Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[WelperHelper99]

I also suspect he’s sort of equivocating normal private couple things and actual shameful degeneracy. Married couples should and do have sex, but that’s really not the business of anyone else, and normal people do not want to talk to their church group about their sex lives, even if they’re only doing perfectly normal things. I don’t think most people would consider a wife having some lingerie she puts on for her husband on special occasions to be degenerate but I can guarantee she probably doesn’t want her pastor to know about it, even if it isn’t sinful, it’s private. I think Nick’s wet brain looks at people having some discretion about their sex lives as hypocritical. In his mind, if she likes dressing up sexy for her husband, she ought to be open about that and really, she should probably be streaming it and getting some onlyfans money for Disneyland or whatever, and if she doesn’t, she’s being a prude.

With how far gone he is, he probably believes this. Why aren't Christian women walking around in sexy lingere in the streets? It's the damn church, not the fact it's supposed to be special and sacred.

 

[Howling Janny Dog]

Moar like PRO BONER. Considering he's probably boning her.

He can't get a boner tho, that's why he uses the balldo.

 

[AnOminous]

Imagine explaining this to a future employer, not that she can get a job anywhere.

I'm pretty sure sucking wigger cocks doesn't require much of a background check, and that seems to be this cunt's future.

He can't get a boner tho, that's why he uses the balldo.

It's aspirational.

He’s pissed that he has to associate with these people, that his wife forced him to hang out with these flannel wearing retards who don’t appreciate the Great Nick Rekieta and his funny insights.

It's disgusting listening to this repulsive degenerate pervert sneering at people who are his betters in every respect.

 

[Harm]

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I didn't think he could top the butter dishes, but this Denny's rant takes the cake. Kudos to Null for clocking that Nick is trying to transition into standup comedy so far in advance because it's painfully obvious now. Jokes are supposed to have punchlines, however. This face really says it all:



He looks like he can't tell if Nick is having a stroke or trying to be witty. Nick is like a bad mix of Bert Kreischer's self-absorbed storytelling and Tom Segura's "I try to say at least 5 shocking things in every stand-up special!" comedy stylings. Again, jokes are supposed to have punchlines, not sideways allusions to things you hate that no one else understands.

 

[Mordecai "3 Finger" Brown]

How can you forget the fucking jew?

You are correct that I completely forgot about Joe.

I was mostly operating from the template of who Nick regularly had on during Depp - Branca, Vices, Mindset, Burkhart, maybe Sean, DUI Guy at least once after the LegalBytes sperg out.

By the time Depp got rolling, both Viva and Joe had stopped being a guest on Nick's panel being paid in exposure. They both tried to cash in by starting parallel trialstreams themselves, Joe more consistently and relatively successfully than Frei.

 

[AnOminous]

Nick is like a bad mix of Bert Kreischer's self-absorbed storytelling and Tom Segura's "I try to say at least 5 shocking things in every stand-up special!" comedy stylings.

Nick is like some version of Neil Hamburger except instead of deliberately being painfully unfunny to the point it goes back around and becomes funny again, he somehow thinks he actually is funny while the entire audience is cringing and in pain from the opposite of funny.

It actually fucking HURTS how NOT funny Nick is.

 

[daffodils]

So he is actually at the point where he is preaching that all CP is constitutionally protected free speech?

No, I think he's trying to virtue signal or show off how smart he is by arguing that pedophilia is so abnormal that it exists in a completely different category from prurient interest as defined in First Amendment jurisprudence. Why this is important isn't quite clear to me, or to Kurt, the person addressed, especially because the whole rant eventually descends into coomer jokes.

Anyway, It starts at 1h7m30s.

 

[AnOminous]

No, I think he's trying to virtue signal or show off how smart he is by arguing that pedophilia is so abnormal that it exists in a completely different category from prurient interest as defined in First Amendment jurisprudence. Why this is important isn't quite clear to me, or to Kurt, the person addressed, especially because the whole rant eventually descends into coomer jokes.

Anyway, It starts at 1h7m30s.

It just strikes me as him siding with his pedophile buddies like Diddler Dax and Vito the Pedo. Not a good look considering he thought (MO)Lester in American Beauty should have fucked a child.

 

[Belgians in the Congo]

*bunch of words*

How did this post get highlighted?

 

[Harm]

I'm trying to upload the full "CP shouldn't be considered prurient" rant because it's crazy, but it's failed out at 100% five times.

