Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[monstrous bubo]

They got this from the Scandinavians.

Which is pretty funny considering the Scandinavians by rights should have gotten this from their ancestors

 

[Trianon]

They got this from the Scandinavians.

Up next, Joe seeks a local Midwestern lawyer to represent his inevitable custody case. The "nice" ones weird Joe out, but he likes the look of one particular degenerate who can't pull up. When he steps into the dusty strip mall office of one Nicholas Rekieta and explains his dilemma, Rekieta nods with understanding and, with one trembling handshake and one strong sniff of an unknown substance, promises they'll "stick it to those Scandinavian incel prudes."

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

Will Joe ever dare Detroit?
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Maybe the bigger Q is whether Lilly has a car in MI there. She does, right?

The Farms, like most of the US to be fair, has a perception of Detroit that is perpetually 15 years out of date. Large parts of the metro area, especially downtown and the surrounding neighborhoods, are rapidly gentrifying and full of hipsters, techfags and troons of all stripes. I was just at a show in Hamtramck, the city that every few weeks coastal retards sperg out about for having a large Muslim population, and the audience was like 50% genderfats. Joe could have shown up and no one would have batted an eye, hell he wouldn't have even been the most repulsive person there.

There's still plenty of hood in the Detroit area but it isn't an issue as long as you aren't a retard and don't involve yourself in local drama, if you can take care of yourself in NYC you'll be fine there. The truly dangerous neighborhoods are places that the Lavery's of the world would never have reason to visit.

Anyway we're talking about East Lansing, which is a totally normal college town 90 miles away that Lilly is already familiar with. Plenty of people make do there without cars.

 

[Bookwork]

but it isn't an issue as long as you aren't a retard

Welp, you may have zeroed right in on the problem there.

I wasn't insinuating Detroit was especially dangerous, btw. That's your contribution. I was referring to Detroit having more of a working class aura than intellekshual designer-label hounds find alluring. NYC was once a manufacturing hub, but Joe never used the Gowanus Canal as a backdrop for his leering selfies. He didn't even consider the lower rents on Staten Island.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

stripes. I was just at a show in Hamtramck, the city that every few weeks coastal retards sperg out about for having a large Muslim population, and the audience was like 50% genderfats. J

lol, plenty of towns in MI have large Muslim populations but Hamtramck was hilarious because all the genderblobs there were shocked when the Muslim politicians banned the gay pride flag from being flown at local govt buildings. All the LGBTQWTF people helped get these POC Muslims elected and were !shocked! to discover Muslims actually hate fags and troons and think they are an abomination, even if they were dumb enough to vote them into office.

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

lol, plenty of towns in MI have large Muslim populations but Hamtramck was hilarious because all the genderblobs there were shocked when the Muslim politicians banned the gay pride flag from being flown at local govt buildings. All the LGBTQWTF people helped get these POC Muslims elected and were !shocked! to discover Muslims actually hate fags and troons and think they are an abomination, even if they were dumb enough to vote them into office.

Yes, I’m aware everyone on the internet saw that story and immediately formed an opinion about this town 99% of them had never heard of prior, let alone visited. In reality no one local was surprised (that came from the national media, who found and like one genderblob who expressed any shock). Besides the genderblobs aren’t the ones voting for the Muslims, the city council was the result of strong get out the vote efforts by local mosques.

Welp, you may have zeroed right in on the problem there.

I wasn't insinuating Detroit was especially dangerous, btw. That's your contribution. I was referring to Detroit having more of a working class aura than intellekshual designer-label hounds find alluring. NYC was once a manufacturing hub, but Joe never used the Gowanus Canal as a backdrop for his leering selfies. He didn't even consider the lower rents on Staten Island.

Sure.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Joe never used the Gowanus Canal as a backdrop for his leering selfies.

True, but he did huddle in the bow of a canoe on the Gowanus canal, scrolling Tinder while Mallory took a picture of his hunched back!

 

[Bookwork]

True, but he did huddle in the bow of a canoe on the Gowanus canal, scrolling Tinder while Mallory took a picture of his hunched back!

OMG, I had totally forgotten the canal cruise - and me, a Gowanus frentardus. Makes my day!

 

[Prescription Bugs]

The fish ladder looks dope.



I have faith in you, and in Joe’s ability to be a blot on the landscape anywhere.

There’s another reason to live in East Lansing:



It ain’t their last trailer park, but if you’re fixin’ for a single origin ristretto from an old-timey barista with a pronoun badge, it’ll do. What else does Joe need? I’m genuinely curious why you think he’ll hate it there. Won’t he be more exotic there, more strangers to perform to?

