Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Elwood P. Dowd]

iirc yes humans are exactly humans, and they came just short of an old EU book where An Even Longer Time Ago In A Galaxy You Are In the American Graffitis got abducted by ayyyys and taken to A Galaxy Far Far Away but somebody realized that was fucking retarded and stopped it

Obviously they should have been abducted from THX 1138.

 

[Molly White's Breast Milk]

Obviously they should have been abducted from THX 1138.

The plot of that cancelled novel was that some people escaped the Earth of THX 1138 with a starship and through some Star Trek-esque technobabble they end up in the Star Wars galaxy. And the Millennium Falcon crash lands in the Amazon and Chewbacca becomes Brazilian Sasquatch.

 

[The handsome tard]

Just a reminder that the last update that the Battlefront remaster got was in March 14th. Its been more than a month since.
Its actually shocking to see what a disaster this very very simple task should have been. But then again, a big issue with the game, among many, is its stupidly big file size that its in no way justified. You can have both original versions of the game and stuff them with graphical mods to the brim and it would still not get 1/5 of how much memory that remaster drains. I swear, my computer legit began to boot up slower with it installed and I do not think it was a coincidence that problem went away when I uninstalled it. And I legit doubt updates can really fix that, at least not a massive one because it all reeks of a lot of uncompressed files for TWO PLAYSTATION 2 games!

With all of that said, it begs the question if this game wasnt deemed a lost cause by its devs and they will ghost the few people that kept that game in their library (either they decided to give it the benefit of the doubt or they played it far too much to get an automatic refund). Its disgraceful and it further adds to my hatred of Disney's Star Wars because as much you can say that they werent responsible for this, it still happened under their wing, they APPROVED of this.

Fuck everything this company stands for.

 

[Male Idiot]

The plot of that cancelled novel was that some people escaped the Earth of THX 1138 with a starship and through some Star Trek-esque technobabble they end up in the Star Wars galaxy. And the Millennium Falcon crash lands in the Amazon and Chewbacca becomes Brazilian Sasquatch.

Oh I didn't know the stories were connected. And Chewie hides as Indiana Jones discovers the crashed Falcon.

 

[Molly White's Breast Milk]

AI made music is truly the future of music with classics like Bastilla's Titties.

 

[mlanguishi]

This takes me back. I took a lunch break, went to a theater the opening day of The Waterboy, and watched the TPM trailer and went back to work. It was an amazing trailer. I doubt I'll go to see this at the theater again though.

 

[Mississippi Motorboater]

Welp, I hope you're all ready to feel old today, as we bask in the anniversary of a particularly-ugly day of infamy (or blessing in disguise, depending on who you ask) in the history of Star Wars.

Today marks the 10th Anniversary of the decanonization and discontinuation of the ongoing Star Wars Expanded Universe, rendering all video games, comics, and novels produced under the pre-Disney regime as non-canon.

​

Now, many people will understandably lament this day as a sign of the damage to come under Disney's tenure; it's worth noting that countless journos and media pundits--who likely haven't read a page of the EU--at the time were celebrating this move, declaring the usual online chestnuts oft repeated amongst the illiterate normie masses: "It was all 80% garbage anyway" or "It was a mess filled with contradictions"....with sites often publishing Top 10 lists compiling all the reasons why the EU had to be nuked, many of which contain pretty amusing reasons in retrospect. such as "Palpatine Coming Back" and "Boba Fett Surviving the Sarlacc Pit".

For myself, as a mouth-breathing lorefiend and devout fan of the Expanded Universe, I've come to cherish the unintentional blessing of this editorial move, as it has eschewed all of my favorite stories to a continuity that will never be altered, expanded upon, or continued in any capacity. Every character and storyline I hold dear will be forever safe from the brain-dead narrative monkeys working at Nucasfilm and their Story Group, and prized assets like Mara Jade, the Solo Children, and the entire post-Endor Saga from The Thrawn Trilogy through the Legacy comics will remain unmolested by the likes of Mouse Canon charlatans like Daniel Jose Older, Claudia Gray, Chuck Wendig, and Sam "Lombat Titties" Maggs. They remain preserved in an isolated continuity, with a complete beginning, middle and end, completely unaffected by Disney's ongoing perversion of the brand through copious goyslop films, TV shows, or whatever ugly cartoon Filoni pinches out next.

