Autischic
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2024
Oh, please. Jonny would sell his poo wife for 100 viewers if he could.
If.
He.
Could.
If.
He.
Could.
Orbiter 🇬🇧 Johnathan Isaac Harrison (and his family) / Cog City / "Jobless Johnny" / Cognitive Thought - Unemployable British cuckold, doxed himself on UberEats, alleged paedophile who now admits to having sex with a 17-year-old when he was 21, seethes on X all day about Ethan Ralph, married to a Punjabi Porkchop. Now the Bri'ish Jerry Springer show.
- Thread starter AltisticRight
- Start date
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2016
Would anyone want to take her?
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2020
as a muslim i have to decline pork
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2023
I'd be surprised if even her own people would take her. The sacred nature of cows probably means you aren't supposed to stick your dick in them.
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2016
I operate a crane and I would have to decline in fear of my own safety.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2020
Last edited by a moderator:
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2022
JFC his memes are such low effort garbage that rarely ever stay true to the lore or subject matter at hand. A frog? It has to be some inside joke that only his fans know about or something. I haven't followed his shit for a month or so after both of his brothers called him a pedo. Then again the fucker is beyond boring right now. Seriously, wtf does a frog have to do with anything?
"IT SHOULD BE ME!"
I'm done following the cog shit until he gets caught diddling his niece or murdering his wife during an indian cuck poo gangbang or some shit. Cog has become 'walking dead season 47' tier level of alog content.
Autischic
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2024
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
We're live! Today Cog will be discussing Nick Rekieta's drug use and the haters calling him irrelevant! Fill up that chat!
Vickers spotted in chat before the show starts! Surely he will bring his good luck to the stream to help us smash our goals.
The countdown ends and that face we all love appears in its magical cog. Cog says hello to chat, introduces his topics, and starts complaining about a fan pestering him to finish his Robo Cog helmet. This was apparently a stream goal he has yet to fulfill. A fan sends in today's first dono along with a link of the How Dare You girl, comparing her to Aaron Steel Toe. $5/100!
No coffee rubbed steak today. Wifey is a little under the weather. Personally, I'm skeptical. There's never any eating when Bunghole Tiger isn't present.
Malechick finally got his tattoo and Cog pulls it up on screen to show everyone.
Cog shows off his own tattoo. It's so cute that they both got them in the same place.
Someone in the Cogcord has drawn their cuckold caricature of Aaron on their own hand in solidarity
Ding! Another dono! Welcome to the jungle bish! $10/100
So many people are mad and seething at Cog. We're going to go over all of this today. I'm excited for another 3 hour adventure into Cog's twitter fights. "It's really weird. The sektur has devolved."
First, he brings up one of his tweets about his epic question for Aaron. He tells his fans that Aaron is scared of being asked this question, and repeats his theory that it's being swept up due to personal hatred for Cog and his straight shooting ways. He brings up a Twitter Geek post to demonstrate this sweep.
Twitter Geek is a hypocrite because he is telling Aaron not to pay attention to Cog. Twitter Geek pays attention to Cog and is married to a crazy ex stalker fan of his. Checkmate. Geek is covering for Aaron because both are swingers. Degenerate!
"Nothing wrong with swinging, buddy! That's Aaron!"
Cog is not a pedophile because his brothers are not invited to Christmas. He is not poor and his channel is doing just fine because he pulls in a lot of viewers. The haters are just jealous and seething. He's dabbing on Geek and telling him that he doesn't make a lot of money on youtube. Cog keeps mentioning how everyone thinks he's irrelevant. If he's so irrelevant, then why are you alogging him? Checkmate.
Now he is debunking a guy named Denny who criticized his frog meme. Cog believes that if you don't make any content yourself, then you have no right to judge. "GO DO IT YOURSELF! YOU GO PUT HIS FACE ON THE FROG!" Cog put a lot of love into his meme, and his fans love it. Aaron will forever be a frog because of this video. I personally think this Denny guy is just coping.
Cog seems very defensive today about his supposed irrelevance. He is shouting now about how he has 80 people watching. Can you call someone with that many views irrelevant? I think not. Another successful debunking.
"I just do a show and people are angry about it." I agree, Cog. No one goes after Jim and he just does a show too. People just hate Cog for no reason. Life can be pretty unfair sometimes.
Cog goes over some more of his twitter arguments from this morning. He is jumping around and yelling about how everyone else is seething. He insists that he doesn't do his show to become famous, and then boasts about his number of views. Everyone who alogs Cog is just lazy and untalented themselves. No one understands how difficult it is to make a Robo Cog helmet. He is still pissed at former fan, Erik Duchamp for inquiring about the Robo Helmet. Erik should know that Cog is too busy "calling out the scum of the internet" to deliver on his stream goals. Erik is hereby banned from all future Cog-related activities. Pour one out for Erik!
"You know why these little cunts are seething? Because they can't get 100 a day!" The alogs wish they had the relevancy of the Cogster. He tells us how he worked his way out of homelessness all while building his show. The haters could do they same thing instead of seething at him. This is the most inspiring rags to riches story I've ever heard.
Haters are making fake accounts just to seethe at Cog. "What's the seethe? What did I do to you?" Cog is considering making his twitter arguments a regular part of his show. The acogs hate it when he hits his goals and makes money. They can't stand it.
To prove how relevant he is, Cog once again brings up his own tweet. He has so many views that he can just delete a bunch of shit and still have a lot of views. Another Cog W! Back to the top of the sektur!
A viewer chimes in that the alogs don't understand that Cog isn't part of the sektur. He agrees. He just laughs at the degeneracy and does his little show. Why are people so mad?
Even Geekthulu shows up in his responses! Cog believes that everyone is ganging up on him because he's going after Aaron. The Aaron defense squad is comprised of a bunch of people who were already alogging him. This makes a lot of sense now that I've made myself retarded watching too much Cog.
The haters are just coping when they call him poor. He makes so much money that his wife was able to quit her job to live on the Bean Fund. Can any of you say the same? I bet you aren't even married! I'm really loving this format of re-arguing his old twitter arguments at his computer monitor. He is talking again about how much money he's made from streaming. He is doing the math to prove he makes more than minimum wage. He is so wealthy and generous that he has helped people in his online and irl communities with money. Mrs. Cog weighs in
Cog is the only honest sektur-adjacent man willing to call out degeneracy. Everyone seethes at him because he's too honest. 'If you want to make them seethe even more, be sure to donate!' Links in chat! He resumes debunking his twitter argument for a moment and then for some reason goes off on another rant about his brothers. His explains that his brother Paul wouldn't be getting any pussy without his help.
Regaining his train of thought, Cog goes back to reading his twitter argument. He shouts at his wife to come over and look at what Geekthulu said. One day I hope I have a wife to yell at about shit she probably doesn't care about. He tells us that he makes more money than Geekthulu. He is making fun of Geekthulu's voice. As Geekthulu, I am fucking seething.
Links in the chat again! "Remember, every time you donate, you literally make random speds on the internet seethe". Time for a smoke break! $12/100!
I'm gonna be honest, this stream is brutal. I don't like seeing my boy so upset. I like when he's happy and eating his little beans. I don't think anyone was begging for this sort of cogtent. We already know how effortlessly he dismantles any of his haters' arguments. We already know the intellectual beatdowns he delivers onto his enemies. WE JUST WANT THE FUCKING COFFEE!!!
Back from the break and Cog gets right into explaining the difference between Twitter Geek and Geekthulu to his fans. Pay attention, this is important lore.
A donation comes in! A clip of a cute laughing duck is triggered, and Cog resumes his debunking of the "Cog is poor" theory. "Having success upsets people." $23/100!
Cog goes on a side rant about Adobe Premier. His frustration temporarily subsides as he talks about something that tickles his cogtism. Malechick suggests that he take the vtuberpill. "I've thought about it, with my old avatar."
