Obscure Laughingstocks - Lolcows without substantial online presence.

[Elwood P. Dowd]

If this doesn't belong here, I apologize, but it made me laugh, so I figured I'd pass it along.

I say “I” too much. I’m The Most. I’m obsessed with myself. I’m constantly trapped in a Catch 22 of, “I’m the best, how is everyone not woefully enamored with my face and soul?” and, “I’m disgusting, transparent trash and everyone can see right through my disgusting self.”

I love Twitter!

I’m Turning 25 Tomorrow.

 

[Trash Fox]

I've lurked around here for a while, originally coming for CWC coming back for a few Deviantart cows and Springtrapp/Ashley.
I finally made an account because there's a sperg that has run rampant for months that I've had many run ins with. His name is Xandermartin98 and I'm not sure if anyone here knows him. He's little known, although I guess that's because he's mostly within the Undertale fandom. He stands out as particularly bad which is saying something when you're dealing with Undertale fans. He's also quite literally autistic.
Xander is creepily obsessed with a cartoon lizard from a video game named Alphys, who he wants to fuck. He writes awful fetish fanfictions about her, and created a "shipping" (fan pairing) of her with some other creatures from the game that are essentially other characters melted and stuck together (the ship is called "alphamalg"). Sometimes he'll involve other source material into them but most of the time they're Undertale-related. He cranks these things out like crazy.
The worst part is he goes on places like reddit and deviantart and whores out his fetish fanfictions. Xander posts them on completely random subreddits to the point where it seems like he gets off to showing people this shit. He spammed them on the Undertale Cringe subreddit until he got banned, which caused him to start harassing people there with alts and teamed up with some other autist to take the owner's account and destroy the subreddit. Whenever he gets banned from anywhere he'll instantly start up an alt account and keep on spamming. He has been doing this for months; he'll disappear for a month or so, and just when people think he's gone, he'll come back.
He's absolutely everywhere. Reddit, Deviantart, YouTube, even fucking Rule 34.
And before all this Undertale shit started, he did this same thing with Cave Story, apparently. He was well-known on the forums.
His Deviantart was banned I believe, but he also used to post shitty art. He was also suspended on reddit.
His fanfiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5606545/xandermartin98
Some reddit alts of his (main one is suspended, it was Xandermartin9:
https://www.reddit.com/user/Darkrai9000/
https://www.reddit.com/user/Darkrai9OOO/
His Youtube (nothing much here except some low quality videos but you can see him):
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRtO18ARrcfmqhxrBDJdzMw

 

[CervixHammer]

jeph jacques, aka handstab, aka the hack who has been drawing that shitty webcomic "questionable content" for 13 years, is being an Internet Tough Guy:

https://tweetsave.com/jephjacques/status/810608621847478276
https://tweetsave.com/jephjacques/status/810608779414896640

Spoiler: be afraid of this man wait why are you laughing this is sewwious you guys

 

[Kaabi]

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRzYfO7-USJ2qQi5tMf_ZEg

Here's a guy that I actually speak to via Steam and Skype and by far, one of the most grating and annoying fuckers I've ever dealt with. Meet Collin. A guy who has an obsession of Ririn from the Anime Bleach. Pretty obvious considering she's his avatar along with a variety of websites he's on. This guy is one strange person that i can't even tell if this guy is just either socially awkward or has straight up :autism:.

I've screencapped a few of our conversations via Steam because by god, they are just either bizarre or just stupid beyond belief. Pink is obviously me and he's blue.

Context of this was him asking if he has to pay to commission me which of course, the answer is yes. After saying that, he then posted the following above. I'm surprised he has a girlfriend, if that is true.

The next few should be pretty self-explanatory.

Never realized how big of a dick he was in this screencap.

Spoiler: Semi-long explanation

So around my birthday, Collin decided to message me on Skype saying that because I never said happy birthday to him, he won't say it to me. Obviously, a bit of an asshole-ish move because not everyone has free time on their hands to say happy birthday to EVERY SINGLE friend out there. I explained to Collin that i was busy with my college internship during that time and barely have enough time to use my computer. Lol. In reality, i didn't say happy birthday to him because this guy is just fucking weird overall and because i tend to forget birthdays with Skype's notifications sometimes.

Around this time, he was making a big stink about my nickname and how i have to guess it. If you're not familiar with Skype, you can set up a custom nickname for anyone on your contacts. Collin was getting pissed off because i couldn't guess my nickname that he gave me. Keep in mind that i can't see who he named me on his Skype. He then said the name Rainchaser and i was confused what he ment. After about a good 10 minutes, he then came clean it was for me. It honestly sounds like a MLP name for an OC. Me being so goddamn confused, i tried playing it nice and just accepted it....

even though this fucker was forcing me to stay up late just to think up a goddamn nickname. No lie.

