🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[Elmo]

And he just can't stop.
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Hogust 1st, mark your calendars, bish!!

 

[Weeb Slinger]

What a cry baby faggot. like this fat albino nigger cares about his keeds.
She doesn't want you arround because of how much of a fat pill popping alcoholic faggot you are and that's saying a whole lot because the whorse is a pedophile

My Bitch Ex-Wife: a work of legal science fiction – Ethan Oliver Ralph (Torta Books) 2024, 512p

It is only fitting that the master of science fiction, coronated (in his absence) High King of Space, at GenCon 2023, should be the one to nail down a definition of the genre as [to paraphrase] 'writing that is still not illegal'.

Ethan Oliver Ralph's latest collection of short fiction, obliquely titled My Bitch Ex-Wife, continues in the speculative vein of its predecessors. The story cycle, while certainly challenging in places, will reward the diligent student who dedicates himself to reading the fourteen 'Sekturs' of the book in the order in which they are presented.

In the opening tale, Mayday, the departure of a free-floating exo-planet (named Mayho, presumably in reference to the Greek goddess, Maia) from our solar system, causes a localised breakdown in the laws of probability, resulting in a paradox in which both 100% and 70-80% of all women are revealed to be evil psychopaths.

National Moving Month presents to the reader a nightmare cacotopian future in which the protagonist's robot companion/sexual servitor rebels, initially by refusing to obey a direct command to clean-up her master's “bottle toilet”, before fleeing to a sanctuary where her owner cannot follow “for some fairly complicated legal reasons that I can't really go into here”.

The loneliness of man in the face of an indifferent universe is a recurring theme throughout the collection. In World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development, an American ex-pat, dosed with a cocktail of South-American mind-expanding drugs, becomes a slurring narrator of the unfolding drama of a wrestling league located in a parallel dimension.

Flag Day documents the mental decline of an astronomer whose radio transmissions to an aloof interstellar empire are received but not answered. The story ends in tragedy with the aforementioned space scientist threatening to leak nude photographs of random women unless the extraterrestrial civilization visits Earth “within the next five minutes”. A companion piece to this story, titled Harvey Milk Day, asks the reader to conceive a point that is so low that it cannot be measured by the present generation of scientific instruments.

In addition to challenging our notions of what it is like to be human and live in society, and to then depart that society for one where both the cost of living and the value of human life are considerably lower, Ralph also calls into question the structure of language itself. Emancipation Day describes a dystopia in which conversation has become subject to taxation, and where a form of telepathy known as the “superchat” has been developed to circumvent the attentions of revenue agents. Following a few expositionary opening sentences, the remainder of the story consists of the words “Tax free!” repeated (according to the best estimate of your humble reviewer) over eleven-thousand times. To read Emancipation Day is to experience the breakdown of the human lexicon at a sub-alphabetical level, followed by the gradual restoration of meaning. The dedicated reader emerges profoundly changed by his experience and with a reformed understanding of the Universe.

A common critique of the writing of Ethan Oliver Ralph is that is too far-fetched and retarded to say anything useful regarding the human condition. We must bear in mind that the thought experiments of today are tomorrows realities. My Bitch Ex-Wife is a collection that is aimed less at ourselves and more at our children's children.

 

[AltisticRight]

Hogust 1st, mark your calendars, bish!!

I thought he was embracing his inner ChiCom piggytits power by celebrating the Army Day, a day to pay respects to the People's Liberation Army.

Earn some social credit, piggymoobs. It's about time you pick up that little red book and embrace Chairman Mao.
Wait, Mao was actually 5'10'' (~178cm). That's an extra zero to piggytit's 5'1''.
A Chinaman was taller than you.
Sad.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

And he just can't stop.
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Usually when he is posting this stuff he's at least half-cut.
He's back on the booze and pills today, I guarantee.

 

[Muppetstudios]

Usually when he is posting this stuff he's at least half-cut.
He's back on the booze and pills today, I guarantee.

He doesn't seem to bad in this video but we'll find out because he's just announced 12 hour stream to fundraise for his divorce. Will he hit the goal bish?

 

[Look--an Alien!]

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He doesn't seem to bad in this video but we'll find out because he's just announced 12 hour stream to fundraise for his divorce. Will he hit the goal bish?

So his best friend in the world is...himself?

That's a whole new level of pathetic loneliness

 

[Internet Inquisitor]

That's a whole new level of pathetic loneliness

You can hear him choking up and holding back tears when mentioning being away from his "connections" for a long time. Doesn't mean anything of course and it's just his abandonment issues welling up inside.

 

[Septic Tank Bomber]

Why's he so afraid of mentioning pantsu? I thought the whole point of hiding in Mexico is to dodge lawsuits?

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

Why's he so afraid of mentioning pantsu? I thought the whole point of hiding in Mexico is to dodge lawsuits?

Civil lawsuits yes, criminal charges no.

 

[Look--an Alien!]

Why's he so afraid of mentioning pantsu? I thought the whole point of hiding in Mexico is to dodge lawsuits?

because he is a retard that can't remember his xannie blackouts. He's said Meigh and Rosy's names multiple times in the last week alone. It's all performative plausible deniability, even though he is far past the point of any of it making a difference.

Good job though, Ralph, sink all your newfound hundreds of dollars into a lawyer that will do nothing and further humiliate you online

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

Oh Harry

 

[Buffalo Chicken Sandwich]

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Por eso tu vida ya se acabó. Disfruta de la prisión, acosador.

