- Joined
- Jul 18, 2019
I ain't watching that shit, just tell me is her base coat lard or vegetable oil?
Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud
- Thread starter BILLY MAYS
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2020
She has to do the ONE MINUTE of prep time sitting down at her kitchen counter, like Chantal
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2020
Hemet, CA: Roads in disrepair, falling down houses, literally zero redeeming qualities aside from the fact that every time you are on Florida Avenue a future doctor might ventilate you and release you from the prison of your life sooner.
Lancaster, CA: Where Aaron Carter went to die. I know a dude who had his car burned down with a Molotov cocktail while spending the night at a buddy’s house in Lancaster. You will probably lose your catalytic converter if you park in one place too long here.
Lake Elsinore, CA: The bright green lake is actually chock full of toxic algae. It has killed off its fish in cycles and even dried up at one point. Don’t swim in there unless you are actively trying to ensure all your future children have webbed toes and a tadpole tail. The city motto is “Dream Extreme,” which sounds like the tagline for an energy drink commercial rather than a city motto.
Honorable mentions:
Perris, CA: Home of the Turpin family.
Temecula, CA: Land of newly enlisted Marines stationed at Camp Pendleton driving street bikes paid for with their initial signing bonus. School board briefly taken over by a religious nutjob with a head shaped like a thumb with a doctorate who tried to have all the 5G towers near schools removed, who was recalled this year. Wine moms. Mentioned on SNL occasionally.
So, so many options for hilarity regardless of where Tess is forced to relocate!
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2021
Ever since the writer's strike over $8k/month "starvation wages", I'm convinced California doesn't even exist in the same dimension as the rest of the world. Very much Maitlands trying to leave their house in Beetlejuice with tweaked-out junkies in place of sandworms.
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2020
Sounds like you can't afford it
must be from one of those flyover states (smuckles while choking on transient campfire smoke, also running from transient dog attack)
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
All of that, and no mention of the wineries that you can drown your woes at? Pffff. That's the (only) thing I remember about Temecula.
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2023
It’s been 20 years since I’ve seen it, but the film The Salton Sea (named for another toxic lake in socal) helps illustrate the dirty tweaker nightmare that is all those shitty California desert towns.
I can’t embed right now but here is a link to the trailer. https://youtu.be/hvkGhYkF2nw?si=JtuYV6kJMMZwiYtM
I can’t embed right now but here is a link to the trailer. https://youtu.be/hvkGhYkF2nw?si=JtuYV6kJMMZwiYtM
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2017
I lived in the Palmdale/Lancaster area back in the mid-70s for a few months, and it was depressing back then.
My father thought he could find work there after he retired from the Air Force, and so did a million other vets, but there was nothing for them at all.
My father thought he could find work there after he retired from the Air Force, and so did a million other vets, but there was nothing for them at all.
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2015
Hemet has more homeless junkies and tweakers than future doctors. Now Moreno Valley, where all the future doctors displaced by the 210 moved, that's where you gotta worry about being ventilated. Not many houses falling down either.
Hemet, CA: Roads in disrepair, falling down houses, literally zero redeeming qualities aside from the fact that every time you are on Florida Avenue a future doctor might ventilate you and release you from the prison of your life sooner.
Temecula is also where the Asians who can't afford Rancho Cucamonga or La Puente live. They got a decent mall and Asian grocery store.
Surprised you have nothing scathing to say about Sun City, Menifee, or Murrieta.
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2023
The Salton Sea/Imperial Valley area is one of the poorest areas in the country and makes Palmdale look like Palm Springs by comparison. Even there housing can be crazy expensive. The farmers there have a stranglehold on everything including lots of Colorado River water that they get first dibs on, even before places like Las Vegas and Phoenix. Really interesting/depressing place.
I’d laugh my ass off if Tubby Tess had to live in these far flung places but I don’t think even she could claim that’s the LA metro area. At that point, Laurel, Mississippi is a much better place for her. I think it’s better for Bowie to just go back home to Mississippi anyway at this point.
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2016
She could do a whole cottage core / John Waters Pink Flamingos type setup in a small Southern town, and fly to LA if she ever got non-spon work again which required her presence. This would save her tons of cash.
But she would also be farther away from a larger pool of sex work, feederism, and sugaring opportunities. And let's be real, that's her main income and has been for a long while.
RainbowStarlight
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2018
Mississippi is the fattest state in the US, so I don't think there'll be a shortage of feeders there lol
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2020
MoVal is so ghetto, I completely forgot to consider it as an option for Tess. As much as I would love it for her to move to one of SoCal’s many shitholes, I truly hope she doesn’t move to Moreno Valley OR Hemet for the sake of Bowie’s safety. The California state website describes Moreno Valley as “vibrant,” which we all know is euphemistic for “chock full of dangerous minorities.”
The only thing I know about Sun City is that it’s a raisin ranch town full of 55+ communities. It’s where IE olds go to die. I don’t know anyone under 70 that lives there.