God I wish
Bunghole Tiger with a $5 dono and link! It's a clip of Ralph saying something about building a church. Bunghole is gonna have to shell out a lot more than that if he wants to lift Cog's spirits with some mukbang action. Another $5 comes in! It's a funny video of a weird looking lady. $33/100! Links in chat again.
Once more free from the chat's distractions, Cog pulls his twitter feed back up. He shows a tweet that one of his fans had tagged him in, which had a response from Geekthulu. Geekthulu is OBSESSED!!!!!!
Chat is trying to subtly drop hints about where they want the stream to go
Sorry Chuck, no coffee today. Cog brings up another tweet from a hater named Shania Chan (note: the account he's responding to is not actually Shania Chan).
"It's just insanity! Absolute insanity right now!"
Another hater defeated. Cog moves on to accusing Jesse Podawful of making a fake "Denisaurus" account to post in Rekieta's chat with. All the sheep out there probably believe it's real, but Detective Cog has seen quite a few fake accounts in his day (mostly ones made to seethe about him), and sees through the charade.
Another seething hater down. The next recipient of a verbal ass whooping is Anton. He once again debunks the fake Cog's World account in Aaron's chat. With receipts. Can you provide receipts, Anton? You're just another Cuck Frog! He calls out the hater behind the fake account for fantasizing about child rape.
Being a man with integrity, unafraid of calling out degenerates, Cog reminds his chat that Andy Warski looked at child porn with Ethan Ralph. Andy is flourishing while Cog is floundering. Where is the fairness in this?
Jaymar asks an interesting question. Why IS Cog the only one willing to call out Riley, Mint Salad and Dick Masterson?
2 hour mark! He must be getting hungry! Links in chat! Smoke break #2! $33/100!
And we're back! Cog begins complaining about people telling him to not engage with trolls and fake accounts. He is already angrily tweeting at someone, too distracted to notice the $5 superchat coming in!
Kimberly is listening on laundry day. Thank you for keeping us updated, Kimberly. The Feeder Fund increases by $10. If you are listening on laundry day, your superchats are worth double! $43/100!
Cog smashes the hype lizard! LFG!!!!!!
Chat is getting so hyped up. They love the hype lizard. He smashes it 2 more times in a row to get everyone hyped up for the upcoming Ralph segment! If we aren't getting any mukbangs, at least we'll always have Ralph.
Never mind, an alog has appeared in chat to troll Cog into talking about Aaron Steel Toe again.
He starts repeating his big question for Aaron. "We could do this all day, but I'll just show you." He pulls up his Aaron Exposed video again for all the new people in chat (there are no new people in chat, everyone has already seen this at least 30 times now). We're back in the same loop we were stuck in for 5 hours yesterday. He pauses the video to remind his followers that donating really helps the show, and that he loves seeing those 200s and 300s. "It also helps to produce content like this", he unpauses what is very clearly now his favorite video of all time.
Cog can't fucking believe how much of a coward and hypocrite Froggy Aaron is. He watches the clip with this look on his face
Ding! Donation from "Maya" with a link to a funny Masterson/Rekieta meme. $48/100!
He tells "Maya" that some haters had been accusing her of abandoning him in favor of supporting Stardust. He has a chuckle at the thought.
Cogheads are the most loyal fans you could ask for. Except that piece of shit Erik Duchamp. And also some guy named Mackiavelli.
Cog takes another minute to address the seething haters, and insists that he's not the type of person to flag someone. He pulls up a video about that Asian tech bro who doxed and flagged a bunch of people. He explains to the man in the video how and why he is a bad guy. Then HOLY SHIT
"MINNEH M&MS! THEY'RE SO LITTLE AND TINEH"
Om nom nom nom
Let's hope that he's just been hangry, and the post-mukbang stream will be smooth sailing. We still got some Ralph to look forward to!
Cog finishes watching the video and concludes "this guy is a huge piece of shit. Speaking of huge pieces of shit..."
Ralph time baby! Donos are low today, and Cog knows where his bread is buttered. No one else is honest enough to talk about the horrible things Ralph has done over and over until no one wants to hear them speak ever again. Let's smash level 1!
The dressing down begins with a roast of Dick Masterson's mirror. "Is it spit or jizz or something?" Haha! Get em Cogster! He reveals that Ralph is only staying with Dick Masterson because he can't afford a hotel. He has also notices that Ralph is hiding his double chin behind his phone. Nothing gets past this guy! He pulls up a screencap of Ralph on Masterson's show, flabby jowls on full display. We did it everyone. We found out that Ralph is still fat. Personally I think the Ralphamale is looking a lot better these days, but Cog says he's a child abusing degenerate, so I shouldn't say too many nice things about him.
Cog pulls up the full Masterson episode and right as he presses play, "A BIG TWENTY FROM THE LOVELY MAYA!" This donation comes with a link to a video from friend of the show Doomer! UwU Doomer! Doomer is talking about some guy who catfishes people as a fat woman. Someone else sends in a dono with a link, but first we must watch 6 more minutes of some dorky sounding vtuber. $73/100!
Malechick feels my pain
"Wha...? I don't get it..." Cog has no idea what the fuck is going on in this video. Everyone is confused. We're just watching Cog watch a vtuber watch a video of another guy talking. Thanks Maya!
He's getting fed up having to sit through his loyal fan's stream. Chat is roasting Doomer's stream layout and begging for it to end. "How much more of this do I have to watch?"
I like this pic because he kind of looks like a little half moon.
After another minute of vtuber nonsense, Cog mercifully switches back to Ralph's appearance on Masterson's show, then remembers he has to play another fan submitted video. It's the trailer for a movie called "For the Love of Nancy". Neither Cog nor chat reacts to this video in any way. It's as if it never happened. Bunghole Tiger superchats $4.99 with a link! Apparently Bunghole Tiger has been hard at work trying to find the shirt Ralph was wearing in the mirror selfie. Considering what I'm doing right now, I'm in no position to judge what other people do with their time, but I am judging nonetheless.
Satisfied with his furry henchman's detective work, Cog delights the audience with another mukbang! Key lime pie, courtesy of VHS Archive! This is Cog's first time trying it. We're going to the Big Cam for this one
BIG SNIFF
Here comes the airplane!
After putting on a sexy show for his fans, Cog goes back to calling Ralph fat. Links in chat again! If we smash level 1, we're gonna watch more Doomer! I can't think of a more exciting goal. He finally presses play on the Ralph/Masterson clip and takes another bite of his key lime pie
Only a few moments pass before the donations come rolling in! 5 smokes from an anonymous benefactor. $19.99 from our favorite feeder, Bunghole Tiger! We've smashed level 1! The people want Doomer! Cog pulls up youtube to search for the video.
Another superchat! This one is calling Ralph fat. "There are people seething right now!" It's time for another smoke break! Cog plays a 1 minute Doomer video about George Floyd as he leaves to blow his dro. $135/200!
We're not even back for 1 minute and already the people are showing their love for Cog and his love for eating shit on screen. Bunghole Tiger and Kimberly both contribute generously to the Feeding Fund. $147/200
Now we're watching a Doomer video. Doomer is talking to some other autistics about some autistic shit. The audio is extremely quiet. Chat asks him to fix it. He cranks the volume and warns his audience to not donate for the next 20 minutes because the ding will be extremely loud. He removes one earbud. "If you donate now, you'll deafen my right ear!" DING! Haha! These guys are such jokers. He asked them not to do something and they did it anyway. We love kidding around in Cog's World. Thanks for the $2 Bunghole Tiger. DING! TheMood gifts a membership. Everyone is apparently very happy to be watching whatever this is. I have no idea what I'm listening to. Someone in this video is saying the n word a lot. DING! Bunghole Tiger sends another dono. We're on fire now! $159/200!
