Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Captain Manning]

I am ready for trash cans here. When he said that Judge Fischer had liquor coming from her vagina, wasn't he calling her a lesbian?

Possibly, but I wil note she was married to a man named Stephen, with her divorce from him being finalized in 2022. You can find that on MCRO if you're interested. So I am guessing it's unlikely she is a lesbian. Unless you wanna argue she is, but married a man anyways.



I think it's like the Denny's joke all over again. Trying to make sense of it is futile.

Remember, Nick looks up to Dick Masterson. A man who seems to believe comedy never advanced beyond calling women fat.

The difference is, when Dick tells a joke, people roll their eyes. When Nick tells a joke, people scratch their heads. Dick's jokes are comprehensible but stupid. Nick's are incomprehensible and stupid.

 

[Pelican Bones]

I hate to break it to everyone, but Nick doesn't have any points to his jokes. The absolute extent of his comprehension of humor is shock/offense, non-sequiturs, and racism. He just blabbers shit stream-of-conscious style and hopes something will land. If the joke doesn't land, he'll just force it until it's awkward and then pretend that the awkwardness was the joke.

The worst thing that ever happened to Nick and his family was him going online and having someone think he was funny. It's what lead him to where he is today.

 

[genericwhitemale]

I am ready for trash cans here. When he said that Judge Fischer had liquor coming from her vagina, wasn't he calling her a lesbian?

Vagina liquor = pussy liquor = pussy licker.

That's far too smart for Rekeita

 

[John Andrews Stan]

The only thing stupider than Nick’s attempts at jokes is trying to figure out what the fuck the drunk is talking about. Your time would be better spent doing literally anything else. And this thread would be better off quiet than filled with this horseshit.

 

[HodgePodgeRogerDodger]

Nick is currently getting pissy on Twitter if someone wants to archive. I’m shitposting at work so I can’t.

 

[Vibralldo]

I hate to break it to everyone, but Nick doesn't have any points to his jokes. The absolute extent of his comprehension of humor is shock/offense, non-sequiturs, and racism. He just blabbers shit stream-of-conscious style and hopes something will land. If the joke doesn't land, he'll just force it until it's awkward and then pretend that the awkwardness was the joke.

The worst thing that ever happened to Nick and his family was him going online and having someone think he was funny. It's what lead him to where he is today.

Nick's got terrible delivery too. He doesn't understand the concept of pacing, always trying to blast everything out as fast as possible instead of letting the jokes breathe.

I'd say the worst thing that happened to Nick was becoming friends with Dick Masterson, because now Nick wants to live the life Dick claims he has:

An edgy, beloved LA based comedian that has all the drugs and sex he wants constantly.

That's why he's always doing these awkward jokes, he's trying to hone his standup skills so he can eventually parlay his streaming career into a comedy one.

It won't work because he isn't funny.

 

[TherapyMan]

Nick's got terrible delivery too.

One of the most obnoxious things he does comes from how he delivers every jokes like he's expecting the laugh. It's not just the pacing, but the tone as well. Good comedians make telling a joke basically effortless, using the same tone and cadence of telling a story or holding a conversation.

Nick always tries to joke-rape his audience by delivering every "joke" with the tone of laughing at his own joke before he even gets it out. It comes across as very smug, like he knows he has a zinger, and the audience exists to give him the feedback he wants. He insists on the joke's humor, rather than letting the joke land naturally.

The Denny's Joke is probably the best example of this. Just look at how hard he tries to force that joke down Kurt's throat in an attempt to force him to laugh.

 

[Gorton Colu]

One of the most obnoxious things he does comes from how he delivers every jokes like he's expecting the laugh. It's not just the pacing, but the tone as well.

We must laugh when he bids us to. No, laughing at him does not count or whatever.

 

[daffodils]

Shrug
ShrNick is currently getting pissy on Twitter if someone wants to archive. I’m shitposting at work so I can’t.

SEAN! SEAN! What about the rules of evidence, Sean?!

 

[Pagan Min]

SEAN! SEAN! What about the rules of evidence, Sean?!

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Funny how the non-practicing lawyer says Sean doesn't understand the situation b/c it wasn't shaped like a sandwich. In that vein (Get that intended pun, Nick? It's because you're a junkie!!!), it's quite obvious that Rackets didn't understand it either since it wasn't shaped like a crack rock...

 

[AnOminous]

Remember, Nick looks up to Dick Masterson. A man who seems to believe comedy never advanced beyond calling women fat.

To be fair, calling a bitch fat is the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast joke. You do kind of have to have something else in your repertoire too, though.

One of the most obnoxious things he does comes from how he delivers every jokes like he's expecting the laugh. It's not just the pacing, but the tone as well.

He's as cringe as Jeb saying "please clap."

