I repeated the same shit over and over again, but I am clearly very embarrassed and ashamed of my talent, how I decide my art style, how I kept repeating the same style that almost all Kiwis would really distant from. I kept repeating the same fanservice good, cover-up bad, which was also one thing I am highly embarrassed at. I was extremely mentally stressed out, coming the fact that I have a family to take care of and dumpstack of work having to be done, to even time to go outside and work at the same time. Whenever I tried to "justify" what I draw was morally right for me, I felt regretful and fearful, as if I was on the verge of tears of fear and shame. I even sometimes question my life, even to the point I might lose my passion at drawing at some point when my mental health goes downhill and becomes erratic off-KF. Not to mention, I have to deal with my life as a family man, and that with drawing anime garbage already worsens up my embarrassment as an artist. I do not condone attention whoring or pityfagging, even judging myself and self-depraving myself to be humble; I know they would not actually approve animefags or even judge them heavily based on their works.
Even I even call my works ugly and admitting to constant self-depravation for making a fool out of myself because I spent all of my skills over anime. Even if I want to swap styles to further not humiliating myself, I would see myself as still a freakshow artist that always have a track record for drawing tranime niggerfaggotry, even so when I was depressed or stressed out. Animefags including me should always be highly judged for their poor tastes; even including my favorite series. My foolishness and my erratic mental health condition only would make me prone to giving up easily; even so retiring from drawing. But that would have not been a thing if I never started drawing in the first place. I should have just keep it quiet to myself if I do not want to make myself a jester in the circus.
In the end, a bittersweet end is that I never gave up on drawing or my passions, or taking care of my wife and son, or even doing anything I really like or finding comfort in. Judge me in any way as you want, but this is what I truly say deep down under my passion aside from mocking lolcows for days. I do not seek attention or pityfagging, since I am not a nigger faggot. This should have been in the How Are You Doing thread, but I felt afraid saying it out loud, which I always kept it in myself like a real coward. I am sorry for this tomfoolery.