Shitty Etsy Products

[Coelacanth]

I'll detail more in my next post but variations include: love letters, wedding proposals and wedding vows, BDSM contracts and kink lists, one week to two months of RP sessions with them in discord in either sfw or nsfw chat! The later is basically the nerdy woman equivalent of buying a prostitute.

Marriage proposals? Now where have I heard that before... ?

The concept of comfort characters is literally just like seeking comfort from cuddling a plushie or pet. That's how they treat the characters they "seek comfort" from which says a lot about how they probably treat people around them if they're having to rely on paying some grifter to larp as the FOTM character they're currently fapping to to tell them they're heckin' valid.

The comfort character shit is cringe but as someone said, a little box of related items of a fave character isn't terrible. But candy and bracelets and stickers?
Yeah lmao Darth Vader will send you some Cheetos and smarties and a cute little bracelet he made with his own two lil black gloved hands when he had time between forcechoking people to death uwu

If I order for, say, my namesake sombra, I better be getting at least some USB sticks and other tech related shit, not Chinese dollar store scrunchies and fun sized bags of goldfish.

It's funny. I see a few out there for Spamton G. Spamton who's so stingy he'd probably charge 100$/Kromer for the crappy candy/cute bracelet package. He's a slimy conman who doesn't care for anybody other than a couple of other characters in Deltarune - why would he pour his heart out to some random girl?

It's an especially sore spot for me because Spamton is actually one of the most accurate portrayals of how being homeless affects people, but his so called fans treat him like a pet. It's really fucking annoying.

 

[Chub Rub]

Bumblebee is a Transformer, not an insect. And 5 year old me would have lost my shit if I'd gotten this. So I'm going to pretend a lot of these are "Good job, Sport!" packages going to kids who will just be excited at candy and random crap.

 

[CrossedTubes]

I mean it's obviously maladaptive, but it seems to fill the void in a relatively harmless way. From a wider societal pov, probably better the womenchildren were doing this rather than getting their tits cut off or munching fake illnesses.

( because I'm sure some are doing that too)

 

[Caesare]

** I will not do Dream SMP characters/people.

I wondered what could be so horrible about this one topic. I looked it up but wish I hadn't. Not because it's nasty, but it was so unbelievably stupid. It's a made-up story about mine craft characters.

Bumblebee is a Transformer, not an insect. And 5 year old me would have lost my shit if I'd gotten this. So I'm going to pretend a lot of these are "Good job, Sport!" packages going to kids

That's an uplifting thought. I'm going to imagine that instead of the reality of autistic adult women with no friends ordering these "care packages" for a pick me up.

 

[NoReturn]

The playlist thing in all this makes me miss 8tracks.



Fanmixes are an underappreciated art:

 

[Coo Coo Bird]

I unironically like these and think they're well-crafted, but the Bizarre Things on Etsy thread is dead. Behold the glory of the Derby hats:


Dumb-ass is What Im Calling This Hilarious Mens Kentucky Derby Hat


Horse Fascinator, Derby Hat, Steeplechase, Racing, Jumping Theme Hat


Foam Party Hats Jockey Big Horse Derby Top Hat Kentucky Derby Hat Horse Hat

Spoiler: Off-Topic

I got this in an email:

I've gotten several emails asking if I want to opt out of Mother's/Father's day emails. What's with that?

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

I've gotten several emails asking if I want to opt out of Mother's/Father's day emails. What's with that?

Increasing infertility and the grief surrounding it optional plenty of milenials have cut ties with their parents and zoomers following suit.

 

[Big Miss Steak]

I have seriously, genuinely toyed with opening an Etsy shop to sell bullshit curses/hexes; it can't be that hard, and might even be crafty/fun. I would have no guilt over swindling spiteful and resentful people out of their money (what kind of person BUYS a spell to break up a relationship or cause their boss to fail?). However, I fear incurring the wrath of God by masquerading under the occult, even if I'd be taking advantage of these weirdos.

 

[Chub Rub]

Increasing infertility and the grief surrounding it optional plenty of milenials have cut ties with their parents and zoomers following suit.

