Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Autistic Nonetheless]

ntroducing Bobby Joe to some good herb…


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Man, Joe sure is running to fat.

Also this is extremely unkind but since i was just looking up some hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy concept art i now cant unsee it.

Spoiler: Vogon

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Man, Joe sure is running to fat.

Also this is extremely unkind but since i was just looking up some hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy concept art i now cant unsee it.

Spoiler: Vogon

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Unfair, the Vogons' literary output is better than Joe's.

Someone noticed how insane it is to lob tennis balls at a baby's head.

Spoiler

Yeah, so why the baby in the front? Puzzling.

 

[behindyourightnow]

introducing Bobby Joe to some good herb…

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I wish I had something smarter to add, but all I can think of is the fact that this man is only forty-one years old:



Cross-sex hormones, kids. Not even once.

 

[Chickenpolar]

Honestly, Joe screwing up his tenure is the worst thing he could literally do. He's got no transferrable skills outside of academia and his area of expertise (Victorian litterature in Japan (!)) is such a narrow field that it would be hard for him finding another job, especially as universities are struggling a bit. So he's going to end up being a mooch on Lily and Mallory as I can't imagine him taking a low-level job.

I love that for him.

If Lily is smart she would boot him back to Berkeley and get on the child support train before he loses his job.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Unfair, the Vogons' literary output is better than Joe's.

Someone noticed how insane it is to lob tennis balls at a baby's head.

Spoiler

View attachment 6291283

Yeah, so why the baby in the front? Puzzling.

That Ergo 360 carrier she has can indeed be worn with the baby in the back, but it's not safe to do so until about six months when the kid has better head and trunk control. There's a risk the baby's head will flop around or its face will get smashed into your back, it's really not comfortable (psychologically) to do with such a small kid.

That said, they did not take Rocco out of Joe's arms on the sidelines, load him into the carrier, snap a couple of action shots, then take the carrier back off, extract Rocco, and pass him back to Joe. That is simply a lie. Mallory's forehand can't possibly have any heat to it, but this kid still has a soft spot in the front of his skull for gods' sake. These people are retards.

 

[monstrous bubo]

That said, they did not take Rocco out of Joe's arms on the sidelines, load him into the carrier, snap a couple of action shots, then take the carrier back off, extract Rocco, and pass him back to Joe.

Is it easier if Bobby Joe was in the carrier the whole time with either parent? Still much retardation to put him in the firing line, of course.

 

[GloriousScarf]

I wish I had something smarter to add, but all I can think of is the fact that this man is only forty-one years old:

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Cross-sex hormones, kids. Not even once.

I flicked back to the OP to see Joe's old pics. He looked more or less his age when the OP was created and in a mere 4 years he has aged about 25 years.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Is it easier if Bobby Joe was in the carrier the whole time with either parent? Still much retardation to put him in the firing line, of course.

Oh, it took me a second to get what you meant. No. To swap, you'd have to take the baby completely out, remove the carrier from your body, put it on the next person, load the baby back in.

What really happened is that Rocco was in the carrier the whole time...with Lily. She probably did put him on the sidelines eventually, but the idea that "he was just in there for three seconds for a photo op!" is a lie. Joe said it because he's a narc. The person who tweeted at him made him feel uncomfortable, so he made up an excuse for why whacking tennis balls toward his baby's face wasn't what it looked like and was fine, actually.

And truly, Lily isn't dangling Rocco into the jaws of death here. It's not incredibly dangerous, the risk of a freak accident is low, but it's just sorta dumb. The notable thing here is that Joe 1.) didn't realize this and posted pics of it (his usual braggadocious creepshots of Lily), 2.) Reacted to the mild Twitter mom-shaming with a stupid lie that he didn't even realize was totally unrealistic.

 

[Bookwork]

Selfies are all they've got now. Look at MEEEEEEEEE. They'll feed Rocco into a wood chipper just to get a few likes.

 

[monstrous bubo]

Joe is ladycockteasing us with another threat/promise to blow up what’s left of his professional standing.



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Seeing (or smelling) Joe in person would be bad enough without the „paean to hentai”. Thoughts and prayers for Bobby Joe, who will probably have shota instead of Little Golden Books. Still, if Joe goes through with his threat the academic drama should be funny.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Nothing says "professionally secure" like crafting a manifesto about everyone who's wronged you that you've been seething about for years.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Joe is ladycockteasing us with another threat/promise to blow up what’s left of his professional standing.

