nsfw wrongly accused of sexual assault (cw: sexual trauma, internalized transphobia) (
self.FTMOver30)
submitted 3 years ago by
softspores to
r/FTMOver30
I'm obviously having a tough time with it, it's doing a lot of damage to my social life, and the guy can seriously endanger my income too if he feels like that's needed. He did a big call-out in a closed circle of mutual friends..
Thing is, the entire thing is super hard to navigate, and being trans makes it even more and lonelier work. Im finding it's really hard to find any resources on being in this position
, google just gives me articles saying false accusations don't exist and reducing it to a cis men attacking cis women thing, and it's been making my head spin. A bunch of my friends went the "always believe the victim" route upon reading the accusation, and I'm having complex feelings about that that mostly come down to "well this sucks".
It's been dragging up my own trauma relating to sexual assault and I'm having a tough time with being lumped in with the men that star in my flashbacks, if that makes any sense? Like all the emotional anguish, i now associate it with me and my own sexuality, and that hurts almost physically, somehow. I already struggled with weird feelings of shame and seeing my sexuality as inherently perverted, fake, wrong or encroaching on cis guys, and this doesn't help, jeez. I get nauseous and stressed when I think of being sexual with myself or others now, which isn't great.
I'm struggling to talk about it to people involved, like, there's no script for this situation, there's not even a good framework to understand it? For example, i think the power dynamics in this situation matter somehow? That guy is both physically and socially a heavyweight, I'm not someone who has power over him, and i don't know.. Idk how to have these conversations tho, and it doesn't help people suspect I'm lying.
- I have a good trauma therapist, since I've got cptsd and all. She's getting half my income since this happened about a month ago, but yeah, I'm getting good care.
- idk.. i wanna be all "did this happen to anyone else" but I hope not
-im tired so truly sorry if I wrote weird