Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[The Taco Santo!]

I've got to dig out my Catullus and mine it for insults to use against Patricius Tomlinus Corpululus (Patrick Tomlinson the Fatso). Catullus was mean as hell and extremely dirty.

 

[S.C.U.D.]

"I am not on medication, child."

That's what he said, Jennifer, that your meds ran out.

Surely he's on statins or BP meds or Metformin or some shit. No way a man in his 40s who is that obese isn't on something.

 

[Battlecruiser3000ad]

A sentence carved on the forum wall: "This farmer wishes to point out that Patrickus Tomlinsonus is grotesquely fat, and posesses heftier breasts than his wife."

One graffiti found in the excavated city of Pompeii:
Twice did the Nubians spew flatulence into wife of Tomlinius. Pondering what happens the third time brings dread.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Fatpigus eunt hovelum.

Eunt? WHAT IS ‘EUNT?’

 

[Fake News Anchor]

"CNN skewing hard right"

is that a fact...

They spent all of 5 minutes not pulling cover for Biden. In Pat's mind that's the same as the mass execution of homosexuals live on air.

*edit* Which would be based, and I would watch it.

 

[Pat's Pointer Finger]

I used to be a old school graffittee artist myself. The peace sign, the backwards swastiker, just the word 'the who'

 

[downloads]

It's lifeguard Pat who performed CPR, or so he claims. I'm certain it's been discussed ITT. Spoiler: The recipients did not survive.

A warning: When in Rome, don't feed the lions.

Patricius Tomlinsius Porcellum is an atheist and would be lion food. The emperor is a god. "No filius, He is not. Enjoy the Mamertine, persecutor."

Yeah, he said he'd done CPR twice, and both of them died, and afterward, the girl's father came up to Pat and thanked him and told him he did all he could do. Which is a normal response after having your kid die; go thank the lifeguard.

 

[JustStopDude]

Yeah, he said he'd done CPR twice, and both of them died, and afterward, the girl's father came up to Pat and thanked him and told him he did all he could do. Which is a normal response after having your kid die; go thank the lifeguard.

I know I posted it when the CPR story first came out in the thread long ago, but for the love of God, please consider getting CPR qualified. You could save a life, it's not hard to do, and more likely than not, you won't give yourself a heart attack like Pat would if he actually tried to do it himself.

I refuse to believe Pat knows how to swim without being taller than the water or having water wings on.

 

[306h4Ge5eJUJ]

I refuse to believe Pat knows how to swim without being taller than the water or having water wings on.

Fat is less dense than water, child. Enjoy science class.

 

[AprilRains]

It's lifeguard Pat who performed CPR, or so he claims. I'm certain it's been discussed ITT. Spoiler: The recipients did not survive.

He told an even more ridiculous story:

 

[MajinGoku]

Very late and gay and lacking in effort but:
View attachment 5981314
>Enjoy the photoshop child

someone please send him this picture on twitter

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

He told an even more ridiculous story:

View attachment 5983126

this sounds like a compilation of bullshit stories from Reader’s Digest. He probably also was a dominos delivery driver who escaped a kidnapping by unwiring a taillight.

 

[Kirtto]

Redditors are going though Pat's YouTube videos and finding new material

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

Not fat by any medical standard.

But perhaps by galactic standards …

 

[Uncle Buck]

Not fat by any medical standard.

Fat by every medical standard.

 

[AprilRains]

this sounds like a compilation of bullshit stories from Reader’s Digest. He probably also was a dominos delivery driver who escaped a kidnapping by unwiring a taillight.

Seriously, that story is idiotic. How did the guy lose the leg? How could Fatrick reattach the leg without a trauma team? How can anyone sew on a leg using a needle for inflating basketballs? Why would a lifeguard waste time on advanced surgery, as opposed to stopping a giant femoral bleed?

No wonder Patrick can't write books worth a damn. He can't even cook up a plausible lie.

 

[FinnSven]

He told an even more ridiculous story:

View attachment 5983126

Sorry, but is he utterly retarded?

If he was trying to tell some kind of joke there, it’s demonstrating he has no idea of setup or crafting humor.
If one is telling an anecdote with a silly little quip on the end, you have to make it clear that it is a joke.
E.g. I performed CPR twice, but needed it back immediately thanks to their breath!

If he wasn’t trying to tell a joke, then either he should be facing charges of criminal stupidity for attempting such an insanely retarded thing, or he is so painfully unaware of everyone else’s intelligence that he would think such a procedure would seem possible to others.

 

[Fake News Anchor]

>Pat sewed a man's leg back on using only a basketball needle and dental floss.
I hate to be the one to side with Patrick, but this story is actually mostly true. I was there that day and couldn't forget it even if I tried. The only things he misremembered are:

- the leg was a chicken's​

- he meant to say chewed on instead of sewed on​

- instead of a basketball needle and dental floss he used his bare hands and garlic butter sau​

I can see how he mixed up those details; it all happened so fast.

 

[RollingRock2]

The leg surgery has to be a non sequitur, I refuse to believe even habitual liar Pat is stupid enough to think that is a believable story.

 

[The Noise]

The leg surgery has to be a non sequitur, I refuse to believe even habitual liar Pat is stupid enough to think that is a believable story.

I have this horrible mental image of Pat sewing the guy's leg back on, having him stand up, and then immediately falling down as his leg cartoonishly pops off and the dollar store dental floss instantly snaps away.