This just makes me think that Joe's tenure at Berkley is in trouble, but he's at least not dumb like Rhys McKinnon to completely pull the "you can't fire me, I quit" shit. I'm sure every time he releases one of his books he has power fantasies about how this one will totally take off and make him surpass JK Rowling - only he's a boring straight dude in academia who writes boring books about "queer" culture, which is bizarre because he's a straight man with moobs.

Hopefully Joe picks up drinking again and spills everything because he's obviously bitter that everyone isn't just bowing to his genius.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I wonder if Lilly just stares at the ceiling, or the hideous portrait of Joe, in between night feedings and wonders wtf she got herself into.

Two years ago she dumps her cool wife, leaves Lansing and heads off to her new, glamorous fanfic life in NYC with a rich polycule blowing through their SS advances like drunk debutants. Now she’s back in Lansing supporting both a fat, non-working, academic troon and his wife while raising an infant. When did she realize she’s been the victim of an elaborate BPD ruse? She’s paying through the nose for hopping on to the tail end of Joe and Moe’s wild BPD troon ride.

 

[Aliénor]

I wonder if Lilly just stares at the ceiling, or the hideous portrait of Joe, in between night feedings and wonders wtf she got herself into.

Two years ago she dumps her cool wife, leaves Lansing and heads off to her new, glamorous fanfic life in NYC with a rich polycule blowing through their SS advances like drunk debutants. Now she’s back in Lansing supporting both a fat, non-working, academic troon and his wife while raising an infant. When did she realize she’s been the victim of an elaborate BPD ruse? She’s paying through the nose for hopping on to the tail end of Joe and Moe’s wild BPD troon ride.

Serves her right for inserting herself into a couple against the wishes of the (actual) woman in the couple. This thread is like a constant karma wheel for everyone involved.

As for Joe and his big reveal, he's a chickenshit so I doubt he'll dare publish anything of actual transcendence.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

As for Joe and his big reveal, he's a chickenshit so I doubt he'll dare publish anything of actual transcendence.

Most importantly, I don't think Joe has shit. He's barely been to work for the past few years and certainly not to social functions when the real tea gets spilled.

If I'm going to guess, his fetish started bleeding into his classes, students started complaining about having to read sexually charged poems (and Joe taking delight in the awkwardness) and they pulled him aside and told him to cut it out, maybe even started insisting on having to approve of each of his class assignments individually. Joe pouts about his autogynophilia not being accepted in the classroom, so they're heckin' transphobes.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Most importantly, I don't think Joe has shit. He's barely been to work for the past few years and certainly not to social functions when the real tea gets spilled.

It’s either academia is the secret TERF caliphate, or it’s full of chasers constantly trying to have sex with Joe, or both.

Joe has definitely detected some sex adjacent wrong think to call out. A public tantrum of troon accusations must be his ace in the hole for forcing some place to pay him to teach in spring 2025. I’m sure it will turn out well.

Also, no doubt, a nothing burger because he’s a servile coward at heart. Any accusations are born from troon BPD nonsense. He only lobs nuclear level accusations via proxies, like getting Mallory to accuse her brother of being a PDF. He doesn’t have the balls, literally, to take the heat from making shocking false allegations.

 

[Dick Johnson]

I wonder if Lilly just stares at the ceiling, or the hideous portrait of Joe, in between night feedings and wonders wtf she got herself into.

Two years ago she dumps her cool wife, leaves Lansing and heads off to her new, glamorous fanfic life in NYC with a rich polycule blowing through their SS advances like drunk debutants. Now she’s back in Lansing supporting both a fat, non-working, academic troon and his wife while raising an infant. When did she realize she’s been the victim of an elaborate BPD ruse? She’s paying through the nose for hopping on to the tail end of Joe and Moe’s wild BPD troon ride.

