- Joined
- Apr 6, 2019
It's feminine passive-aggression so potent, it could probably be used in place of bathtub estrogen in a pinch.
Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"
- Thread starter CobraPlissken
- Start date
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2018
Four. Mallory already is wife #3 for Joe.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
He's been married twice before? I was counting Mallory as #1 and lily as #2 (unofficial).
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2018
Yep. He had two marriages prior to Mallory. They’re mentioned in the OP but we otherwise know very little about them.
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2023
No. Joe won’t even notice how massively dickish it was to compare his flaccid penis to a miscarried fetus. That requires empathy. As long as it wasn’t his fetus that miscarried, it’s all good.
Rochbert is the old form of Robert, and is German. In honour of this fact, and that his parents are useless white trash who survive on money from the government, I think I will refer to Rochbert Joseph by his true name: Bobby Joe. It’s Hillbilly Elegy 2: the troonpocalypse.
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2018
First, I want to know why it's specifically going into their emotional lexicon.
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2024
Oh, so one of the most common traits for a psychopath: many short-term marriages.
Savoie
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2024
I was so baffled by the extraordinarily idiotic decision to move to NYC despite the only two stable, permanent jobs being located hundreds of miles away that I did some math. BEHOLD, FINANCIAL AUTISM:
Lily made $87,691 last year and since she's at a non-flagship state university and didn't go up for promotion this year it's reasonably safe to assume that any annual raise she receives isn't going to boost it much this year. She has probably done what many academics do and added her parental leave to the end of an already-planned paid sabbatical. It's looking like MSU gives the birth mother 6 weeks paid and then allows another 6 weeks paid on top of that. If her sabbatical ends at the start of fall 2024 term, she can probably take the 12 weeks starting then and then finish fall term unpaid, meaning a January 2025 return. That's assuming MSU allows that kind of leave-stacking, if not she's due back in late August 2024. She might also have taken a one-semester paid sabbatical and then used a combination of paid parental leave and unpaid leave to cover this spring into summer, also a common approach and one that would lower her salary further.
Joe made $95,250 in 2022. UC salaries for 2023 weren't available, and I'm guessing since he's still listed as an associate professor but hasn't taught a class since Fall 2023 that his absence is probably just counted as a research sabbatical and is paid the same (the info on his current status is SO vague, I'm just going with what I can confirm from the UC system itself). Berkeley has 8 weeks paid leave for non-birthing parents but Joe seems like the type to not only add it on to the end of his sabbatical but to also take the unpaid option through the end of that semester. That would put his earliest return to Berkeley also in August 2024 but more likely til Jan 2025 (leave through summer 2024, eight weeks paid beginning fall 2024, unpaid through the rest of the fall term).
Mal, sweet idiot Mal. Her two-year Substack contract is over, she doesn't appear to have any large-scale projects other than that heinous-sounding novel, and given that she's taking an $18/hour weekend job I'm guessing the whole Substack fiasco burned the publishing industry on giving her huge advances. Let us be kind to the dear abused tard and assume that her writing still brings her $50K a year despite zero evidence for that. Also let us assume that her weekend job brings in approximately $1000 a month before taxes, and let us also assume that she has the kind of willpower to actually stick with it for a whole year, making her total estimated earnings $62,000.
The household therefore brings in an estimated total of $244,941 annually. Before taxes.
A two-bedroom, one bath in their exact building successfully rented for $5500 earlier this year. Let's assume that the Laverduffs, having rented earlier and living in a one-bedroom, pay $3800. That puts their rent at $45,600 annually. Google says that the average utilities costs for a one-bedroom in the city (water, electricity, gas, internet, phone) is $475/month, or $5700 annually. Other expenses for 12 months:
3 MetroCards - $4860
Food (a very unrealistic $10 per person per meal for a year) - $32,850
Medical expenses (an unrealistic $3000 a year per person) - $9000
Expenses and veterinary care for two purse dogs ($2000 per pooch) - $4000
Bebe (Google says you should expect an average of 13K for the first year) - $13000
15 $500 round trip economy flights to CA assuming Joe goes back in August - $7500
Same as above but for Michigan at $250 each - $3750
15 short-term stays and food/expenses in both locations at $250 each (I'm being REAL generous here) - $7500
10% effective tax rate (obv not accurate but wtfe) - $24,000
Average individual American credit card debt at 5K, X3 (SO OPTIMISTIC HERE) - $15,000
This incredibly low estimate that assumes responsibility none of them has ever shown puts their expenses at $172,760 a year, leaving $72,181 to cover literally everything else. That's whatever else the taxman takes, baby expenses beyond the bare minimum, retirement savings, regular-ass savings, additional loans they might have, restaurant meals, taxis/Ubers, Joe and Mal's hormones and any other additional medical expenses, and we of course cannot forget Lily's erotic clown costumes and Joe's Dolce & Gabbana mumus. This is ALSO not including the unpaid leave that I feel pretty confident at least one of them is taking or plans to take this year.