On top of all of this, his Youtube is just... a cesspoll of crap. Besides the wrestling mods and other shit, he also uploads these weird short vlogs whether he's doing some voice impersonations or singing songs from old cartoons. I'll let you decide whether they're :autism: or cringe.

Now you're probably wondering, how in the world did you meet a person like Collin? I have no fucking clue. I can't even remember how or why i even added thim, probably back from my YTP days and i just randomly added him as well as anyone back in the day.

My friends have told me to block him because of how annoying he is but to be honest... i don't want to because this guy is just... a weird kind of special that i can't put my finger on lol. I purposely ignore him but i also can't resist screencapping our conversations to show off to my friends.

 

[inopas]

A few friends sent a link to a religious forum after today's 'Tracer is lesbian' reveal that Blizzard did in a holiday comic.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=110442

These people are a goldmine, but more or less they're your stupid religious nut who thinks everything is SATAN.

An excerpt from the same thread:

 

[friedshrimp]

Well, seems KataraLover/Chris Jones now likes racebending or something.

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/disney-...itle/melodys-merpeople-friends-new-look-photo

Let me explain my thinking behind this before you say anything. As some of your might know, I do hope to work at Disney someday and I wanna try and remake the Disney sequels. I recently got an idea for Return To The Sea, though not really fully developed, that instead of having Melody have those stupid Timon and Pumbaa knock-offs (Tip and Dash) as friends she could have the merkids she met as her main friends in the movie. Of course, it would require some pretty big rewrites of the script in order to have it make sense (Since I don't think they'd help steal their king's magic trident).

But I wanted to make some changes to their looks to either have them look better or add diversity. I made the mergirl African American, since there was an Asian merboy and if that's normal in Atlantica, I see nothing wrong with a black mergirl. It's really HARD to make a white girl look black because I have to take care of her lines and make them darker to go with the black skin. Plus finding the right type of hair took some thinking.

The Asian merboy I just gave a MUCH better haircut (Who the hell thought a bowl cut was a good idea?) and a skin tone that didn't look so gray and ugly but was still Asian looking skin.

With Alex (The blonde merboy who is apparently the only one of the three who actually has an official name), there is apparently a fan theory that he's the son of Urchin and Gabriella from The Little Mermaid TV series, which I do kind of see (More so with Urchin). He does have skin that's darker than the average blonde (Since I doubt he spends much time in the sun and Atlantica hasn't invented the tanning beds), so I guess he could just be a blonde Latino or half Latino or whatever.So I just made his skin a little darker and more appealing looking.

I hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think.

He thinks he has a chance of working at disney and that they'll allow him to remake the damn sequels. And also he's gone SJW now? He's really asking for a thread at this point...

 

[Dog Prom 3D]

A few friends sent a link to a religious forum after today's 'Tracer is lesbian' reveal that Blizzard did in a holiday comic.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=110442

These people are a goldmine, but more or less they're your stupid religious nut who thinks everything is SATAN.

An excerpt from the same thread:

I can't tell if you're being silly or sarcastic but, in the event that you aren't, I think you'll find that Landover Baptist Church is a parody of Christian fundamentalism. It's also subject to Poe's Law, meaning that unless you know the author's intent, it is impossible to create a parody, no matter how extreme, that won't be mistaken by some people as a genuine expression of belief.

 

[friedshrimp]

Found KataraLover's youtube channel and deviant art.
Admittedly he doesn't use much his DA, but it's good to know where he hangs out. I'm surprised how he has no favorites, knowing spergs like him...

His name is apparently Chris Jones...Now only missing for us to know the whole details would be his Facebook account...

https://www.youtube.com/user/AzulaLover1/videos

http://azulalover1.deviantart.com/gallery/

 

[bradsternum]

 

[Trash Fox]