Turns out the n word guy is "Mackavelli", a former Coghead. Finding out the context somehow makes this even less interesting. Based and redpilled anime man posts in chat claiming Mackavelli as his own personal lolcow.
I skim through the previews and see that this segment goes on for another hour. If Cog doesn't eat anything else in the next 5 minutes I'm going to fucking lose it.
Bunghole Tiger superchats another $4.99 with a clip from the movie Tommy Boy. $162/200. My patience with this segment is wearing thin. Whoa, wait a minute, what's this?
Cog shoves a handful of mini M&Ms into his mouth. I am smiling and happy again. My exposure to Cog is turning me into a feeder. The only joy I can get out of life now is seeing this strange British man stuff his face. Maybe I was the real Bunghole Tiger all along. He pauses the video to make a point about race or something. I can't pay attention to what he's saying because he's talking with his mouth full of candy.
Everyone loves this video. Someone in chat wants to make popcorn for this momentous event. Cog agrees that it's time for a toke break. He shows off the roach he's about to smoke
The thought of being a weed smoker in England fills me with profound sadness. No one uses glass over there. I imagine a scenario in which Cog and I are friends and I help him take his first bong rip. I am happy again. Back after the break!
Back from the break and Cog informs us that this whole thing is a huge surprise to him. He had no idea that his former fan was extremely racist. The video is resumed and the autistic guy is saying more racist stuff and debating a muslim lady. This sounds like every discord vc I've ever been in. Cog eats another handful of M&Ms. The pavlovian bell is rung. Chef Red Panda starts to salivate and donates $5, along with a link to a clip from Scary Movie 2. Cog forgets that his browser volume is boosted, and the clip plays deafeningly loud. He keeps pausing to read chat, but I can't hear him because I had to lower my own speaker volume to 2%. $169/200
I'm going to be honest, this is some of the most boring shit I've ever heard, and I don't imagine it would come off much differently to anyone else who doesn't personally know this guy. Cog is happy though, and chat is happy. I am happy for them.
The video ends and he brings up the Ralph/Masterson clip again. Now we can finally dive into the Ralph stuff. We're only $31 away from smashing level 2! Links in the chat! Cog is rolling another joint for the upcoming break as the clip plays. He is avin a laff at Vito dunking on Ralph. Classic.
Smoke break! Light it up!
Now we're back and Cog resumes the video. He skips to the Sonichu medallion segment. He is already debunking the medallion. "It looks fake." These inquisitive eyes see all.
He watches the rest of the clip without delivering much cogmentary, then pulls up a Ralph tweet about the Magi-chan curse nearly causing a car accident. Cog doesn't have a lot to say about it. This concludes the Ralph segment. What a deep dive. On to Rekieta!
A clip from last night's Rekieta stream is playing, but Cog's attention span is declining. He wants to play some music. Chat is linking some songs. Bunghole Tiger wants to watch a cum mukbang.
This stream has just been discord friends hanging out for the last 2 hours. The Rekieta clip continues playing. Cog isn't even paying attention. He's looking at his other monitor, going through his old bitchute account. Great time to take a trip down memory lane.
He tries to play an old Ralph clip, but it won't load. He resumes the Rekieta clip, eats more M&Ms and sips his soda pop, looking bored. The rest of the clip plays without Cog saying much aside from some responses to chatters. And that brings us to the end of the show! What a ride. o7s in chat!
Money added to the feeding fund: $169
Coffee consumed: 0
Misc mukbangs: 1 key lime pie, 300 mini m&ms, 2 sodas
Ralph references: acceptable number
Smoke breaks: 5
The countdown ends and that face we all love appears in its magical cog. Cog says hello to chat, introduces his topics, and starts complaining about a fan pestering him to finish his Robo Cog helmet. This was apparently a stream goal he has yet to fulfill. A fan sends in today's first dono along with a link of the How Dare You girl, comparing her to Aaron Steel Toe. $5/100!
No coffee rubbed steak today. Wifey is a little under the weather. Personally, I'm skeptical. There's never any eating when Bunghole Tiger isn't present.
Malechick finally got his tattoo and Cog pulls it up on screen to show everyone.
Cog shows off his own tattoo. It's so cute that they both got them in the same place.
Someone in the Cogcord has drawn their cuckold caricature of Aaron on their own hand in solidarity
Ding! Another dono! Welcome to the jungle bish! $10/100
So many people are mad and seething at Cog. We're going to go over all of this today. I'm excited for another 3 hour adventure into Cog's twitter fights. "It's really weird. The sektur has devolved."
First, he brings up one of his tweets about his epic question for Aaron. He tells his fans that Aaron is scared of being asked this question, and repeats his theory that it's being swept up due to personal hatred for Cog and his straight shooting ways. He brings up a Twitter Geek post to demonstrate this sweep.
Twitter Geek is a hypocrite because he is telling Aaron not to pay attention to Cog. Twitter Geek pays attention to Cog and is married to a crazy ex stalker fan of his. Checkmate. Geek is covering for Aaron because both are swingers. Degenerate!
"Nothing wrong with swinging, buddy! That's Aaron!"
Cog is not a pedophile because his brothers are not invited to Christmas. He is not poor and his channel is doing just fine because he pulls in a lot of viewers. The haters are just jealous and seething. He's dabbing on Geek and telling him that he doesn't make a lot of money on youtube. Cog keeps mentioning how everyone thinks he's irrelevant. If he's so irrelevant, then why are you alogging him? Checkmate.
Now he is debunking a guy named Denny who criticized his frog meme. Cog believes that if you don't make any content yourself, then you have no right to judge. "GO DO IT YOURSELF! YOU GO PUT HIS FACE ON THE FROG!" Cog put a lot of love into his meme, and his fans love it. Aaron will forever be a frog because of this video. I personally think this Denny guy is just coping.
Cog seems very defensive today about his supposed irrelevance. He is shouting now about how he has 80 people watching. Can you call someone with that many views irrelevant? I think not. Another successful debunking.
"I just do a show and people are angry about it." I agree, Cog. No one goes after Jim and he just does a show too. People just hate Cog for no reason. Life can be pretty unfair sometimes.
Cog goes over some more of his twitter arguments from this morning. He is jumping around and yelling about how everyone else is seething. He insists that he doesn't do his show to become famous, and then boasts about his number of views. Everyone who alogs Cog is just lazy and untalented themselves. No one understands how difficult it is to make a Robo Cog helmet. He is still pissed at former fan, Erik Duchamp for inquiring about the Robo Helmet. Erik should know that Cog is too busy "calling out the scum of the internet" to deliver on his stream goals. Erik is hereby banned from all future Cog-related activities. Pour one out for Erik!
"You know why these little cunts are seething? Because they can't get 100 a day!" The alogs wish they had the relevancy of the Cogster. He tells us how he worked his way out of homelessness all while building his show. The haters could do they same thing instead of seething at him. This is the most inspiring rags to riches story I've ever heard.
Haters are making fake accounts just to seethe at Cog. "What's the seethe? What did I do to you?" Cog is considering making his twitter arguments a regular part of his show. The acogs hate it when he hits his goals and makes money. They can't stand it.
To prove how relevant he is, Cog once again brings up his own tweet. He has so many views that he can just delete a bunch of shit and still have a lot of views. Another Cog W! Back to the top of the sektur!
A viewer chimes in that the alogs don't understand that Cog isn't part of the sektur. He agrees. He just laughs at the degeneracy and does his little show. Why are people so mad?
Even Geekthulu shows up in his responses! Cog believes that everyone is ganging up on him because he's going after Aaron. The Aaron defense squad is comprised of a bunch of people who were already alogging him. This makes a lot of sense now that I've made myself retarded watching too much Cog.
