Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

I did a feeble update last January. His parents had died and he was struggling financially. Reading his stuff, I got to like the guy.
Yeah, he had the legit struggles and suffering in life that merit understanding and empathy. He was also extremely sharp and witty too.

I can’t imagine what it’s like for a guy with actual hardships and disabilities watching American culture start celebrating the victim mentality and demand accommodations over trivial bullshit and made up disabilities. I could see him almost dying of irony poisoning dealing with “victims of misgendering” too.
 
Joe said:
But my bodily fat distribution follows the female pattern
Counterpoint (fifty pounds ago): gross.jpg
 
"But my bodily fat distribution follows the female pattern, my skin reflects an estrogenated endocrine system, my sexual function has changed, and I have less testosterone in my body than most (cis) women."
"Everything about me invites you in ... my voice, my face, even my smell."
this-is-the-skin-of-a-killer-this.png

Cut to Rob Pattinson's Twilight commentary. "I'm sorry, Lily, I'm just a sweaty guy!"
 
Sample chapters of Women's Hotel just dropped. The sample does not include any dedications, so we'll have to wait to see who makes the cut for gushing gratitude. Here is the opening paragraph (which is preceded by a four-page [!!!!] author's note):

It was the end of the continental breakfast, and therefore the beginning of the end of everything else. For thirty-five years, every Biedermeier girl whose rent for the coming week had found its way to Mrs. Mossler’s crocheted lantern-bag could go to sleep secure in the knowledge that she would wake up with a breakfast tray slid into the recess of her door, delivered just as advertised, “silently and gratuitously, no waiting—no waiter!” During the war the fourteen-dollar rent was raised to eighteen dollars, then again to twenty-five dollars after Carmine DeSapio replaced Hugo Rogers as the head of Tammany, Mrs. Mossler certain that a non-Irish Tammany boss was a harbinger of the rising prices, social upheaval, and general chaos soon to come. But the Biedermeier’s daily rendezvous between tray and door never failed, not even on Sundays, and aside from a wartime substitution of Postum for coffee, the menu had remained implacably untouched by time. One’s choice of either sliced grapefruit or tomato, a Vienna roll or brown buttered toast, a shirred egg, and a cluster of grapes sustained plenty until dinner (new girls learned quickly not to speak of supper within the walls), as lunch was not included in the weekly rate, and fewer than half the inmates were so reliably employed as to be able to comfortably commission a week’s worth in advance.
 
Sample chapters of Women's Hotel just dropped. The sample does not include any dedications, so we'll have to wait to see who makes the cut for gushing gratitude. Here is the opening paragraph (which is preceded by a four-page [!!!!] author's note):

It was the end of the continental breakfast, and therefore the beginning of the end of everything else. For thirty-five years, every Biedermeier girl whose rent for the coming week had found its way to Mrs. Mossler’s crocheted lantern-bag could go to sleep secure in the knowledge that she would wake up with a breakfast tray slid into the recess of her door, delivered just as advertised, “silently and gratuitously, no waiting—no waiter!” During the war the fourteen-dollar rent was raised to eighteen dollars, then again to twenty-five dollars after Carmine DeSapio replaced Hugo Rogers as the head of Tammany, Mrs. Mossler certain that a non-Irish Tammany boss was a harbinger of the rising prices, social upheaval, and general chaos soon to come. But the Biedermeier’s daily rendezvous between tray and door never failed, not even on Sundays, and aside from a wartime substitution of Postum for coffee, the menu had remained implacably untouched by time. One’s choice of either sliced grapefruit or tomato, a Vienna roll or brown buttered toast, a shirred egg, and a cluster of grapes sustained plenty until dinner (new girls learned quickly not to speak of supper within the walls), as lunch was not included in the weekly rate, and fewer than half the inmates were so reliably employed as to be able to comfortably commission a week’s worth in advance.
Clumsy sentences, boring content.

Hilarious thought: imagine the treatment James Lileks would give the same topic.
 
Well done Tard Baby, this brief section skews as weak male, according to two gender analysers.

IMG_4573.jpegIMG_4574.jpeg

Because bored, I asked ChatGPT to make this funnier.

It was the end of the continental breakfast, which meant the beginning of the end of everything else—like a dramatic cliffhanger, but with more toast. For thirty-five glorious years, every Biedermeier girl whose rent had been safely deposited into Mrs. Mossler’s crocheted lantern-bag could drift off to dreamland knowing that a breakfast tray would magically appear at her door like a ninja in an apron—“silently and gratuitously, no waiting—no waiter!”