I've lurked around here for a while, originally coming for CWC coming back for a few Deviantart cows and Springtrapp/Ashley.
I finally made an account because there's a sperg that has run rampant for months that I've had many run ins with. His name is Xandermartin98 and I'm not sure if anyone here knows him. He's little known, although I guess that's because he's mostly within the Undertale fandom. He stands out as particularly bad which is saying something when you're dealing with Undertale fans. He's also quite literally autistic.
Xander is creepily obsessed with a cartoon lizard from a video game named Alphys, who he wants to fuck. He writes awful fetish fanfictions about her, and created a "shipping" (fan pairing) of her with some other creatures from the game that are essentially other characters melted and stuck together (the ship is called "alphamalg"). Sometimes he'll involve other source material into them but most of the time they're Undertale-related. He cranks these things out like crazy.
The worst part is he goes on places like reddit and deviantart and whores out his fetish fanfictions. Xander posts them on completely random subreddits to the point where it seems like he gets off to showing people this shit. He spammed them on the Undertale Cringe subreddit until he got banned, which caused him to start harassing people there with alts and teamed up with some other autist to take the owner's account and destroy the subreddit. Whenever he gets banned from anywhere he'll instantly start up an alt account and keep on spamming. He has been doing this for months; he'll disappear for a month or so, and just when people think he's gone, he'll come back.
He's absolutely everywhere. Reddit, Deviantart, YouTube, even fucking Rule 34.
And before all this Undertale shit started, he did this same thing with Cave Story, apparently. He was well-known on the forums.
His Deviantart was banned I believe, but he also used to post shitty art. He was also suspended on reddit.
His fanfiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5606545/xandermartin98
Some reddit alts of his (main one is suspended, it was Xandermartin9:
https://www.reddit.com/user/Darkrai9000/
https://www.reddit.com/user/Darkrai9OOO/
His Youtube (nothing much here except some low quality videos but you can see him):
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRtO18ARrcfmqhxrBDJdzMw

Adding on to this post: Xandermartin is now valiantly defending his reputation in the comments section of Rule 34.
Someone from 4chan made one of those purposely-badly-drawn-and-fucked-up Pepe memes making fun of him and he lost his shit over it.

Spoiler

Also he apparently got banned from a fucking undertale porn subreddit because he was spamming his fanfiction there. Even the furries there couldn't deal with him anymore.
I did some searching on reddit for old posts and apparently when he's not whoring his fanfictions he begs for people to draw him foot fetish art of his waifu.

Spoiler

The images he linked to are just some generic foot fetish faggotry like you see on Deviantart. I should probably mention the character he furiously jerks off to everyday looks like this, yet he says he isn't a furry.

And then there's... this shit. Note that in the game, Asriel is Asgore's son and a child.

Spoiler

There's more of this guy's autism scattered around, mostly YouTube comments which are hard to find unless you dig through the comments section on various Undertale videos due to YouTube's shitty comment system, and reddit posts.

 

[Danskjaevel]

There was this Finnish YouTuber, VolvoBussi98, who only made videos about buses, as in, he filmed his bus trips (to/from school and other places), named the bus model in the title of the video and posted it to YouTube. No commentary or reviewing the bus appearance, performance or anything like that, just him silently filming it.

Well actually, he DID make some of these with "commentary", where he talked to himself (usually really loud, of course with people around) like "vittu kun täs on niin PASKA SKAALA VITTU VITUTTAA" (Finnish for something like "fucking shit when this bus has such a SHIT SCALE I'M FUCKIN PISSED")

I have yet to understand what he meant by the SHIT SCALE.

Only found one of his videos (re-upload) where he repeated these things over and over:

Then he made these goddamn animations which through he ranted about how Ford Ka is apparently the world's shittiest car and Mitsubishi Outlander (?) was the best:

Apparently my friend, who's a scout leader, knew him from sea scout-activities, said he was deranged as hell. Gotta remember though that these videos are from a few years back, the guy might've changed since then. I hope so.

 

[commandersalamander]

SeaSparkles Corner

I've been watching her on and off for several months now. I have no idea how I found this woman. She films the adventures of herself and her white trash family. They seem like they could be potential lolcows. They're all incredibly strange people.

Her content is incredibly prolific, but much of it is TL;DW and also boring. The sheer volume of videos also makes it difficult to shift through interesting content. There are some true gems on her channel however. Here's a few videos I personally enjoy:

Cake Fail:

Spoiler

Her son's room tour:

Spoiler

I believe in Jesus Crust. He died for your cinna-stix. He works at Dominos.

Needlessly destroying a ceiling fan because "it's fun" while wearing unnecessary, garish costumes:

Spoiler

Bubble wrap is a hat, apparently. She destroys it, of course:

Spoiler

Celebrating 200 subscribers by wasting pool chlorine and coke:

Spoiler

 

[Jigsaw]

This full grown woman acts like a complete child and will not listen to any criticism on her work and her boyfriend's profile states he's only a 16 year old minor...

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

TIL Only girls were born in 1989.

 

[8waifoofever8]

Am surprised Regulas314 hasn't had that much attention. Shall I name some of his traits?:

He has a obsession with diapers and anything diaper fags like.
He gets butthurt when people criticize a fetish.
He's a fucking pedophile.
He's in denial about his pedophilia.
His reviews are laughable.
He thinks just because something is relatable means it's good.
He's a cartoon sperg.
And other shit I'm too lazy to list.

 

[commandersalamander]

Seasparkles opens her gifts two days before christmas. She can't even wait for xmas eve!

wtf is wrong with her wall?