 

[Don'tAnalizeMeBro!]

Respectful hard disagree. Ralph knows he'd face legal consequences so he won't release one.

Does he?

A thought experiment. Any relation of the characters below to people real or imagined is just a coinky-dink.

The Psycho Pig already released pics of his current wife. He got away with that and he thinks he’s a mastermind-level IQ that I have no problem seeing The Psycho Pig release another sex tape and if anyone asks he just says “MAH PHONE GIT HACKED!”. Then the current wife releases a statement that those bug bites on Posey weren’t bug bites but bruises from The Psycho Pig. Then, because “AH’M A BIG CEEE-LEBERTY!” All those tapes will either be allowed into ebbidance along with lots of pictures, tapes, and clips from his own show or they‘ll be spammed all over the SekShu.

 

[porkWellington]

Ralph's really leaning into the "headmates" bit with the "good friend". If he keeps this going for a while I wonder if he'll develop the habit of unironically referring to himself as his "'good friend".

Anytime Ralph does a "marathon" it's always fundraising. Ralph said it himself, he missed two shows and doesnt like to miss shows and he has an "audience" who wants shows. Ralph could've said "I missed a few shows so I want to do a marathon show until I cant". It's simple, clean, no pretense, just an extended Saturday show which can be seen as him decompressing from whatever shit he dealt with during the week. At the end he silently sends the money to his attorney, keeping the divorce out of the focus of the show so to his fans it's just a longer show from a guy who's passionate about the entertainment. Instead he's upfront with the grift "I'm doing a 12 hour show, no guarantee it'll be 12 hours because I physically cannot do it, but this is definitely going to my attorney so please donate". Maybe Ralph knows the only way he's getting actual donos is when he's shittered so that's the actual plan and this is him letting the alogs know to get their money ready.

When this does devolve into a Pillstream we need a snapshot of the money earned at the end of this stream. Then when Kino Casino inevitably covers it we need a snapshot of their donos during the Ralph segment to see if Kino Casino made more money on abridging Ralph content than Ralph made creating the "content".

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

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He doesn't seem to bad in this video but we'll find out because he's just announced 12 hour stream to fundraise for his divorce. Will he hit the goal bish?

Given that Ralph doesn't really have any major assets, is this divorce lawyer just looking to try and get some form of visitation with Rozy?

Or is the Ralphamale going to be on the hook for some alimony payments now as well as child support?

Piggies Vegas Wedding really coming in nicely, Killstream "the Movie" has aged like a fine milk.

 

[Rage Pig]

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He doesn't seem to bad in this video but we'll find out because he's just announced 12 hour stream to fundraise for his divorce. Will he hit the goal bish?

He won't get a better deal than the one with Faith, lawyer or not. There is a high chance it will be worse, they were married and there are dozens of clips, tweets, private messages where he verbally and sometimes physically abuses her. Faith only had the leaked sex tape. Best case he gets 2 hours/month supervised visitation plus child support and alimony. Add inflation and his faked I'm rich with 85 hit the goal streams he'll have to pay way more than the $800/month to Faith. This pig is gonna get slaughtered and I look forward to his squeaking and oinking.

 

[Obnoxious Asshole]

I love a good pig roast. SSSSUUUUUUEEEEEE!

 

[AnOminous]

Maybe Ralph knows the only way he's getting actual donos is when he's shittered so that's the actual plan and this is him letting the alogs know to get their money ready.

No way he stays sober 12 hours. It's more a question of the over/under on exactly how far in he passes out.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

What a cry baby faggot. like this fat albino nigger cares about his keeds.
She doesn't want you arround because of how much of a fat pill popping alcoholic faggot you are and that's saying a whole lot because the whorse is a pedophile

Ralph is an absolute psycho bunny boiler weirdo. How many times does he repeat “you said I saved ur life” as if it’s the gospel.

Guys like Dick Masterson brag they will tell women whatever they want to hear to get laid. This is how his cringe love letters and poetry was explained. It doesn’t seem to dawn on Ralph that Pantsu would say a bunch of BS just to soothe his raging insecurities. Every positive or nice thing Pantsu ever said to him is now an irrefutable fact and she can never change her opinion on it.

Pantsu should leak all the deranged groveling and rage pig messages Ralph has sent her over the past year. I’m sure it’s more than enough content for that book he’s occasionally claims he is writing and would be even more entertaining.

Simply ignoring Gunt has driven him absolutely bonkers. At least Pantsu can enjoy a certain amount of satisfaction watching Gunt suffer in his third world sweat box all by his lonesome. His first full year of life having no female caretakers to abuse has gone exactly as expected.

Pantsu was Ralph’s last chance at having female companionship that didn’t involve a hourly or daily pay rate.

 

[AnOminous]

Pantsu should leak all the deranged groveling and rage pig messages Ralph has sent her over the past year. I’m sure it’s more than enough content for that book he’s occasionally claims he is writing and would be even more entertaining.

Simply ignoring Gunt has driven him absolutely bonkers.

That's exactly why she should continue ignoring him. Let him do crazy shit and just keep collecting it until the pile adds up to terminate this pig's parental rights or at least drastically limit them, get a permanent injunction, etc. If she's constantly provoking him in public that doesn't work. If she can say "I have completely refused to respond to this guy and look how he just won't stop" it's a lot better.