We don't get to see deep into Isif's test, because we come back just after the results have come in. Isif briefly mentions that he felt incredible pity seeing the helpless prey animals being tormented, but doesn't elaborate further. I guess the important thing is that he's empirically shown empathy and Zhao now has to contend with that evidence. Keeping to his word he allows Tarva to take Isif away on her ship. What follows is a very long, awkward shuttle ride back to venlil prime where they both sit in silence next to one another. Eventually, Isif breaks the ice after getting annoyed with the zurulians in the back and cracking a joke about how torturous it must be for humans to endure exchange programs. Tarva doesn't find it very funny, and they awkwardly rally the conversation back and forth until they hit the uncomfortable subject of Elias's death. Tarva goes quiet as grief eats away at her, and Isif can't help but silently express empathy, which pisses Tarva off.
With quiet fury she begins questioning him about the horrible things he's done, and the ones he's ordered. She understands that his motivation of staying alive was reasonable, but it doesn't excuse the people he's killed, had killed, or eaten, either personally or not. Isif quietly admits that she's right, and he regrets his culpability, even if it was just to survive. She asks him about the cradle, if it was him who ordered the attack. It's his fault that the gojid are now an endangered species. Tarva looks away, out of the view port, while Isif muses on how things have been different since the day the arxur found another predator species among the stars. The humans took back the cradle fair and square.
Isif apologizes, in his own way. He doesn't say sorry, but he does express that he understands how his actions could have been hurtfu-
“You don’t know hurtful. You took my daughter. YOU TOOK MY DAUGHTER! It was you. You ordered the grays to gas Venlil s-schools: what, to crush our morale?! I fucking know you feel empathy, and you could’ve done things differently. Why did you have to be so cruel?!”
She shoves Isif, with enough force that it actually surprises him, though the size difference keeps him from toppling out of his seat. He tries to reassure her that her anger is not misplaced and that he does not deserve to be forgiven. They sit in silence again for a moment as Tarva wipes away the tears. Some part of Isif wants to offer empathy, but his logical mind knows that he's the last person in the galaxy she wants it from right now. Once she calms down, she expresses sadness at the difficult life Isif leads and has lead, and thinks he really needs a friend. But that friend can't be her.
This, if you'll forgive me editorializing more than I have already, is one of the most tragic and somber scenes in the entire book. In this ship sits two souls, deeply wounded and desperately needing comfort, who understand each other and can't help but want to comfort one another, but because of the death of Tarva's daughter (and many, many other things), simply cannot. So close, and yet so far away. It must be the loneliest feeling in the world to be understood so thoroughly by the only person you can't let into your heart.
With tempers quieted and the unspeakable spoken, Tarva offers up a holopad to Isif. If he needs a friend, he could try speaking anonymously on the prey's internet. As long as he doesn't give away that he's an arxur, he just might make one.
Hours later, Isif is alone in space aboard the ship, drifting towards his spy station while browsing the fed's internet. He stumbles onto what is basically the Dossur version of omegle (the dossur being those tiny rodent creatures, low priority for the arxur because they don't make good slaves and they don't make good meals) and begins to chat with one such rodent.
Hi
How’s it going? Please tell me you’re not just on here to flirt. I swear, it’s like this became a dating app overnight.
What? I don’t know why I’m here, but it’s certainly not for that.
Good, ‘cause I will block you if you’re lying. So I’m Felra, and I’m a spaceship inspector. Catching every slapstick, half-assed repair job the human alliance throws at us.
You work with humans?
Not directly. We just let their allies marshal some forces at the old Fed spots. The UN is talking about an exchange program, but we’re the smallest species in the galaxy. Problematic.
What’s your name?
Siffy
That’s adorable! You must get that a lot, but props to your parents.
I do not wish to discuss my parents.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. What do you do for a living, Siffy?
This and that. Nothing you’d be interested in.
You don’t talk about much, do you? You’re prickly as a Gojid.
I’m not…used to talking. This was a mistake…I deserve to be alone.
He shuts the holopad off for now, he has important work to do. A video call with Prophet-Descendant Giznel, demanding to know why Isif has been avoiding his check ins. Isif puts on his logical voice and quiets the defective voice so he can weasel his way out of punishment. He wasn't trying to join the humans no, don't be ridiculous, he was out gathering intel. Like it or not, the humans will know betterment, yes of course. Luckily for Isif, his advice to Shaza to leave humans alone worked out in his favor, because attacking them at Silis and Fahl backfired horribly. See, while the humans were warped away from the planets, they decided to do a little trolling, and wiped out pretty much Shaza's entire sector. Farms were liberated, stations reduced to rubble, comms destroyed. She'll be finding out about the same time they are, Giznel muses, and Isif can't help but laugh at her misfortune.
He assures Giznel that Shaza brought this upon herself, and Giznel, while displeased, lets Isif go with a warning. He's an odd fellow, but he steams a good ham. As the video call ends, Isif receives a notification on the holopad Tarva left behind for him. A friend request and a message.
“No one deserves to be alone.”
