Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Falcon Sebben]

claiming that curing cancer is simple but nobody wants to do it.

Which is fucking retarded. Anybody who comes up with a cure for any type of cancer will have their names go down in history and will be rich beyond their wildest dreams.

And any first year medical student or anybody who knows the first thing about cancer knows it' s not one disease. It's like 83 that all present in the same way. So a cure for skin cancer means you still have 82 cures for all the other cancers out there. But no it's the retarded idea that they don't want to cure it because it means they lose out on that revenue for all the treatments bring in. It's just more conspiritard garbage.

Jack didn’t understand the difference between water-powered energy (Jack’s own prediction) and hydrogen-powered.

What do you expect? It's not like the average person could understand such a complex thing that water and hydrogen are different things.

If you are worried about fake meat, fake cow meds, fake cow hormones, fake feed or sneed , you can simply visit a farmers market and ask around until you find farmers raising cattle locally, and then find one that raises them to your standards. You can even meet your meat, pet him and name him if you’d like. And at the end of the day, you’re paying hamburger prices for all cuts of the cow.

THIS. Right here. THIS is what you do if you're that concerned about what's going in your body. There are farmers that will sell you a 1/4, 1/2 or even full cow if you want. Grass fed, no hormones and it's some of the best beef you'll ever had. For a small extra cost they'll butcher and portion it out for you.

And sure it's a big up front cost but if you figure out how much it costs you even shopping at Costco or some big box warehouse store it's a hell of a lot cheaper and as you say you can meet the meat. But no. Fatty would never go in for that because it would take away from his precious "da gubmint is selling fake meat!" narrative.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

And any first year medical student or anybody who knows the first thing about cancer knows it' s not one disease. It's like 83 that all present in the same way. So a cure for skin cancer means you still have 82 cures for all the other cancers out there. But no it's the retarded idea that they don't want to cure it because it means they lose out on that revenue for all the treatments bring in. It's just more conspiritard garbage.

Exactly. Plus if you had a cancer cure, you can charge whatever the fuck you want for it. Even billionaires get cancer (Steve Jobs)

 

[Super Hans v2]

Sure would be funny if the jackpack came back. Also, wtf does he know about a workplace since he hasn't had an actual job in what, 2 decades?

Jack was already doing his Hollywood producer grift before SpongeBob came out, and that was 1999. He hasn't had gainful employment this millennium.

 

[Marc]

Pretending to know things he doesn't is the the only avenue of attention-seeking behavior Jack's mental illness allows him to pursue, and his life revolves around doing so while eating as much as he can prove possible. And the instant Jack believes he is being denied either of these things, he proclaims himself to be the most persecuted man in the world; with the entire world to blame for it.

If Jack overeats without overeating to the point of such physical discomfort that he believes himself incapable of ingesting another morsel of raw beef, he immediately lashes out in tantrum behavior over having been cheated. And he displays this same, fucked degree of entitlement when lying, lying about having lied and -when confronted with evidence of having lied -, lying about ever having been accused of lying. Jack operates exclusively within these contexts, even when interrupting his own diatribes to remind his audience that he is a model christian.

Computed tomography of Jack's brain (Alas, I was trying to find a rotting example with wagyu marbling):

 

[John Andrews Stan]

Of course scalfattis won’t do this

Jack claims he and Tammy buy their meat directly from a farmer.

Someone on one of his recent livestreams asked Jack — who’d complained at length about the evil of TikTok and ordered his audience not to use it — why he’s still on FB. This is a verbatim quote of his response:

If I leave, the place just turns to darkness and trash. It just gets worse. And that’s not fair to the friends I have on Facebook. So I gotta hopefully instill positivity into them. But if I leave…if all the good people leave and only the trolls are left, it’s a big trash heap. So I stay on Facebook strictly because somebody has to care.

This man is truly a saint.

If Jack overeats without overeating to the point of such physical discomfort that he believes himself incapable of ingesting another morsel of raw beef, he immediately lashes out in tantrum behavior over having been cheated.

Jack claimed in one of his episodes of that shit show with his brother that he “never feels full anymore.” He and Charles jerked each other’s cocks over how smart they are to be eating carnivore and how stupid other people are for not doing it. Jack refuses to call it the carnivore diet because, he insists, IT’S NOT A DIET! Except it literally is.

 

[AnOminous]

I’m telling you, there’s a lot of golden lunacy in those streams. I have so many more to listen through but so far I’m confident at pegging Jack’s IQ at sub-90.

I think that's where he started out, but now he's actually borderline retarded.

 

[Marc]

Jack claimed in one of his episodes of that shit show with his brother that he “never feels full anymore.”