The haters are just coping when they call him poor. He makes so much money that his wife was able to quit her job to live on the Bean Fund. Can any of you say the same? I bet you aren't even married! I'm really loving this format of re-arguing his old twitter arguments at his computer monitor. He is talking again about how much money he's made from streaming. He is doing the math to prove he makes more than minimum wage. He is so wealthy and generous that he has helped people in his online and irl communities with money. Mrs. Cog weighs in
Cog is the only honest sektur-adjacent man willing to call out degeneracy. Everyone seethes at him because he's too honest. 'If you want to make them seethe even more, be sure to donate!' Links in chat! He resumes debunking his twitter argument for a moment and then for some reason goes off on another rant about his brothers. His explains that his brother Paul wouldn't be getting any pussy without his help.
Regaining his train of thought, Cog goes back to reading his twitter argument. He shouts at his wife to come over and look at what Geekthulu said. One day I hope I have a wife to yell at about shit she probably doesn't care about. He tells us that he makes more money than Geekthulu. He is making fun of Geekthulu's voice. As Geekthulu, I am fucking seething.
Links in the chat again! "Remember, every time you donate, you literally make random speds on the internet seethe". Time for a smoke break! $12/100!
I'm gonna be honest, this stream is brutal. I don't like seeing my boy so upset. I like when he's happy and eating his little beans. I don't think anyone was begging for this sort of cogtent. We already know how effortlessly he dismantles any of his haters' arguments. We already know the intellectual beatdowns he delivers onto his enemies. WE JUST WANT THE FUCKING COFFEE!!!
Back from the break and Cog gets right into explaining the difference between Twitter Geek and Geekthulu to his fans. Pay attention, this is important lore.
A donation comes in! A clip of a cute laughing duck is triggered, and Cog resumes his debunking of the "Cog is poor" theory. "Having success upsets people." $23/100!
Cog goes on a side rant about Adobe Premier. His frustration temporarily subsides as he talks about something that tickles his cogtism. Malechick suggests that he take the vtuberpill. "I've thought about it, with my old avatar."
God I wish
Bunghole Tiger with a $5 dono and link! It's a clip of Ralph saying something about building a church. Bunghole is gonna have to shell out a lot more than that if he wants to lift Cog's spirits with some mukbang action. Another $5 comes in! It's a funny video of a weird looking lady. $33/100! Links in chat again.
Once more free from the chat's distractions, Cog pulls his twitter feed back up. He shows a tweet that one of his fans had tagged him in, which had a response from Geekthulu. Geekthulu is OBSESSED!!!!!!
Chat is trying to subtly drop hints about where they want the stream to go
Sorry Chuck, no coffee today. Cog brings up another tweet from a hater named Shania Chan (note: the account he's responding to is not actually Shania Chan).
"It's just insanity! Absolute insanity right now!"
Another hater defeated. Cog moves on to accusing Jesse Podawful of making a fake "Denisaurus" account to post in Rekieta's chat with. All the sheep out there probably believe it's real, but Detective Cog has seen quite a few fake accounts in his day (mostly ones made to seethe about him), and sees through the charade.
Another seething hater down. The next recipient of a verbal ass whooping is Anton. He once again debunks the fake Cog's World account in Aaron's chat. With receipts. Can you provide receipts, Anton? You're just another Cuck Frog! He calls out the hater behind the fake account for fantasizing about child rape.
Being a man with integrity, unafraid of calling out degenerates, Cog reminds his chat that Andy Warski looked at child porn with Ethan Ralph. Andy is flourishing while Cog is floundering. Where is the fairness in this?
Jaymar asks an interesting question. Why IS Cog the only one willing to call out Riley, Mint Salad and Dick Masterson?
2 hour mark! He must be getting hungry! Links in chat! Smoke break #2! $33/100!
And we're back! Cog begins complaining about people telling him to not engage with trolls and fake accounts. He is already angrily tweeting at someone, too distracted to notice the $5 superchat coming in!
Kimberly is listening on laundry day. Thank you for keeping us updated, Kimberly. The Feeder Fund increases by $10. If you are listening on laundry day, your superchats are worth double! $43/100!
Cog smashes the hype lizard! LFG!!!!!!
Chat is getting so hyped up. They love the hype lizard. He smashes it 2 more times in a row to get everyone hyped up for the upcoming Ralph segment! If we aren't getting any mukbangs, at least we'll always have Ralph.
Never mind, an alog has appeared in chat to troll Cog into talking about Aaron Steel Toe again.
He starts repeating his big question for Aaron. "We could do this all day, but I'll just show you." He pulls up his Aaron Exposed video again for all the new people in chat (there are no new people in chat, everyone has already seen this at least 30 times now). We're back in the same loop we were stuck in for 5 hours yesterday. He pauses the video to remind his followers that donating really helps the show, and that he loves seeing those 200s and 300s. "It also helps to produce content like this", he unpauses what is very clearly now his favorite video of all time.
Cog can't fucking believe how much of a coward and hypocrite Froggy Aaron is. He watches the clip with this look on his face
Ding! Donation from "Maya" with a link to a funny Masterson/Rekieta meme. $48/100!
He tells "Maya" that some haters had been accusing her of abandoning him in favor of supporting Stardust. He has a chuckle at the thought.
Cogheads are the most loyal fans you could ask for. Except that piece of shit Erik Duchamp. And also some guy named Mackiavelli.
Cog takes another minute to address the seething haters, and insists that he's not the type of person to flag someone. He pulls up a video about that Asian tech bro who doxed and flagged a bunch of people. He explains to the man in the video how and why he is a bad guy. Then HOLY SHIT
"MINNEH M&MS! THEY'RE SO LITTLE AND TINEH"
Om nom nom nom
Let's hope that he's just been hangry, and the post-mukbang stream will be smooth sailing. We still got some Ralph to look forward to!
Cog finishes watching the video and concludes "this guy is a huge piece of shit. Speaking of huge pieces of shit..."
Ralph time baby! Donos are low today, and Cog knows where his bread is buttered. No one else is honest enough to talk about the horrible things Ralph has done over and over until no one wants to hear them speak ever again. Let's smash level 1!
The dressing down begins with a roast of Dick Masterson's mirror. "Is it spit or jizz or something?" Haha! Get em Cogster! He reveals that Ralph is only staying with Dick Masterson because he can't afford a hotel. He has also notices that Ralph is hiding his double chin behind his phone. Nothing gets past this guy! He pulls up a screencap of Ralph on Masterson's show, flabby jowls on full display. We did it everyone. We found out that Ralph is still fat. Personally I think the Ralphamale is looking a lot better these days, but Cog says he's a child abusing degenerate, so I shouldn't say too many nice things about him.
Cog pulls up the full Masterson episode and right as he presses play, "A BIG TWENTY FROM THE LOVELY MAYA!" This donation comes with a link to a video from friend of the show Doomer! UwU Doomer! Doomer is talking about some guy who catfishes people as a fat woman. Someone else sends in a dono with a link, but first we must watch 6 more minutes of some dorky sounding vtuber. $73/100!
Malechick feels my pain
"Wha...? I don't get it..." Cog has no idea what the fuck is going on in this video. Everyone is confused. We're just watching Cog watch a vtuber watch a video of another guy talking. Thanks Maya!
He's getting fed up having to sit through his loyal fan's stream. Chat is roasting Doomer's stream layout and begging for it to end. "How much more of this do I have to watch?"
I like this pic because he kind of looks like a little half moon.
After another minute of vtuber nonsense, Cog mercifully switches back to Ralph's appearance on Masterson's show, then remembers he has to play another fan submitted video. It's the trailer for a movie called "For the Love of Nancy". Neither Cog nor chat reacts to this video in any way. It's as if it never happened. Bunghole Tiger superchats $4.99 with a link! Apparently Bunghole Tiger has been hard at work trying to find the shirt Ralph was wearing in the mirror selfie. Considering what I'm doing right now, I'm in no position to judge what other people do with their time, but I am judging nonetheless.
