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Can't be worse than the Netflix trash I'm currently sitting through.You are confused because you simply don't fit into society. I'm afraid nobody can help you, and I empathize deeply with the turmoil you, and the people you love, have to go through every day just because you exist. There is a way out though. It seems unpleasant at first, but once it is done there is no more pain and confusion. That way, as enshrined as a right by the progressive Canadian government, is suicide. There is nothing wrong with it, and there is dignity in it. I think you should genuinely consider it as an option. Even if you do not live in Canada, you cannot be punished for taking your own life in any country, since you will already be at peace. I wish you a peaceful journey.