How did this post get highlighted?

The forums use automated processes to highlight posts based on various factors including how far back the most recent highlight was, how many stickers and which stickers are being received, and the process has a preference for posts higher up on new pages (which is why you'll sometimes see posts with one sticker highlighted on a new page like this).

 

[Pippa's Greasy KB]

No, I think he's trying to virtue signal or show off how smart he is by arguing that pedophilia is so abnormal that it exists in a completely different category from prurient interest as defined in First Amendment jurisprudence. Why this is important isn't quite clear to me, or to Kurt, the person addressed, especially because the whole rant eventually descends into coomer jokes.

Anyway, It starts at 1h7m30s.

To me he's trying to elevate obscenity so it's not on the same level as cp so the he can perform the obscenities he has in mind but have the peace of mind that "at least it's not cp", ESPECIALLY when another lawyer agreed with him.

Edit: I just watched the clip where nick was telling a story about how he was telling his dad about his next big purchase.."there's no way you can get mad at me cause it costs less than 10k". It's some stupid robot dog with flame throwers.

Why would his dad get mad at him? He's 40, married, and should have no monetary ties to his dad and if nick is to be believed, his financial condition is secure as fuck. Unless nick is spending his dad's money...but then why would he be upset like he has no control over nick? What if it's his grandparents' trustfund and it was set up in a way that somehow it ended up with nick having the controls while his dad doesn't? I actually didn't read any of it that was posted here but is it possible that the payout is auto set to go straight to the youngest generation and the parents of that generation gains control of it? Would explain the "marry fast, as many kids asap"

...Is nick drinking away his kids' college fund because he won't be letting them go? He thinks they want to be youtubers too.

 

[Balldo's Gate]

The highlight of the stream was something nobody has mentioned yet, which was Rekieta's HILARIOUS and FUNNY and NOT WEIRD AT ALL bit of relaying the below news article from close to him in Willmar and presenting it as "the funniest fucking story", while insisting "I've never been to this Asian massage parlor, I SWEAR! I didn't even know it was there!"


(Archive)

Nick's take on the above story:

"it's the funniest fucking story, and it was true, and I was like God, I wish - I - I wish I had known this place existed so I could have not gone there intentionally rather than just incidentally."

Of course, that is a punchline that makes no sense unless you assume Rekieta would go to such a place.

Kurt is horrified and points out that if he knew about it, he could have reported it, which Rekieta disagrees with.

The bit ends when Kurt stops responding and does not say anything until Rekieta moves on.

 

[Harm]

No, I think he's trying to virtue signal or show off how smart he is by arguing that pedophilia is so abnormal that it exists in a completely different category from prurient interest as defined in First Amendment jurisprudence. Why this is important isn't quite clear to me, or to Kurt, the person addressed, especially because the whole rant eventually descends into coomer jokes.

Anyway, It starts at 1h7m30s.

Here's the full rant. Never thought I'd get it to upload. This is a Hell of a self-report by Nick.

EDIT: My take is his rant's a mix of pretending he's being pedantic about legal concepts rather than seizing an excuse to blabber about child porn and "thy lady doth protest too much" when he gets into the "they should castrated by nuclear missiles!"

 

[Crocodylus Acutus]

I personally think Rekieta should just realize his dream, abandon his family completely, and move to California so he can practice his stand up "comedy." Hell, he might even get lucky enough to score a real movie gig. "Calling Rekieta to the set, we need him to play shambling background zombie #376," and with no prosthetics needed.

 

[AncientPhosphur]

Of course, that is a punchline that makes no sense unless you assume Rekieta would go to such a place.

Kurt is horrified and points out that if he knew about it, he could have reported it, which Rekieta disagrees with.

That’s fucking dark. Rekieta going to massage parlors just on the off chance they traffic women so he can get a happy ending while not reporting it.

“Totally wouldn’t go to this place that abuses and traffic women for a handjob guys but imagine if I did! It would be totally hilarious”

 

[Captain Manning]

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Here's the full rant. Never thought I'd get it to upload. This is a Hell of a self-report by Nick.

EDIT: My take is his rant's a mix of pretending he's being pedantic about legal concepts rather than seizing an excuse to blabber about child porn and "thy lady doth protest too much" when he gets into the "they should castrated by nuclear missiles!"

I like how Kurt has to remind him that defamation is an exception to the First Amendment.

Mind you, this a man that was all over defamation cases years ago but, since Monty, he seems to have forgotten it's a thing.