Menifee smells like cow shit so Tess would fit right in there. There is a community college there that Bowie could attend once he graduates high school.
Murrieta and Temecula bleed into one another now. The only differentiation between them is the boundary between one side of the sprawl and the other side of the sprawl. Temecula has more money than Murrieta and their public spaces are better maintained. Temecula has the better Old Town district between the two as well as the wineries, as remarked upon by @Diet Coke 4 Life. They’ve also been tapped to host some equestrian Olympic events at Galway Downs. I don’t think Tess could afford to move to Temecula OR Murrieta, tbh. And as they are at the extreme southern end of Riverside County, I don’t think she’d be able to maintain the illusion that she’s available for work in LA if she became a Becky from Temecula.
And then there’s Canyon Lake, a planned community west of Menifee. It is colonized by the nastiest batch of HOA nazis on Planet Earth, people who delight in putting liens on your house if your grass is a cm too long. It’s locked down tighter than a military base with gate guards. You have to call in your guests to the gate guards, and they have to present their IDs and get checked in before they can enter the community. It’s a bitch and a half to get contractors in and out. People who commute to work on motorcycles have to park them outside the community gates due to noise ordinances. There is no chance in Hell that Tess could ever afford to live in Canyon Lake but it would be hilarious if she did somehow swing it. “Tess versus the HOA” would be an entertaining arc. She could probably afford Quail Valley, which is outside the gates of Canyon Lake and where all the housekeepers and landscapers employed by Canyon Lake residents live.
The fact is, her dollar will not stretch as far in SoCal as it will in Mississippi. But I can’t imagine there is much demand for enormous fat whores to fart on cakes and host Johns for nooners back home. She’d have to get a real job. I think it’s way more likely for her to bounce from one SoCal shithole to another, each progressively more ghetto than the last, until she ends up dying of an obesity related illness somewhere like Brawley or Yucca Valley.
Last edited by a moderator:
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2015
The east end of MoVal is still pretty nice, but like the very east end. I also agree Bowie would be screwed in those places. And we don't need Tess shitting up Beaumont.
Lmao California, MoVal fucking sucks.
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2021
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
"Moreno/-a" means "Moorish" in Spanish, and is a term used throughout the Spanish-speaking world to refer to people with brown skin (though it can be a relative term, depending upon whether the locals skew lighter or darker; a moreno in Mexico City is going to be a lot darker than one in Buenos Aires, and if a Buenos Aires moreno goes to Mexico City, they might not be seen as moreno at all).
So Moreno Valley is aptly named, LOL. And when I see a place like that touted as "vibrant" for its brown population, I think, "You will be 'culturally enriched' there, and you will not dare complain lest you be accused of racism."
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2017
Laurel is experiencing a bit of a resurgence due to being the location of some popular HGTV show. It would be far less expensive and nicer than anywhere semi desirable in SoCal at any rate.
The catch is that Tess would have to accept that her modeling dream died with her aging and gaining. From what I gather, the town is just small enough that people she grew up with would recognize her. She’d be able to lie about visiting for only so long. Too big of a narc injury for her. SoCal shitholes it is.
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2016
Murietta and Temecula are decent-but bland. The homes are pretty but cookie cutter and the burbs are big. It’s one of those places that even if you live there you need a GPS to get home since neighborhoods and homes are identical.
Homeless tents and shanties are taking over all of California, even in wealthy areas-nobody will do anything about it.
People actually in the business but not A listers live in places like Culver City, which is near Beverly Hills, Bel Air and Calabasas. But once somebody really makes it in the entertainment business, they may keep a home in California but it’s not their primary residence. Taxes are high so they buy a luxury house in a better state and fly in when necessary to work or entertain.
Even with a homeless guy shitting out of his tent on your front yard, a 1500 square foot house is going to cost $450,000, not that she’s looking to buy. I don't know what Tess makes but it’s likely another apartment for her, and I’m guessing Inland Empire.
I just wonder why she has to move?
Homeless tents and shanties are taking over all of California, even in wealthy areas-nobody will do anything about it.
People actually in the business but not A listers live in places like Culver City, which is near Beverly Hills, Bel Air and Calabasas. But once somebody really makes it in the entertainment business, they may keep a home in California but it’s not their primary residence. Taxes are high so they buy a luxury house in a better state and fly in when necessary to work or entertain.
Even with a homeless guy shitting out of his tent on your front yard, a 1500 square foot house is going to cost $450,000, not that she’s looking to buy. I don't know what Tess makes but it’s likely another apartment for her, and I’m guessing Inland Empire.
I just wonder why she has to move?
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2023
Rylee is now 18 and therefore Tess no longer receives as many benefits as she used to. Combine that with an apparent drop in income these last couple years from feeder work.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2022
I wonder more how she afforded it as long as she did - clearly she received child support, from daddy government if no one else, for Rylee, whether she likes to admit it or not.