Unless Nicole is still paying for everything or there are other deep wells of cash I don't know about, there is no way this is actually sustainable. Even if they were trying to be frugal any random disaster would sink this ship, and these people are clearly not trying.
I get the distinct vibe that Mal has done this math and shown it to Joe and Lily in an effort to explain how fucked they are and all they hear is "we have $70K left after basic expenses" and immediately go and buy Rocco a set of Versace sunglasses to match his dad's.
Lily made $87,691 last year and since she's at a non-flagship state university and didn't go up for promotion this year it's reasonably safe to assume that any annual raise she receives isn't going to boost it much this year. She has probably done what many academics do and added her parental leave to the end of an already-planned paid sabbatical. It's looking like MSU gives the birth mother 6 weeks paid and then allows another 6 weeks paid on top of that. If her sabbatical ends at the start of fall 2024 term, she can probably take the 12 weeks starting then and then finish fall term unpaid, meaning a January 2025 return. That's assuming MSU allows that kind of leave-stacking, if not she's due back in late August 2024. She might also have taken a one-semester paid sabbatical and then used a combination of paid parental leave and unpaid leave to cover this spring into summer, also a common approach and one that would lower her salary further.
Joe made $95,250 in 2022. UC salaries for 2023 weren't available, and I'm guessing since he's still listed as an associate professor but hasn't taught a class since Fall 2023 that his absence is probably just counted as a research sabbatical and is paid the same (the info on his current status is SO vague, I'm just going with what I can confirm from the UC system itself). Berkeley has 8 weeks paid leave for non-birthing parents but Joe seems like the type to not only add it on to the end of his sabbatical but to also take the unpaid option through the end of that semester. That would put his earliest return to Berkeley also in August 2024 but more likely til Jan 2025 (leave through summer 2024, eight weeks paid beginning fall 2024, unpaid through the rest of the fall term).
Mal, sweet idiot Mal. Her two-year Substack contract is over, she doesn't appear to have any large-scale projects other than that heinous-sounding novel, and given that she's taking an $18/hour weekend job I'm guessing the whole Substack fiasco burned the publishing industry on giving her huge advances. Let us be kind to the dear abused tard and assume that her writing still brings her $50K a year despite zero evidence for that. Also let us assume that her weekend job brings in approximately $1000 a month before taxes, and let us also assume that she has the kind of willpower to actually stick with it for a whole year, making her total estimated earnings $62,000.
The household therefore brings in an estimated total of $244,941 annually. Before taxes.
A two-bedroom, one bath in their exact building successfully rented for $5500 earlier this year. Let's assume that the Laverduffs, having rented earlier and living in a one-bedroom, pay $3800. That puts their rent at $45,600 annually. Google says that the average utilities costs for a one-bedroom in the city (water, electricity, gas, internet, phone) is $475/month, or $5700 annually. Other expenses for 12 months:
3 MetroCards - $4860
Food (a very unrealistic $10 per person per meal for a year) - $32,850
Medical expenses (an unrealistic $3000 a year per person) - $9000
Expenses and veterinary care for two purse dogs ($2000 per pooch) - $4000
Bebe (Google says you should expect an average of 13K for the first year) - $13000
15 $500 round trip economy flights to CA assuming Joe goes back in August - $7500
Same as above but for Michigan at $250 each - $3750
15 short-term stays and food/expenses in both locations at $250 each (I'm being REAL generous here) - $7500
10% effective tax rate (obv not accurate but wtfe) - $24,000
Average individual American credit card debt at 5K, X3 (SO OPTIMISTIC HERE) - $15,000
This incredibly low estimate that assumes responsibility none of them has ever shown puts their expenses at $172,760 a year, leaving $72,181 to cover literally everything else. That's whatever else the taxman takes, baby expenses beyond the bare minimum, retirement savings, regular-ass savings, additional loans they might have, restaurant meals, taxis/Ubers, Joe and Mal's hormones and any other additional medical expenses, and we of course cannot forget Lily's erotic clown costumes and Joe's Dolce & Gabbana mumus. This is ALSO not including the unpaid leave that I feel pretty confident at least one of them is taking or plans to take this year.