Also just grief if one has recently lost a parent, instead of the "OMG I've gone NC with NMom/NDad!". I could not deal with Father's Day right after my dad died, and the option to turn those emails off was helpful

 

[Gruel Ghoul]

I've been debating which thread to put this tranny freakshow, but something about this artwork screams pedophile to me. The whole page is full of seizure-inducing pride art of zippertit troon baby furries and such. Have fun ruining your vision.

 

[Lady Bizness]

I've been debating which thread to put this tranny freakshow, but something about this artwork screams pedophile to me. The whole page is full of seizure-inducing pride art of zippertit troon baby furries and such. Have fun ruining your vision.

View attachment 5977811View attachment 5977819

Jesus fuck leave Mt. Rainier and the Space Needle out of your faggotry.

 

[dogpill]

I've been debating which thread to put this tranny freakshow, but something about this artwork screams pedophile to me. The whole page is full of seizure-inducing pride art of zippertit troon baby furries and such. Have fun ruining your vision.

View attachment 5977811View attachment 5977819

He even sells leftover fur scraps. What a treat.

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

He even sells leftover fur scraps. What a treat.

100% covers in cum. Christ, that’s a biohazard

 

[Ice Mountain]

Jesus fuck leave Mt. Rainier and the Space Needle out of your faggotry.

You fool, those are essential to the faggotry of it all. Showing that this godless image takes place in Seattle applies a 7x multiplier to the faggot factor.

Oh, and speaking of Seattle:

For $20, you too can contribute to the further downfall of the Pacific Northwest!

 

[Gruel Ghoul]

I'm never going back to Seattle again.

 

[Lady Bizness]

I'm never going back to Seattle again.

I'm going...with somebody who hasn't lived there in 15 years and can't wait to show me around. I'm pretty much convinced the whole place has turned into CHAZ but I hope I'm wrong. If y'all don't hear from me at the end of the month the gay queer furries got me.

 

[Coo Coo Bird]

Continuing the theme of "stuff I like but is admittedly goofy", a shop that sell clothes made from old quilts and bedsheets. Some of these are seem like something you could wear every day:

But lot of them seem look clownish:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1684184083/upcycled-vintage-bedsheet-fabric-puff

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1710232961/boat-neck-quilted-short-sleeve-pullover

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1710251927/high-waisted-quilt-quilted-patchwork

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1670666550/long-sleeve-ruffle-neck-puff-sleeve-zip

 

[glass_houses]

Continuing the theme of "stuff I like but is admittedly goofy", a shop that sell clothes made from old quilts and bedsheets. Some of these are seem like something you could wear every day:
View attachment 5990626View attachment 5990627
But lot of them seem look clownish:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1684184083/upcycled-vintage-bedsheet-fabric-puff
View attachment 5990628
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1710232961/boat-neck-quilted-short-sleeve-pullover
View attachment 5990629
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1710251927/high-waisted-quilt-quilted-patchwork
View attachment 5990630
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1670666550/long-sleeve-ruffle-neck-puff-sleeve-zip
View attachment 5990634

They look competently constructed. And I'll lay money that troons and "littles" would be all over those dresses. If nothing else, I'd suspect that the shop is hiding coomer shit under the nostalgia label.

 

[Fleetwood]

Continuing the theme of "stuff I like but is admittedly goofy", a shop that sell clothes made from old quilts and bedsheets. Some of these are seem like something you could wear every day:
View attachment 5990626View attachment 5990627
But lot of them seem look clownish:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1684184083/upcycled-vintage-bedsheet-fabric-puff
View attachment 5990628
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1710232961/boat-neck-quilted-short-sleeve-pullover
View attachment 5990629
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1710251927/high-waisted-quilt-quilted-patchwork
View attachment 5990630
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1670666550/long-sleeve-ruffle-neck-puff-sleeve-zip
View attachment 5990634

Children piss and shit and throw up in their beds. Teenagers crusty sheets. Adults in bed, use your imagination. Vile to wear that as clothes after being used by mystery people.

 

[400x400]

no words needed.