Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Harm]

The only church service Nick would genuinely enjoy is one where he's the pastor and he only has to stay long enough to give his sermons, and also he can no-show without repercussions.

 

[Formica Sample]

The only church service Nick would genuinely enjoy is one where he's the pastor and he only has to stay long enough to give his sermons, and also he can no-show without repercussions.

And drink whiskey straight from the communion chalice while giving his sermon. Then, he does a fifteen-minute standup bit on how FUNNY and WEIRD it is that the chalice looks like a pimp cup while doing his "black" voice.

 

[Sharpeteer]

Kurt is autistic and desperately lonely. He will cling to any scrap of friendship he can and likely drives people away far more frequently than he opts to leave himself. It's the exact same fear of loneliness that drives people into poor romantic relationships, except in this case Kurt seems to have vastly higher standards than he is worthy of in that department. I almost feel bad for him, but he's so easy to dislike.

You know what I hate about Kurt? He does make some good points about dating for men in current times, but you just know that none of that applies to him at all, despite him wanting it to - he is such a gross socially inept weirdo that cannot grasp that no woman wants to see him putting cream on his back, or go out with a much less famous uglier Kyle Gass lookalike. He cannot conduct himself in front of Megan to save his life.

The only church service Nick would genuinely enjoy is one where he's the pastor and he only has to stay long enough to give his sermons, and also he can no-show without repercussions.

And drink whiskey straight from the communion chalice while giving his sermon. Then, he does a fifteen-minute standup bit on how FUNNY and WEIRD it is that the chalice looks like a pimp cup while doing his "black" voice.

Nick owes everyone at his church an apology for wasting their time on somebody who obviously just shouldn't be there, eating their food, taking up their conversation space, etc.

 

[zShirt]

I have serious reservations that he can get as shit-faced as we see on his show, go to bed, wake up only four hours later to drive the kids someplace, and not be legally under the influence. I would imagine when he's on the show, he's probably way over 0.08% BAC.

I was going to argue this because of a rule of thumb I vaguely remember from college, but apparently it's well understood your BAC drops at about 0.015 per hour, so at 4 hours of sleep your BAC should drop by 0.06. So if he's above 0.14 when he goes to sleep he'd be above the legal limit when he wakes up. And 0.14 is nothing for a heavy drinker.

To clarify, I was going to initially argue that you metabolize alcohol way faster so it's possible he'd be fine, but either my memory is way off or it was a really bad rule.

 

[Himedall All-seeing Waifu]

If this were anyone other than Nick, I'd say he's probably got a point. Evangelicals aren't known for being the most theologically solid Christians. Lots of emotion and feel-good services. However, I doubt a more traditional service like @AncientPhosphur suggested would do much for him either. Nick hates rigidity and feeling like he's being told what to do. Tradition comes with rules, and we all know how ODD Nicky feels about rules. He might enjoy having an excuse not to eat during Lent, but he'd never be able to give up alcohol. He'd absolutely hate Holy Days of Obligation intruding on his totally busy schedule. And a traditional community definitely wouldn't appreciate the open degeneracy.

For one, the traditional Latin Mass is longer. Solemn/High Masses are close to 90 minutes, and you usually need to travel quite a distance for one. Not sure about the length of a Divine Liturgy, if you prefer the Orthodox route, but I doubt it's quick. But secondly, and more importantly, God Himself could send St. Peter and St. Paul to spell out exactly how wrong Nick is about his faith, and Nick still wouldn't listen. He gets basic facts about the Bible wrong and still feels qualified to discuss scripture. God has shown him grace, and Nick has repeatedly rejected it.

Nick, at his core, is a luciferian. It all comes down to a love of the self above all else, even his own children.

Nick describes himself as a 'bad Christian' to deflect from his own failings. He does not want to 'speak worh authority' or 'proselytise' with his religious stream--he just wants to have people on and give their opinions. It may sound humble at first, but it is anything but.

This is not limited to religion, but seemingly every facet if his life--his schooling (teachers were idiots), his friends (LOL! What friends?), his employment (telling his bosses 'no' to work and reading a book instead), his streaming audience AND former contract (He will do it when he wants to and that 5k gift is comming right after the 24 hour streams), his social group at church and the community (Scandanavian prudes), thr legal system (His LOLsuit), and just about anything you can think of.

Nick does not want to be held accountable by anyone.