Weeeeeeird.

Anyways, I think what Nick is trying to do is claim that prurient material is that which normal people would jerk off to, while CP is something that only deviant people would jerk off to. Thus, CP is not prurient because prurient should be subjected to a "reasonable man test" (a term Kurt brings up in the course of trying to understand Nick's insane rantings).

Kurt isn't buying it. I don't think a court would either. CP has pornography right in the name. Pornography is that which, by legal definition, appeals to the prurient interests.

Kurt gets a lot a shit, but it's clear to me he has the far superior legal mind to Nick.

 

[Himedall All-seeing Waifu]

So he is actually at the point where he is preaching that all CP is constitutionally protected free speech? That sexual interest in children isn't a perverse interest? If Nick wants to keep going down the libertine path here, the next stop would be talking about the "rights" of children to consent and to sexual involvement. But I suppose making these arguments and dying on pedo hill is an obvious direction for him to go. He should have his good friend Vito on and they can talk about pedo rights together. What garbage Nick is.

No, I think he's trying to virtue signal or show off how smart he is by arguing that pedophilia is so abnormal that it exists in a completely different category from prurient interest as defined in First Amendment jurisprudence. Why this is important isn't quite clear to me, or to Kurt, the person addressed, especially because the whole rant eventually descends into coomer jokes.

Anyway, It starts at 1h7m30s.

It just strikes me as him siding with his pedophile buddies like Diddler Dax and Vito the Pedo. Not a good look considering he thought (MO)Lester in American Beauty should have fucked a child.

I think he was gryign to play on Kurt's 'tism for details, but it failes spectaculatly.
Some things don't need to be argued, and Kurt is socially aware enough to know that.

When caught, paedos deserve to be Sparta-kicked into woodchippers. No judge. No jury. No time wasted. I'll do it. No guilt either.

I'm trying to upload the full "CP shouldn't be considered prurient" rant because it's crazy, but it's failed out at 100% five times.

You just have to keep trying. I try to keep file sizes under 15Mb to upp success rate.

To me he's trying to elevate obscenity so it's not on the same level as cp so the he can perform the obscenities he has in mind but have the peace of mind that "at least it's not cp", ESPECIALLY when another lawyer agreed with him.

Se above. He wants validation so badly that he dragged what he thought was a lonely person on to try to force them into agreeing with him to not lose an internet fwend. Kuth may have autism, but he also has principles that Nick lacks.

Edit: I just watched the clip where nick was telling a story about how he was telling his dad about his next big purchase.."there's no way you can get mad at me cause it costs less than 10k". It's some stupid robot dog with flame throwers.

Why would his dad get mad at him? He's 40, married, and should have no monetary ties to his dad and if nick is to be believed, his financial condition is secure as fuck. Unless nick is spending his dad's money...but then why would he be upset like he has no control over nick? What if it's his grandparents' trustfund and it was set up in a way that somehow it ended up with nick having the controls while his dad doesn't? I actually didn't read any of it that was posted here but is it possible that the payout is auto set to go straight to the youngest generation and the parents of that generation gains control of it? Would explain the "marry fast, as many kids asap"

Something... Something... Daddy issues...

Why does Nick care what his father thinks? My parents don't cate how I spend my money. They worry about normal things like having a living space, keeping a job, not working too hard, but never question my spending habits. I thought most adults were like this...

Is this a tell that Nick is known t[ be a spendthrift? Is it those harsh conditions that were imposes on him due to his 'safety net' agreement to repay his education bills and house loan? (I have this clip in the new OP)

...Is nick drinking away his kids' college fund because he won't be letting them go? He thinks they want to be youtubers too.

He doenst believe in uni. He got a shit degree, so he thinks they are all useless.

The highlight of the stream was something nobody has mentioned yet, which was Rekieta's HILARIOUS and FUNNY and NOT WEIRD AT ALL bit of relaying the below news article from close to him in Willmar and presenting it as "the funniest fucking story", while insisting "I've never been to this Asian massage parlor, I SWEAR! I didn't even know it was there!"

View attachment 5937069
(Archive)

Nick's take on the above story:

"it's the funniest fucking story, and it was true, and I was like God, I wish - I - I wish I had known this place existed so I could have not gone there intentionally rather than just incidentally."

Of course, that is a punchline that makes no sense unless you assume Rekieta would go to such a place.