Then came the war, and rent went from a cozy fourteen dollars to a wallet-squeezing eighteen, then skyrocketed to twenty-five after Carmine DeSapio took over Tammany. Mrs. Mossler was convinced that a non-Irish Tammany boss was basically the universe’s way of signaling impending doom, skyrocketing prices, and general chaos—like watching a soap opera unfold, but with less drama and more oatmeal.

But the daily ritual of tray meeting door was as reliable as a bad sitcom punchline, even on Sundays. Aside from the wartime trauma of Postum masquerading as coffee (the horror!), the breakfast menu was a time capsule. Your options were either sliced grapefruit or tomato, a Vienna roll or brown buttered toast, a shirred egg, and a cluster of grapes—the kind of breakfast that could fuel you through a morning of existential dread.

And while lunch was a luxury not included in the weekly rate, and many residents were juggling jobs like circus performers with flaming swords, they learned quickly: never, ever mention supper within these walls. The only thing scarier than the thought of dinner was the idea of a budget!

Emboldened, I asked my new robot friend to please rewrite this in the style of three female authors beloved by Mal. First, here is its attempt at the immortal Jane:

It was the conclusion of the continental breakfast, an event that signaled the onset of a most disheartening decline. For a remarkable span of thirty-five years, each Biedermeier girl, whose modest rent had duly made its way into Mrs. Mossler’s charmingly crocheted lantern-bag, could retire to her chamber each evening with the reassuring knowledge that a breakfast tray would be delivered to her door at dawn, fulfilling the promise of “silently and gratuitously, no waiting—no waiter!”

Yet, alas, the tumult of war brought with it a regrettable increase in rent; the formerly agreeable sum of fourteen dollars ascended to eighteen, and subsequently to twenty-five, following the rise of Carmine DeSapio as the head of Tammany. Mrs. Mossler, with her keen insight, was convinced that the emergence of a non-Irish Tammany chief foreshadowed an era fraught with inflated prices, social unrest, and chaos—an unfolding narrative reminiscent of the most tiresome of novels, albeit with considerably less allure and an abundance of oatmeal.

However, the cherished daily rendezvous of tray meeting door remained unfaltering, even upon the Lord’s Day. Apart from the wartime imposition of Postum in place of coffee—a truly lamentable substitute—the breakfast offerings had remained steadfast against the ravages of time. Each lady might choose from a selection of sliced grapefruit or tomato, a Vienna roll or brown buttered toast, a shirred egg, and a cluster of grapes, providing sufficient sustenance to sustain her through the hours until dinner (newcomers quickly learned the cardinal rule: never utter the word “supper” within these hallowed walls).

Indeed, the absence of lunch from the weekly rate rendered it a luxury few could afford, for less than half of the residents could claim employment sufficient to allow them the comfort of planning a week’s provisions in advance. Thus, the Biedermeier abode remained a peculiar microcosm, where the rigors of economic uncertainty mingled with the relentless pursuit of a modestly agreeable existence.

What about the weirdest Brontë?

The final echoes of the continental breakfast lingered, heralding not merely an end, but the onset of an inevitable decline, a shadow creeping over the hearts of the Biedermeier girls. For thirty-five years, each inhabitant, her modest rent safely nestled in Mrs. Mossler’s intricately crocheted lantern-bag, had surrendered to slumber with a steadfast assurance: a breakfast tray would greet her at dawn, sliding silently into the recess of her door—“silently and gratuitously, no waiting—no waiter!”

But as the war’s dark hand grasped tighter, the once-humble fourteen-dollar rent surged to eighteen, then to twenty-five, after Carmine DeSapio ascended to lead Tammany’s somber forces. Mrs. Mossler, her heart heavy with foreboding, believed a non-Irish Tammany chief to be a dire omen of escalating prices, tumult, and chaos—an unfolding tragedy reminiscent of the brooding moors, where storms gathered ominously upon the horizon.

Yet, amidst the shadows, the daily communion of tray and door endured, unyielding even on the sacred Sunday. Aside from the wretched wartime substitution of Postum for the cherished coffee, the menu remained a steadfast relic of familiarity, as if time itself recoiled from altering its simple offerings. Each lady could select from the bitter-sweetness of sliced grapefruit or tomato, a Vienna roll or brown buttered toast, a shirred egg, and a cluster of grapes—sustenance that held one until the uncertain hour of dinner, for the unspoken rule lingered: never mention supper within these confined walls.

