- Joined
- Oct 3, 2022
I think I caught the Rifftrax of it, decent for background noise doing chores.
Speaking of talking over movies... MEANWHILE, back in 1932...
/horror/ general megathread - Let's talk about movies and shit.
- Thread starter Internet War Criminal
- Start date
Speaking of talking over movies... MEANWHILE, back in 1932...
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2021
We watched Rent-a-Pal, last night. Wil Wheaton is creepy just by existing, and Brian Folkins and Kathleen Brady do a really decent job portraying a family dealing with Dementia and Alzheimer's. It's basically what you'd expect, but I liked it.
Commander X
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2018
The made-for-TV remake of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? with the Redgraves reminded me of that one MST3K episode (Santa Claus Conquers The Martians) with the skit where the Satellite of Love crew are sent tapes of Christmas movies but are disappointed when they discover a couple of them are lame made-for-TV remakes of movies like It's a Wonderful Life (a gender-swapped 1977 telefilm entitled It Happened One Christmas starring Marlo Thomas) and a 1974 remake of Miracle on 34th Street.
- Joined
- May 4, 2022
I don't know how you made it 10 minutes. I started fast forwarding as soon as the blonde bimbo neurosurgeon/physicist/scientist started talking. Wound up dropping in just to confirm it was a "tape recorder in the garage" type movie, and then stopping for the 4 titties/murder scenes. I like that the jewish victim doesn't even get a name and is just "Guitar Girl." Also liked the sheer amount of blood coming from the stabbings and the physics defying way it was splashing on everything (although I guess technically 3 of the murders were in time-travel cyber-space, if you want to give it the benefit of the doubt). I liked the gratuitous titties, especially because the main actress was, I believe, the driving force behind getting this made, and it's nice when someone like that isn't averse to whipping them out.
Everything else was, as you said, terrible (although, to be fair, I watched all but about 10 minutes total in 32x speed).
- Joined
- May 10, 2019
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2017
I was bored last night and watched a movie called Loop Track. Not being a hiker I thought the title pertained to a time loop at first.
It's a Kiwiland film about this doughy, wishy-washy paranoid guy named Ian who goes for a hike to forget his failed business and marriage. He just wants to be alone. But he meets a weird guy named Nicky who is way too enthusiastic about hiking and making friends. Ian meets a few other people and becomes increasingly more paranoid at every rest hut. He starts thinking Nicky is a serial killer and that a shadowy figure is following him. And then you get the big reveal. A giant, prehistoric bird was stalking the hikers. Like some giant kiwi that should have been extinct. It's sort of like The Ritual, but in New Zealand. Just minus the cult stuff
I was impressed. The performances and atmosphere are great.
I remember that TV remake of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane. I have no idea why they felt the need to bother. But I think I'll watch it again just because. I have nothing better to do right now.
It's a Kiwiland film about this doughy, wishy-washy paranoid guy named Ian who goes for a hike to forget his failed business and marriage. He just wants to be alone. But he meets a weird guy named Nicky who is way too enthusiastic about hiking and making friends. Ian meets a few other people and becomes increasingly more paranoid at every rest hut. He starts thinking Nicky is a serial killer and that a shadowy figure is following him. And then you get the big reveal. A giant, prehistoric bird was stalking the hikers. Like some giant kiwi that should have been extinct. It's sort of like The Ritual, but in New Zealand. Just minus the cult stuff
I was impressed. The performances and atmosphere are great.
I remember that TV remake of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane. I have no idea why they felt the need to bother. But I think I'll watch it again just because. I have nothing better to do right now.