 

[Danskjaevel]

Am surprised Regulas314 hasn't had that much attention. Shall I name some of his traits?:

He has a obsession with diapers and anything diaper fags like.
He gets butthurt when people criticize a fetish.
He's a fucking pedophile.
He's in denial about his pedophilia.
His reviews are laughable.
He thinks just because something is relatable means it's good.
He's a cartoon sperg.
And other shit I'm too lazy to list.

I think the reason lies in the fact that these traits aren't all that uncommon when it comes to DA-users.

 

[Morose_Obesity]

Some of us in my social circle have been fucking with the idiot who runs this blog: http://uptownbarbershop.blogspot.com/

Basically this guy is utterly obsessed with various Chicago ghetto neighborhoods, especially one who "alderman" is this handsome silver fox gay guy. He will open up to ten accounts at a time on news blogs and shitpost in an effort to control conversations. Pretty much everybody is a racist to him, he brags about having a high paid job in finance and endlessly spouts the same one liners like a quote from "To kill a mockingbird", also claiming "I pay more in taxes than you make in a year", and usually responds to insults with "indeed".
It seems like his m.o. is that anybody who writes anything but utter praise of minorities is a filthy racist. He will dox people and harass them irl, trying to get them fired and such. The fucker doesn't actually even live or have any ties to these neighborhoods and ripped off much of his fictional online biography from Studs Terkel.
He was doxxed pretty hard himself in 2013 around Christmas and for awhile he was really shitting his pants over it. His content is pretty weak anymore but I think more lulz can be milked.

 

[8waifoofever8]

I think the reason lies in the fact that these traits aren't all that uncommon when it comes to DA-users.

I know, but still.

 

[SpessCaptain]

Have you guys ever wondered what it would be like if a lolcow actually had a buisness? Ever wondered what it would be like if ADF had a job? Ever wondered what it would be like if some Deviant Artist actually got lucky?

Meet Noni, the co-owner of a mexican-themed art store that's ran by a group of insane tumblr-eqsue exceptional individuals called "Holy Kitsch!" in the middle of Sydney.

She's fucking insane. She is a Trans-Australian (A sort of whacky Trans-Latina?) who is obsessed with Mexican Culture and has been known to strike out at customers and over prices trinkets most commonly found cheap in the US.

She even makes the claim if you don't buy her shit people will DIE!

Without supporting Holy Kitsch! crops will fail, women will cease to bear any children at all, the rains will become turbulent, support the trrrue artists all social structures will topple without us.
Thanx for shopping at Holy Kitsch! Grassy Ass"

She has got a relatively large internet footprint, but a majority of her posts reside on her facebook and website.

I had the worst shopping experience I have ever had today at Holy Kitsch, Crown St, Surry Hills.
Holy Kitsch, for anyone who doesn't know sells over priced mexican themed wares. The owner is a woman named Noni Ruth Daniels and I'm pretty sure she is bat-shit crazy!!

Today's interaction went as follows:

I saw something in the window I liked, I walked into the store, she did not look up from what she was doing. I walked the length of the store all the way up to her desk. She still didn't acknowledge I was there.

Me: Hello
Noni: (looked up at me and said nothing)
Me: How much is the candy skull Elvis head in the window?
Noni: It's $295 but I can do it for $275. It's hand painted in Australia.
Me: Ok, thank you.

I turned to leave as I was not prepared to pay that money for the 150mm high statue Elvis' head.
Noni then yelled from the back of the store when I was at the front door: "If you want something cheap you'll have to go to China!!"

Me: That's not a very good way to speak to a potential customer.

And that is when SHIT HIT THE FAN.

Noni called me a "Cheapskate" told me I came in the store with an attitude that I "was too good for her and her shop" told me she was "smarter than me because she has a bachelors degree in fine arts" that "how dare I ask for the full price of something and then leave without wanting to buy it."

The only things I said in the whole of this exchange were: "Wow" I asked her "Are you the owner" (she said yes) and "I don't think you really are smarter than me because if you were you'd treat your customers better as that is how you secure good business" but I don't think she heard that at all as she was just yelling over the top of me calling me "cheap" and "stuck up".

I didn't raise my voice once.

She came marching down the store towards me, I'm assuming to force me out of the store and close the door behind me maybe? but I didn't give her enough time to physically assault me. I stepped out of my volition, in shock.

I will never buy from her stores. She owns two, the other is in Newtown, and she is a mean old bitch.

http://www.holykitsch.com.au/ - Her Site. Over the years its degenerated into a blog.
https://twitter.com/holykitsch - twitter, hidden. She is likely to have a public twitter as well.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Holy-Kitsch - Her store's facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/nonidaniels?hc_location=ufi her own personal page.