Satisfied with his furry henchman's detective work, Cog delights the audience with another mukbang! Key lime pie, courtesy of VHS Archive! This is Cog's first time trying it. We're going to the Big Cam for this one
BIG SNIFF
Here comes the airplane!
After putting on a sexy show for his fans, Cog goes back to calling Ralph fat. Links in chat again! If we smash level 1, we're gonna watch more Doomer! I can't think of a more exciting goal. He finally presses play on the Ralph/Masterson clip and takes another bite of his key lime pie
Only a few moments pass before the donations come rolling in! 5 smokes from an anonymous benefactor. $19.99 from our favorite feeder, Bunghole Tiger! We've smashed level 1! The people want Doomer! Cog pulls up youtube to search for the video.
Another superchat! This one is calling Ralph fat. "There are people seething right now!" It's time for another smoke break! Cog plays a 1 minute Doomer video about George Floyd as he leaves to blow his dro. $135/200!
We're not even back for 1 minute and already the people are showing their love for Cog and his love for eating shit on screen. Bunghole Tiger and Kimberly both contribute generously to the Feeding Fund. $147/200
Now we're watching a Doomer video. Doomer is talking to some other autistics about some autistic shit. The audio is extremely quiet. Chat asks him to fix it. He cranks the volume and warns his audience to not donate for the next 20 minutes because the ding will be extremely loud. He removes one earbud. "If you donate now, you'll deafen my right ear!" DING! Haha! These guys are such jokers. He asked them not to do something and they did it anyway. We love kidding around in Cog's World. Thanks for the $2 Bunghole Tiger. DING! TheMood gifts a membership. Everyone is apparently very happy to be watching whatever this is. I have no idea what I'm listening to. Someone in this video is saying the n word a lot. DING! Bunghole Tiger sends another dono. We're on fire now! $159/200!
Turns out the n word guy is "Mackavelli", a former Coghead. Finding out the context somehow makes this even less interesting. Based and redpilled anime man posts in chat claiming Mackavelli as his own personal lolcow.
I skim through the previews and see that this segment goes on for another hour. If Cog doesn't eat anything else in the next 5 minutes I'm going to fucking lose it.
Bunghole Tiger superchats another $4.99 with a clip from the movie Tommy Boy. $162/200. My patience with this segment is wearing thin. Whoa, wait a minute, what's this?
Cog shoves a handful of mini M&Ms into his mouth. I am smiling and happy again. My exposure to Cog is turning me into a feeder. The only joy I can get out of life now is seeing this strange British man stuff his face. Maybe I was the real Bunghole Tiger all along. He pauses the video to make a point about race or something. I can't pay attention to what he's saying because he's talking with his mouth full of candy.
Everyone loves this video. Someone in chat wants to make popcorn for this momentous event. Cog agrees that it's time for a toke break. He shows off the roach he's about to smoke
The thought of being a weed smoker in England fills me with profound sadness. No one uses glass over there. I imagine a scenario in which Cog and I are friends and I help him take his first bong rip. I am happy again. Back after the break!
Back from the break and Cog informs us that this whole thing is a huge surprise to him. He had no idea that his former fan was extremely racist. The video is resumed and the autistic guy is saying more racist stuff and debating a muslim lady. This sounds like every discord vc I've ever been in. Cog eats another handful of M&Ms. The pavlovian bell is rung. Chef Red Panda starts to salivate and donates $5, along with a link to a clip from Scary Movie 2. Cog forgets that his browser volume is boosted, and the clip plays deafeningly loud. He keeps pausing to read chat, but I can't hear him because I had to lower my own speaker volume to 2%. $169/200
I'm going to be honest, this is some of the most boring shit I've ever heard, and I don't imagine it would come off much differently to anyone else who doesn't personally know this guy. Cog is happy though, and chat is happy. I am happy for them.
The video ends and he brings up the Ralph/Masterson clip again. Now we can finally dive into the Ralph stuff. We're only $31 away from smashing level 2! Links in the chat! Cog is rolling another joint for the upcoming break as the clip plays. He is avin a laff at Vito dunking on Ralph. Classic.
Smoke break! Light it up!
Now we're back and Cog resumes the video. He skips to the Sonichu medallion segment. He is already debunking the medallion. "It looks fake." These inquisitive eyes see all.
He watches the rest of the clip without delivering much cogmentary, then pulls up a Ralph tweet about the Magi-chan curse nearly causing a car accident. Cog doesn't have a lot to say about it. This concludes the Ralph segment. What a deep dive. On to Rekieta!
A clip from last night's Rekieta stream is playing, but Cog's attention span is declining. He wants to play some music. Chat is linking some songs. Bunghole Tiger wants to watch a cum mukbang.
This stream has just been discord friends hanging out for the last 2 hours. The Rekieta clip continues playing. Cog isn't even paying attention. He's looking at his other monitor, going through his old bitchute account. Great time to take a trip down memory lane.
He tries to play an old Ralph clip, but it won't load. He resumes the Rekieta clip, eats more M&Ms and sips his soda pop, looking bored. The rest of the clip plays without Cog saying much aside from some responses to chatters. And that brings us to the end of the show! What a ride. o7s in chat!
Money added to the feeding fund: $169
Coffee consumed: 0
Misc mukbangs: 1 key lime pie, 300 mini m&ms, 2 sodas
Ralph references: acceptable number
Smoke breaks: 5
Attachments
Last edited:
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2023
Cog is having a complete meltdown
Even his shitskin wife is sperging out and ranting now as I type this
Even his shitskin wife is sperging out and ranting now as I type this
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2016
Those tattoos are shitty and trashy, Johnny, and you should feel bad about it.
Funkmaster
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2019
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2019
Good ol jobless Johnny still maintaining his irrelevance I see. He makes Ralph look productive
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
This stream was a travesty. 2.5 hours of yelling at haters and 2.5 hours of incomprehensible discord shit. I guess it's at least impressive that he has the energy to go on stream and just repeat himself for that long. There's no entertainment value in any of this if you aren't intimately familiar with the culture of his discord server, or just looking to make fun of him. It's amazing that he has no idea why he's not growing.
I watched the meltdown stream posted here yesterday, and he's been echoing a lot of those same sentiments in these last few streams. He hates the sektur, but it's his "job" to react to it. He's just doing his little show and laughing at degenerates like Jim Metokur. He doesn't understand why people keep calling him a pedophile even though he's debunked those claims over and over.
Regardless of whether or not he's a pedophile, throwing that accusation around is funny because he acts like the arbiter of all things good and true, and it gets a reaction out of him. That's really all there is to it.
There is 0 self awareness for how he actually conducts himself. I've only been Cogwatching for less than a month and I've already seen so much twitter sperging. For some reason he thinks the sektur/IBS was originally about morals and ethics. That's the only reason he's not growing. Never mind that he's a boring jerk with very little to say, who just wants to grandstand and tell everyone how right he is about everything. Never mind that his show is a jumbled ADHD fever dream that only 5 people will even understand. Obviously it's because he can't stop telling the truth.
Cog's online existence is genuinely one of the most baffling things I've come across. His entire streaming career is just this meme over and over again
Anyway, since there's been no new cogtent today, I decided to try making my own
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folandi
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2016
@BIG_BRAD just wanted to say your coverage of this strange retard constantly makes me laugh. I don't know how you do it, he's so funny in the abstract but so tedious and annoying when you actually tune into a stream I can't personally keep up. The coffee coverage has had me in stitches specifically. Thank you for what you do
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2023
That's a lot of cows I find. Kay's Cooking is kind of boring to watch but watching somebody else make fun of her cooking is hilarious. BMJ's boring too, but whenever I hear he's gained thousands of dollars only to lose it all in the same day, it gets a laugh out of me.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
Thanks! Glad people are enjoying COGWATCHING. Cog is definitely really hard to watch, but I have way too much free time lately, and find all the little details of the streams fascinating and hilarious. He and his community feel like an alien civilization that I've just discovered. They talk like humans, but something's off. It's fucked up. Today in the Cogcord, they came together to debunk the toys Ralph bought for his kid. Looking forward to this being a 2 hour segment on today's show!