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2013
Since its Friday 13th I decided to watch the original three Friday 13th movies today while working and after going to the gym, and will watch the rest this weekend. Nice and cozy horror nostalgia that casually kicks the shit out of like 90% of horror movies made in the last decade, and I have not watched the whole set since I was dying of swine flu and spent an entire feverish night watching through all of them
EDIT: Here are my opinions as I watch
Friday 13th: Better than I remember and generally pretty good, albeit with a couple of rough spots. Atmosphere great and for some reason gives me giallo vibes, characters inoffensive at worst, and scares well earned - Best spooky moment was when the killer was lurking in the shower block, and best kill was the first axe to the head of many in said shower block
Friday 13th Part II: Technically the best of the series IMO with Sack Jason being unironically my favourite showing of the character, but I like it less than Part I and Part III due to how it seems to get caught up in its own lore vomit to justify Jason being the killer this time round - Best spooky moment was when Ginny had made it to the cabin and you see jason silently sprinting through the woods towards it through the window, and best kill was the wheelchair kill
Friday 13th Part III: Perfect cheesy fun and manages somehow not to make its crude attempts at comedy as insufferable as various following instalments. Hell I even found the overt 3D gimmicking to be downright charming in a cheesy way - Best spooky moment was probably the lead up to the preggo bitch being killed, and best kill was preggo bitch's boyfriend getting cut in half nards-first while walking on his hands
Friday 13th Part IV: Eh its ok...less enjoyable than the first three though and generally feels like some of the atmosphere been lost. Cory Feldmen's character feels like he should be a whole lot more annoying but somehow he manages to pull it off - Best spooky moment was probably the double shower murder....this seems to be something of a pattern now, and best kill was the guy speared in the dick
Friday 13th Part V: Knowing this was infamous as the worst of the series I went into this with an open mind, and was sorely disappointed. Between the absolutely fucking cringe attempts at comedy and how poorly structured the movie was in general it was the first movie on this list I genuinely struggled to finish - Best spooky moment was probably erm....fck I dunno the goth chick death this movie sucked balls, and best kill was garden shears to the eyes chick
Friday 13th Part VI: Gonna sound like heresy but this just didnt work for me. Tommy was annoying, the other characters forgettable, shitty attempts at comedy were still present, the kills anaemic, Jason was shown way too liberally, and honestly this whole movie feels as overcooked as the previous one felt undercooked - Best spooky moment was honestly Jason before he got the mask back when he was just standing there in half shadow staring at tommy.....not exactly spooky but whatever, the rest of the movie failed on that front across the board, and best kill was the black chick getting her head twisted off
Friday 13th Part VII: This is a movie I genuinely had zero memory of watching. All I knew going in was it involved random psychick vs jason and some recent scuttlebutt about how producers forcibly cut a large amount of freaky killing footage. Honestly kinda feels like a whole nother movie that randomly had Jason show up after getting the wrong bus but it managed to not be as annoyingly winking at the camera as VI nor as insufferable with the literal-retard comedy attempts as V, although the mandatory teen subplot is rather grating. The scares are sadly all flubbed by the fact that they have Jason waddle onto screen well before the payoff which leaves this movie feeling mid at absolute best - Best spooky moment was....ok I am reaching here but probably when walmart-carrie tried to pop jason's head like a pimple and then his mask split open. This movie was terminally scare-free so I aint working with much. Best kill was probably the sleeping bag whack-a-tree, but only because I am giving it extra credit for the deleted version
Friday 13th Part VIII: Watching Tomorrow
Jason Goes To Hell: Watching Tomorrow
Jason X: Watching Tomorrow
EDIT: Here are my opinions as I watch
Friday 13th: Better than I remember and generally pretty good, albeit with a couple of rough spots. Atmosphere great and for some reason gives me giallo vibes, characters inoffensive at worst, and scares well earned - Best spooky moment was when the killer was lurking in the shower block, and best kill was the first axe to the head of many in said shower block
Friday 13th Part II: Technically the best of the series IMO with Sack Jason being unironically my favourite showing of the character, but I like it less than Part I and Part III due to how it seems to get caught up in its own lore vomit to justify Jason being the killer this time round - Best spooky moment was when Ginny had made it to the cabin and you see jason silently sprinting through the woods towards it through the window, and best kill was the wheelchair kill
Friday 13th Part III: Perfect cheesy fun and manages somehow not to make its crude attempts at comedy as insufferable as various following instalments. Hell I even found the overt 3D gimmicking to be downright charming in a cheesy way - Best spooky moment was probably the lead up to the preggo bitch being killed, and best kill was preggo bitch's boyfriend getting cut in half nards-first while walking on his hands
