🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[metroid_fetish_ii]

How does he even manage to type like this on a mobile device? Don't all modern cell phones have predictive typing and autocorrect? Like if you purposely want to type nonsense you have to force it. His stream of retardation was filtered to what we saw... JFC.

Oday Simpon is my heeero.Dox moon doble on my cig possible life-ending. Javelin bee my gunter window. Im completely sober kiwifarms.

bish ash fone noes it bedder lissen tuh the ralpamail

 

[Drama Fan]

How does he even manage to type like this on a mobile device? Don't all modern cell phones have predictive typing and autocorrect? Like if you purposely want to type nonsense you have to force it. His stream of retardation was filtered to what we saw... JFC.

Oday Simpon is my heeero.Dox moon doble on my cig possible life-ending. Javelin bee my gunter window. Im completely sober kiwifarms.

fat fingers + blurry vision + an already incoherent inner monologue from being fucked up

 

[Ultrapenguin]

But imagine all this stuff playing out in real life. A rotund little 5'1 Ethan Ralph drunkenly stumbling into clubs, the only white guy around, raging and getting handsy with the strippers until he eventually gets chased out by a crowd of mexicans and plops away like a bean bag in a hurry.

If any of these encounters were caught on tape it would become one of the best Ralph videos on the site, but we'll never get to see it, only infer. It's sad when you think about it.

 

[Major Child]

Did ralph make it to Daddy Gym's house, or did he pussy out because his asshole forever belongs to ronnie?

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

fat fingers + blurry vision + an already incoherent inner monologue from being fucked up

I don't know - I lack whatever compulsion Ralph has to share every uninteresting aspect of his life on social media, but even when I have been drunk out of my mind I don't think I have ever sent something in private that was that incomprehensible. If I have, it was probably well over a decade ago at this point.

It's impressive how much of a state he gets himself into, was he not saying recently that he is no longer capable of having just one, or even a couple of drinks, and effectively just gets blasted whenever he drinks? I don't imagine getting sober is easy at the best of times, but imagine doing it isolated in Mexico when all your "friends" are just online degenerates, and all your family hates you. He's so fucked.

 

[Rage Pig]

Did ralph make it to Daddy Gym's house, or did he pussy out because his asshole forever belongs to ronnie?

No.

Made it to the strip club in Tijuana.

 

[Mr. Manchester]

So the fat coward couldn't even show up to Jim's driveway and had to go cry in a strip clip instead.

Ralph won't win Lolcow of the Year but I would like to propose a new category. Biggest bitch ass coward of the year. It's the only way Ralph can win anything at this point.

 

[Douglas Mortimer]

I like the sound of that

You can chisel it in now as no one is more bitchmade than Ethan Ralph. He could use a new trophy to admire besides the kingpin bowling one.

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

Can't belieg every here thinks he'd not sober. He's tired for tired from flying l tinua after big wear in rekieta.

 

[FiveStarAce]

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FAIL AT PAYING FOR SEX LMAO

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FAIL AT PAYING FOR SEX LMAO

Literally no money, not even some pesos.

 

[Look--an Alien!]

A real Ralphamale would document his kick ass journey back to his tin shack, showing his millions of fans all the delicious food he eats

Sad!
Pathetic!

 

[One Winged Pear Farmer]

Ralph’s incomprehensible tweet has the exact same cadence and pacing as old alcoholics when their brains start to melt and the liver is beyond repair

 

[AltisticRight]

View attachment 6344310

Lmao at the sparkle smilie, Ralph truly types like a middle-aged woman.

Sparkle emoji?
When will this piggy troon out? It's about time.

 

[Septic Tank Bomber]

Sharing he gay ass wrassling post again. By god he really get rejected by a stripper.

 

[Jump]

Fucking loser. Everyone knows the right way to do this with one that catches your eye is tip her a bit when she's on stage, accept her lap dance offer, and ask for digits during the dance in back while you sneak in a touch or two with the back of your hand.

What a dumbass. It's probably even easier south of the border where they don't care about touch so much.

The problem for Ralph is lap dances aren't free.
The stripper isn't going to come over and dance in front of you don't have them gringo dollars out on the stage.
The whores arn't going to come over and sit on your lap and talk to you if they know your broke.

 

[HackerX]

Sharing he gay ass wrassling post again. By god he really get rejected by a stripper.
View attachment 6347372

This made me remember one of Ralph's last hurrahs before he reached peak boring. His wrestling promotion that held one event that was owned by that one guy who doesn't talk to Ralph anymore. The wrestlers who were complaining about the event after. Wasn't this the event where he made a stop in Vegas to marry the horse with the Elvis impersonator? Harry throwing his wrassle wrassle belt away broke Ralph, beyond repair.

We had it good for a while. There was a golden from the beginning of the corn harvest during the simpiracy to Pantsu absconding from Mexico. The Faith saga, Portugal 1, Portugal 2, fleeing the country his daddy gave him to Mexico, getting kicked off an airplane and losing Pantsu, him accidentally revealing his account info/emails. Now all we have to look forward to is the occasional pillstream since he's clearly afraid of being out in public.

 

[not william stenchever]

Portugal 1, Portugal 2

Portugo, please.

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

Sharing he gay ass wrassling post again. By god he really get rejected by a stripper.
View attachment 6347372

Ralph: haha Imolte your wife left you!

Also Ralph: wahhhh my wife left me over something as stupid as strangling her and forcing her to wallow in misery with me

 

[Why am I doing this?]

God bless you gentle soul. You were able to parse out far more than I ever could hope to.

I'm honestly impressed that Ralph could extract himself from this situation and not get his head caved in again, just going by how intoxicated he appears to be.

Perhaps he did get clobbered and his melon was so badly damaged he was unable to recognize it, so he's waddling down some Tijuana back alley like a zombie, spilling blood and cerebral fluid everywhere while his body reverts to reflex behavior: acting like a huge fag on twitter.

9/10

The only way in which April is a 9/10 is on what medical professionals refer to as the Smelly Cunt Scale.