Is it ok to PL?
I'm basically an autistic female. Currently only have my husband IRL after moving. I'm just quiet at work. The usual advice is just "get out there and talk to people, sure it will be awkward sometimes but you'll get better at it."
But what if...you just never really seem to get better at it and most interactions are awkward? Sending me on a shame spiral and further into myself and not wanting to do that to people?
To clarify I'm not totally hopeless and keep on top of things like eye contact and grooming. Actually I'm quite feminine and like designer clothing and keratin treatments for my hair, etc. Just kind of an awkward woman.
Let me ask you a question, based in the things you've said or seemed to say: what if you figured out how not to be so bothered by awkward interactions?
And what if the interactions aren't so awkward for the other person as maybe you think they are?
Those are two different angles of questions, but what I'm getting at is that even if you feel very awkward and uncomfortable, maybe it isn't as all-around bad as you feel or fear.
There are two sides to interaction, and even if you aren't a naturally social animal, maybe it would be more enjoyable on your side of things without the triple-whammy weight of self-criticism, intolerance for awkwardness (yours or others'), or assumption that another person is just dying to get away.
I am not autistic, but I am a high-energy talker, and I have had a tendency to keep talking to fill what feel like awkward silences/pauses, and to do other people's thinking for them, or at least sound that way even if my actual intent is to try to allow for it or get ahead of it. This does not serve me, and I have learned to shut up more, repeat less, rein in tangents and asides, etc., and to be comfortable with what is mostly people taking a moment to process, a normal thing, or, in a challenging or delicate interaction, to stop doing other people's work for them. Part of developing that has been to tamp down the inner critic and, in my case, internalizing that the "success"/comfort of the interaction isn't 100% on me. And being unbothered if it isn't always fabulous by some critical evaluator in my head's standards.
I understand that it's not the same problem, but I wonder - IF you could reduce that sense of "I'm so awkward" or "shame spiral" for your perceptions of yourself, AND/ or perhaps could internalize that you might not actually be an uncomfortable conversation partner from someone else's perspective, then maybe you could feel a little less inhibited. And maybe practicing increasing your tolerance to your or others' imperfections could remove some internal discomfort.
I don't mean to over-simplify a long-term/legit sense or concern you have, so I hope it doesn't sound that way. But if you can isolate the contributing factors that turn awkwardness in aversion, maybe there are ways to improve your experience and comfort.
And you could try something like pull-ups. That's something that's easier for you to improve if you are smaller. Maybe that's stupid, but it could raise your confidence. Personally I love pull-ups. And they are a great exercise.
Kill me. I never could do pull-ups. I could never even do the dumb flexed arm hang in gym for those presidential fitness awards/tests. I rocked the flexibility and sit-ups, managed the push-ups, did OK on the runs, and zeroed out on the arm hamg/pull-up stuff, despite being fairly strong and athletic, relatively speaking. I got a patch exactly once in like 7 years of those tests, all down to that activity (still salty about it!). I think I had no idea which muscles to activate or something bc I just sank.
you poor soul, man. On the bright side, you could only get better from there.