Friday 13th Part IV: Eh its ok...less enjoyable than the first three though and generally feels like some of the atmosphere been lost. Cory Feldmen's character feels like he should be a whole lot more annoying but somehow he manages to pull it off - Best spooky moment was probably the double shower murder....this seems to be something of a pattern now, and best kill was the guy speared in the dick
Friday 13th Part V: Knowing this was infamous as the worst of the series I went into this with an open mind, and was sorely disappointed. Between the absolutely fucking cringe attempts at comedy and how poorly structured the movie was in general it was the first movie on this list I genuinely struggled to finish - Best spooky moment was probably erm....fck I dunno the goth chick death this movie sucked balls, and best kill was garden shears to the eyes chick
Friday 13th Part VI: Gonna sound like heresy but this just didnt work for me. Tommy was annoying, the other characters forgettable, shitty attempts at comedy were still present, the kills anaemic, Jason was shown way too liberally, and honestly this whole movie feels as overcooked as the previous one felt undercooked - Best spooky moment was honestly Jason before he got the mask back when he was just standing there in half shadow staring at tommy.....not exactly spooky but whatever, the rest of the movie failed on that front across the board, and best kill was the black chick getting her head twisted off
Friday 13th Part VII: This is a movie I genuinely had zero memory of watching. All I knew going in was it involved random psychick vs jason and some recent scuttlebutt about how producers forcibly cut a large amount of freaky killing footage. Honestly kinda feels like a whole nother movie that randomly had Jason show up after getting the wrong bus but it managed to not be as annoyingly winking at the camera as VI nor as insufferable with the literal-retard comedy attempts as V, although the mandatory teen subplot is rather grating. The scares are sadly all flubbed by the fact that they have Jason waddle onto screen well before the payoff which leaves this movie feeling mid at absolute best - Best spooky moment was....ok I am reaching here but probably when walmart-carrie tried to pop jason's head like a pimple and then his mask split open. This movie was terminally scare-free so I aint working with much. Best kill was probably the sleeping bag whack-a-tree, but only because I am giving it extra credit for the deleted version
Friday 13th Part VIII: Watching Tomorrow
Jason Goes To Hell: Watching Tomorrow
Jason X: Watching Tomorrow
Last edited:
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2022
The J-Horror binge continues, and so shall my hot takes.
Cure did not have any stand-out scenes like Pulse but seemed coherent, though my impression of coherence may be illusory since I have yet to make up my mind on the thesis of the film: despite the implication that a sense of societal obligation is the only thing keeping people from going postal, Mamiya - or whatever force is controlling him - seems the worse violator, puppeteering people to be antisocial instead of freeing them to be so. I was discomforted by Cure's deflationist portrayal of human agency and identity, as in the film it seems the only "choice" (if it even is a choice) detective Kenichi has is to be puppeteered by the meme of endless prosocial sacrifice, or puppeteered by the meme of selfish, identity-less monstrosity embodied within Mamiya, but at no point did I see any notion of "true self" or "free will" enter into things. The closest thing to a free act might have been Kenichi's murder of Mamiya, but I'm not sure how much of that was actual choice, and how much of that vigilantism was a result of conditioning caused by Mamiya himself.
Ring was fun, a vengeful ghost story with deeper implications of the weird that nonetheless didn't get bogged down in lore; I can imagine a similar story being written by Lovecraft that would ruminate too long on the names of elder gods, rituals and artefacts, whereas Ring was content to drop concise lines like (pardon the paraphrase) "the words she spoke were not human."
Cure did not have any stand-out scenes like Pulse but seemed coherent, though my impression of coherence may be illusory since I have yet to make up my mind on the thesis of the film: despite the implication that a sense of societal obligation is the only thing keeping people from going postal, Mamiya - or whatever force is controlling him - seems the worse violator, puppeteering people to be antisocial instead of freeing them to be so. I was discomforted by Cure's deflationist portrayal of human agency and identity, as in the film it seems the only "choice" (if it even is a choice) detective Kenichi has is to be puppeteered by the meme of endless prosocial sacrifice, or puppeteered by the meme of selfish, identity-less monstrosity embodied within Mamiya, but at no point did I see any notion of "true self" or "free will" enter into things. The closest thing to a free act might have been Kenichi's murder of Mamiya, but I'm not sure how much of that was actual choice, and how much of that vigilantism was a result of conditioning caused by Mamiya himself.