I imagine the hyperphagia is symptomatic of treating diabetes with raw meat, and from the cortisol released in response to the constant stress of being a fraud. I'll bet his streams work up a mighty appetite after an hour of flop-sweats spent trying to fold his remaining brain cell over itself so it can rub together.

 

[ZipDisk]

Jack in the box did bring back the Jack Pack. I kept hoping Scalfatti would get a C&D for calling his promotional group that, but I respect the no touch rule.

 

[Marc]

Jack in the box did bring back the Jack Pack. I kept hoping Scalfatti would get a C&D for calling his promotional group that, but I respect the no touch rule.

The next C&D is in the mail and addressed to Jack's heart (which has a valve pointed the wrong direction, and a layer of fat resembling an askew baseball cap).

Footage from the autopsy:

 

[AltisticRight]

Computed tomography of Jack's brain (Alas, I was trying to find a rotting example with wagyu marbling):

I got the adjacent institution of my workplace to reconstruct an image of Jack Scalfani's brain.

Spoiler: high resolution reconstruction.

 

[Why am I doing this?]

Pastor Jack is back:

View attachment 6337114

He has all this advice for everyone else, yet can’t get through the day without eating 10,000 calories to calm his nerves. And he still has to sperg about the kind of shit anyone else would shrug off:

View attachment 6337115
View attachment 6337116

The first two words of the first step of his advice for stopping anxiety are "drink coffee". If you have an anxiety disorder or even feel a little jittery, the very first thing you should do is reduce or eliminate your caffeine consumption.

This is like advice for suicidal people that starts with "Buy liquor, sleeping pills, a shotgun and and some rope..."

 

[John Andrews Stan]

If you have an anxiety disorder or even feel a little jittery, the very first thing you should do is reduce or eliminate your caffeine consumption.

That reminds me. In a recent stream, Jack was once again banging on about how the taurine in energy drinks — specifically, 5 Hour Energy — “caused” his strokes. He even stated flat-out that the strokes were unrelated to his weight and thus not related to his diet. He claimed the ER doctor for his first stroke told him they see multiple people stroking out from energy drinks every week.

I’m sure Jack’s butthole is jealous of the shit that comes out of his mouth.

 

[smug comporon]

This is like advice for suicidal people that starts with "Buy liquor, sleeping pills, a shotgun and and some rope..."

Jack's advice to suicidal people is to buy 4 pounds of bacon and cover it in 5 pounds of pre-shredded cheese instead.

 

[Super Hans v2]

This is like advice for suicidal people that starts with "Buy liquor, sleeping pills, a shotgun and and some rope..."

How considerate Jack is to make sure all your bases are covered. Best advice this side of the Canadian border.

 

[Major]

The first two words of the first step of his advice for stopping anxiety are "drink coffee". If you have an anxiety disorder or even feel a little jittery, the very first thing you should do is reduce or eliminate your caffeine consumption.

This is like advice for suicidal people that starts with "Buy liquor, sleeping pills, a shotgun and and some rope..."

Coffee is quite relaxing though. Makes you pee but otherwise good for calming. At least for me

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

That reminds me. In a recent stream, Jack was once again banging on about how the taurine in energy drinks — specifically, 5 Hour Energy — “caused” his strokes. He even stated flat-out that the strokes were unrelated to his weight and thus not related to his diet. He claimed the ER doctor for his first stroke told him they see multiple people stroking out from energy drinks every week.

I’m sure Jack’s butthole is jealous of the shit that comes out of his mouth.

Probably more of Jack just taking a passing comment as the only point of consideration. I'd absolutely believe a doctor asking you about your diet habits would mention something along the lines of "Heavy energy drink usage can be the straw that breaks the camels back in some vulnerable patients, we see it happen from time to time" and conclude the drink did it entirely and nothing else. If you give an olympic athlete a can of monster, its perfectly safe for him to shotgun that shit, but give it to someone who's blood pressure makes steam turbines look anemic, and it'll probably kill them. Jack once again shows his inability to extend his thinking past the first layer of anything.

 

[densedance]

 

[AltisticRight]

Jack's advice to suicidal people is to buy 4 pounds of bacon and cover it in 5 pounds of pre-shredded cheese instead.

Tell them if they go through, they'll end up in a place worse than Hell where every meal is cooked by Jack Scalfani and there's 10 meals a day.

View attachment 6356683

Whatever you cook, Jack.

 

[Rod Dangerous]

With the shaved head, Jack has become Butterball from Hellraiser.

 

[Neko GF]

THE DEPOT - STEAK WARS​

(08/28/24)

Original:

Preserve Tube: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=l9Ainznf_08

Spoiler: Archive (720p):