The Cole Smithey Thread

Glassshardballpit said:
It's like when they cast an biracial girl as a redheaded mermaid or a blonde, blue eyed Viking girl who has to tame a wild dragon.

No literally.

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If they make a Live Action The Iron Giant and make Hogarth birracial, I'll jump off the Empire State Building.

The Hollywood agenda irks me to end!

Anyways yeah get Seth Rogan to be Chris.
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TBF, Thandie Newton's daughter is like 75% white. So, it's not like really mixed. It's Hollywood mixed.
 
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AnOminous said:
like Toy Story 3 or rating that Oscar-bait shit I have forgotten entirely badly just to ruin its perfect score), has about the same opinions you'd expect of someone who graduated film school at the time he got his degree.
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The Toy Story 3 review was funny because it pissed people off and because it’s the type of review I’d expect someone related to Chris to write. You can just sense the touch of tism especially in regards to giving up toys instead of hording them.
 
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Mariposa2.0 LTE said:
TBF, Thandie Newton's daughter is like 75% white. So, it's not like really mixed. It's Hollywood mixed.
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Well, if it's the matter of a blonde wig they're lacking for the more accurate portrayal of this young Viking dragon girl, I believe I may know a certain fair-headed lad who perhaps keeps a spare wig in stock.
 
JackoVerde said:
It seems that Cole Smithey has gone completely quiet,
No updates on his twitter account in while, no promoting film or music festivals, or hipster bars and even his website seems to be lacking new film reviews
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Time to check the obits in his hometown maybe? Or maybe he trooned out too. Not like mental illness dosen't run in the family.
 
JackoVerde said:
It seems that Cole Smithey has gone completely quiet,
No updates on his twitter account in while, no promoting film or music festivals, or hipster bars and even his website seems to be lacking new film reviews
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That old beatnik probably gets slam hammered with so much trolling and weening, it's not even funny.

The man just wanted to distance himself from his mother and brother and then 2021 happens.

Cole may not have liked his relatives but this is still his mother.

If he hasn't updated, good for him. I don't think he deserves to suffer the constant shame of his unfortunate family ties.
 
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I think Cole at some point got a shrink, and listened to them when they said just to stay off the internet.
because over 4 months of no activity at all is pretty crazy.
also didn’t he get divorced from his wife at some point. maybe Hes grinding again since he can’t live off of her salary.

edit:https://www.rottentomatoes.com/critics/cole-smithey/movies
im retarded, cole is still doing his movie reviews but I didn’t pay attention to the posted dates. Last active post Was in march 2024
 
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has cole ever acknowledged his brother or that side of the family on social media or his youtube channel.
i mean he never seems to engage the trolls. not even in the early days when trolling was a more novel thing. his newer youtube channel seems to have no chris chan reference so chancers are he either deletes those comments or word filters out any chris chan stuff.
this youtube video has a very chris chan esque response.
.
commenter: Nice. I read you were in a punk band called Rockin Dogs, is there anything out there EP or LP wise of that band?
cole smithey: Sadly we never recorded a record. Here's a link to a song we did called "Bye, Bye, Bye." Cheers!

tell me thats no 100% chris chan response.
oddly, it sounds like cole telling the commentator to fuck off since there's no link but. https://www.sandiegoreader.com/bands/rockin-dogs/
the song was mentioned in this link about the band rockin dogs.
here's the link to the actual song https://cheunderground.site/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/bye_bye_bye.mp3
 
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JackoVerde said:
has cole ever acknowledged his brother or that side of the family on social media or his youtube channel.
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Not to anyone's knowledge that I know of, and I've been following Chris lore for the past 16 years, but we do have photographic evidence of them being in the same room and even smiling.

We also do have the email exchange between him and Chris where Cole, rather wryly I might add, barters Chris his vote for Chris to win the Parappa contest (thusly enabling Chris to take galpal Megan to the penny arcade) for information about his father.

It's always struck me as a rather dubious thing. Chris can't seem to win on either side there. A brother who probably doesn't really give a damn about him and a girl he might genuinely be in love with wanting nothing to do with him other than friendship.

Yet, that appears to be Chris's lot. Whether justified or not.

But has Cole ever publicly admitted that he's related to Chris or Barb? No. Not that has been made known.
 
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Glassshardballpit said:
But has Cole ever publicly admitted that he's related to Chris or Barb? No. Not that has been made known.
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Funnily enough, a guy who either sang at Cole’s wedding or played music at Cole’s wedding responded to a video of Chris Chan in the comments.
The guy said he knew Cole and Cole was a cool guy but he never mentioned that side of his family. So his connection to barb and Chris is buried deep. At most he’s likely talked about it to his wife behind closed doors. Also looking more into the Chris Chan sphere, he said that people should stop obsessing over Chris Chan.
 
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I think Cole is just waiting for a suitably credentialed indie documentary film maker to make him a subject. I think Cole is probably befuddled and peeved his tard brother became a famous cult figure among weirdos. I think if the right person approached him he’d collaborate on a documentary about being the brother of the internets most famous autist. It would have to be pitched to him as a 50/50 documentary, not just a Chris-Chan thing, but about him and being the brother of the Chris-Chan. His history and Chris, contrasted, and he would spill the beans about Barb too.
 
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Just think, he could write a book that's nothing but him bitching about stupid things Chris, Barb, and Bob did. He would totally make a little bit of $$$
 
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MirnaMinkoff said:
I think Cole is just waiting for a suitably credentialed indie documentary film maker to make him a subject. I think Cole is probably befuddled and peeved his tard brother became a famous cult figure among weirdos.
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Yeah, bunch of weirdos out there.
 
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Can anyone really blame Cole for avoiding his mother and brother completely, I mean doesn't he have a wife and kids?
They would be targeted by Trolls and weens if he did say anything about Chris.
Not to mention the last time his brother contacted him was to beg him to drop everything and fly across the country to take care of Barb 24/7 so Chris wouldn't have to stop playing video games.

Seems like Cole made the only winning move when he decided to ignore his family.
Still, it would be interesting to know what he things of what happened to his abusive mother who lied to him about whole his father was.
 
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JackoVerde said:
i mean he never seems to engage the trolls.
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Most people don't engage the trolls. Most people aren't lolcows.

The only thing Cole is possibly guilty of is being a pretentious that. The fact that he's so directly related to OPL and still has a relatively small thread after more than a decade just shows how boring he is.
 
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TVB said:
Has he always been a virgin like Chris?
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Well, he's a movie critic, lecturer, musician and self-proclaimed intellectual, no kids, (was) living with a woman I hear makes most of their income...

So I'm guessing not. He had a wife.

Lazy hipster douchebag bums must be her turn on.

It happens.
 
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