I can't imagine that Lily's feeling too much in the way of regret at this point. She saw Joe's social media postings and thought "Gotta get me a piece of that". She moved in with Joe and Mal for a couple of years and still thought "I gotta have this guy's baby!" All along she's been actively choosing this, with far more knowledge of Joe than we have in this thread. She's not a victim of an elaborate BPD ruse, she's a victim of her own inscrutable decisionmaking process. (Which I would be very interested to hear about. The one smart thing she does is stay quiet on social media, which leads to the various speculation that boils down to 'What the fuck, Lily?')

 

[Chickenpolar]

Joe is ladycockteasing us with another threat/promise to blow up what’s left of his professional standing.

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Seeing (or smelling) Joe in person would be bad enough without the „paean to hentai”. Thoughts and prayers for Bobby Joe, who will probably have shota instead of Little Golden Books. Still, if Joe goes through with his threat the academic drama should be funny.

"When I am finally professionally secure"

Isn't that what tenure is for?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I can't imagine that Lily's feeling too much in the way of regret at this point. She saw Joe's social media postings and thought "Gotta get me a piece of that". She moved in with Joe and Mal for a couple of years and still thought "I gotta have this guy's baby!" All along she's been actively choosing this, with far more knowledge of Joe than we have in this thread. She's not a victim of an elaborate BPD ruse, she's a victim of her own inscrutable decisionmaking process. (Which I would be very interested to hear about. The one smart thing she does is stay quiet on social media, which leads to the various speculation that boils down to 'What the fuck, Lily?')

I think the ruse was that Joe and Moe were quasi-responsible adults. A successful academics and writer, substack darlings, living the life of bohemian elite in an expensive part of Brooklyn. Lilly found that very attractive and wanted to be a part of that life.,

But Joe and Mal were actually not responsible adults. They living ridiculously beyond their means in some BPD fantasy world of their own making. Joe fled from his academic career for foggy reasons and the days of fat advances to live large on were over by 2022. I think the financial realities only hit home after Lilly was pregnant. Shit hit the fan around the time Rocco was born and Joe’s Hail Mary attempts to secure a new academic gig imploded and Moe was working a wagie job to keep things afloat. The Brooklyn apartment was insufficient for their throuple plus baby, and was too expensive.

Once Lilly was pregnant her fate was sealed. You don’t bail on a relationship in the last months of pregnancy, or with an infant, unless the situation is truly dire. If the baby had not been a factor I do wonder if she would have moved back to Lansing with the dynamic duo in tow or just told Joe and Moe she’d come visit once they got settled in a new place in CA or NY.

I think Lilly found the high life in Brooklyn with Joe exciting in 2022-23. Having a baby felt like the perfect way to secure her position in Joe’s life. (I’d also assume she wanted to be a mommy, but needed to do so in a non-trad way to keep her queer creds intact.)

I don’t think she ever envisioned playing house in Lansing, while being the only fully employed member of the throuple. Lansing was just where her job was, one that she was avoiding like the plague the last two years, probably in hopes of a better position in NY or maybe Joe could help her at Berkeley or make her a domestic goddess for a few years in Brooklyn.

Instead she’s has an infant, plus two failed costal elite, unemployed gender blobs, in a 900 sq foot house in the Midwest. This is absolutely the opposite of fanfic life Lilly envisioned. By the time she realized there might be some major problems on the horizon she was knocked up and it was too late to pull up. Her escape to Brooklyn was just a long route back to Lansing with her responsibilities tripled.

I think Lilly was probably living a nice artsy responsible adult life in Lansing with her girlfriend in 2021, but she was enamored with Brooklyn fantasy Joe was promoting. Unfortunately it was just a fantasy and he couldn’t afford to maintain it for very long

 

[Constellationzero]

This just makes me think that Joe's tenure at Berkley is in trouble, but he's at least not dumb like Rhys McKinnon to completely pull the "you can't fire me, I quit" shit. I'm sure every time he releases one of his books he has power fantasies about how this one will totally take off and make him surpass JK Rowling - only he's a boring straight dude in academia who writes boring books about "queer" culture, which is bizarre because he's a straight man with moobs.

Hopefully Joe picks up drinking again and spills everything because he's obviously bitter that everyone isn't just bowing to his genius.

Nah, I want to see him do a Kevin Allred. Get fired. Never get hired anywhere else. Then make a tard site online with tard classes about BEE-YOUNCE or something else equally tarded, and basically talk to himself on the site with multiple socks when no one signs up for his tard classes.