In other news, Tard Baby has been let loose at a truck stop

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link | archive

Most obnoxious comment

View attachment 6043302

Oh they are gonna get slapped so hard in the Midwest. . Even college folk are way more normal there. They will be shocked by the tolerance and being ignored and they will be jealous of the equanimity and competence and they will be in awe of the people in the lower classes ability to accept themselves and unapologetically express themselves.

This is the best thing that’s happened to their story in a long time. I can’t wait till Joe starts cosplaying a his stereotypical impression of a Midwestern housewife . Hope he gets a close line and starts baking pie and growing tomatoes!

 

[Trianon]

Book reviews for Closures
Los Angeles Review of Books
link | archive

Let's share the insane opening, where we learn that family values are under attack by queers (but that's a good thing!).


The review is positive, but ends by trying to nicely say that Joe's writing is garbled and then linking to the THROUPLE article as proof that he should have written a better book.

"... her playful and sometimes labyrinthine prose style, it’s worth noting, risks an argumentative slipperiness that at times abjures explication of critical problems. Perhaps it is unfair to ask the book to do something other than what it professes to do, but it would seem that Lavery does have more to say about transition and the family form historically."

Full Stop
link | archive

...Lavery, best known for her 2022 speculative memoir Please, Miss: a Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Penis...

I also found myself repeatedly marking words and grabbing my phone to look up their definitions. My first vocab word was “pleonastic”—which means “using more words than are necessary to express meaning; redundancy,” as when Lavery states, “I don’t use the phrase ‘compulsory heterosexuality’ because I consider it pleonastic.” The book’s greatest shortcoming lies in its overuse of academic and/or obscure language.

Tweets
Pride flags



Colonialist racism or heckin' based indigenous resistance?





Joe eulogizes a lost friend by saying they went to the same "trans-centered play party" (orgy)


Someone calls Joe out for being a trans grifter.

link | archive

I remember you from Oxford when it was alarmingly clear how any fad could be weaponised in the remarkable promotion of the self

Kind of a great read.







Insta
Joe thinks about alternatives to Trump going to jail.

 

[cherrysour]

Joe thinks about alternatives to Trump going to jail.

I'm not galaxy-brained like Joe, but his "complete-asset-seizure-and-redistribution for major crimes" theory sounds a lot like "buy one crime, get all other crimes free"-slash-"do whatever you want if you're judgment-proof."

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Let's share the insane opening, where we learn that family values are under attack by queers (but that's a good thing!).

This is such a dumb reading of that Office scene.

Does Joe even understand these characters?

Nobody else but Oscar really works as a character that would go to the art show, and an insider can't critique Pam's art, and outsider critique works better if they're a known outsider and one with ties to the Office "family", which leaves Gil.

Joe thinks about alternatives to Trump going to jail.

Mandated daily psychoanalysis huh, "prison abolitionist" Joe bringing back all the hits: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_abuse_of_psychiatry_in_the_Soviet_Union

 

[Potatis Salad]

When someone goes to Joe's public Instagram and reposts one of his pics of a picture of a fully-clothed Mallory it's "revenge porn," but when Joe reposts a deepfake of a naked Timothee Chalamet on all fours it's ____________. Kweer liberation? Praxis? Fashion?

Spoiler: mildly nsfw

 

[Dromedary]

Book reviews for Closures
Los Angeles Review of Books

Ha, what a piece of shit that review is . (But thank you for linking it.) Heterosexuality is a problem, people. Why don't TV dads on sitcoms suck more cock? The patriarchy, it's so problematic. The review is filled with clunkers and idiocy, but one that stood out was the reviewer (indirectly by link) describing Alice the maid from The Brady Bunch as "butch". Was she? She was a working class woman, quite motherly to those spoiled kids, Sam the butcher was her boyfriend. What was butch about her? I hate people like Joe and this reviewer who try to queeer everything, so stupidly. Faildicks.
The punchline has to be, Joes's book is "almost 100 pages long". Are you kidding me? That's a fat (like Joe) pamphlet. Talk about troon privilege, scrawl anything and a university press will publish it as a book. Joe's titanic, bloated smelly dead whale carcass laziness displays itself once again.

 

[monstrous bubo]

describing Alice the maid from The Brady Bunch as "butch". Was she? She was a working class woman, quite motherly to those spoiled kids, Sam the butcher was her boyfriend.

Clearly the queer writers were inscribing a challenge to heteronormativity in the show. Consider:

• Sam is a non-binary name
• Sam was a butcher and Alice loved xir
• Alice did not wear obvious makeup, but did wear a uniform without frills, flounces, kitten heels or other clear signifiers of the performance of womaninity. Obviously a transman in denial.