Indeed, the absence of lunch from the weekly rate cast a shadow upon the spirits of the inmates, fewer than half possessing the steady hand of employment to secure a week’s provisions. Thus, the Biedermeier abode stood, a fragile bastion against the encroaching gloom, where the specter of economic despair entwined with the fragile hopes of its weary inhabitants.

Still not quite there. How about Mal’s favourite female writer?

It was the final curtain on the continental breakfast, a moment that seemed to signal not just an ending, but the slow unfurling of a great cosmic joke—the beginning of the end of absolutely everything. For thirty-five years, every Biedermeier girl who’d successfully funneled her rent into Mrs. Mossler’s whimsically crocheted lantern-bag could slip into sleep with the delightful certainty that come morning, a breakfast tray would be gently slid into the crevice of her door—delivered as promised, “silently and gratuitously, no waiting—no waiter!”

But then came the war, like a bad plot twist, and the rent, once a manageable fourteen dollars, morphed into eighteen, then skyrocketed to twenty-five when Carmine DeSapio stepped in to lead Tammany—because of course a non-Irish Tammany chief was practically a neon sign for rising prices, social chaos, and a buffet of existential dread. Yet, the sacred ritual of the breakfast tray meeting its door remained steadfast, even on the holiest of days, Sundays.

And let’s not even get started on the wartime atrocity of Postum masquerading as coffee—sacrilege! The menu, however, was a stubborn relic, untouched by the hands of time. One could choose between the exquisite sorrow of sliced grapefruit or tomato, a Vienna roll or brown buttered toast, a shirred egg, and a cluster of grapes—the kind of breakfast that would keep one going until dinner (the new girls, bless their hearts, quickly learned that uttering “supper” within these walls was an unforgivable faux pas).

Of course, lunch was a fantasy not included in the weekly rate, and fewer than half the residents could be counted on to possess the financial fortitude necessary for securing a week’s provisions. So here they were, the Biedermeier girls, navigating their own little microcosm of uncertainty—where the only thing more daunting than the prospect of empty plates was the ever-looming specter of a budget!

Needs more half-understood philosophical concepts, bad syntax and sodomy.
 
There were price controls during the war, that's why you had to substitute Postum, rent wouldn't have risen. Especially not nearly doubled. Then factor in the reduction in demand for housing.

Tammany Hall's political power was based on immigrants, DeSapio also was more liberal than his predecessors, his not being Irish would have been irrelevant because he was more intertwined with the new classes of immigrants that followed the Irish and is the exact reason an Italian became a head of it.

Revise and resubmit.
 
Clumsy sentences, boring content.
Really dense and cluttered writing.
"wake up with a breakfast tray slid into the recess of her door" I've had a longish life reading about the earlier half of the 20th century, seen literally thousands of old movies- to this day TCM is always on.
I'm not saying it didn't exist but a "continental" breakfast served through "the recess of her door"- what is the recess? Like how they slide meals to prisoners in jail? It seems like the women in this are strapped for cash, but they're practically being served breakfast in bed?
Did Americans in the 1940s call it a "continental" breakfast? That included grapes? No, they had real breakfasts and it was very ordinary slop in many places like cheap hotels. Or just okay. How did it fit through the door again?
 
Really dense and cluttered writing.
"wake up with a breakfast tray slid into the recess of her door" I've had a longish life reading about the earlier half of the 20th century, seen literally thousands of old movies- to this day TCM is always on.
I'm not saying it didn't exist but a "continental" breakfast served through "the recess of her door"- what is the recess? Like how they slide meals to prisoners in jail? It seems like the women in this are strapped for cash, but they're practically being served breakfast in bed?
Did Americans in the 1940s call it a "continental" breakfast? That included grapes? No, they had real breakfasts and it was very ordinary slop in many places like cheap hotels. Or just okay. How did it fit through the door again?
Porridge, oatmeal, grits, toast, etc…these were the common hot cheap and easy breakfasts served during the era. The only fruit involved would be bananas.

When the first text was published that mentioned door food slots I assumed the slot in the door was some sloppy prison metaphor for being trapped as a woman/ in an all woman’s hotel? The only places that serves food through a slot are prisons and locked psychiatric wards. It’s hard to believe Mallory would think it was a period accurate hotel service thing. I think it’s her very unsubtle prison (or asylum) metaphor. The end of the novel reveals they’ve been trapped in a gender prison or some hokey shit like that.
 
