I think I regret getting top surgery...
To preface some things first, I'm currently 21y and I got my surgery at 18y. I am not transgender and never got the surgery with the intention of transitioning, I just hated my breasts. I had triple ds all throughout middle and highschool and I grew so tired of them that I just wanted them gone completely. I had been thinking of this surgery 5yr prior to it taking place, so I know I thought it through. I just feel like having enormous breasts tainted my judgement of breasts in general. The surgery healed great and my chest looks nice...I just feel a sense of regret at times. That I still want something, just something, like I still don't want large breasts but small b or a would be nice.
The reason I didn't want to do a breast reduction (though I considered it) was due to the fact that I experience abnormal hormonal changes regularly, and was afraid they would just grow back. I was also scared that due to my build my breats (wide set) would look weird or off being smaller than they were. And it was hard to find regernec photos as my body type is not all too common. I am just always thinking of the what if. What if I got them reduced an they never grew back and looked great. I keep feeling sadness over that feeling. As I also know that a mastectomy is irreversible (unless through further cosmetics oc). And when I look back at old photos I feel like an imposter, like someone else entirely. And while that thought made me very happy at first, now I just feel sadness and regret. Like I lost a part of me. I miss having some breast tissue at least.
Now everyday I look at the mirror and want something else. I wear padded bras every now and then just to see what it would look like and it just makes me feel worse, I feel like an even bigger imposter when I do that. I know there is no real solution for this problem. But has anyone else experienced this? Maybe you've learned something knew? Because it's just really eating at me and I keep breaking down everytime I realize the weight if what I have done. Any advice would be appreciated.