Ring was fun, a vengeful ghost story with deeper implications of the weird that nonetheless didn't get bogged down in lore; I can imagine a similar story being written by Lovecraft that would ruminate too long on the names of elder gods, rituals and artefacts, whereas Ring was content to drop concise lines like (pardon the paraphrase) "the words she spoke were not human."
Last edited:
- Joined
- May 23, 2020
The one time I watched Friday the 13th was at a Halloween all-nighter at four in the morning, which, being tired, I found torturous. Those violins have yet to leave my mind.
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2013
Ok for some reason I can't edit my prior post to update so will add the update here.
Friday 13th Part VIII: Alrighty the one where Jason randomly goes to new york for like thirty minutes. Jason actually felt less obnoxious in how he was used here than the prior two movies, possibly due to how he was shot on the ship compared to in the forest and possibly due to the relative lack of loud musical announcement whenever he was on screen, and his general look is the best its ever been. However he general acting talent on display by the 30-40 year old highschoolers is especially terrible and while improved from the last movie the kills and scares are just mid at best. Best character of the movie was the crusty old principal who I kept expecting to suddenly shout "RRRRRRROOOOBOT HOUUUUUUUUUSE!!!!". Overall a movie that tried out a variety of concepts with potential and made barely any use out of any of them, and is more disappointing than overtly obnoxious to watch - Best spooky moment was when they got in the cop car and turned on the light, only to see the dead nigger's head mounted inside, and best death was said nigger getting his head punched off
Jason Goes To Hell: Yeah this film is a fuckin mess, and even more than VII feels like an attempt to crowbar Jason into a pre-existing horror script, only this time a crappy 90s horror movie instead of a generic 80s horror movie. Opening scene unironically works well as a parody of the franchise and genre as a whole in a sense of "yeah by this point after the superhuman mass killer goes on his 7th killing spree they would straight up just send the fucking army to blow him up with an artillery strike" and the soldiers/FBI agents dancing around and acting like giddy high schoolers after exploding him was so fucking silly I couldn't help but enjoy the cheese. Then the nigger bounty hunter shows up and its all downhill from there as it turns into a shitty demon possession flick. That being said my lore-autist side (hereafter referred to as loretism) feels there is an argument that in ultra fuckin broad strokes, the whole "the spirit of Jason is possessing people to carry out the murders" angle could actually kinda work with the franchise in hindsight if you assume Pamela Voorhees was actually hearing Jason's ghost and not hallucinating in Part I and the random paramedic killer in Part V was possessed by Jason and not just some nigga who spontaneously gained superhuman strength and durability after his fat retard son got killed, hell maybe the real Jason never got out the damn lake and the Jason we saw starting Part II was one of the many crusty old hobo lunatics that seem to infest the county who got possessed at some point.....but then I am giving this shit way more thought than it deserves, if only because it beats discussing the movie itself - Best spooky moment was probably the random ending when Freddy Kruger's hand shot out the ground and dragged away Jason's mask, and this purely qualifies because it probably made horror nurds shidd and curm hard when they saw it in theatres for the first time before suffering a decade plus of blue balls, and best kill was Jason getting blowed up at the start.
