I'm in a delicate situation and just need to word vomit to alleviate the discomfort and anxiety. This is the closest thread I could think of to dump my guts.
So:
It's gonna be an "all girls" week coming up, and my cousin (MTF/non binary, not yet 20 years old, if I recall) is gonna be there.
It's less of a problem that she's there and bioligacally male, because A) It's family at a private property where there are gonna be no single sex space issues, and, more importantly, B) she's a quiet, sweet kid, very self concious and reserved, and I would have welcomed him out if he were fully comfortable in his male, quiet, sweet, introverted self.
The problem is the simple fact that I've fully peaked, and I'm worried recent events will be brought up (Imane, to name one, or JK Rowling in general, more likely) and I won't be able to express my thoughts or even remain silent without ruining the whole week and hurting multiple people.
There's a lot of background, but to give the long and short of it: I was all of 17 when I first met my cousin, and he was 8 or 9 at the time. I think he started transitioning when he was...god, I guess it would not much before or after puberty.
As I said, quiet, sweet, introverted little boy. Small for his age. Probably on the spectrum. A lot of my male cousins guessed he was gonna be gay.
Emotionally absent father and n overworked, overprotective mother.
There is not a malicious bone in my aunt's body, so I will brook no "Evil attention seeking parent" arguments. However, as mentioned, my aunt was/is overprotective to the point of smothering, and accidently isolated her child by taking him out of public school to ease Cousin's self worth issues and avoid potential bullying.
My aunt and my cousin eventually took the option of social and potentially some medical transitioning to help alleviate my cousin's growing depression apparently manifesting as gender dysphoria.
I remember saying in private, once, in my early 20s when I was only beginning to peak, that I thought it was not a good route to go, but it wasn't my decision.
One person agreed with me, who's passed on now, and the others either didn't know how to handle to situation and/or trusted the diagnosis and treatment.
Obviously, it's been years now, since Cousin is on the precipice of adulthood. She presents female, and looks to have had at least some cross sex hormones, as there are breasts despite Cousin's thin frame. I don't *think* Cousin's been exposed to grooming shit on discord, but the fuck do I know?
I love Cousin and refer to Cousin as female basically 100% of the time in real life, but I'm just sad and angry because he's just gonna be fucking ruined in the coming years because of it. He doesn't deserve that.
He's not overtly sexualized in dress or behaviour. He literally is just a more feminine, probably neurodivergent, probably gay male who wanted to be happy with himself, and was fucking experimented on through zero fault of his own.
I don't blame his mom, despite it all. She was ignorant, scared, and did her best to help her kid.
I'm angry at the medical malpractice that let a depressed kid take cross sex hormones, though thankfully, no surgery as far as I understand.
I'm honestly becoming more and more angry at his dad as I think about it. He fucking ignored his kid because his son wasn't masculine enough to catch his attention. I think I've seen Cousin and his dad exchange 3 words in the last 10 years despite them living in the same house Cousin's entire life. Keep in mind. I met Cousin when he was under 10.
I'm angry at myself for not taking a stand earlier, for what good it would have done.
I'm angry I can't take a stand now because it's too late.
And I'm angry that I can't express this shit or even anything adjacent to this whole gender cancer without either offending my more outspoken family members, or hurting my sweet aunt by saying she failed as a mother despite all her efforts, or saying straight to his face that my cousin's whole fucking life now is based on a lie, and destroying what is supposed to be a relaxing, fun week for all of us.
Fucking fuck, man.
Good to get this shit off my chest, at least.
