Spunt's helpful guide to Britain for fat Americans - Learn about Anglos so you can hate them better

[RACISM]

Only ever watched finger mouse or at least that’s all I remember of it. I vaguely remember some nightmare-fuel scenes from it but then most kids programming from that time was surreal weirdness that did nothing to ground kids in any kind of sane reality.
iirc that dude got fired from the BBC due to smoking too much weed, which seems an impressive feat given the culture there at the time.

I was going to call bollocks on this but it's mostly true.

In 2012 Jones revealed the widespread use of marijuana on the show Play School after Johnny Ball, another presenter, alleged that Jones and Lionel Morton, were "stoned out of their minds" before filming in the 1970s. In an interview for The Sun Jones said that the BBC was "really liberal" at the time, explaining "Once you were in all laws were forgotten. I had a wonderful time... Marijuana was like cornflakes."[1] Having been fired by the BBC, after a fan sent him two cannabis spliffs at the corporation's address,[2] Jones subsequently had success as a musician (keyboards/vocals) fronting the British country rock band Meal Ticket.

 

[Spunt]

I was going to call bollocks on this but it's mostly true.

Raping kids? I sleep.
Smoking some weed? SERIOUS BUSINESS

Don't chavs like Hollie Dance like slapping grey rhinestones on everything and similar tacky shit?

The rhinestones in particular are more of an Essex thing. Essex is kind of like the New Jersey of Britain except with an even more unpleasant local accent. But tacky is certainly the overall style for British white trash, for sure. There's no better example than the Council Estate Christmas Light Extravaganza that plays out every year in the more tracksuit-oriented parts of the country. Nobody seems to know where this phenomenon came from, it seemed to just appear in the 2000s and spread everywhere. Everyone seems to want to out-do their neighbours in these displays and whole roads turn into garish, flashing nightmares from October onwards. I lived across the road from one of these people once and they had a fucking PROJECTOR that would display trash Hallmark Christmas scenes on the wall of their neighbour's house. I had to install black-out curtains in my bedroom because it was bright as day, not to mention flashing random colours, and it's hard to sleep in the middle of what feels like an intense mushroom trip.

 

[Morethanabitfoolish]

iirc that dude got fired from the BBC due to smoking too much weed, which seems an impressive feat given the culture there at the time.

Drugs being involved is both unsurprising and even more amusing.

 

[Overly Serious]

Whereas in fact it comprises many different ex-mining towns full of illiterate dole-bums. There are also ex-steel towns (Sheffield, Redcar, soon to be Scunthorpe as well), ex-ports (Ellesmere, Hull, Grimsby*), decaying seaside resorts obliterated by cheap flights letting the proles go somewhere actually warm on holiday (Morcambe, Scarborough, Skegness, Blackpool, Filey**) and places that seem to serve no clear purpose at all (Preston, Skipton, Ormskirk). They're all full of illiterate dole-bums, though.

My best anecdote about Hull, or at least the only one I can share without PL'ing, is "Dead Bod". What is Dead Bod asks anybody who wasn't from Hull at the time? Well at some point somebody drew a big upsidedown bird on the side of a dock warehouse and wrote "dead bod" under it. I saw "drew" even though they used paint, because to say they painted a bird conjures a mental image of talent and detail but in fact it was this:


There's nothing much to this anecdote other than to explain that to the people of Hull this was considered a landmark. People would talk about it and when the warehouse had to be torn down or renovated or something, I don't know, Dead Bod was carefully and lovingly removed and placed in Hull museum. So if you ever want to know what Hull is like, it is the sort of place where Dead Bod is a thing. I leave value judgements to you, Dear Reader.

I asked my dad about this. He said back in the day pedophilia was just kind of an open secret. Like the wealthy guy that ran the big ice cream shop on the beach would have his group of "bum-boys" and everyone knew about it but just kind of accepted it. Same with some of the professors at school. Parents would tell their kids not to accept anything from them or be alone with them. Saville was the last vestige of that.

There were definitely plenty of people who knew about Saville to greater or lesser degrees. There was a quiz show called Have I Got News For You which had Saville on as a guest once and Ian Hislop (editor of Private Eye magazine and long-time show regular) was visibly disgusted at having to sit next to him. I recall Hislop asking Saville what he did in his caravan and Saville replying: "Anyone I can" to Hislop's noise of disgust. And that was on prime national television. You're right though. Attitudes have changed. I remember a teacher at my school offered, I think, every single girl in our class a "lift home", even a couple that most definitely lived in the opposite direction to his route. All of them had the sense to decline and it was something of a joke. Another teacher at the school also leched on the girls in the class and girls would ask boys to sit next to him so he couldn't. (This was Sixth Form and the teacher sat around a big table with the class. Didn't work - he would rearrange us so that the seating was "more conducive to discussion". I only have a child's perspective of how things were at the time so can't be conclusive. But I wanted to support you in saying that it felt like there was something of a different / more aware feeling back then.