And we're going live! Today, as predicted, Cog will be debunking Ralph's child's toys. Fill up that chat!
Cog says hello to chat and thanks us for joining him. He warns us that there will be no coffee rubbed steak today. I'm really disappointed about this, so to help me cope, I've used AI to give us a preview of what it might look like
We might not be getting any steak today, but Cog still has something special planned to start off the stream
COFFEE BANANA SPLIT!
It must be consumed before it melts. Ralph can wait. Ralph will always be waiting. Before he can take his first bite, DING DING! A superchat and 10 gifted memberships courtesy of SCyberTaz! This is gonna be a big stream, I can feel it! $60/100!
Now open wide!
This guy fucking hates coffee! $65/100!
This mukbang is definitely starting the stream off on the right foot, but it feels like going to see a concert where the band opens with their best song. How can Cog top this? Will it all be downhill from here? I believe in the Cogster!
Keeping the excitement going, Cog reveals that a package from a fan has arrived! He menacingly brandishes his box cutter and gazes at it as if it were an old lover.
It's some kind of pickle doll. Cog tells his niece to thank the generous fan. I assume that means it's for her. OK.
There's also a toy robot from the movie Short Circuit. "You know me too well." Cog loves robots. I'm pretty sure he identifies as one. Another superchat comes in, and we're up to $70/100!
Now Cog is talking about his dreams of being a vtuber. He wants to have a comic-style filter on his face. That would look so cool. He pulls up a snapchat filter and mentions that he was using it this morning to look at himself, and was "quite pleased" with the results. I hope everyone else is looking forward to this arc as much as I am.
The vtubing talk out of the way, Cog gives us a little peek into today's topic by playing a video of a Mexican Godzilla dancing to "La Cucaracha", a reference to the "Godzilla figurines we're gonna be avin a laff at". We're really doing this.
He then shows us a video of a Mexican yard sale. This must be where THE GUNT bought his child's Godzilla toys. As much as we all love the mukbangs, you have to admit, Ralph-based Cogmedy is really where our boy shines. Cog congratulates himself for the Ralphamale losing followers. Apparently one of his tweets was so powerful that it brought the follower count down from 80k to 79.7k. That's reach!
Now we're diving into Ralph's tweet about buying toys for his child. Cog is picking apart every sentence and mercilessly dunking on the Gunt. He is grinning and laughing while talking about this. Nothing fills Cog with more joy than reading Ethan Ralph tweets. Maybe too much joy. He abruptly goes to a break. Still at $70/100. Let's smash it!
Back from the break, and Cog is laying into Shania Chan, another one of his haters, who is a "lispy fucking dweeb". Apparently Shania Chan went "crying to Ralph" with some Cogcord screencaps. Big deal, Shania Chan! It's public discord! This alog has been making 50 accounts per day to harass poor Cog with. Why would someone do this? This person has a grudge and is now obsessed because Cog mistook him for Geekthulu. Why is everyone in the sektur so weird?
A troll shows up in chat and is promptly banned. It is assumed by Cog to be Shania Chan. Good riddance, loser! "Absolute seethe in the fucking chat!"
Chat hates Shania Chan. Honestly, we should kill him.
Back to Ralph! Cog is reading his own tweet about Ralph buying his child second-hand toys. Every single aspect of these toys is being absolutely destroyed. They're old! They're from the worst Godzilla movie! The plush one is ugly! It's never been more over for Godzilla
"We're gonna go over the details for these products too because it's quite funny." You read that right, there is going to be an entire segment dedicated to reading toy reviews. I have never been more thrilled.
DING DING DING! Donations coming through! Another troll appears in chat and is quickly vanquished.
The alog's hatred is drowned out by the sweet dinging of donos. Cog opens the viewer's link. It's a video of a black guy smoking weed. Delightful! Bunghole Tiger superchats with a message about Ralph being a fake Godzilla fan. $85/100!
Now we're back to the toy deep dive. He pulls up Mecha Godzilla and skims the details. "It's fifteen years old!" He reads a 2 star review about the size being falsely advertised and laughs mirthfully.
Cog is on a roll now. He is absolutely beaming. This roast is going so well. I bet the rapists from Kino Casino wish they were this good at owning Ralph. He pulls up the Amazon page for the Godzilla plush he'd buy for his own child if he had one.
After a few minutes, Cog for some reason gets bored of making fun of pieces of plastic, and sets his sights on Shania Chan again. This hater has tagged Ralph on twitter with a screencap from the Cogcord. Cog takes issue with Shania's use of the word "debunking". "We were just talking about how much they cost!" Shania has unwittingly found himself on the receiving end of his own debunking.
Cog then reads Ralph's response to Shania Chan.
Ralph has seemingly debunked some of Cog's toy theories, but Cog has an ace up his sleeve. "He hasn't seen those movies, so why the fuck would he care?" "Kids don't like Godzilla!" It appears that Cog has caught Ralph in a game of debunking ping pong, and the ball is now back in Ralph's court. And now another $4.99 superchat comes in from Bungole Tiger! Let's smash level 1! It will make Shania Chan seethe! $90/100
Mrs. Cog briefly gets on mic to say that Ralph probably spent more on a Mexican hooker than his child's gifts. I wonder if they make little Ralph jokes to each other off-stream. Like if they're watching tv together and a pig comes on the screen, they both point and say "it's the gunt!" at the same time and laugh. God what a beautiful relationship.
Cog pulls up another Ralph tweet. This one is about Ralph's new Rodecaster. Cog asserts that Ralph had to get his child's gifts from a Mexican swap meet, yet bought the Rodecaster outright. L.C. sounds off in chat: "Selfish prick." Cheap bastard couldn't even afford a plush that actually looks like Godzilla!
Another $4.99 comes in from Bunghole Tiger! Now we're only $5 away from smashing level 1! Cog pins his donation link to the top of the chat. Bradford Mitchell comes through with an $8 superchat! Welcome to the Jungle bish! Level 1 complete! Mario victory music plays. $108/200!
To celebrate Smashing That Goal, Mrs. Cog suggests that Mr. Cog drink a coffee martini! It's motherfucking COFFEE TIME! Before we get our next mukbang, we are entertained with a little more dabbing on Ralph. He pulls up a tweet from Mrs. Vickers and laughs at Ralph's misfortune.
Ralph's always good for avin a laff. The segment concludes. Next up, we'll be laffin at Froggy Aaron and something to do with a person named "Coffeezilla". I'm not sure who that is, but I'm already excited by the idea of more coffee-related content. Cog plays the Mexican yard sale video again, and then shows his audience the latest Cogcord meme.
Looks just like him.
He plays the Mexican Godzilla video again and does an impression of a Mexican woman talking about tortas. Doomer is LOLing in Spanish.
Links are dropped in chat! Someone asks him to "play Alex Jones". Cog brings up an ancient video of Alex Jones rants, transformed into an indie folk song. The video rolls as he goes to take his smoke break. 420s in chat!
WOTS THIS? A sneaky surprise? Cog debuts his new classic parody song "Just the Three of Us". This was well worth the 2+ weeks it took to complete. Cognificent has never sounded so sultry.
We're back again, and Cog is setting some new goals for chat. If we hit $150, he'll do 2 shots oh Kahlua. If we hit $200, he'll do 4 more! Someone better pull through so we can get Cog hammered. Immediately a loyal fan chips in $20! Then TheMood promises to pay $50 tomorrow! Cog adds it to the Feeding Fund. He plays a video of some Kanye West rants transformed into a song and sings along as he prepares his shots. $173/200!
He smells the Kahlua and makes the stinky face. He's gonna hate it!
