Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

Wondering who the "boss" is he cried in front of? The Dean on a zoom call?

And it was the SECOND time?

My brain is so broken by Tard Baby's bottle-rocket attack on Northanger Abbey that I can actually read the pair of tweets as joking about Rocco being the boss and Joe failing to soothe Rocco's cries because Rocco's mouth is too small for Joe's fist.
 
Oh Goody goody gum drops. Is he really about to Rhys it up?

Joe trying to get ahead of the story, threatening receipts , aiming to discredit his employer etc suggests he has too much pride to admit what’s actually going on.
It sure is some pathetic public groveling.

Joe is definitely using Rocco as a pity shield in whatever the fuck is ongoing. How can you deprive a new mummy of her livelihood?!? Do you know how bad his mental are with a new baby!?! Monsters!!

The more I think about Rocco’s sudden creation the more I think he was some solution or stopgap for major Joe problems. Yes I do think Joe is stupid enough to do a band-aid baby, even if it was a band-aid for his dismal career failings and relationship problems.

The people who create band-aid babies never seem to understand that by trying to solve some short-term problem they have only compounded it and created many more long term ones, until about 3 months post birth and then the shit really starts hitting the fan.
 
Joe's plan is to somehow monetize his split from Berkeley. So far he probably just has vague ideas about how to do that, but that's his goal. It will be just like vagueposting about the Ortbergs behind a paywall - he will try to build an audience of curious and aggrieved onlookers before he says anything. It's not really because he doesn't want to burn the bridge or he's still trying to make it work. It's because he doesn't know how to spin the failure yet and recover his ego.
 
Reading the last few pages about the food developments is absolutely vile and just fucking baffling, honestly.

Part of mediating culinary shit is being able to describe it and photograph it well.
How posts read like his deliberately abusive to be shocking prose about shambolically glam dirty sex but.. Im starting to think aside of a style, he actually just can't write.
Not that better photos or writing would polish this turd buffet.

A big fatty lump of lamb neck *sautéed* in *anchovie* butter?
Ahh how annoying, I've literally just come from a big filling dinner of Poo and Wee pie. Next time though for sure.
 
This complete pussy cries when asked by his Dean over Zoom to come back and teach classes or work out a separation.

And literally grabs a new baby for a shield.

It's remarkable how easily he always makes himself the most pathetic of these four to ensure the rankings are stable: 1. Rocco, 2. Lily, 3. Mal, 4. Joe.
 
It's not really because he doesn't want to burn the bridge or he's still trying to make it work. It's because he doesn't know how to spin the failure yet and recover his ego.
Honestly, part of him has to realise that his degree in Victorian Literature in Japan (or whatever) is completely worthless outside of academia. It's really funny to watch lolcows like Joe pissing away their entire career due to their own narcissism for this reason - if he leaves Berkley, he'll essentially have to start over outside of academia; there's no way that other schools won't see that he failed out a tenured position and red flag him on that alone.

Rhys tried to snake his way into trans sports associations, but was too toxic for that and then tried his hand at trying to become a gambling "pro". Now he's trying to become an accountant. What's Joe's grand plan? I don't think it'll work out between him and Berkley as I'm sure they're tired of him too.
 
And literally grabs a new baby for a shield.
And looks like such a wretched junkie.
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Rhys tried to snake his way into trans sports associations, but was too toxic for that and then tried his hand at trying to become a gambling "pro". Now he's trying to become an accountant. What's Joe's grand plan?
Please please please give us a BossmanJoe arc. Joe seems like he would be a big gambler if gambling weren't associated with low class normies. I can't imagine Joe betting on sports but I can easily see him losing his rent money betting on The Oscars.
 
This complete pussy cries when asked by his Dean over Zoom to come back and teach classes or work out a separation.

And literally grabs a new baby for a shield.

It's remarkable how easily he always makes himself the most pathetic of these four to ensure the rankings are stable: 1. Rocco, 2. Lily, 3. Mal, 4. Joe.

I feel like Sideshow got called out for sexual harassment by the Dean. Like, a student, or studENTS, turned in complaints about him and the Dean's taking heat and wants Sideshow to do some 'splainin'.
 
Lily's Insta life today features Tard Baby trying to squeeze into the frame.
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Caption: "A rare capture of all four of us in the same frame."
I feel like photo could be captioned “Tranny and his three emotional support animals”

I seriously think Lilly, Tard Baby and now Rocco have all become supporting members of Joe’s never ending group therapy session. Joe needs to be pulling in six figure Berkeley salary to keep his therapy session afloat into 2025.