Kurt is horrified and points out that if he knew about it, he could have reported it, which Rekieta disagrees with.

The bit ends when Kurt stops responding and does not say anything until Rekieta moves on.

View attachment 5937051

Alright, Nick is just providing so much WTF content now. I added a section on STMS to the OP (still stuck in Purgatory) and now I am going to add this under his 'happy ending massage rant clip'.

View attachment 5937218

Here's the full rant. Never thought I'd get it to upload. This is a Hell of a self-report by Nick.

EDIT: My take is his rant's a mix of pretending he's being pedantic about legal concepts rather than seizing an excuse to blabber about child porn and "thy lady doth protest too much" when he gets into the "they should castrated by nuclear missiles!"

Disgusting. I agree on the added commentary. This is making it into the WTF section of the OP supplement post along with his American Beauty obsession.

 

[Catgirl Tyranid]

His brain is melting. Curt is one of the least confrontational people he knows and even he's calling him out on how retarded he sounds.



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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.........Nick is bombing, hard. Kurt's silence is hilarious

Lame attempt to make Kurt say something racist; even more pathetic because it's clearly prepared material (1h6m)

Kurt's bewildered stare is the perfect counter to Nick's attempt at shock comedy.

First amendment and obscenity talk; Nick is weirdly insistent that child porn doesn't appeal to a prurient interest; he wants to distinguish between sexual and "perverse" interest; "there's no amount of literary contribution that makes the rape of a child acceptable" [That's because it's rape, dumbass]

After some parsing, I agree that on the surface he's trying to make an unnecessary point about the legal classification of CSAM. Kurt has the reputation of being actually smart on law topics so it tracks that Nick would try and make himself seem just as smart with pedantic legal arguments.

But he's using CSAM as his vehicle for this because he either
A.) Gets off on shocking people and that's what he was trying to do the entire show with his "comedy" skits or
B.) Can't stop thinking about CSAM.

Probably both.

tattoo talk, people overestimate how much they will care about a bad tattoo in the future

Lmao, he realized the snake tat is retarded and will never be finished.

 

[Balldo's Gate]

My take is his rant's a mix of pretending he's being pedantic about legal concepts rather than seizing an excuse to blabber

My take is that he's not pretending to be pedantic about legal concepts, he is being pedantic and just thinks he's being super clever and deploying a LAWGIC TRAP which seems profound to him because his brain is melted. However Kurt is suspicious and refuses to go along with any of what Nick is saying because he can't make heads or tails of what exactly he would be agreeing to.

That was like the 5th or 6th most bizarre thing that happened last night and I only listened to half of it. Both the Denny's bit and the massage story were way more puzzling to Kurt and the chat. Not that long ago Nick used to clean up and try when he had a guest on but that was a shitshow. It almost seemed like he was doing an audition for the Juju-Balldo podcast without telling Kurt.

That said Kurt implying that Nick not showing up to court was ineffective assistance of counsel was funny.

Kurt has the reputation of being actually smart on law topics so it tracks that Nick would try and make himself seem just as smart with pedantic legal arguments.

Yeah, I think this is what it was.

That’s fucking dark. Rekieta going to massage parlors just on the off chance they traffic women so he can get a happy ending while not reporting it.

“Totally wouldn’t go to this place that abuses and traffic women for a handjob guys but imagine if I did! It would be totally hilarious”

Alright, Nick is just providing so much WTF content now. I added a section on STMS to the OP (still stuck in Purgatory) and now I am going to add this under his 'happy ending massage rant clip'.

It was very weird and dark and had no point at all.

 

[Pitbull Victim]

Anyways, I think what Nick is trying to do is claim that prurient material is that which normal people would jerk off to, while CP is something that only deviant people would jerk off to. Thus, CP is not prurient because prurient should be subjected to a "reasonable man test" (a term Kurt brings up in the course of trying to understand Nick's insane rantings).

Kurt isn't buying it. I don't think a court would either. CP has pornography right in the name. Pornography is that which, by legal definition, appeals to the prurient interests.

My take is that he's not pretending to be pedantic about legal concepts, he is being pedantic and just thinks he's being super clever and deploying a LAWGIC TRAP which seems profound to him because his brain is melted. However Kurt is suspicious and refuses to go along with any of what Nick is saying because he can't make heads or tails of what exactly he would be agreeing to.

It's this and 10 seconds of searching on Wikipedia shows Nick is just talking out his ass:


Link