Mrs. Cog assures us that we're in for a good, sexy time, and The Mood promises to pay the remaining $27 tomorrow! TheMood is tonight's MVP! Suck it Bunghole Tiger! $200/300! Level 2 SMASHED!
Instead of the 6 individual shots, Cog opts to pour them all into a single glass to chug. Chat loves this idea. Chug chug chug! He pours the Kahlua into a glass and complains about the strong alcohol smell of the 20% abv liqueur. Today's top feeder has a special request
The drink is prepared. We go to the Big Cam. We're getting lit with Cog tonight. Let's fucking go!
Now is the kind of cogtent we love to see!
He takes a bonus sip of a mysterious yellow liquid.
Looking good!
Another viewer is skeptical of Cog's dislike for coffee. He responds to this comment with a mini rant about how the world is actually trolling him into thinking it's good. He insists that he hates the bitter flavor. I am starting to suspect his off-screen meals mostly consist of chicken nuggets and french fries.
"I'm literally always head to toe in Hugo Boss." Hell yeah. Cog pulls up a Steel Toe clip and offers to drink the rest of the bottle of Kahlua if we hit $300. He estimates that there are another 6 shots left. We're getting FUCKED UP tonight, Cogheads!
Today's Steel Toe segment is a series of old clips with both Aaron and April. Cog has a little laff, but doesn't add a lot. The clips are boring and I'm not sure what the point is, but I'm glad he is enjoying them.
The Steel Toe segment concludes, and Cog plays the same video of the asian tech bro flagger from last stream. Again, there is minimal cogmentary. Luckily, it's 4:20 on the east coast, so it's time for another smoke break!
Back from the break and we jump right into a youtube documentary about the asian tech bro. Apparently his name is Techlead. Cog is watching it silently.
Cog is hammered. His cheeks are rosy and he hasn't said a word in several minutes. He finally speaks up during an ad break for some kind of vape; "Quit making me want to smoke!" He skips to the end of the ad and resumes watching, wordlessly. We are learning all about Techlead today. I'm sure this will be important to future streams.
He is focused.
Ding! Superchat coming in! This viewer says that Mr. and Mrs. Cog are the most based couple on the internet. I agree. He plays a Ralph clip and a Warski clip at the same time. $210/300!
The documentary ends, and Cog doesn't have a lot to say about it. "I don't know. I'm gonna jump right into a cop video, let's fucking do this!"
Cog is slightly more animated during this video. He seems to really love cop cam footage. He pauses the video halfway through to give an incoherent recap of the movie Nope. Smoke break!
We're back, and Cog is newly energized from his break! He is making a lot of little humorous cogments about the video, and explains that he believes it might be months until we see the Rekieta bodycam footage. He goes on to have to a discussion with his chat about slavery. The woman being arrested in this video reminds Bunghole Tiger of PPP, and he superchats another $4.99 with a clip for Cog to compare with.
He makes no comment on the similarity, and resumes his cop cam video. It ends after a minute, and Cog tells us that the show will be ending now. Before he takes his leave, he unboxes one of his new robot toys for us. This is a gift from Bunghole Tiger. Now we know why it's the perfect size for shoving up your ass.
And just like that, the show has ended. There will be an early stream tomorrow, where he will build his Johnny 5 robot toy and finally eat the long-awaited coffee steak! He promised us this steak. If he doesn't deliver, I don't know what I'm going to do. o7s!
Stream length: 2:52:42
Money added to the feeding fund: $215
Coffee consumed: 6 shots Kahlua, coffee banana split
Misc. mukbangs: 1 bottle mango Powerade
Ralph references: satisfactory amount
Smoke breaks: 4
We might not be getting any steak today, but Cog still has something special planned to start off the stream
COFFEE BANANA SPLIT!
It must be consumed before it melts. Ralph can wait. Ralph will always be waiting. Before he can take his first bite, DING DING! A superchat and 10 gifted memberships courtesy of SCyberTaz! This is gonna be a big stream, I can feel it! $60/100!
Now open wide!
This guy fucking hates coffee! $65/100!
This mukbang is definitely starting the stream off on the right foot, but it feels like going to see a concert where the band opens with their best song. How can Cog top this? Will it all be downhill from here? I believe in the Cogster!
Keeping the excitement going, Cog reveals that a package from a fan has arrived! He menacingly brandishes his box cutter and gazes at it as if it were an old lover.
It's some kind of pickle doll. Cog tells his niece to thank the generous fan. I assume that means it's for her. OK.
There's also a toy robot from the movie Short Circuit. "You know me too well." Cog loves robots. I'm pretty sure he identifies as one. Another superchat comes in, and we're up to $70/100!
Now Cog is talking about his dreams of being a vtuber. He wants to have a comic-style filter on his face. That would look so cool. He pulls up a snapchat filter and mentions that he was using it this morning to look at himself, and was "quite pleased" with the results. I hope everyone else is looking forward to this arc as much as I am.
The vtubing talk out of the way, Cog gives us a little peek into today's topic by playing a video of a Mexican Godzilla dancing to "La Cucaracha", a reference to the "Godzilla figurines we're gonna be avin a laff at". We're really doing this.
He then shows us a video of a Mexican yard sale. This must be where THE GUNT bought his child's Godzilla toys. As much as we all love the mukbangs, you have to admit, Ralph-based Cogmedy is really where our boy shines. Cog congratulates himself for the Ralphamale losing followers. Apparently one of his tweets was so powerful that it brought the follower count down from 80k to 79.7k. That's reach!
Now we're diving into Ralph's tweet about buying toys for his child. Cog is picking apart every sentence and mercilessly dunking on the Gunt. He is grinning and laughing while talking about this. Nothing fills Cog with more joy than reading Ethan Ralph tweets. Maybe too much joy. He abruptly goes to a break. Still at $70/100. Let's smash it!
Back from the break, and Cog is laying into Shania Chan, another one of his haters, who is a "lispy fucking dweeb". Apparently Shania Chan went "crying to Ralph" with some Cogcord screencaps. Big deal, Shania Chan! It's public discord! This alog has been making 50 accounts per day to harass poor Cog with. Why would someone do this? This person has a grudge and is now obsessed because Cog mistook him for Geekthulu. Why is everyone in the sektur so weird?
A troll shows up in chat and is promptly banned. It is assumed by Cog to be Shania Chan. Good riddance, loser! "Absolute seethe in the fucking chat!"
Chat hates Shania Chan. Honestly, we should kill him.
Back to Ralph! Cog is reading his own tweet about Ralph buying his child second-hand toys. Every single aspect of these toys is being absolutely destroyed. They're old! They're from the worst Godzilla movie! The plush one is ugly! It's never been more over for Godzilla
"We're gonna go over the details for these products too because it's quite funny." You read that right, there is going to be an entire segment dedicated to reading toy reviews. I have never been more thrilled.
DING DING DING! Donations coming through! Another troll appears in chat and is quickly vanquished.
The alog's hatred is drowned out by the sweet dinging of donos. Cog opens the viewer's link. It's a video of a black guy smoking weed. Delightful! Bunghole Tiger superchats with a message about Ralph being a fake Godzilla fan. $85/100!
Now we're back to the toy deep dive. He pulls up Mecha Godzilla and skims the details. "It's fifteen years old!" He reads a 2 star review about the size being falsely advertised and laughs mirthfully.
Cog is on a roll now. He is absolutely beaming. This roast is going so well. I bet the rapists from Kino Casino wish they were this good at owning Ralph. He pulls up the Amazon page for the Godzilla plush he'd buy for his own child if he had one.
After a few minutes, Cog for some reason gets bored of making fun of pieces of plastic, and sets his sights on Shania Chan again. This hater has tagged Ralph on twitter with a screencap from the Cogcord. Cog takes issue with Shania's use of the word "debunking". "We were just talking about how much they cost!" Shania has unwittingly found himself on the receiving end of his own debunking.