But going tranny is his trump card for not being a male head of household that supports his family, that’s his husband’s job, or maybe his baby mama’s job. Joe is now the SAHM that needs to play in the kitchen and told he’s so pretty.
 
I feel like Sideshow got called out for sexual harassment by the Dean. Like, a student, or studENTS, turned in complaints about him and the Dean's taking heat and wants Sideshow to do some 'splainin'.

Yeah, there's something in the shadows, something that launched his congé in Carroll Gardens. His DMs are open!
 
Joe's plan is to somehow monetize his split from Berkeley. So far he probably just has vague ideas about how to do that, but that's his goal. It will be just like vagueposting about the Ortbergs behind a paywall - he will try to build an audience of curious and aggrieved onlookers before he says anything. It's not really because he doesn't want to burn the bridge or he's still trying to make it work. It's because he doesn't know how to spin the failure yet and recover his ego.
A book about behind-the-scenes academia nonsense at Berkeley would probably have enough appeal to get a small degree of mainstream attention.

Joe would have to find a ghostwriter, though.
 
Cooking with Joe.
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Another late summer banger! And this one p much my own recipe (with elements borrowed from a dozen places). “Salad of late-summer tomatoes with rhubarb,” would I guess be the name. The rhubarb was the star. I made a rhubarb chutney with shallots and the vinegar we made from Rocco’s cherry wine; placed that at the bottom of the bowl with some spicy lettuce leaves atop it. On top of those, I placed the sliced tomatoes, which I’d been macerating for not-too-long in a salt of white mulberries. Then some finely sliced raw rhubarb, and finally, a bottom-of-the-bowl dressing of lacto tomato water, which I’d infused for a couple of hours with hibiscus flowers.

The second plate comprised a larger chunk of rhubarb, gently braised for a little while in honey-sweetened lapsang souchong tea. After the chunk was soft, I removed it from the tea and reduced heavily to make a light glaze. Next to it I placed a little rice which I’d sharpened up in walnut oil, and on top, a chip of peach skin, which I made a couple of weeks ago after @lolz4lilz and I realized we both prefer nectarines to peaches.

tomato4.jpgtomato3.jpgtomato2.jpgtomato1.jpg

A galactic amount of WANK over an idiotic salad and spoonful of rice, but tbh this...meal? snack? was probably fairly edible by Joe standards. As long as that huge chunk of rhubarb was cooked sufficently so as not to be an unchewable fibrous sponge. My main question revolves around the "finely-slicked raw rhubarb"...bro that is giant hunks of rhubarb which is not a nice raw vegetable.
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Such mediocrity. Presented with such extreme grandiosity. I can't even imagine the psychological toll of having to live under the same roof with this narc and take his bullshit seriously.
 
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I simply cannot imagine how Lily and Mallory don't die of embarrassment to have such mediocrity presented with such extreme grandiosity.
This thread is training my gorge to rise upon hearing the word "chutney."

Also a "peach skin chip"? Next up, half-masticated cherry pit vinaigrette.

These "dinners" look to average about 100-200 cal- and that's if you can eat it all, somehow. I wonder who's cooking the actual food that people are eating to not die.
 
A book about behind-the-scenes academia nonsense at Berkeley would probably have enough appeal to get a small degree of mainstream attention.

Joe would have to find a ghostwriter, though.
That's clearly his attempted angle, but if left to his own devices, he would never be able to like....expand the scope of that in a way that would draw a readership (a ghost writer could do this!). No matter how hard he tries to intellectualize and generalize his points, it's going to boil down to him being paranoid and just going over personal grudges. I guess he will try to work in his "Academic Freedom and Abortions Now!" thing that he's been trying to make happen for years, turn it into a manifesto about why academia must burn. I hope he makes a million dollars.
 
A galactic amount of WANK over an idiotic salad and spoonful of rice, but tbh this...meal? snack? was probably fairly edible by Joe standards. As long as that huge chunk of rhubarb was cooked sufficently so as not to be an unchewable fibrous sponge.

I love rhubarb and it's not featured in enough recipes, and also the baby is very cute. So I'll give him a B- for this one (I am pretending that the part about the raw rhubarb chunks does not exist).

The funniest part is how little food it is, though. You just know Mallory ate it and ten minutes later had to sneak into the kitchen to make some peanut butter on toast or something.
 
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