Jason X: Yeah imma say right now before I even start the movie. This shit is fucking glorious. The premise is so fucking absurd and the execution as self aware as VI and yet somehow just works for me the way that VI does not......ok this might also have been the first Friday 13th movie I ever watched as a kid in like 2005 but thats beside the point. Jason gets frozen in a cryogenic kinda-accident, defrosts 400 years later on board a space ship and fights space marines and a robot sex slave, and eventually gets turned into an extra-invincible cyborg, meanwhile a random high school teacher in charge of the space ship gets his nipples pincered for extra credit....fuck this shit is so fucking stupid and yet this is so obscenely cheesy I don't even care - Best spooky moment is the like three seconds in the military base with Jason just standing there menacingly wrapped up in chains this shit aint even trying to be scary and I don't care, best death is the liquid nitrogen faceslam
RANKING FROM BEST TO WORST
Friday 13th
Friday 13th Part III
Friday 13th Part II
Friday 13th Part IV
Jason X
Friday 13th Part VI
Friday 13th Part VII
Friday 13th Part VIII
Jason Goes To Hell
Friday 13th Part V
FINAL THOUGHTS
In case it was not obvious already first four blow the rest of the franchise out the water, five aint really jumping the shark as its often accused of as its more of a crappy tangent, but what really turned the franchise from legitimately good slasher movies to horror themed kills'n'tiddy flicks was VI with it starting the trend of Jason hogging the fuck out the camera and being followed everywhere by an orchestra just in case you didnt notice him and overtly goofy supernatural shit being introduced. Overall as a franchise it still bats a higher average than the likes of Nightmare on Elm Street or Halloween, though these two have markedly superior first instalments. For future reference if you want a decent Friday the 13th Marathon just stick with the first four movies, the rest are only worth viewing once as a curiosity IMO
Friday 13th Part VIII: Alrighty the one where Jason randomly goes to new york for like thirty minutes. Jason actually felt less obnoxious in how he was used here than the prior two movies, possibly due to how he was shot on the ship compared to in the forest and possibly due to the relative lack of loud musical announcement whenever he was on screen, and his general look is the best its ever been. However he general acting talent on display by the 30-40 year old highschoolers is especially terrible and while improved from the last movie the kills and scares are just mid at best. Best character of the movie was the crusty old principal who I kept expecting to suddenly shout "RRRRRRROOOOBOT HOUUUUUUUUUSE!!!!". Overall a movie that tried out a variety of concepts with potential and made barely any use out of any of them, and is more disappointing than overtly obnoxious to watch - Best spooky moment was when they got in the cop car and turned on the light, only to see the dead nigger's head mounted inside, and best death was said nigger getting his head punched off
Jason Goes To Hell: Yeah this film is a fuckin mess, and even more than VII feels like an attempt to crowbar Jason into a pre-existing horror script, only this time a crappy 90s horror movie instead of a generic 80s horror movie. Opening scene unironically works well as a parody of the franchise and genre as a whole in a sense of "yeah by this point after the superhuman mass killer goes on his 7th killing spree they would straight up just send the fucking army to blow him up with an artillery strike" and the soldiers/FBI agents dancing around and acting like giddy high schoolers after exploding him was so fucking silly I couldn't help but enjoy the cheese. Then the nigger bounty hunter shows up and its all downhill from there as it turns into a shitty demon possession flick. That being said my lore-autist side (hereafter referred to as loretism) feels there is an argument that in ultra fuckin broad strokes, the whole "the spirit of Jason is possessing people to carry out the murders" angle could actually kinda work with the franchise in hindsight if you assume Pamela Voorhees was actually hearing Jason's ghost and not hallucinating in Part I and the random paramedic killer in Part V was possessed by Jason and not just some nigga who spontaneously gained superhuman strength and durability after his fat retard son got killed, hell maybe the real Jason never got out the damn lake and the Jason we saw starting Part II was one of the many crusty old hobo lunatics that seem to infest the county who got possessed at some point.....but then I am giving this shit way more thought than it deserves, if only because it beats discussing the movie itself - Best spooky moment was probably the random ending when Freddy Kruger's hand shot out the ground and dragged away Jason's mask, and this purely qualifies because it probably made horror nurds shidd and curm hard when they saw it in theatres for the first time before suffering a decade plus of blue balls, and best kill was Jason getting blowed up at the start.
Jason X: Yeah imma say right now before I even start the movie. This shit is fucking glorious. The premise is so fucking absurd and the execution as self aware as VI and yet somehow just works for me the way that VI does not......ok this might also have been the first Friday 13th movie I ever watched as a kid in like 2005 but thats beside the point. Jason gets frozen in a cryogenic kinda-accident, defrosts 400 years later on board a space ship and fights space marines and a robot sex slave, and eventually gets turned into an extra-invincible cyborg, meanwhile a random high school teacher in charge of the space ship gets his nipples pincered for extra credit....fuck this shit is so fucking stupid and yet this is so obscenely cheesy I don't even care - Best spooky moment is the like three seconds in the military base with Jason just standing there menacingly wrapped up in chains this shit aint even trying to be scary and I don't care, best death is the liquid nitrogen faceslam
RANKING FROM BEST TO WORST
Friday 13th
Friday 13th Part III
Friday 13th Part II
Friday 13th Part IV
Jason X
Friday 13th Part VI
Friday 13th Part VII
Friday 13th Part VIII
Jason Goes To Hell
Friday 13th Part V
FINAL THOUGHTS
In case it was not obvious already first four blow the rest of the franchise out the water, five aint really jumping the shark as its often accused of as its more of a crappy tangent, but what really turned the franchise from legitimately good slasher movies to horror themed kills'n'tiddy flicks was VI with it starting the trend of Jason hogging the fuck out the camera and being followed everywhere by an orchestra just in case you didnt notice him and overtly goofy supernatural shit being introduced. Overall as a franchise it still bats a higher average than the likes of Nightmare on Elm Street or Halloween, though these two have markedly superior first instalments. For future reference if you want a decent Friday the 13th Marathon just stick with the first four movies, the rest are only worth viewing once as a curiosity IMO
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2013
Alrighty, now I am finished with that franchise review I am in the mood for some non-franchise slasher movies I either never saw, or saw so dang long ago I have more or less forgotten. Over the next week I will watch the following seven single installment slasher movies give some attempt at a breakdown on this thread.