Really dense and cluttered writing.
"wake up with a breakfast tray slid into the recess of her door" I've had a longish life reading about the earlier half of the 20th century, seen literally thousands of old movies- to this day TCM is always on.
I'm not saying it didn't exist but a "continental" breakfast served through "the recess of her door"- what is the recess? Like how they slide meals to prisoners in jail? It seems like the women in this are strapped for cash, but they're practically being served breakfast in bed?
Did Americans in the 1940s call it a "continental" breakfast? That included grapes? No, they had real breakfasts and it was very ordinary slop in many places like cheap hotels. Or just okay. How did it fit through the door again?
I think she means that the trays were set on the floor outside the recessed doors:
Recessed-Door.jpeg
 
Who fucking edited this?
I'm told book editors make deals and guide the publishing/marketing process. They're not editing editors. Literary agents don't read the full manuscripts they're hawking let alone edit them. Authors can choose to hire copyeditors, but copyeditors aren't content editors to begin with, and -- to finish it -- authors can ignore copyeditors' edits because authors like their own crappy writing.

What Tard Baby requires is a writing teacher who explains why taking "continental" out of the first sentence and so much out of all subsequent sentences makes the prose more engaging and every bit as informative. "Don't let the words get in the way of the story."

Or as Strunk wrote, "Good writing is concise."

Why would I know that? Because half the population of the intercontinental world has shoved it in my face for more than a decade. Now note length of standard @Bookwork post and ask, "WHY CAN'T YOU WISE UP?"

That ChatGPT Joe writes better than Tard Baby strengthens my faith in an AI-laced future.
 
The audiobook is narrated by Mara Wilson (best known for being a child actress in Mrs Doubtfire and Matilda). She's done a fair number of audiobooks, ranging from Armistead Maupin* and Alice Hoffman to Chuck Tingle (!!).

*Obviously my first thought was 'why would a woman narrate a Tales of the City book?' but it's Mona of the Manor. Two of the main characters are women. Of course the third mc is a twenty-something gay guy who cruises the gay bars of Soho.
 
as Strunk wrote, "Good writing is concise."
Unfortunately both tard baby and Joe love, and specialize, in Victorian lit. .Once printing was cheap and reading was one of the few forms of entertainment you could afford in life back in 1880 there seemed to be a premium of drawing out stories to the nth degree. It’s akin to a modern awards show, long, drawn out, boring and self-congratulatory. They were probably drawn to it because it was similar to their verbal diarrhea writing tendencies.

Even newspapers from that era are hilarious with their word counts. Why report something in four sentences when you could do it in 25 paragraphs? I don’t know how many times I’ve been gobbsmacked looking at the front page of a 1825-1900 newspaper seeing every inch filled with 4 pt type. It would seem they didn’t cotton on to the power of 80 pt headline font until the 20th century. 30 sentences of 5 pt type was better than a concise headline for a story.

In high school in college I read quite a few Victorian novels, even took a lit class taught by a Brontë fanatic. While I found insight into the era and social ways interesting, it always felt like they strained to draw out the story as long as possible to an irritating degree. (And they did because many times the books were written in chapters for subscription magazines, so you had to keep them going month to month).

As an adult there are still several books from the era I’d still like to get around to reading, but the time and patience for the drawn out flowery writing is beyond me now. If I tackle an important thick book now it’s either a Russian tome or a mid-20th century book. The Victorians wrote as if one has all the time in the world and nothing better to do than read thirty pages of interludes fictional dinner party details, social niceties and endless descriptions.

Both Joe and Mallory seem afflicted not by just the Victorian overly verbose disease, but the “fill 30 pages with meaningless verbiage” academic disease. Joe can use fifty pages and say absolutely nothing of any substance or merit. Word games. It’s a disease that has been infecting liberal academia for many decades now. Mallory would only pick up the worst type of writing habits around Joe.
 
Unfortunately both tard baby and Joe love, and specialize, in Victorian lit. .Once printing was cheap and reading was one of the few forms of entertainment you could afford in life back in 1880 there seemed to be a premium of drawing out stories to the nth degree. It’s akin to a modern awards show, long, drawn out, boring and self-congratulatory. They were probably drawn to it because it was similar to their verbal diarrhea writing tendencies.

A factor behind the scenes: Some of the most-read authors of the day, like Charles Dickens, serialized their work in newspapers that paid by the the word.
 
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