r/polyamory

[Hassou Tobi]

Dear Prudence,

Last year, I became involved in my first poly relationship with a couple, Frank and Linda. To be honest, my attraction was mostly to Frank, but I decided to give this relationship a chance even though Linda was always a bit more distant with me. We settled into a routine. Frank and Linda have a daughter, Marcie, and because of my schedule, I’ve been able to pick up Marcie from school and help around the house a bit. I felt like we were a family. Recently, Frank and Linda brought someone else, Chelsea, into the relationship. As a result, I’ve been sidelined.

I still pick up Marcie from school and help around the house, but otherwise, Frank and Linda spend very little time with me. I feel both of them, most of all Linda, are more attracted to Chelsea and like her better. I resent Chelsea a lot. When I brought this up, they accused me of being “needy” and “close-minded.” I feel betrayed, but this is my first poly relationship and I worry that maybe they are right that I’m looking at this the wrong way. I don’t want to be a “clingy” girlfriend. On the other hand, if all I’m doing is vacuuming and running errands for Frank and Linda, I don’t think that’s a real relationship. I don’t even know how to discuss this with them again as the one time I did they blew me off.

—Trapped In a Love Square

https://slate.com/advice/2024/06/dating-couple-poly-relationship-chores-dear-prudence-advice.html

 

[Petronella]

Not able to quote or reply to @ItsaKnife for some reason, but I feel like that exact scenario is extremely common among couples who start off monogamous and then decide to open the relationship. One partner thinks they'll get to have all kinds of dates and sexy fun with other people, and they believe (either explicitly or implicitly) that their partner will just demurely stay at home and wait for them. Then they have an absolute meltdown when, surprise surprise, their spouse is seeing other people too.

Spoiler

I've dipped my toe in polyamory twice and this was the case in both of those relationships.

 

[Marvin]

Relating to all the posts about asexuality on the last page. Almost nobody is actually asexual (I don't doubt there are people with really low libidos who don't care for sex though), anyone who claims to be asexual is 100% not asexual. They're either autists with weird fetishes who are repulsed by normal sex and have decided that's being asexual, people who can't get any but don't want to feel or look bad about it, or people (almost always women) who rely on parasocial relationships trying to get simps off of their asses without explicitly denying them.

Don’t forget people whose libido has been fucked by medication. Genuinely, I’d go as far as to say they are the majority of “asexual” people are actually people whose medication cocktail is wrecking their libido.

Agreed.

Like, at least with men, sex drive is caused at least physically by testosterone and functioning body parts. It's not a personality trait or subject to psychology. It's a mechanical function of the body, at least to some degree.

If a male is "asexual", then they fundamentally must have some sort of medical condition. If they don't have a medical condition and just aren't having sex, we just call that "celibate". Which I guess is less sexy to these weirdos than asexual, counterintuitively.

TL;DR: Man badgers wife for an "open relationship" which he thinks would just be his special hallpass because of his wife's mommy issues. Wife gets the self esteem fucked back into her by men she met online who are all better than the husband in both charisma and dick. She falls out of love. Marriage is over. Man cries. The end.

Dude had a good thing with his wife.

Sucks for him he was retarded enough to fall for poly nonsense.

Not able to quote or reply to @ItsaKnife for some reason

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/suggestion-and-update-thread.3183/post-15393378

 

[Wallace]

Dear Prudence,

Last year, I became involved in my first poly relationship with a couple, Frank and Linda. To be honest, my attraction was mostly to Frank, but I decided to give this relationship a chance even though Linda was always a bit more distant with me. We settled into a routine. Frank and Linda have a daughter, Marcie, and because of my schedule, I’ve been able to pick up Marcie from school and help around the house a bit. I felt like we were a family. Recently, Frank and Linda brought someone else, Chelsea, into the relationship. As a result, I’ve been sidelined.

I still pick up Marcie from school and help around the house, but otherwise, Frank and Linda spend very little time with me. I feel both of them, most of all Linda, are more attracted to Chelsea and like her better. I resent Chelsea a lot. When I brought this up, they accused me of being “needy” and “close-minded.” I feel betrayed, but this is my first poly relationship and I worry that maybe they are right that I’m looking at this the wrong way. I don’t want to be a “clingy” girlfriend. On the other hand, if all I’m doing is vacuuming and running errands for Frank and Linda, I don’t think that’s a real relationship. I don’t even know how to discuss this with them again as the one time I did they blew me off.

—Trapped In a Love Square

https://slate.com/advice/2024/06/dating-couple-poly-relationship-chores-dear-prudence-advice.html

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Open marriages: thy name is hubris.

 

[supremeautismo]

Love is not enough to create a sustainable and healthy partnership

Late, but this shows why poly just does not work. Save a genuinely abusive or incompatible relationship, love is the struggle, the annoyance, and the adoration, all at once. It’s often children to solidify making the choice that you are the one, I only put up with your bullshit because you are wonderful despite it. If you can’t put in the love to make it work, it isn’t love at all.

I’ve tried poly. Shit was exhausting, and there was zero loyalty.


In a way, I feel bad for troons, and gay people (men specifically.) Imagine not finding ‘the one’ and searching endlessly. Lucky to say, couldn’t be me. These people are endlessly frustrating and cowardly, which, in turn, is a wonderful dumpsterfire to watch. Don’t fuck with the formula!