Monday - The Burning: Never watched largely because I subconsciously confused it with a bunch other movies with "burning" in the title
Tuesday - The Prowler: Seems to have an alarmingly good reputation as a slasher movie
Wednesday - Black Christmas: Obviously the original, no way in fuck im gonna waste a second on the newest one which was literally "jordan peterson creates a rapist dudebrah gamergate cult thats all killed by slay kween feminists"
Thursday - A Bay of Blood: Yeah yeah I know its technically a Giallo but I keep seeing it brought up in "inspirations for the slasher genre" conversation so I'm including it
Friday - Prom Night: Ok this one is largely for personal reasons, as the remake actually made its way onto my "worst movies I ever personally watched" list, so I feel I owe it to myself to see and judge the original accordingly
Saturday - My Bloody Valentine: Been on my watch list for a while but never found the time or excuse till now
Sunday - Zombi 7: Monster Hunter/Anthropophagus 2/Troll 4: Piss on THIS Hospitality/Rosso Sangue/Horrible/Dreadful/Awful/Rather Unpleasant/Alien 3: On earth and just one alien who looks like a guy for some reason/Absurd: Overly long title title joke aside, I have always kinda written this movie off without seeing it, and yet somehow I keep coming back to this movie, either by flicking through various alleged sequels to Zombi 2 or going through the video nasty list or just general Black Metal perusing, and so I decided to finally bite the bullet and watch a movie that seems fated to finally be watched by me after near two decades of ignoring it. Odds are it will not really be worth it but whatever, an itch shall be scratched
Monday - The Burning: Never watched largely because I subconsciously confused it with a bunch other movies with "burning" in the title
Tuesday - The Prowler: Seems to have an alarmingly good reputation as a slasher movie
Wednesday - Black Christmas: Obviously the original, no way in fuck im gonna waste a second on the newest one which was literally "jordan peterson creates a rapist dudebrah gamergate cult thats all killed by slay kween feminists"
Thursday - A Bay of Blood: Yeah yeah I know its technically a Giallo but I keep seeing it brought up in "inspirations for the slasher genre" conversation so I'm including it
Friday - Prom Night: Ok this one is largely for personal reasons, as the remake actually made its way onto my "worst movies I ever personally watched" list, so I feel I owe it to myself to see and judge the original accordingly
Saturday - My Bloody Valentine: Been on my watch list for a while but never found the time or excuse till now
Sunday - Zombi 7: Monster Hunter/Anthropophagus 2/Troll 4: Piss on THIS Hospitality/Rosso Sangue/Horrible/Dreadful/Awful/Rather Unpleasant/Alien 3: On earth and just one alien who looks like a guy for some reason/Absurd: Overly long title title joke aside, I have always kinda written this movie off without seeing it, and yet somehow I keep coming back to this movie, either by flicking through various alleged sequels to Zombi 2 or going through the video nasty list or just general Black Metal perusing, and so I decided to finally bite the bullet and watch a movie that seems fated to finally be watched by me after near two decades of ignoring it. Odds are it will not really be worth it but whatever, an itch shall be scratched
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2020
I don't know what you expected. I don't know what I expected. Sometimes I get it in my head to watch some trashy movies that came out in a year starting with "2" and almost always get burned. I tried to give it a chance at least.