Using his own stupid analogy, if the moral of American Beauty is 'going too far is bad' what exists in Nick's life to hold him back?

 

[FedPostalService]

I wonder if Nick has ever watched Leaving Los Vegas?

 

[Balldo's Gate]

To clarify, I was going to initially argue that you metabolize alcohol way faster so it's possible he'd be fine, but either my memory is way off or it was a really bad rule.

On his May 7th stream, he got so drunk that he read off and responded to a comment in chat about American Beauty and then shortly afterwards read off and responded to the same comment again without seeming to remember that he had just responded to it. That was a nearly 4 hour stream started a little after 11pm, meaning he streamed until just before 3:00am. There's no argument that I can think of that would make that sound acceptable.

For those that don't get it, the real problem here isn't the speeding. The problem here is that being pulled over for speeding would be pretextual to "Sir, I smell alcohol on you. How much have you had to drink this morning?"

He drives an obnoxious car with an obnoxious vanity plate. He claims to obnoxiously blast obnoxious cringe 90s music (I think it was Korn?) in his vehicle. He claims to be driving over 30 miles over the speed limit. Either he's lying about how he drives his Rustang or I don't understand why he hasn't been stopped more.

 

[Bland Crumbs]

I was going to argue this because of a rule of thumb I vaguely remember from college, but apparently it's well understood your BAC drops at about 0.015 per hour, so at 4 hours of sleep your BAC should drop by 0.06. So if he's above 0.14 when he goes to sleep he'd be above the legal limit when he wakes up. And 0.14 is nothing for a heavy drinker.

To clarify, I was going to initially argue that you metabolize alcohol way faster so it's possible he'd be fine, but either my memory is way off or it was a really bad rule.

I think you are right but there is an assumption that he stops drinking immediately after the stream ends when most likely he is still drinking after the show ends and possibly even takes a glass to bed with him.

I wonder if Nick has ever watched Leaving Los Vegas?

He would probably see it as a How To guide. Also Elisabeth Shue was well over 18 in that movie so no interest.

 

[Captain Manning]

The only church service Nick would genuinely enjoy is one where he's the pastor and he only has to stay long enough to give his sermons, and also he can no-show without repercussions.

No. The only church service he would genuinely enjoy is that fucking gay ass shit that Anton LeVey started out in San Francisco back in the 60s (Church of Satan).

Which, if you know anything about it, is basically Ayn Rand with ritualistic crap grafted on. Plus, shameless degeneracy (not elaborating any further, but look it up with safe search off). He'd love that.

Bonus is he could maybe invite Karl Kasarda on to bond over their love of Satanism. Karl would help cover his apparent need for gun topics, but Nick would also be able to start talking about "trans rights" and the need for easy access to HRT too! That'll show Null!

Using his own stupid analogy, if the moral of American Beauty is 'going too far is bad' what exists in Nick's life to hold him back?

IIRC, Nick's comment to Masterson was that Lester died because he didn't fuck the teenage girl. Again, even Dick was getting weirded out over the shit Nick was saying.

 

[Himedall All-seeing Waifu]

Now is the LOCALS of our dis-content...

Spoiler: Disquiet

Liars

And 2 more tricked and gone.

 

[zShirt]

I think you are right but there is an assumption that he stops drinking immediately after the stream ends when most likely he is still drinking after the show ends and possibly even takes a glass to bed with him.

That's definitely possible, but I figured there was also a good chance he isn't waking up and putting his keys in the car minutes later, so I assumed it might even put on that front. But it definitely seems like he's way above .14 BAC so even if he did stop drinking right as the show ended he'll still be way above the legal limit 4 hours later.

 

[DumbDude43]

I was going to argue this because of a rule of thumb I vaguely remember from college, but apparently it's well understood your BAC drops at about 0.015 per hour, so at 4 hours of sleep your BAC should drop by 0.06. So if he's above 0.14 when he goes to sleep he'd be above the legal limit when he wakes up. And 0.14 is nothing for a heavy drinker.

To clarify, I was going to initially argue that you metabolize alcohol way faster so it's possible he'd be fine, but either my memory is way off or it was a really bad rule.