As I've said a million times, and will doubtlessly say a million times again in the future: Decanonization is a shield, and I want that shield to stay up.

 

[el bandito loco]

The plot of that cancelled novel was that some people escaped the Earth of THX 1138 with a starship and through some Star Trek-esque technobabble they end up in the Star Wars galaxy. And the Millennium Falcon crash lands in the Amazon and Chewbacca becomes Brazilian Sasquatch.

the latter part was from an issue of star wars tales but I read the original treatment of alien exodus and the little bit that was actually finished years ago and it sucked. It was an autistic exercise in attempting to tie the entirety of George Lucas' work together. so even shit he had very minor involvement in was to be tied in.

humorously enough I just finished supernatural encounters and it goes from an odd little post script to the EU trying to reconcile the weirder supernatural stuff from minor instances in the marvel UK comics and entries into early RPG books and such and eventually devolves into this absurd alien exodus esque all Georges work is connected, oh wait there's more! Our world exists and c3p0 was utilized to get the stories of the star wars universe to us in the form of fictional movies and books, it's a multiverse and the Disney canon is out there too it's all connected and also God, like the Christian God and theology is the true creator of the star wars universe.

It was a fascinating schitzopost I read all 1300 pages or whatever in 2 days. I'd recommend reading it to laugh at, but its too much of a time investment and unless you've literally read everything or want to keep flipping through to the appendices and having Wookieepedia pulled up as you go it's totally not worth it. I've read everything EU at least once outside of short stories, rpg and gamebooks, and kids picture books and stuff over the last 20 years of my life and it was mostly indecipherable Christian & lovecraftian fan fiction.

what's funny is the dude who wrote it and his fans swear up and down it was canon to the EU and shit, but it was supposed to be a series of small articles explaining weirder lore pre Disney buy out. Not a 2000 page novel of Terry Davis level insanity. a generous estimate would be that probably 50 pages of that type of material would have came out and been canon. absolutely none of this monstrosity would have been.

 

[fake farts]

Welp, I hope you're all ready to feel old today, as we bask in the anniversary of a particularly-ugly day of infamy (or blessing in disguise, depending on who you ask) in the history of Star Wars.

Today marks the 10th Anniversary of the decanonization and discontinuation of the ongoing Star Wars Expanded Universe, rendering all video games, comics, and novels produced under the pre-Disney regime as non-canon.

I remember Pablo Hidalgo cheering this idea and slurping Disney semen all over Twitter. He's such an annoying faggot, but I guess that's the obnoxious shit you must do to get your paycheck these days. This is also when I stopped reading the comics by large. I've dipped my toes in a couple of times, usually based on recs, but that's really it.

The KOTOR comic and Dark Times remain among the best stuff the EU has done, and Grievous' old backstory can remain untouched by whatever brainrot most other stuff gets contaminated with now.

 

[Adamska]

Oh yeah, Supernatural Encounters. I like to call it fictive suicide the book since it does that multicross bullshit since the author refused to just accept a reference can just be a reference. It tried to do as many crossovers as possible, which makes it about on par with Ready Player One tbh.

 

[el bandito loco]

Oh yeah, Supernatural Encounters. I like to call it fictive suicide the book since it does that multicross bullshit since the author refused to just accept a reference can just be a reference. It tried to do as many crossovers as possible, which makes it about on par with Ready Player One tbh.

yeah I caught some Babylon 5 shit in there at one point and was like what the fuck? and in the appendices which I just sort of skimmed having spent the majority of the last couple days reading through the main book in two sittings I saw firefly mentioned and realized I didn't imagine the babylon 5 reference. honestly I wouldn't have thought it was that bad if it wasn't for that out of franchise references, the inclusion of rebels shit (never saw the show had no idea what that was about until the appendices) and the C3P0 stuff at the end. cut that, the multiverse crap, and the weird Christian stuff. if that psychopath who wrote it stuck to just star wars eu it probably would have been fine. it was written competently, just really dense. some of his ideas were really interesting it just goes so far off the rails it's unsalvageable.