OOF
Absurd doesn't have a sterling reputation but I thought it was pretty cool personally.
I was surprised that the book basically explains everything and it all pretty much makes sense in a satisfying way.
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2018
I've never understood the appeal of The Burning beyond Tom Savini's effects. I remember mostly being bored while watching it. The Prowler, My Bloody Valentine, and Black Christmas are all solid films. I can't recall if I've ever seen Prom Night. I'd also suggest Terror Train if you're looking for another '80s horror film.
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2019
My bloody Valentine also has a hanger of a theme song.
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2016
After seeing the American remake of Speak No Evil it's obvious James McAvoy was the highlight of the movie. Even if you had not seen the trailers, you would know something is off with his character by his acting. I am not sure how different it is from the Danish original, but I am surprised the protagonist family survived and the violence was kept at a minimum so that most of the tension came in the second and third act.Also, I appreciated there was basically no jump scares.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2013
I ranked on how much I enjoyed watching the movies/did not suffer watching the movies. Jason X and VI both failed as horror movies out the gate, and so it became a match of which was the best cheese/schlock flick, and there aint nothing in the slasher genre that beats Jason going to space. Fundamentally I actually kinda enjoyed watching Jason X again whereas VI was simply more tolerable and competent than those beneath it on the rankings
Since i'm impatient as fuck Im starting the reviews tonight with The Burning, so will probably add Terror Train to the lineup to make a complete week.
THE BURNING
Premise: Standard issue teen summer camp prank results in Groundskeeper Willie getting set on fire....huh so I guess this is a partial sauce of that brettygood Treehouse of Horror episode....and eventually he comes back for revenge with a pair of garden shears, a melted face, and a fedora which Freddy would steal a couple years later
Execution: Starts off with full schlock without foreplay, going from protracted hooker murder to slow-mo braless boobyjiggle scene and.....GEORGE COSTANZA?!
George's romance with Joseph Goebels here aside, the movie jumps head first into tiddy country including some creepy hebrew looking motherfucker attempting to sexually assault a naked chick in the camp shower which is then swept under the rug and he is instantly forgiven by the male main character who dismisses the silly hysterical female councillors worried about a sex predator in their midst as he knows the creeper is a confused nice guy at heart, while the guy angry at his girlfriend being assaulted is a nasty bully who everyone hates......now just why do I hear the sound of an old timey air raid siren in the back of my mind right now....
I'm talking a lot of shit here, and it ain't entirely unwarranted....even before we get to the meta shit I just alluded to.... but honestly its entertaining at the very least and somehow 30 minutes have gone by with it feeling a hell of a lot shorter....oh god George Costanza is so fucking distracting here I shouldn't have watched Seinfeld clips this past week. While shit starts to drag during the protracted character interplay, when the movie switches from 2tiddy to 2spooky it has a great creepy atmosphere....or atleast better than the last 6 Friday 13th movies I just watched...which is helped by the bread and butter 80s horror synth which does exactly what it needs. Also the piling on of bile against the only guy who saw some creepy little hebegoblin sexually assaulting a chick in the shower as a dick move is getting downright uncomfortable at this point. Just after the half way mark and we get our first on-site kill which has good build-up but kind of a flubbed execution and....oh for fuck sake now we got a second suspiciously hebraic looking creeper trying to force himself on a woman and then being unjustly accused of hurting her. CMONBRUH.
With 40 minutes left of the movie, honestly thus far the only major downside has been this underlying metatextual thread....which just now as I write rears its head again as stupid smelly evil "don't assault my girlfriend Harvey or I will beat the fuck out of you" bully again throws hateful and probably antisemetic accusations at the innocent creeper. The story is pretty thin but there is enough balance thus far to keep shit afloat, which is ironic because right now in the movie the plot is to make a raft that will stay afloat....aaand half the cast just got wiped out while on said raft. Pretty ok scene actually but slightly let down by the same shot of the killer with his shears being used over and over again...and we really had to know that the evil creepy-juden hating bully cant satisfy his girlfriend who is secretly yearning for Harvey's talmudic mushroom cock. Oh and now she's dead.....and now he's dead. Oh shit we are in the last 20 minutes now I guess.