 

[Coelacanth]

Have you thought of doing a write up on children's entertainment?

Beano, Dandy, Enid Blyton, etc?

@Spunt would be here for weeks working on a single paragraph if he did that. Need I remind you all that one of the biggest franchises synonymous with Autism and retards in general is Thomas the Tank Engine - a series made by Brits and for British children? That alone deserves a topic all by itself for how much of an impact it left on the internet.

I am tempted to write about it, however. I watched a lot of the UK's kids' entertainment back in the day and I know the subject by heart. It hurts to see Yankees sneer at things like Fireman Sam or Thunderbirds just because Deviantart retards attached themselves to Bong entertainment like ticks.

But the less said about the unholy demons that were Mr. Blobby and Mr. Noseybonk, the better. At least they were fictional creeps I suppose, unlike Jimmy Savile.

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

Have I Got News For You which had Saville on as a guest once

Wasn't that the episode that had Lee Mack basically humping Saville with enthusiasm the whole way through? I only saw it when I was backwatching the last couple of years and I can't look at him the same.

 

[Overly Serious]

Wasn't that the episode that had Lee Mack basically humping Saville with enthusiasm the whole way through? I only saw it when I was backwatching the last couple of years and I can't look at him the same.

I don't recall who else was on that episode and I don't recall him being on more than once but it was a long time ago, who knows. I had to look up some clips. Oddly enough the very one I recall some else has too, hardly surprising. The clip unfortunately ends before Ian Hislops's disgusted reaction. Maybe it's just that he thinks it's tasteless humour rather than knew the truth. Though given he was editor of Private Eye(a satirical British maagazine that carries a lot of Establishment gossip) he'd be in a position to hear the rumours.

Anyway, I didn't mean to distract overmuch from @Spunt 's excellent thread.

 

[Atypical Dog]

Posting this since a lot of it seems to dovetail with Spunt's posts.

Off-topic but I've binged Country House Rescue thanks to this video. Thank you, YouTube related videos algorithm.

 

[Foghotten]

Posting this since a lot of it seems to dovetail with Spunt's posts.

Off-topic but I've binged Country House Rescue thanks to this video. Thank you, YouTube related videos algorithm.

>Post-war Labour policies fucked the UK long-term, causing stagnant growth and an exponentially growing welfare state supported exclusively by extreme taxation on the middle classes and lower
>Labour under Tony Blair nuked the country's financial future and turned it into a nightmarish police state that only policies thought-crimes, effectively turning the UK into a gayer version of a former Warsaw Pact country
>Tories are traitorous, parasitic stooges for neoliberal City of London old money, which have grown fat, litigious, and aren't even interested in British markets anymore
>The best outcome a Brit can look forward to is being able to afford a never renovated, lead-piped council home built in the 50's. The norm is otherwise being a NEET until your caretakers expire
<GUYS (masturbates furiously) OUR ONLY SOLUTION OUT OF THIS IS VOOOOOTING HHHNGHaaaaaahhhhh

I feel both fascination and immense sadness knowing that the most revolutionary thing Brits can think of to fix national collapse is partaking in a dead-end system. That's a level of mind-break only seen within the Chinese.

 

[The Grognard]

I feel both fascination and immense sadness knowing that the most revolutionary thing Brits can think of to fix national collapse is partaking in a dead-end system. That's a level of mind-break only seen within the Chinese.

You can forgive them for only saying that because saying what actually needs to happen would inevitably lead to a squadron of armed men coming in to take the future terrorist in for questioning.

 

[Otterly]

East Yorkshire is a law unto itself. I second @Cougar Pump - CJs is the best chippy in Filey. Filey is Ok, I spent many a cold summer caravan break around there as a kid, (go flamingo land!) but you can see why Bram Stoker used it as a setting for Dracula, it is more the cold windswept Yorkshire than ‘last of the summer wine’ Yorkshire.
You can see Hislops skin crawling in that clip. He looks revolted. Allegedly.
Private eye isnt what it was either, these days. It’s lost its edge.