He's so autistically unable to pick up on social cues that he doesn't get that it's the job of the "comedian" to MAKE the audience laugh.

 

[Third World Aristocrat]

SEAN! SEAN! What about the rules of evidence, Sean?!

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Spoiler: Archives

• Main response to Sean's Xeet: Xeet / Archive / Ghostarchive
• Sean is a "practicing lawyer" comment: Xeet / Archive / Ghostarchive
• "Sean is talking out of his ass, generally": Xeet / Archive / Ghostarchive
• "The lawyer representing me at that hearing is a walking malpractice factory": Xeet / Archive / Ghostarchive
• Rekieta was never "fine" with the bodycam going out: Xeet / Archive / Ghostarchive

Generally I prefer to archive with Ghostarchive, as it gives more context. But it isn't working for me now. I'll add later if it returns to work.

 

[Captain Manning]

Whoever this is, they are fucking based:



This deserves about 1,000 updoots, and @elb should pin it.

(It's from the clip of Nick's May 20 Fischer rant).

The only thing stupider than Nick’s attempts at jokes is trying to figure out what the fuck the drunk is talking about. Your time would be better spent doing literally anything else. And this thread would be better off quiet than filled with this horseshit.

I am inclined to agree, actually. Unfortunately, you're still gonna get people wandering in here asking about the cop at Denny's and the "pussy liquor." Get used to it. It's inevitable on a thread this size.

They're easy enough questions to answer though, at least. Nobody gets it. He's a cokehead. It's nonsense.

Terry A. Davis is more comprehensible. Steve Quest is more comprehensible. Both of them suffer(ed) from Schizophrenia (well, Davis absolutely did, but I am not entirely sure about Quest), and yet they both made/make more sense than Nick. They were/are far more likable too. They also have/had the ability to make people laugh with them, and not at them.

What I am saying is... Drugs are bad. Say no to drugs. Also, laugh at Nick.

SEAN! SEAN! What about the rules of evidence, Sean?!

View attachment 6300279

Sean is doing the same thing everybody else in Lawtube always does, including Nick himself (or at least used to). Why would intimate knowledge of local rules suddenly matter now? Oh wait. I forget. Different rules when Nick is in the dock. Silly me.

Plus, I am pretty sure Sean has said numerous times he has done CPS stuff.

Sean has more legal experience in his pinky finger than Nick has in his entire body.

EDIT: Typo.

 

[AnOminous]

Sean is doing the same thing everybody else in Lawtube always does, including Nick himself (or at least used to). Why would intimate knowledge of local rules suddenly matter now? Oh wait. I forget. Different rules when Nick is in the dock. Silly me.

Nothing fucking Nick in the ass has anything to do with obscure local rules. They're all about his garden level retardation, stupidity, and getting caught with a fuckton of drugs.

There is no special Minnesota rule that makes him anything other than a common drug addict piece of shit identical to every other drug addict piece of shit most people in this country have had to deal with at some point.

Nick thinks he's special. He isn't. He's just yet another dime store villain.

 

[Catgirl Tyranid]

SEAN! SEAN! What about the rules of evidence, Sean?!
View attachment 6300328

If Jersh goes out of his way to ask Nick directly, Nick will say No and then say "I never said I would sign the release" if confronted about it.

Called it.

 

[Pagan Min]

Sean is doing the same thing everybody else in Lawtube always does, including Nick himself (or at least used to). Why would intimate knowledge of local rules suddenly matter now? Oh wait. I forget. Different rules when Nick is in the dock. Silly me.

Plus, I am pretty sure Sean has said numerous times he has done CPS stuff.

Sean has more legal experience is his pinky finger than Nick has in his entire body.

And this is why Nick went with the fat joke/insult wrt what Sean posted. Since Nick's "knowledge" about law doesn't come even CLOSE to what Sean's knowledge & history is, that's all he CAN do. I mean, it's not like he can compare his experience with Kiwi Santa's...

 

[AnOminous]

And this is why Nick went with the fat joke/insult wrt what Sean posted. Since Nick's "knowledge" about law doesn't come even CLOSE to what Sean's knowledge & history is, that's all he CAN do. I mean, it's not like he can compare his experience with Kiwi Santa's...

But he can screech "SEAN SEAN SEAN SEEEEEEEEEEAN!" like a deranged retard.

 

[Scan_Lines]

If you add "or whatever..." at the end of this line, it sounds exactly like something Rekieta would say.

Doubt he'd say anything that'd imply he has responsibility.

 

[Obnoxious Asshole]

Nick thinks he's special. He isn't. He's just yet another dime store villain.

Don't insult villains like that. Nick's a skell. That's all he is. Take away Daddy's money and he's nothing.

 

[Sheryl Nome]

The rule of completeness doesn't mean what balldo thinks it means and would likely be worse for him if it were invoked