Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

Wrong, stalker child. I am in great shape. Enjoy prison!

Patrick, we all know you're fat.

He’s right, technically! A sphere is a shape, perhaps the greatest of shapes.

 

[Irish Turtle]

Wrong, stalker child. I am in great shape. Enjoy prison!

Patrick, we all know you're fat.

No child my gut is not fat its actually all brain muscle. Mama Raven said I was so smart that my brain grew past my skull and went into my gut. I am so smart baby child that I got a 1.0 gpa which means I had the best grades.

 

[Judge Holden]

Ya know I was sniffing some cleaning fluid while at the office today and started to imagine what would have gone down if fatrick emerged in the pre internet era of the 1980s.

Instead of his obsessive xeeting to try and go viral he would be endlessly running a vietnam era mimeograph in his basement to mass produce his own opinion fliers about how Reagan was literally hitler and whacking off about how gloriously funny and heartwarming the latest interchangeable family sitcom was, all while smugly NOCHILDing anyone who disagrees with him via petulant little postcards dispatched to their home addresses.

When he catches wind that some local pranksters are making graffiti of him as an obese nigger eating pig, he furiously waddles round the city forces his wife to drive him round the city as any sustained walking would kill him so he can write with permanent marker under each and every piece of graffiti depicting him or calling him fat or gay that he is not infact fat or gay and that the hoodlums who made the graffiti were being actively hunted by the cops and would soon be enjoying prison, all of which he signs with his name and address. When this inevitably causes him to become the laughing stock of the city and the graffiti starts popping up everywhere he escalates his campaign, and is regularly seen hauling himself out of Nikkki's car to angrily annotate the latest piece of street art depicting him as taking it anally from carl weathers while dressed as the show biz pizza bear.

Also due to his obsessive need to dress like his childhood concept of a "cool guy" circa 20-30 years ago, he is doing all of this while dressed up like a fucking greaser from the 50s.

Anyway, lets check in with currentyear fatrick.


Setting aside the return of StealthyIncapacitator, I really hope one of his suits goes before a judge who asks him in old boomer consternation why he felt the need to angrily reply with threats of violence over a thousand times to somebody threatening to shit in his toilet

 

[Meriasek]

Extreme Prejudice Pat might be one of my favourite Tough Guy Pats.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

Ya know I was sniffing some cleaning fluid while at the office today and started to imagine what would have gone down if fatrick emerged in the pre internet era of the 1980s.

He'd be on BBS no childing people.

 

[Thé au lait]

this is indeed a fascinating & widespread phenomenon, one i have also noticed. in a LOT of author pics in crime fiction, lowbrow thriller or "hardboiled" detective novels in particular, the blobby schlubby middle-aged white mutt author is wearing some humiliating combo of leather jacket / sunglasses / fedora / goatee and stanced up like he's a bad-ass. in some cases they're even hardstyling next to a motorcycle or holding a rottweiller on a leash etc.

i agree fatrick is an extreme example of this, but it's weirdly common. maybe it's insecurity or compensation because at some level they think writing is a sissy-boy way to make a living? idk


EDIT: i went to try and find some examples but i'd forgotten that finding things on the internet doesn't work anymore. enjoy unsubstantiated textpost, child

I think it's just because they're used to thinking in their fantasy worlds and trying to get into their main characters' heads. Usually they seem to write with the main character as a self-insert, so they're effectively used to LARPing as that character in their heads.

We'd have to spice it up, reality TV style. Probably introduce the Funsters after episode one. Let them get creative. One episode of Fatrick and they'll be cheering for anyone who torments him.

Sounds like a great structure for writing Seinfat, a dream I refuse to give up. It would absolutely be a better novel than any of his and probably better than most slop on the market

I am so smart baby child that I got a 1.0 gpa which means I had the best grades

I love the idea that Rick thinks GPAs work like AC used to in Dungeons and Dragons

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

Instead of THAC0 it's FFWBT0. He'll get there eventually, it's hard to acquire the needed magical items for his class to get to 0, you know, an unemployed failed author "bard" (mama Raven and society let him be one despite the stat requirements). He can only afford to keep the dumbest of minions around to patguard for him.

 

[TurboNAS]

Ya know I was sniffing some cleaning fluid while at the office today and started to imagine what would have gone down if fatrick emerged in the pre internet era of the 1980s.

It’s an interesting thought experiment.

I think Patrick would be a constant contributor to editorial sections for small town newspapers. He is able to write fast when it’s time to correct the record, but without the feedback from social media I wonder if he’d be less abrasive.

“You know what really grinds my gears…”

 

[Rimanah]

Ya know I was sniffing some cleaning fluid while at the office today and started to imagine what would have gone down if fatrick emerged in the pre internet era of the 1980s.

Instead of his obsessive xeeting to try and go viral he would be endlessly running a vietnam era mimeograph in his basement to mass produce his own opinion fliers about how Reagan was literally hitler and whacking off about how gloriously funny and heartwarming the latest interchangeable family sitcom was, all while smugly NOCHILDing anyone who disagrees with him via petulant little postcards dispatched to their home addresses.