 

[Atypical Dog]

I feel both fascination and immense sadness knowing that the most revolutionary thing Brits can think of to fix national collapse is partaking in a dead-end system. That's a level of mind-break only seen within the Chinese.

I think it might be a combination of not wanting to move somewhere else and still loving the place. Plenty of places to passport bro to if you really wanted to - like Australia.

I suspect that this YouTuber, whose name I have already forgotten, doesn't have much in the way of overseas job offers at the moment (last two of years of uni during the lockdown). Combine with being politically active and patriotic (loves the country enough to get pissed at it), and you can infer that they'd think of voting their way out as a cope when they themselves show that it's a clusterfuck logjam of laws from different time periods combining with political and economic headwinds to derail the country.

He said it himself at the very end - no matter who you vote, it will only delay the inevitable. While he tries to frame it as a first step in a resurgence, in his mind I think the UK is already doomed to gerontocratic rule.

 

[Morethanabitfoolish]

Private eye isnt what it was either, these days. It’s lost its edge.

Brexit and Trump broke them. Private Eye of old would have looked at the shit being done and the lack of coverage, rolled up its sleeves and had fun. Now they have made it very clear that they are on board with some insanely scummy shit as long as the target is acceptable to them.

 

[byuuWasTaken]

Posting this since a lot of it seems to dovetail with Spunt's posts.

Off-topic but I've binged Country House Rescue thanks to this video. Thank you, YouTube related videos algorithm.

I saw BritMonkey in my recommendations an hour or two ago, searched him on KF, and found out Spunt has talked about him before:

On the topic of Bugman channels, fuck BritMonkey. Not only does he want everyone to get in the pods and eat the bugs, he wants to rip up Britain's farmland and "re-wild" it, at a time when our food security is subject to its biggest threats since WWII. Fuck off.

 

[Morethanabitfoolish]

I saw BritMonkey in my recommendations an hour or two ago, searched him on KF, and found out Spunt has talked about him before:

There was some chat around it after Null posted it in the other thread, near as I can tell he is the sort of person that calls Conservatives Nazis which suggests that anything he gets right will be by accident and his solutions will be paving the farmlands and infinite migration while the country is run by black trans Muslims to smash the patriarchy.

 

[Atypical Dog]

I saw BritMonkey in my recommendations an hour or two ago, searched him on KF, and found out Spunt has talked about him before:

That explains why I got a skeevy feeling all video. I do think he hit it with the zoning (a point Spunt also hit) but the Tory hateboner, softness on immigrants, and support for solar and green energy made me frown through the video.

his solutions will be paving the farmlands and infinite migration while the country is run by black trans Muslims to smash the patriarchy.

Yeah, this is essentially what was eventually recommended at the end.

 

[adam_moche]

This thread is hilarious. I know you're busy Spunt if you get a chance, I think we'd all like an update about the UK election. What a shitshow so far.

 

[Slimy Time]

This thread is hilarious. I know you're busy Spunt if you get a chance, I think we'd all like an update about the UK election. What a shitshow so far.

Absolute meme so far. Have the most out of touch PM making endless gaffes that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of The Thick of It, Labour ran some finding who talked about drinking white tears. A bunch of key MPs in strategic positions exposed as putting bets on their party losing or them losing their seats.

 

[Spunt]

I might be able to do something afterwards, I'm a peripatetic phoneposting nigga until Sunday. I did put an update in Community Happenings about a week ago.

 

[Dr. Matthew C. Harris]

A bunch of key MPs in strategic positions exposed as putting bets on their party losing or them losing their seats

Ok, this is a new one. I know that the UK is gigafucked from this excellent and unbiased thread, and things seemed bad enough with Labour only getting the vote because people are absolutely sick and tired of the Tories. But bets? With trust in institutions at an all-time low, so low that the Tories ate a landslide defeat they'd never had experienced you're telling me there were some politicians placing BETS on their own seats?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it just seems to me that there's no way the UK won't burn. It's different from my 3rd world shithole where we're treated like niggercattle, and told to fall in line from birth. The bog bongs are used to fighting in empire building wars, existential wars, general strikes, miner's strikes, just fucking shit up in general. I may say whatever about the current state of the UK, but historically speaking the British aren't colonised, enslaved Portuguese niggercattle like Br*zilians are, and always will be. If WW2 was here we would've surrendered faster than the French did, and there would be no shortage of Quislings, they'd be lining up to kiss Hitler's ring.

Sad state of affairs for an once great nation, really. A nation that fucked shit up across the globe, yes, but a great nation nonetheless.