Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Potatis Salad]

Also, I may have missed this because I got bored with them, until Joe got his girlfriend pregnant but was Joe’s awful stand up act ever posted here:? Racking up a whopping 18 likes in 2 years is too kind for this level of awful.

Holy shit, this is making my skin crawl, I despise Joe and knew this would be awful but it is AWFUL. I expected him to have more charm.

Off topic but any other Bruce Vilanch fans here? Just wanted to share a couple of shots from his latest special!


EDIT: Off topic again, sorry, but do you guys think these (supposed) Yeti pics are real?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Holy shit, this is making my skin crawl, I despise Joe and knew this would be awful but it is AWFUL. I expected him to have more charm.

Yes, I was surprised by his lack of charm, charisma and terrible stage presence. Even if I loathe someone I can recognize their appeal to others, I cannot see any appeal with Joe. The audience was only giving subdued responses out of pity and pure second hand embarrassment.

This was only the second time I’ve watched video of Joe, the other was him droning on about some psychoanalytic BS. In the later he had a pronounced British accent, in his stand-up act it was faint.

His appearance is ridiculous but he spent a lot of money to look that bad, so that’s his armor. Only plebs thinks he looks like a Venice beach hobo, they don’t realize he’s wearing $5k worth of clothing!

I googled “puffy designer high tops” and immediately discovered he is wearing $800 Isabel Marant Balskee sneakers. They might be cute on a waif like 20 year old Japanese girl, but they make Joe look like Napoleon Dynamite.

He thinks he is telegraphing his status to anyone who matters. Does he even care what people not familiar with Marant’s winter collection think? No. (Btw Marant just ripped off the old 1970’s Adidas trekking boot design and made them gay, impractical and expensive. She obviously thought ski boots shouldn’t require those pesky skis.)

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Not to mention, when I see an ugly middle aged man wearing that kind of trendy designer stuff, my first assumption is that they found a seller making a good knockoff for $20 on Temu.

 

[Dick Johnson]

Joe's got to have to have some of the highest levels of anti-talent of any cow. He's not just not good at writing, or standup, or clothes - he's so bad at them it's like he's got gifts but with the polarity reversed. Most people who look like slobs do so because they don't care about their appearance. They'll dress in ill-fitting clothes that they knocked into their cart at Walmart because they don't want to spend any more time or money on clothing than absolutely necessary. And then here's Joe, with his thousand dollar coats and sneakers, who makes a guy in sweatpants look like James Bond by comparison.

Likewise with the writing. A lot of people are bad writers because they don't practice it, so they've got misspellings and grammatical errors and they have difficulty with structure and their prose can be dull and awkward. And then there's Joe with his five line, eight clause sentences that leave you less knowledgeable about Cheers than you were before you read it. It's not amatuerish, it's expertly terrible.

He's supremely gifted at being bad at stuff.

 

[YouTube Autist]

the dogs came down with their first-ever case of fleas, due to the powerful Michigan insect lobby.

The dogs, who cannot understand why they have been banned from all the furniture, turn the most baleful and abject eyes of silent reproach on me every chance they get.

I feel as harried as that one friend of Poe’s who had a heartbeat in his floors, or thought he did.

But that’s neither here nor there. Today’s household tip has nothing to do with laundry nor dogs nor fleas nor children, but with the dishes.

For whatever it’s worth, the American Cleaning Institute agrees with me, although I have no idea by whose imprimatur they make such statements.

Jesus Christ what an insufferably twee style of writing.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Not to mention, when I see an ugly middle aged man wearing that kind of trendy designer stuff, my first assumption is that they found a seller making a good knockoff for $20 on Temu.

Joe’s ego wouldn’t be reinforced if it was Chinese knock-offs, because “the people” that matter would know. He also regularly thinks about how expensive what he’s wearing is as an ego boost.

The hilarious part is he’s trying to do designer fashion as a woman (or agender) when he fails the first and most important prerequisite of female fashion: thinness. Ironically Men’s suit are perfect for those with sub-optimal bodies, female fashion is not.

This is why Joe favors shoes and long coats, it’s the only option for the obese. If he had xy chromosomes he would know buying luxury handbags is the way. Instead he looks like a drunk walking around in bath robes and puffy shoes.

Good fashion should make the wearer look good or sophisticated, the quality should be exceptional, not just buffer self-esteem due to a price tag. If Joe was from India he would be walking around in 10 lbs of gold.

The worst thing about modern designer clothing (at least in the last decade) is the drop in quality and construction. I think all the hardcore gay men who understood thread counts, weaves, durability are dead and the new ones know the modern consumer is clueless so why bother when you can sell crap at the same high prices.

 

[AfghanBlue]

Why can't he stand like a normal person?

He is always dressed like someone who has been told they will need to pay extra to fly if their bag doesn't magically become lighter

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Five months now, I begin to show

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

I love that Joe acts like he discovered American Spoon, the "lovely little jam place" located smackdab in the middle of the main drag in the massive tourist destination that is Traverse City. I've been there, cute place, but hugely overpriced and obviously caters to wealthy tourists. You can get a good number of those jams at the Family Fare in the non-fashionable part of Traverse City for 40% less.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

Thank you. I really wanted to see it in all its terrible glory again. Lukey really favors retard monkey noodle arms. They did perfectly capture Joe’s essence however.

Lukey is like Lucien Freud’s Down syndrome afflicted pooner niece imitating what she saw her uncle doing.

Spoiler: OT about Lukey Agnes Walden, trans portrait artist™ of the stars

Looks like Agnes Walden (he's dropped the Lukey apparently) is about as insufferable and degenerate as his portrait clients: https://archive.ph/wktv5.

More bad art, and a big photo (scroll al the way down) of our demure and mindful troon here: https://archive.ph/zOm0R.

I think he's a troon. That's pretty impressive 5 o'clock shadow for a pooner. And the painting of a chick with a dick is kinda a tell too.

A bigger image of Walden's and Joe's contribution to art history can be appreciated here: https://archive.ph/4aXLd

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Spoiler: OT about Lukey Agnes Walden, trans portrait artist™ of the stars

Looks like Agnes Walden (he's dropped the Lukey apparently) is about as insufferable and degenerate as his portrait clients: https://archive.ph/wktv5.

More bad art, and a big photo (scroll al the way down) of our demure and mindful troon here: https://archive.ph/zOm0R.

I think he's a troon. That's pretty impressive 5 o'clock shadow for a pooner. And the painting of a chick with a dick is kinda a tell too.

A bigger image of Walden's and Joe's contribution to art history can be appreciated here: https://archive.ph/4aXLd

Yeah he's a troon. Mentioned as Luke in grandpop's obit from 18 years ago:

https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/131393336/oliver-wendell-walden

Survivors include his wife, L. June (nee Dickson), whom he married June 16, 1957; children, Joe Walden of Dublin, Ohio, John (Peggy) Walden of Edina, Minn., Julie (Roy) Schwarzenberg of Frederick, Md., and Jeff Walden of Barrington; grandchildren, Dan , Tim, Charlie, Jack and Luke Walden, and Nicholas and Emily Schwarzenberg; a sister, Helen (Mel) Gronewold of Golden, Ill.; brothers, Smith Walden of Wapella, Ill., and James Walden of Lincoln, Ill.; and several nieces and nephews.

Correlated with DOB here and parents/former address through public records search.

 

[Autistic Nonetheless]

<Pokes with stick> Come on! DO SOMETHING!

Slag off J. K. Rowling, make an off color child molestation joke, ambiguously accuse your colleagues of rape, concoct some bizarre inference and then hide from its implication in a rhetorical device and/or by refusing to accept basic definitions.

Mal is about to get so much attention and you know you want in on it . You’ve got a book coming out . You’ve gotta hustle if you want to make it in today’s overstated, attention starved economy.

 

[TheMonkeyMan]

Man, it sure sucks that all of those guys who raped Joe are still out there and can do it again. Too bad he can't do anything to stop them.

 

[TheMeanOne]

I covet that teapot, still, and am not proud of it.

They're about to have a toddler. I can't believe they didn't get more pragmatic stuff. Joe is going to bolt as soon as being a dad becomes real for him, IMO. Or Lily will have enough of this nonsense and turf them both.

I can't believe they kept D&G appliances while Mal was working for basically min wage in Brooklyn. I'd've auctioned some of that off before carting it to Michigan.

 

[Dick Johnson]

Joe’s ego wouldn’t be reinforced if it was Chinese knock-offs, because “the people” that matter would know. He also regularly thinks about how expensive what he’s wearing is as an ego boost.

Wonder how often Joe's had people noticing and complementing his clothes?

Breast size has no correlation to how much breast milk is produced, so I don’t think we can make any assumptions based on that.

I thought I'd found the magic bullet to shoot down a particularly haram idea, and then you just swat that bullet out of the sky.

 

[Free the Pedos]

He is always dressed like someone who has been told they will need to pay extra to fly if their bag doesn't magically become lighter

I feel like he’s going for a certain type of eccentric upper Manhattan woman, a crazy old arty bitch who’s lived in the same rent controlled apartment for 50 years.

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

I feel like he’s going for a certain type of eccentric upper Manhattan woman, a crazy old arty bitch who’s lived in the same rent controlled apartment for 50 years.

He’s often giving an eldritch cross between Iris Apfel and Lena Dunham at her current weight.

 

[Bookwork]

Off to the side again. But maybe just to work the phone cam, right?

Spoiler: Text

Mallory above the pic she posted on X: "I love family!!!!@graceelavery...little baby...who has THREE TEETH now...Lily and me>>>that's everybody so far"

Replies included (but were not limited to):

reign draamicile @mallweasle: "I need to know what grace is wearing please please thank you"

Gzrace Lavery @graceelavery: "It's a vintage Missoni cloak--c. 1981 iirc. Lily and I found it in a weird Manhattan pop-up vintage store last year; it looked like some venture had just acquired a basement of, essenetially, museum pieces and was flogging them off with very little sense of what they were worth"

What do fat men wear on family rambles? Cloaks, of course, because tents don't usually come in slimming black.

ETA - You pick for me. I can't rule out either of them.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Off to the side again. But maybe just to work the phone cam, right?
View attachment 6494505
View attachment 6494507

Spoiler: Text

Mallory above the pic she posted on X: "I love family!!!!@graceelavery...little baby...who has THREE TEETH now...Lily and me>>>that's everybody so far"

Replies included (but were not limited to):

reign draamicile @mallweasle: "I need to know what grace is wearing please please thank you"

Gzrace Lavery @graceelavery: "It's a vintage Missoni cloak--c. 1981 iirc. Lily and I found it in a weird Manhattan pop-up vintage store last year; it looked like some venture had just acquired a basement of, essenetially, museum pieces and was flogging them off with very little sense of what they were worth"

What do fat men wear on family rambles? Cloaks, of course, because tents don't usually come in slimming black.

I had to look this up because I couldn't figure out what they thought was so exciting about his black sack. I guess it is something related to this:

https://www.amarcordvintagefashion.com/products/missoni-vintage-1980s-blue-grey-abstract-intarsia-knit-mohair-silk-full-sweep-cape

I guess it's about a thousand bucks.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I can't believe they kept D&G appliances while Mal was working for basically min wage in Brooklyn. I'd've auctioned some of that off before carting it to Michigan.

I’m just offended at D&G trying to milk more money off of household goods by sticking their brand label on random shit to milk more money. The whole “lifestyle” grift annoys me. I don’t want Jens Quistgaard or Florence Knoll designing my coats or pants, and I don’t want D&G team trying to stick their brand on industrial designs. D&G, or whatever fashion house, wants to expand then stick to upholstery fabric or throw pillows. Designers specialize for a reason. It’s like a podiatrist thinking he’s equipped for brain surgery. Stick to your wheelhouse. Industrial design is world apart from fashion design.

Wonder how often Joe's had people noticing and complementing his clothes?

Probably few times in NY to make awkward small talk and it was “oh is that a X by X” and then maybe a “nice” or “I love that shop.” Nobody complemented Joe, only noticed he was wearing an expensive article from this season, but that was enough for him.

Nobody would comment he looked good or was dressed well, just that a particular piece of expensive tat was recognized, but it would make Joe’s heart soar. It was unfortunate mistake for whoever mentioned it to him, because then he would identify them as “his type of person” and keep trying to talk to them or follow them on IG the next day.

I haven’t noticed Joe trying to sport his designer coats and kicks around Lansing but god help the poor soul there who would mention it to Joe. He will be like a fly on shit.