I have to give him credit though, he really did include fucking EVERYTHING. and it is definitely a massive achievement for one dude to manage to go through every single piece of lore and tie it together, regardless of the result. i'm glad I read it. I probably will again in like 20 years when something reminds me it exists. there legitimately was some stuff I liked. I hate the term 'head-canon' and everyone who uses it because as a concept it's retarded. it's not real you can think whatever you want it doesn't fucking matter, so I wouldn't say that but there is some stuff in it that I think will probably stick with me that work as reasonable explanations for assorted things that had no other context.

The problem with it as both a piece of star wars eu and as a guy's fan fiction because it's sort of both, is that I think it does go way too off course. In his ambition to encompass everything he pulled too much esoteric cthulhu mythos and christian theology and mythology in there alongside multiversal everything is canon nonsense. had this been a lucasfilm ordered 'explain everything weird' novel by the same guy I am inclined to think it probably would have been pretty cool for what it is because they wouldn't have allowed any of that and it would have stuck closer to what star wars was/is. as a fanfiction (which admittedly I have read outside of this, the Dark Empire novelization Test of Wills, and the Fall of the Republic fake Ep3 script from the 80s my dad bought at some convention in like 1996 I have read literally 0 of star wars or otherwise) it reeks of everything outside of shipping and sex that keeps me from ever reading fan fiction, authors politics, religion, crossovers that don't belong all being shoved in it. I'm also not a person who gets super into lore, I'm more character and plot focused with fiction so it was never really going to be for me, but there really are some things better left unexplained.

 

[Jaimas]

Just a reminder that the last update that the Battlefront remaster got was in March 14th. Its been more than a month since.
Its actually shocking to see what a disaster this very very simple task should have been. But then again, a big issue with the game, among many, is its stupidly big file size that its in no way justified. You can have both original versions of the game and stuff them with graphical mods to the brim and it would still not get 1/5 of how much memory that remaster drains. I swear, my computer legit began to boot up slower with it installed and I do not think it was a coincidence that problem went away when I uninstalled it. And I legit doubt updates can really fix that, at least not a massive one because it all reeks of a lot of uncompressed files for TWO PLAYSTATION 2 games!

With all of that said, it begs the question if this game wasnt deemed a lost cause by its devs and they will ghost the few people that kept that game in their library (either they decided to give it the benefit of the doubt or they played it far too much to get an automatic refund). Its disgraceful and it further adds to my hatred of Disney's Star Wars because as much you can say that they werent responsible for this, it still happened under their wing, they APPROVED of this.

Fuck everything this company stands for.

If these fuckers remastered one of the Westwood RTS titles you would only be able to run it on an actual fucking starship.

 

[Imperial Citizen]

I have to give him credit though, he really did include fucking EVERYTHING. and it is definitely a massive achievement for one dude to manage to go through every single piece of lore and tie it together, regardless of the result.

I would say that this is the reason for why I enjoy Supernatural Encounters despite the fact that it turns into a multiverse crossover fanfic. Jon Bongiorno connected the entire Expanded Universe together into a bizarre but complete narrative.

And to be honest, I can’t help but smile at the various references. I know that @Adamska compared them to Ready Player One but I don’t read them as that blatant.

For instance:

But with the world’s main superpower facing desertification in the central region, the east and west coasts became the main habitable areas. With rising water levels on the west coast, General Sheridan of the newly-formed Republic of Pacifica started experimenting with DNA to create a “Superior Race” that would meet his region’s demands. On the east coast, however, the Atlantic Alliance banned genetic engineering altogether and began instead developing cybernetic enhancements. This sparked the belligerent Sheridan to secede from the union, leading to war between the opposing sides. In the following year, the Atlantic Alliance’s Sergeant Brody marched past enemy lines wherein dwelt the mutant fruit of both sides’ labors, Supersoldiers, Minotaur-like Bollas, and burrowing Creepers, to capture or kill General Sheridan.

This is a reference to the Lucasarts game, Fracture. Yet the writing is couched in a space opera tone that feels like Star Wars.

Something about the whole work just gripped me. Maybe it’s the detail or the tone, but I found it an impressive piece of work.

 

[Male Idiot]

Was this an official lucasfilm book or was it some rando sperging on the good old net?