>implying he doesn't start the day with a glass of whiskey immediately after getting out of bed
he might be at 0.06 when he wakes up, but he doesn't stay there for long

 

[Captain Manning]

I was going to argue this because of a rule of thumb I vaguely remember from college, but apparently it's well understood your BAC drops at about 0.015 per hour, so at 4 hours of sleep your BAC should drop by 0.06. So if he's above 0.14 when he goes to sleep he'd be above the legal limit when he wakes up. And 0.14 is nothing for a heavy drinker.

To clarify, I was going to initially argue that you metabolize alcohol way faster so it's possible he'd be fine, but either my memory is way off or it was a really bad rule.

I am aware that BAC will drop over time after one stops drinking. What I am saying (and what other people here have pointed out for a long time now) is I think he way over the legal limit on his show (it's almost beyond dispute, I think), and I have serious doubts that four hours elapsed is enough time for his BAC to drop below the legal limit of 0.08 when operating a motor vehicle.

Also, bear in mind he's thin as a rail and doesn't seem to eat much. That will also affect things.

He drives an obnoxious car with an obnoxious vanity plate. He claims to obnoxiously blast obnoxious cringe 90s music (I think it was Korn?) in his vehicle. He claims to be driving over 30 miles over the speed limit. Either he's lying about how he drives his Rustang or I don't understand why he hasn't been stopped more.

I think he's just been lucky. Luckier than Aaron anyways.

Luck runs out though. I mean, it did last year when he got his speeding ticket.

>implying he doesn't start the day with a glass of whiskey immediately after getting out of bed
he might be at 0.06 when he wakes up, but he doesn't stay there for long

This too.

It's entirely possible he didn't attend that 2pm Zoom hearing because he was shitfaced.

 

[Major]

She just turned 30 a couple of months ago. A *rough* 30.

Nah, she looks fine

He is aping the shock jock comedy style of the late 90s, Stephen Hawking jokes were popular in the late 90s. His favourite film is from the late 90s. He wants to fuck very, very young women like in American Beauty. He is starving himself to make himself as thin as he was in the late 90s.

Nick Rekieta is trying to become 16 again.

He has a still sexy wife, what more does he want? His neighbour's daughter?

 

[elb]

In other news, Nick has officially graduated to his own children getting molested jokes

 

[Captain Manning]

In other news, Nick has officially graduated to his own children getting molested jokes
View attachment 5975653

He stopped himself from saying something here ("kill all the Jews" maybe?). Almost like he has some inhibition, but not enough inhibition to avoid making yet another child molestation joke.

 

[Mind Goblins]

I'm currently going to once of those high production value churches. I've had numerous discussions with leadership that we should be singing more hymns, and the few times we do the entire congregation belts it out.

It's one of the major problems with a lot of modern protestant churches. Instead of maintaining the beauty of the liturgy/music of Catholic and Orthodox, they threw the baby out with the bath water 500 years ago.

Agreed completely. I grew up in a church very similar to the one Nick "attends," but now live somewhere where my only real options are high-production one-step-shy-of-megachurches, and I never thought I'd miss pitchy singing and slightly off-key instruments until I spent a year here. They've got all the hype and bombast you could ask for, but none of the soul, which really defeats the purpose of worship music if you ask me.

Nick tax: I can't decide which future I await more, him going full Chantal and doing live mukbangs as he balloons despite his constant crack nosebleeds, or him going full Montegraph and getting more and more depraved with the food to the point that he fucks a cobbler or something. Either way, I'll take great pleasure in seeing him become what he hates.

 

[Sharpeteer]

In other news, Nick has officially graduated to his own children getting molested jokes
View attachment 5975653

Father of the Century

Thanks Nick for the inspiration. I now know that no joke, when it comes to anyone in your family, is too far for you. Speaking of which,

He has a still sexy wife

Super hot, and getting hotter by the year/month, one procedure at a time. No matter how many it takes, our wife is determined to finally satisfy this man by "undestroying" her body. Rooting for her.

And even this picture is missing quite a bit of the transformation. I need to add all the additional photos people have reminded me of since.

 

[Space Pope]

Nah, she looks fine

He has a still sexy wife

I think you should get your eyes checked the next time you're in town, Major.

In other news, Nick has officially graduated to his own children getting molested jokes

At this point it would be less embarrassing for the kids if their parents were Only Fans whores.

 

[mindlessobserver]

At this point it would be less embarrassing for the kids if their parents were Only Fans whores.

At least then they would be getting paid for all the degenerate behavior.