Unless Nicole is still paying for everything or there are other deep wells of cash I don't know about, there is no way this is actually sustainable. Even if they were trying to be frugal any random disaster would sink this ship, and these people are clearly not trying.
I get the distinct vibe that Mal has done this math and shown it to Joe and Lily in an effort to explain how fucked they are and all they hear is "we have $70K left after basic expenses" and immediately go and buy Rocco a set of Versace sunglasses to match his dad's.
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2020
Hooooo boy, nobody in the group is contributing to those.
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2023
"Kiddies, I can't afford to get old," says Joe with a dismissive twinkle in his ever-youthful eyes as he wobbles his jowls for the camera . . .
பிரகாசிக்கும்
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2024
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2018
YOU REMINDED ME of the time my wife threatened to divorce me for attempting to bring our 10-day-old infant to a church picnic.
And those were (mostly) holy people, not this Warholian circus.
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2023
Joe tweets about how a dog is sweetly protective of Bobby Joe. Nice to know someone is looking out for him. He includes a picture of Lily in the trailer discreetly feeding BJ.
link | archive
Deftly, he gives us a sneak peek at his wife’s forthcoming novel. ENHANCE
We have a publication date - October 15. The blurb makes a big claim:
link | archive
Deftly, he gives us a sneak peek at his wife’s forthcoming novel. ENHANCE
We have a publication date - October 15. The blurb makes a big claim:
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
LMAO. Dawn Powell’s turds have more writing chops that Mallory Ortberg /Daniel Lavatory.
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2018
Why would I read a book about women's lives from some white dude?
Prescription Bugs
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 3, 2021
The two people who liked the pedo comment are Joe and Lily. Is this some inside pedo joke I don’t know about? Joke or not, it is disgusting. These people are not in a child-safe community.
But by all means, Mallory has to give up her family cause they are so so evil. I guarantee no one in her family of origin would have made that joke. They wouldn’t have laughed. They wouldn’t be friends with that person.
Send your kids to nice colleges so these pervs can be their “professors.”
Attachments
Last edited:
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2021
Somehow I really didn't think they'd go worse than the "sucked a tit" joke. That is heinous. Joe only ever uses the Ortberg thing to shield himself from criticism, but he has zero sound judgment about any of this.
The two people who liked the pedo comment are Joe and Lily. Is this some inside pedo joke I don’t know about? Joke or not, it is disgusting. These people are not in a child-safe community.
But by all means, Mallory has to give up her family cause they are so so evil. I guarantee no one in her family of origin would have made that joke. They wouldn’t have laughed. They wouldn’t be friends with that person.
Send your kids to nice colleges so these pervs can be their “professors.”
In fact, he was forced to delete his Cass Review thread because he said he felt "aroused" by the idea of people (in context, youths) transitioning.
link | archive
This is what led to it. It's funny how he gets meek as a lamb when the run-of-the-mills transes call him out. He thinks he's better than them but rolls over the instant they frame it as him "harming" them. But they have every right to be livid about how flip he is and how awful he makes the whole movement look.
link | archive
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2019
And this is at least the second odd finger-sucking picture they have posted. The kid isn't even a month old. I think of friends who post a lot on social media, when they've had kids, I don't recall anyone ever posting a weird finger-sucking pic. Ever. The red flags are impossible to ignore.
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2024
I know this is minor compared to the weird paedo shit, but what
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2021
For gods sake, I wish they’d stop sticking their disgusting fingers in his mouth. If he is hungry, just fuckin feed him. Or use a pacifier. Anything but the dirty fingers of 3 different adults
Ooops just loaded @Larry David's Opera Cape post. Kinda Ninja’d about the gross finger photos
Ooops just loaded @Larry David's Opera Cape post. Kinda Ninja’d about the gross finger photos