i am mtf (29) and one year into my first solid relationship with a man (49) that’s only ever dated cis women. it is a healthy and loving relationship, but i’m concerned about our sex life.
i am fairly attractive, “passing” and sexual. i am pre-op and surgery where i live isn’t a possibility. i have dated other straight men and sex was never a problem for neither of us. my partner is not conventionally attractive and has had limited sexual experience.
he’s always had issues with sex, getting hard, not being able to cum, is a lot in his head. so sex has never been great for us but we still tried to work on it. i know he’s into me, and he loves to show me off.
he used to say he liked kissing me because it felt like a vagina (i have big lips), and didn’t want to go down on me because he’d feel emasculated. he tried to watch trans porn for me and didn’t like it. he treated other trans people with wrong pronouns, etc. i am used to being patient at first, considering most straight guys are clueless and especially him being 49, and living his whole life programmed to conventionally straight stuff. so it wasn’t an issue until we got into a more serious relationship.
we had a talk and i told him i felt weird about it, and he was receptive and understanding. he says he accepts my body and occasionally goes down on me. he still has issues and is never able to cum. he has stopped watching porn, although i never asked him to. but we have less and less sex. I have tried everything, from positions, to dress up, to movements, and nothing seems to work. which has made me develop for the first time genital disphoria.
he knows it’s a touchy subject for me, but i have asked him directly about it, if my genitals turn him off or if he is missing something. i have offered to watch porn together. but he doesn’t want to hurt me so i never know if he’s being honest.
i know he deeply loves me but he said he only settled with me because i am his last resort, and wouldn’t have dated me before.
what do you think? can someone develop attraction to opposite genitalia just by loving another person? or is he forcing himself? what should i do?