Main hero was knocked out by a paper cut after finding the bodies and the raft just floated back with a bunch of corpses, feels like that scene could have been scarier but whatever, we nearly done. The shear (get it?) thinness of the plot is feeling more overt now as thus far Groundskeeper Crispy just showed up and is killing random people for no adequately explained reason and the music is doing more of the heavy lifting for the spooky moments. Main hero has gone to save the beloved creepy-j....fuck it im just gonna call him harvey. Main hero goes to save Harvey who decided to run randomly into the woods while the others go back to camp on the raft. Eventually they and the killer wind up in some old ruins in the middle of the forest with the killer randomly choosing *not* to kill harvey despite killing everyone else he met thus far...oh and the story finally cane back. Turns out main hero was one of the guys responsible for Groundskeeper Crispy getting flambéed in the opening scene so that's why Crispy is killing a bunch of kids on his watch.....kinda weak but whatever, I've seen worse excuses for plots. Eyy and we finally see Crispy's face and its actually some good makeup. Guess Savini earned his kibble well with this flick....and Harvey just saved the day by killing Groundskeeper Crispy with his own shears after escaping from his restraints off screen. Well that was fucking anticlimactic. Oh wait he aint dead it was a fakeout.....now he's dead after getting axed in the head and....and harvey sets him on fire to killsteal. Dick.
Characters: Pretty terrible for the most part, with any cheese being drowned out by how unlikable most of them are, George Costanza aside
Scares: As mentioned before, the movie is pretty obvious when the director hits the "creepy" button but its done well enough to not be obnoxious. Despite starting off with a gory and zero setup kill, the first half of the movie is surprisingly sparse with the killer just stalking the characters with a couple reasonably executed fake outs, and by the second half where the kills start up for real the scares are built up to well without shit dragging out or resorting to cheap jump scares out of nowhere. Best scare probably the massacre on the raft
Kills: Gory and protracted, but unfortunately pretty one note due to the killer's focus on garden shears. Best kill probably the massacre on the raft again.
Final Verdict: Not great, not terrible for the most part, but when the movie actually tried to be a horror movie instead of Mr Weinstein's personal cope fic/spank material it did pretty well and the use of the setting was pretty good and managed to not be a mindless aping of Friday 13th. However beyond these moments the vapidity of the characters and anaemic plot held this movie back and made it ok at best and forgettable at worst
Would I watch again?: Nah. Wouldnt mind listening to the soundtrack again tho.
Next stop....PROM NIGHT
Last edited:
- Joined
- May 29, 2024
I haven't watched The Burning in a long time, but I still remember quite a bit of the music.
- Joined
- May 4, 2022
The most fun with The Burning is playing the spot Holly Hunter game. She's in most of the group scenes, but the cameraman or editor puts her on the very edge of the screen every time. Still fun to watch for her high school drama class reaction faces.
Also Fisher Stevens, the evil bad guy hacker from Hackers. I mean hell the "shooting" scene on the dock was Costanza, Rat from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Bad Hacker, and some other guy who I swear became a character actor.
Also, that music you're hearing is Richard fucking Wakeman, unleashed from the constraints of all the musical fascists in Yes!
Also Fisher Stevens, the evil bad guy hacker from Hackers. I mean hell the "shooting" scene on the dock was Costanza, Rat from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Bad Hacker, and some other guy who I swear became a character actor.
Also, that music you're hearing is Richard fucking Wakeman, unleashed from the constraints of all the musical fascists in Yes!
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2020
I understand, I have many incorrect opinions myself. You can only call it like you see it. I don't blame you, but I really hate Jason X, a whole lot. Can't pick a clear un-favorite between it and Jason Goes to Hell. They are both very hard to watch.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2023
Kurosawa is great. A movie I constantly think about for some reason is Charisma, AKA the one about the tree (but really about all the people interested in the tree and everyone's weird fate including the tree. If you haven't seen it then go watch it.) I really like the guy who stars in all/most his movies. He brings a little something of the everyman not a lot of actors can do. (I suspect that's because he's actually like that and not acting too hard.)
Ringu of course is classic now and it's a wonderful story with great cinematography. The whole "psychic dad college professor" is very random Japanese though. I will say I also like Ringu 2 as a sequel which actually subverts expectations interestingly.