare meat so he can shovel it into his face. Combine this with the fact that he gets angy if shit takes a couple minutes too long, and you'll understand that he "cooks" everything with the stove on full blast and never lets anything cool off, hence why shit is always burned on the outside/raw in the middle, and he burns himself so often when tasting shit as if he couldn't just pause the video to wait for something to cool down to a reasonable temp. Also factor in that he sits around watching blues clues and other shit on nickelodeon... he's got the mindset of a 4 year old as well as the critical thinking skills to match.
Anyway, we've also got his retarded numbers for the week a couple of days late.
And this, because for some reason he can't use it now?
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2023
There's multiple reasons why you should rest food, mainly to allow muscle fibers to relax and juices to sink in, but also for food to cool and for carryover cooking to occur. This is stuff that you should be learning in a high school culinary class. It's almost scary the amount of narcissism that one has to have to have been cooking for this long with such little knowledge or technique. Same goes for the seasoning he does too. All of this is stuff that you should know or at the very least have figured out if you're going to do cooking as a hobby, let along make money off of it.
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2019
It's heavy. He sure as hell can't move it around one-handed, and Tammy would probably bitch for a week if he made her move it just for one video.And this, because for some reason he can't use it now?
Hence "It will be on counter permanently." Once he has the counter space for to never move again, it won't.
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
This isn't even a review. It's just, "yeah I kinda liked it". No discussion of the movie itself because Fatty doesn't actually watch the movies. He's just there eating popcorn. That's why he goes.
To be fair those things are heavy but they're so useful. I don't mind sticking it in the cabinet under the island when not in use. That's what it's there for. Fatty is just being a bitch.
For normal people, yes. For a man addicted to food who must consume 4000+ calories a day or he's "starving"(he said the nursing home left him starving), it is purely so his daily activities align with shoveling more meat, cheese, and grease into his face. Everything he does is ultimately so he can consume more calories.
VenomPlug
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2014
Kaiba Cuqk63
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2022
He shit all over his own pizza!
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2020
Bon voyage, Jack. This is stroke #5 on a plate.
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2020
God, how I wish this were the case. Imagine him accidentally burning it to a third degree on the stove? Or mangling it in the garbage disposal? And not noticing until Tammy comes running in to investigate the blaring smoke detector/why the struggling InSinkErator sounds like it’s loudly grinding up bones?
*GiveMe rainbows
Oh, my goodness gracious! First he talks about topping the pizza, now he talks about nailing it? This man’s gastrosexuality is yet another measure of how repulsive and diseased he truly is.
It literally made me think of this:
Given that Jack loves to bitch about “burnt” pizza that isn’t even burnt, that crust would ABSOLUTELY qualify as burnt by his retarded standards, were it served to him in an eatery. He’d throw a fit. But because he made it and is trying to LARP as a chef, it then becomes The Best Pizza You’ll Ever Taste!
I love to imagine this near-dead, sickly invalid stroking out in a fit of rage after trying (my favorite) New Haven-style apizza and decrying it as charcoal. Die, Jack.
a terminal posture
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2019
All you have to do to make steak gud to Jack is to put some garlic butter on it.
(last time I went to Chili's it was vile and I can't imagine it's gotten better)
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I guess I did this when I was living in a vile bachelor pad with three other dudes in college and nobody did the dishes for weeks at a time. But I'd definitely characterize those booze-soaked weed-smoking days as living like a filthy animal.
Tbh the better the steak, the less it needs added, and I've seen just rubbing with salt and pepper (Jack cannot rub shit to save his life he just plops spice mix irregularly so half the thing doesn't have any at all), then grilling or browning at medium or so on a greased pan, maybe rubbing with crushed (not even peeled) garlic, then finishing in the oven, basting with butter, then letting it rest a bit (another thing beyond Hungy Jack).
My current favorite is air frying until the proper temperature inside, then finishing on a screaming hot cast iron skillet for about a minute on each side, then topping with caramelized onions in butter (and a tiny pinch of baking soda to get them browner and possibly a bit of sugar for onions if they aren't sweet like Vidalia).
I generally only use sauces for a cheaper, thinner steak, the kind you can't even really do rare. If you can see where the jockey was kicking it you can defile it that way.
Last edited: