This all came about thanks to booze, success, swinging and drugs, in that order. He couldn't handle the situation his life had created. He liked the booze. The success only enabled his drinking habits and allowed him to do it more. Which tanked his marriage. Now he has a reason to drink. Which led to swinging. Now he has a bigger reason to drink more. Which led to drugs, which tanked his success. Which made him drink and do drugs more......Yeah the chain ain't hard to follow. If he didn't blow up as big as he did, we probably wouldn't be here right now. His downward spiral was long, but his nosedive was very rapid.
If you notice during his drunk streams and his rants at the mean Kiwi Farmers in his kitchen, he repeatedly says how "I don't care"
He was mumbling it to himself during the Anime Sucks disaster stream "do I care, no I don't" like that almost became a mantra for him, a talismantic chant to ward off bad thoughts, because it was very apparent that he
did care, not about his kids (obviously) but about being laughed at.
Narcs
hate being ridiculed, or pitied,
they're the ones that ridicule and look down on people. Thats why he used to react with such vitriol even at people who gave him genuine concern and advice, and why (like Chris Chan) he slowly pushed everyone out of his life that didn't stroke the Balldo.
Everytime someone mocked him, or even worse, had
genuine concern for him it made him think bad thoughts, made him look at what he was doing, how he was fucking it all up.
He wasn't blind to that, he knew, he just
actively made sure not to think about it. Everything was fine. He was in control, those people knew nothing,
did he care, no he didn't.
Drink and eventually coke (likely so he could drink more and still "function") was the thing he used to block out the bad thoughts.
He stopped getting wasted to have fun, and started to do it because it let him hide and ignore his problems.
Like a true junky.
And like a true junky, the worse his situation got, the more he drank to compensate.
He heard the worries, saw the way his life was deteriorating, but
did he care, no he didn't.
Classic junky spiral.