 

[UncleTusky]

In a way, I feel bad for troons, and gay people (men specifically.) Imagine not finding ‘the one’ and searching endlessly. Lucky to say, couldn’t be me. These people are endlessly frustrating and cowardly, which, in turn, is a wonderful dumpsterfire to watch. Don’t fuck with the formula!

IMO this is part of why gay men are so likely to do open/casual relationships or just sleep around their whole lives: You're right that the small dating pool makes it easy to never find 'the one' or even just someone tolerable, so at that point the only real choice is whether they do something to distract from how they'll die alone . . . and in many cases that something is flings + random sex.

Edit to Add:

Late, but this shows why poly just does not work. Save a genuinely abusive or incompatible relationship, love is the struggle, the annoyance, and the adoration, all at once. It’s often children to solidify making the choice that you are the one, I only put up with your bullshit because you are wonderful despite it. If you can’t put in the love to make it work, it isn’t love at all.

The other issue is that poly normalizes things that would normally be major warning flags like sleeping around and avoiding your SO rather than dealing with problems. It's much harder to fix a relationship when signs it's failing/on the brink of failing are dismissed as appropriate behavior.

 

[Free the Pedos]

Like, at least with men, sex drive is caused at least physically by testosterone and functioning body parts.

Where do you think it comes from in women? Clouds and rainbows? Sex hormones, including testosterone, are necessary for women's libido.

 

[Major]

Not able to quote or reply to @ItsaKnife for some reason, but I feel like that exact scenario is extremely common among couples who start off monogamous and then decide to open the relationship. One partner thinks they'll get to have all kinds of dates and sexy fun with other people, and they believe (either explicitly or implicitly) that their partner will just demurely stay at home and wait for them. Then they have an absolute meltdown when, surprise surprise, their spouse is seeing other people too.

Spoiler

I've dipped my toe in polyamory twice and this was the case in both of those relationships.

Jesus, what's wrong with americans?

edit: it's worth noting that 'polygamy' is not new. Degenerate fucks like the bloomsbury group were doing this bullshit well over 100 years ago. The pre-WW1 anglo-american upper classes are where most of the modern sex stuff comes from by the way.

 

[Marvin]

Where do you think it comes from in women? Clouds and rainbows? Sex hormones, including testosterone, are necessary for women's libido.

Sex drive is different in women. It's generally understood that women can be separately physically and psychologically aroused. Whereas in men, that's really not a thing. If a man is physically turned on, it's a pretty good bet that he's mentally turned on. And if he's choosing not to have sex, it's conscious denial, not because he doesn't have the urge.

Yes, I understand that sex hormones have a big influence on women's sex drive too. Especially because we see so many pooners become hypersexual in weird ways. (And I never bought the arguments people made that they're being giant perverts entirely performatively.)

But being a man, I just don't understand the subjective experiences of women in that area, so I kept it to what I know.

 

[Mark Robinson BussyLiquor]

I think an important question is missing from this thread: How can we best apply the teachings of Islam to these deviant polygamous scenarios?

 

[DumbDude43]

Agreed.

Like, at least with men, sex drive is caused at least physically by testosterone and functioning body parts. It's not a personality trait or subject to psychology. It's a mechanical function of the body, at least to some degree.

If a male is "asexual", then they fundamentally must have some sort of medical condition. If they don't have a medical condition and just aren't having sex, we just call that "celibate". Which I guess is less sexy to these weirdos than asexual, counterintuitively.

remember, antidepressants are some of the most widely prescribed drugs, and some of them do shit like this

 

[Frenzy of Sharks]

Open relationships are for morons.

If your partner wants to see other people but still wants to stay with you, just skip to the end and break up.

Don't be like Destiny.

 

[Blarmed&Dangerous]

Open relationships are for morons.

If your partner wants to see other people but still wants to stay with you, just skip to the end and break up.

Don't be like Destiny.

I still contend that his son actually said "cucked" and not "cooked."

 

[RainbowStarlight]

Wow. These people really so have astonishingly low self esteem.

 

[74164978231]

In a way, I feel bad for troons, and gay people (men specifically.) Imagine not finding ‘the one’ and searching endlessly. Lucky to say, couldn’t be me. These people are endlessly frustrating and cowardly, which, in turn, is a wonderful dumpsterfire to watch. Don’t fuck with the formula!

They cant find "the one" because theyre emotionally broken from being sexually abused as a child.

 

[Vampirella]

View attachment 6295324

Wow. These people really so have astonishingly low self esteem.

If this wasn't a poly relationship people would tell them to leave a partner that doesn't show affection. Someone having mental health problems doesn't give them an excuse to treat a husband or wife like that.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

 

[74164978231]

View attachment 6298046

Why do these retarded assholes always have children?

 

[AMHOLIO]

View attachment 6298046

Divorce, that's what it means.

Why do these retarded assholes always have children?

Having a child doesn't take skill, it takes a working penis and a working uterus. Even people with bad judgment have those.

Edit: Parents are people too. Saving a failing marriage by ensuring the other partner can cuck you can happen with and without children, but generally most parents choose not to. Some people are too weak without their partner either emotionally or financially, and it can take precedence over a child due to their own emotional weakness.