 

[Adamska]

I would say that this is the reason for why I enjoy Supernatural Encounters despite the fact that it turns into a multiverse crossover fanfic. Jon Bongiorno connected the entire Expanded Universe together into a bizarre but complete narrative.

And to be honest, I can’t help but smile at the various references. I know that @Adamska compared them to Ready Player One but I don’t read them as that blatant.

For instance:

This is a reference to the Lucasarts game, Fracture. Yet the writing is couched in a space opera tone that feels like Star Wars.

Something about the whole work just gripped me. Maybe it’s the detail or the tone, but I found it an impressive piece of work.

That's not a reference, that's a coked out sperg justifying a terrible multicross fanfiction based on other works with spurious evidence. And it's done in a dense and overly dry 900 page suicide note.

Also references usually make me wince more than clap these days. Combination of skinwalkers using it to try and enforce audience compliance to corposlop and in this case the fact you're trying to shove multiple properties in the same setting.

The latter always absolutely kills any interest I have in a project usually. I roll up to read for X. Fuck off if you try to shove Y, Z, and A down my throat. If I want Howard the Duck, I'm goddamn reading the comics or watching the movie, not reading a fictive suicide note that memberberries that film into the cosmos.

 

[el bandito loco]

Was this an official lucasfilm book or was it some rando sperging on the good old net?

Both. Its complicated. It was supposed to be a lucasfilm approved article series for hyperspace or starwars.com and the initial work for those articles was approved. but then the EU got wiped so the guy decided to rework it into a novel and the scope went from a series of articles about esoteric star wars lore to a 1500 page monstrosity of a novel connecting literally every piece of lore ever in the old EU into an odd narrative that devolves into crossover multiverse faggotry. So people will claim its lucasfilm approved and canon to the EU but that's disingenuous. Its also disingenuous to say it wasn't ever, but it was at a radically different stage in the projects development and the final product ended up something entirely different and is only canon if you want it to be and isn't official by any means.

not all of the references bothered me it depends but a lot took me totally out. I enjoyed reading the majority of the book honestly. I mean I literally spent almost the entire time I was awake reading it in two sittings two days in a row I was all in reading it. But once we got to the crossover multiverse shit that entirely ruined the experience for me and was enough for me to basically write it off entirely. I still think it's an amazing effort to have gotten made but in his ambition he ruined what could have been a definitive (albeit unofficial) combination of the most disparate elements of the expanded universe.

I'm glad it exists it's cool as a piece of star wars weirdness and including my issues as a piece of star wars autism it's bar none maybe the biggest example of someone being consumed by their favorite franchise to a hilarious degree.

 

[Gondolindrim]

The plot of that cancelled novel was that some people escaped the Earth of THX 1138 with a starship and through some Star Trek-esque technobabble they end up in the Star Wars galaxy. And the Millennium Falcon crash lands in the Amazon and Chewbacca becomes Brazilian Sasquatch.

I don't know if I ever want Earth to factor into Star Wars. I feel like it would ruin the appeal somehow.

 

[Mr. Zed da Robot Poon Fed]

I don't know if I ever want Earth to factor into Star Wars. I feel like it would ruin the appeal somehow.

They tried doing that with those Star Wars Chinese novels to appeal to China and, well, that didn’t go well.

 

[mlanguishi]

I don't know if I ever want Earth to factor into Star Wars. I feel like it would ruin the appeal somehow.

There was some talk about how Lucas had the idea that he came across the Journal of the Whills as an artifact and he translated it into the Star Wars story.

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Journal_of_the_Whills

The conception of the Journal of the Whills dates back to the earliest drafts of the Star Wars franchise, in which George Lucas had intended to use the Journal as a plot device for connecting the Star Wars galaxy to the real world.[

I've heard this theory for a long time, sot here's probably some truth that he wanted it that way.

I'm glad he didn't though, because that would come off a lot like Mormonism (translating ancient artifacts into new stories). Battlestar Galactica did that, and it worked there.

 

[XYZpdq Jr.]

I don't know if I ever want Earth to factor into Star Wars. I feel like it would ruin the appeal somehow.

isn't there something in one of the 90s/00s books about Luke drinking hot chocolate or coffee and there's some aside about Lando getting it from some backwater planet in another Galaxy or something, alluding to Earth in passing?