He’d have been a discount Francis E. Dec then?

“BEFORE I AM EXTERMINATED BY THIS SATLKER, CHILD GOD CONCOCTED AND CONTROLLED WORSE MONGREL ORGANIZED STALKER MURDER INCORPORATED FACIST GOVERNMENT, I HAND YOU OVER TO THE POLICE.

DONATE MONEY OR EVEN A MANUAL TYPEWRITER TO ME, FOR YOUR ONLY HOPE FOR A FUTURE.”

 

[Judge Holden]

Not gonna lie.....I laughed like a fuckin queer at this latest stalker trial fanfic

"HOW DOES IT FEEL KNOWING YOUR DAYS AS A FREE MAN ARE ENDING FOREVER CHILD?!"



Torswats is now cooperating with the patrick investigation group (PIG) department of the FBI and they have informed fatty that they have backtraced all the stalkerchilds

EDIT: oh piggy really?

 

[Tablet County]

So what I’m hearing is that pat is the IRL version of In the Mouth of Madness?

Only he isn't Sutter Kane, thank god.

 

[Jeff_the_Thriller]

Usually they seem to write with the main character as a self-insert, so they're effectively used to LARPing as that character in their heads.

My first thought went to that story that totally happened when he confronted the totally real gym dude bro that was making fun of the fat woman that totally wasn't him. I tell you what definitely didn't happen. He definitely wasn't a dickhead to some random gym patron who then pointed him out to his friend and they laughed at Rick while his fat ass was torturing an elliptical in between gay selfies and cruising the sauna for head. You would think for someone who bullshits as much as Rick that he'd eventually not suck at it.

 

[An automatic clown]

EDIT: oh piggy really?

He's Facebook friends with Dominic Franchetti. A convicted pedophile that Patrick has been repeatedly shown Dominics entry on the sex offender registry and refuses to denounce him.

 

[AprilRains]

Seinfat

Aw, man, that's a winner. Or would Pat be Newman? Either way, a deepfake would do this justice.

 

[Irish Turtle]

I think it's just because they're used to thinking in their fantasy worlds and trying to get into their main characters' heads. Usually they seem to write with the main character as a self-insert, so they're effectively used to LARPing as that character in their heads.

Sounds like a great structure for writing Seinfat, a dream I refuse to give up. It would absolutely be a better novel than any of his and probably better than most slop on the market

I love the idea that Rick thinks GPAs work like AC used to in Dungeons and Dragons

wait I thought ac in dnd worked so that the higher it was the harder it was to hit you but I only played 5e so I am not sure about the earlier editions.

 

[Picnic_Boy]

He's Facebook friends with Dominic Franchetti. A convicted pedophile that Patrick has been repeatedly shown Dominics entry on the sex offender registry and refuses to denounce him.
View attachment 6339976

He's like a composite of every fantasy writer. He just needs more accoutrements to let the world know he dresses himself, maybe suspenders and a fisherman's hat.

 

[AnOminous]

Only he isn't Sutter Kane, thank god.

Fatty being given the powers of a reality-bending demigod while still remaining the fat retard he is would be a true horror novel.

wait I thought ac in dnd worked so that the higher it was the harder it was to hit you but I only played 5e so I am not sure about the earlier editions.

In pre-ruined AD&D AC worked in reverse. This was pretty counterintuitive and weird and changing it probably made sense, so at least some changes were good.

 

[Thé au lait]

Aw, man, that's a winner.

I can't take credit for that one, someone posted a clip of his stand up before page 2000 with a "Seinfat" logo and the slap bass intro

Or would Pat be Newman? Either way, a deepfake would do this justice.

As much as I want this, I think it would be so hard to do right that a book would do it better justice

 

[AprilRains]

As much as I want this, I think it would be so hard to do right that a book would do it better justice

Maybe have an episode based on that urban myth where a guy wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with his kidneys missing.

JERRY: Kramer! My kidneys are gone!
KRAMER: You sure?
JERRY: I got cuts on my back!
KRAMER (peering at his back): Whoa! How'd it happen?
JERRY: I dunno! I was having a drink, talking to Newman, and... (eyes narrow, snaps his fingers) ... Newman.

(cut to Newman eating a plate of troublingly unfamiliar meat)

 

[Thé au lait]

Maybe have an episode based on that urban myth where a guy wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with his kidneys missing.

JERRY: Kramer! My kidneys are gone!
KRAMER: You sure?
JERRY: I got cuts on my back!
KRAMER (peering at his back): Whoa! How'd it happen?
JERRY: I dunno! I was having a drink, talking to Newman, and... (eyes narrow, snaps his fingers) ... Newman.

(cut to Newman eating a plate of troublingly unfamiliar meat)

I assume this is from the episode where Rick Newman expands his pepperoni horizons