You’ll have to step it up if you want to be an AssPro at Berkeley.

Enough of Joe, it’s time to check on Tard Baby. What is this? Oh how precious, she’s still playing at mommies and daddies. Sweetly, the WSJ is playing along with her. She has been asked as one of ”13 creative dads” to list non-cliched Fathers Day presents.


link | archive

As this is paywalled, Tard Baby’s contribution is extracted below.

Daniel Lavery, writer

One of the great things about newborns is they don’t need very much in the way of stuff: Diapers, wipes, clean bottles, affectionate attention, repeat. So the first months you can focus a little more on stuff for yourself.

You need a good pair of noise-reducing headphones. Not completely noise-canceling, obviously, but there’s a substantial difference between a curious squeak and a full-blown cry for food. Mack’s makes the best earplugs. If that’s too effective or low-tech for you, Loop makes a good, middle-of-the-road, noise-filtering pair of plugs.

Everyone should read Frans G. Bengtsson’s The Long Ships. It’s about the adventures of Red Orm, a 10th-century Viking. His adventures come in a lot of stand-alone bursts, so if you get distracted for a few days before picking it back up again, you don’t have to worry about what happened last time.

You gotta wear your baby! I like the Ergobaby Embrace. It feels miraculous, because you can walk around and pick things up, but with a very warm loaf of bread that’s fallen trustingly asleep on you.

This isn’t really a present, but if you have a baby, you should be taking Metamucil every day. You almost certainly aren’t getting enough fiber. Gotta set a good example for the baby! Who, in fairness, gets no fiber whatsoever, but someday he will, and you don’t want to have to rely on “Do as I say, not as I do” when you eventually have the fiber talk with him.

 

[Bookwork]

a university press will publish it as a book

But not the university that's given him tenure. I guess that's pretty common, really. Doesn't mean much if anything. No one university could contain Joe's bigly thoughts anyway. No, really.

So the first months you can focus a little more on stuff for yourself.

So for Father's Day, Daddy Danny recommends self-gifting ear plugs, a book about a 10th century viking, and a daily laxative?

As demonstrated often in her "advice" columns, Mal cannot step outside of herself to relate to mere normies in any way, is dimly aware of that, and thinks that must make her glancing notions precious to all. WTF, WSJ?

 

[Zemblan Physics]

Can’t quote but this killed me:

Everyone should read Frans G. Bengtsson’s The Long Ships. It’s about the adventures of Red Orm, a 10th-century Viking. His adventures come in a lot of stand-alone bursts, so if you get distracted for a few days before picking it back up again, you don’t have to worry about what happened last time.

If someone asked me to name an author only retired Scandinavian woodshop teachers like it would be Frans G. Bengtsson. That’s some pretentious dedicated pooner LARPing.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

describing Alice the maid from The Brady Bunch as "butch". Was she? She was a working class woman, quite motherly to those spoiled kids, Sam the butcher was her boyfriend. What was butch about her?

She was homely.

It's not "nice" to say but it's that simple. The "butch" aesthetic is a woman making herself look abrupt, rectangular, and homely.

 

[Autistic Nonetheless]

Kind of a great read.

This is like watching a junior debate club arguing about the definitions of definitions.
Still these two idiots pretending to be reasonable while being too angry at one another to do anything more then try a few bitchy putdowns is amusing.
That they both write in the same mock academic style is fun.

Also yes im gonna continue to call you darling because im totally not mad bro.
You know there is something to be said for the ability to call your interlocutor a fucking faggot.

 

[Potatis Salad]

The gang plays sports.

That last one...ENHANCE:

Is she balding in the back? God she looks horrendous.

Anyway, the above tennis pics were posted by both Tard Baby and Joe. But their captions were quite different!

Mallory:

"Tennis time!...very fun...very fun...having a great time." I thought we were just joking by calling Mallory "Tard Baby," but is she literally a retarded baby?

Meanwhile, repulsively hypersexual Joe had this to say about the pics:


EDIT: Lily's ex-wife now going by she/they and working as a psychotherapist in Chicago.

Spoiler: text

We are so excited to soon be welcoming more new talented providers to Meridian once again! First up is Yelena Kalinsky, MA, (she/they), who will be joining us next month.
Yelena, who earned a master’s degree in clinical counseling and psychotherapy from Chicago’s Institute for Clinical Social Work, employs a psychodynamic approach to help patients of all ages better understand how previous experiences and internal struggles may be influencing how they navigate their current life circumstances. Before that, she worked as an art historian and translator!
We’re really looking forward to having you join us, Yelena! We know you’ll make a terrific addition to our expansive team of dedicated mental health practitioners here at Meridian.