Cog then reads Ralph's response to Shania Chan.
Ralph has seemingly debunked some of Cog's toy theories, but Cog has an ace up his sleeve. "He hasn't seen those movies, so why the fuck would he care?" "Kids don't like Godzilla!" It appears that Cog has caught Ralph in a game of debunking ping pong, and the ball is now back in Ralph's court. And now another $4.99 superchat comes in from Bungole Tiger! Let's smash level 1! It will make Shania Chan seethe! $90/100
Mrs. Cog briefly gets on mic to say that Ralph probably spent more on a Mexican hooker than his child's gifts. I wonder if they make little Ralph jokes to each other off-stream. Like if they're watching tv together and a pig comes on the screen, they both point and say "it's the gunt!" at the same time and laugh. God what a beautiful relationship.
Cog pulls up another Ralph tweet. This one is about Ralph's new Rodecaster. Cog asserts that Ralph had to get his child's gifts from a Mexican swap meet, yet bought the Rodecaster outright. L.C. sounds off in chat: "Selfish prick." Cheap bastard couldn't even afford a plush that actually looks like Godzilla!
Another $4.99 comes in from Bunghole Tiger! Now we're only $5 away from smashing level 1! Cog pins his donation link to the top of the chat. Bradford Mitchell comes through with an $8 superchat! Welcome to the Jungle bish! Level 1 complete! Mario victory music plays. $108/200!
To celebrate Smashing That Goal, Mrs. Cog suggests that Mr. Cog drink a coffee martini! It's motherfucking COFFEE TIME! Before we get our next mukbang, we are entertained with a little more dabbing on Ralph. He pulls up a tweet from Mrs. Vickers and laughs at Ralph's misfortune.
Ralph's always good for avin a laff. The segment concludes. Next up, we'll be laffin at Froggy Aaron and something to do with a person named "Coffeezilla". I'm not sure who that is, but I'm already excited by the idea of more coffee-related content. Cog plays the Mexican yard sale video again, and then shows his audience the latest Cogcord meme.
Looks just like him.
He plays the Mexican Godzilla video again and does an impression of a Mexican woman talking about tortas. Doomer is LOLing in Spanish.
Links are dropped in chat! Someone asks him to "play Alex Jones". Cog brings up an ancient video of Alex Jones rants, transformed into an indie folk song. The video rolls as he goes to take his smoke break. 420s in chat!
WOTS THIS? A sneaky surprise? Cog debuts his new classic parody song "Just the Three of Us". This was well worth the 2+ weeks it took to complete. Cognificent has never sounded so sultry.
We're back again, and Cog is setting some new goals for chat. If we hit $150, he'll do 2 shots oh Kahlua. If we hit $200, he'll do 4 more! Someone better pull through so we can get Cog hammered. Immediately a loyal fan chips in $20! Then TheMood promises to pay $50 tomorrow! Cog adds it to the Feeding Fund. He plays a video of some Kanye West rants transformed into a song and sings along as he prepares his shots. $173/200!
He smells the Kahlua and makes the stinky face. He's gonna hate it!
Mrs. Cog assures us that we're in for a good, sexy time, and The Mood promises to pay the remaining $27 tomorrow! TheMood is tonight's MVP! Suck it Bunghole Tiger! $200/300! Level 2 SMASHED!
Instead of the 6 individual shots, Cog opts to pour them all into a single glass to chug. Chat loves this idea. Chug chug chug! He pours the Kahlua into a glass and complains about the strong alcohol smell of the 20% abv liqueur. Today's top feeder has a special request
The drink is prepared. We go to the Big Cam. We're getting lit with Cog tonight. Let's fucking go!
Now is the kind of cogtent we love to see!
He takes a bonus sip of a mysterious yellow liquid.
Looking good!
Another viewer is skeptical of Cog's dislike for coffee. He responds to this comment with a mini rant about how the world is actually trolling him into thinking it's good. He insists that he hates the bitter flavor. I am starting to suspect his off-screen meals mostly consist of chicken nuggets and french fries.
"I'm literally always head to toe in Hugo Boss." Hell yeah. Cog pulls up a Steel Toe clip and offers to drink the rest of the bottle of Kahlua if we hit $300. He estimates that there are another 6 shots left. We're getting FUCKED UP tonight, Cogheads!
Today's Steel Toe segment is a series of old clips with both Aaron and April. Cog has a little laff, but doesn't add a lot. The clips are boring and I'm not sure what the point is, but I'm glad he is enjoying them.
The Steel Toe segment concludes, and Cog plays the same video of the asian tech bro flagger from last stream. Again, there is minimal cogmentary. Luckily, it's 4:20 on the east coast, so it's time for another smoke break!
Back from the break and we jump right into a youtube documentary about the asian tech bro. Apparently his name is Techlead. Cog is watching it silently.
Cog is hammered. His cheeks are rosy and he hasn't said a word in several minutes. He finally speaks up during an ad break for some kind of vape; "Quit making me want to smoke!" He skips to the end of the ad and resumes watching, wordlessly. We are learning all about Techlead today. I'm sure this will be important to future streams.
He is focused.
Ding! Superchat coming in! This viewer says that Mr. and Mrs. Cog are the most based couple on the internet. I agree. He plays a Ralph clip and a Warski clip at the same time. $210/300!
The documentary ends, and Cog doesn't have a lot to say about it. "I don't know. I'm gonna jump right into a cop video, let's fucking do this!"
Cog is slightly more animated during this video. He seems to really love cop cam footage. He pauses the video halfway through to give an incoherent recap of the movie Nope. Smoke break!
We're back, and Cog is newly energized from his break! He is making a lot of little humorous cogments about the video, and explains that he believes it might be months until we see the Rekieta bodycam footage. He goes on to have to a discussion with his chat about slavery. The woman being arrested in this video reminds Bunghole Tiger of PPP, and he superchats another $4.99 with a clip for Cog to compare with.
He makes no comment on the similarity, and resumes his cop cam video. It ends after a minute, and Cog tells us that the show will be ending now. Before he takes his leave, he unboxes one of his new robot toys for us. This is a gift from Bunghole Tiger. Now we know why it's the perfect size for shoving up your ass.
And just like that, the show has ended. There will be an early stream tomorrow, where he will build his Johnny 5 robot toy and finally eat the long-awaited coffee steak! He promised us this steak. If he doesn't deliver, I don't know what I'm going to do. o7s!
Stream length: 2:52:42
Money added to the feeding fund: $215
Coffee consumed: 6 shots Kahlua, coffee banana split
Misc. mukbangs: 1 bottle mango Powerade
Ralph references: satisfactory amount
Smoke breaks: 4
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a hot date anyone?
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- Joined
- Nov 14, 2023
Cog will often sell access to Dan’s daughter for donations. Previously he had an elderly paypig buy a Happy Birthday from her
Link
Now Rush Pabst (who has admitted in the past to harassing a woman and her child in a restaurant) is now sending phalllic dolls to Dan’s daughter inscribed “Think of me and I will be there”
Cog makes Dan’s daughter thank him several times before letting Rush Pabst know she will be sleeping with it (almost if as to tease or arouse Rush Pabst)
This child is in constant danger around Cog and if Dan will not kick Cog out then the authorities need to remove the child.
Link
Now Rush Pabst (who has admitted in the past to harassing a woman and her child in a restaurant) is now sending phalllic dolls to Dan’s daughter inscribed “Think of me and I will be there”
Cog makes Dan’s daughter thank him several times before letting Rush Pabst know she will be sleeping with it (almost if as to tease or arouse Rush Pabst)
This child is in constant danger around Cog and if Dan will not kick Cog out then the authorities need to remove the child.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
This was really weird. Why is it a pickle? Is gooning to Cog's mukbangs not enough for Pabst/Bunghole Tiger?