A Year With No Anchor
Posted on
March 19, 2024 by
Falco SkyWolf
It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly a year since my apartments kicked me out. (To remodel and hike the price!) In ways, it’s hard to believe I’ve survived this long since then, because I’ve been crowdfunding for a few years already. I had to max out my credit, even with repaying what I could for it, and eventually ran completely out of ability to pay for BOTH my hotel AND that debt. I had to pick one- and since losing my room would be 100% fatal for me, it’s a pretty clear priority.
Those new to seeing me might think, “100% fatal? You can’t be serious.” But I very much am, as a multiply disabled heart patient who needs to be very careful about food safety and staying masked in public. I can’t be unmasked in public UNLESS I’m outdoors AND far away from even passing people, and I can’t eat unless my hands are squeaky clean. So taking the mask off, in and of itself, is enough contamination. And there aren’t enough parks that constantly have restrooms open for me to use them- for washing OR for using the restroom. (Which is another pressing concern- my body sometimes doesn’t warn me that it needs the restroom until it’s almost too late, so having to find a restroom when out and about is difficult, especially on foot.) I’m also allergic to most soaps so need to keep my own, and what’s worse is the fact that my ability to walk long distances has been WRECKED.
Used to be able to walk four, eight miles a day, with no real issues. Used to be able to walk four miles AND work an eight hour shift. (That was much harder, but still doable for several years.) Now, I can’t work in public at all, can’t walk long distances without frequent breaks and/or using my cane, and even ten minute chores like a load of dishes hurt my back.
(Doesn’t help that I can’t afford to use the laundry machines on site, so have had to wash small loads of clothing by hand. That’s a major pain in the back.)
It’s frustrating that my health has tanked this far. It’s scary that I’ve come literally within an hour of being kicked out of th hotel and only barely managed to raise enough money in time. If I lose the room, not only do I lose shelter, I lose nearly every scrap of property- and as an Autistic person with a lot of health concerns, losing things like my blankets, clothing, and food prep supplies would be a loss I couldn’t bounce back from.
I can’t carry much, even with my little folding grocery wagon. I still haven’t found any leads for new places to live. I wouldn’t be able to raise a deposit for a new apartment, and to be honest? At $650 a week (for now,) I’m not paying a whole lot more than many studios cost in my area. Lot of them run $1500-$2000, PLUS water, sewer, trash, electrical, and internet, for a possible total of $2500 a month just for a studio. (In contrast, that $650 a week comes out to $2600 a month, with utilities included.)
Like, if I could find a roommate situation, that might save me money (that I’d STILL need to crowdfund for,) but it has ALWAYS been hard for me to socialize in person, and the plague just exacerbated that thousandfold. To know whether someone would be a safe roommate, I’d need to know they were extremely focused on COVID precautions, their stance on queer folks, and their willingness to not use cleaners I’m allergic to. They, likewise, might struggle with me as a roommate if they have an anaphylactic level allergy to nuts, spices, or other plant-based foods. (I could live with a meat eater just fine as long as we kept our own dishes separate and I didn’t have to wash theirs. I’d happily contribute cooking- if they wanted my meals as a side or a break from meat dishes, or if they were vegetarian themself.)
However, even if I found someone who WANTED to room with me (with the uncertainty of raising enough for rent as a major hurdle,) there would usually be the conundrum of their landlords: if I didn’t have proof of consistent income, I might not be APPROVED. I’d pass a background check, but might not pass a credit check anymore. (A shame. I got my credit pretty strong before everything fell apart.)
I miss work- not the kind of jobs I was in, but the opportunity to do something with my days. Remote jobs are rarer than people like to think, and even so there aren’t many where I could avoid the camera, avoid mind-numbing math that I’m not great with, and avoid the phone. Coding doesn’t click well in my mind, either. Art and writing are *basically* my primary “marketable” skills.
And crowdfunding has gotten more frustrating in the last year. Not only has the Musquito’s purchase of Twitter left the site in bad shape, there’s been a heavy uptick in the bots and bullies. Nearly every request tweet has had at least one ableist jerk on it, accusing me of “not taking jobs I’m offered” (when I haven’t HAD much offered.) Lot of fat-hostility on there too, which doesn’t piss me off for my OWN sake but for others’. I’m only a smidgen heavier than average. If they’re being an ass to me about it, they’re bound to be worse to anyone heavier.
Combine the existential dread of months of near misses, and a physical fatigue that leaves me in bed at random, and it’s been harder and harder to even BE online enough to plead for help. I had to specifically store up energy for today- writing this blog, developing another pinned thread, and such. I have so much else to do, too, and so little stamina to do it.
I hope to keep going as long as I can. I’m not *in great health,* but I’m in a state of health where I COULD last until a decent age as long as I can stay housed and hopefully occasionally get my butt to a doctor where they wear a freaking mask. I had a hunch pretty early on that the antimask/antivax crowd were going to cause the pan-damnit to drag on at least through 2025, and it seems like that’s the case. (My region has been in the fairly high spread range for quite a while, despite all of the attempts to hide it through reduction in testing.)
What do I want to do, with my difficult life? I’d love to get published. I’d love to keep going with my art. I want to keep advocating for Human rights- and although my focus is on disability rights and queer rights, I also stand with any other marginalized groups and against theocracy, krapitalism, and assault culture.
Just because I can’t do Easily Priced Work doesn’t mean my contributions are worthless. And even if I WASN’T trying to contribute, disability justice says that your worth isn’t supposed to be tied to what you do for society. That every. Single. Person deserves life, safety, food, and support. That killionaires scooping up resources to hoard and overprice are a far worse drain on society than even *all disabled people combined.*
So yes, I’ll still be asking for help weekly for the foreseeable future. I would love more sponsors at
https://www.Patreon.com/FalcoSkyWolf – from $3 to $20 a month, who would get custom requests, first look at new art, and exclusive coloring mandalas. Or for folks to snag my art on merch at
https://www.FalcoSkyWolf.Redbubble.com . But the quickest way to lend a hand is through PayPal-
https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=EL5EB7BDZ3GTW
I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and share my requests on Twitter even if you can’t contribute. But if you can contribute, please feel free to let me know if you’d like a custom mandala or text art! I would love to draw a memorial piece, put imagery to your slogans and poetry, or give you a fancy name or pronoun badge!
Thank you for all of the support I’ve gotten so far. Without the help of my online pals, I wouldn’t have made it such a long time. Every scrap makes a difference and helps me stave off despair.
