The Mummy - AKA Universal Learned Nothing From Dracula Untold

Not saying it'll be great but I'm...curious? I dunno, I have a kind of newfound appreciation for throwback adventure movies.

Looks watchable, probably won't do great at the box office.
 
It's gonna be stupid.

I'm gonna watch it.

I'm probably gonna enjoy it.

Though, I'll be quite honest, I'm failing to understand the point of rebooting the old school, Hammer Horror films with this slick Hollywood aesthetic that really doesn't look good when applied to cheesy, old, film monsters.

There's something to be said about the ominous feeling of dread provided by grimy, lo-fi filmmaking and smaller-scale sets that feel more intimate than the vast, dramatic, shots preferred nowadays, but that's filmmaking autism. I wouldn't call any of the earlier Mummy movies scary, they're adventure flicks with horror elements (and maybe the ones intended to be horror were scary forever ago), but this really feels stripped of individuality.

Isn't it odd how more money should result in Directors/Producers getting even more options to work with, but instead they make much more safe choices than people with far smaller budgets?
 
I'm giving this a skip. Never watched Dracula and most likely never will. But Russell Crowe in his own Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde movie? That's different.........
 
Though, I'll be quite honest, I'm failing to understand the point of rebooting the old school, Hammer Horror films with this slick Hollywood aesthetic that really doesn't look good when applied to cheesy, old, film monsters.

It's mainly because Universal is deciding to create it's own "cinematic universe" with its Movie Monsters, hence why we're getting a new Mummy movie. So no doubt we can look forward to another Wolfman movie (in which they will completely forget the Benecio Del Toro movie they made six years ago), A new Frankenstein movie, Invisible Man, and Creature from the Black Lagoon, which will culminate into a Avengers-esque compilation movie. So by the end credits, you can probably expect Dracula to swing in with an eyepatch and tell Tom Cruise he's starting up the Monster Squad Initiative.

As for this movie, I am completely indifferent and ambivalent to it. I really don't need another Running With Tom Cruise movie (this one featuring Sandy Tits!).
 
A better alternative of watching the mummy trailer is watching a legitimate mummy talk about the mummy

 
That fucking Doctor Who episode with the alien mummy on the Orient Express looks like a better alternative to this.

Addendum:

Poster%20-%20House%20of%20Frankenstein_02.jpg

I can't believe Universal ripped off Marvel Studios sixty years before the Marvel Cinematic Universe even existed. Smh.
 
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That fucking Doctor Who episode with the alien mummy on the Orient Express looks like a better alternative to this.

Addendum:

Poster%20-%20House%20of%20Frankenstein_02.jpg

I can't believe Universal ripped off Marvel Studios sixty years before the Marvel Cinematic Universe even existed. Smh.
The mummies in "Pyramids of Mars" were better.
They raped with gusto!

IMG_4523.JPG
 
I think this is all a plot to make Van Helsing look not as bad in hindsight.

It's a failure, then. Nothing will ever make Van Helsing look good in comparison.

Except maybe the NBC Dracula show that came out a few years ago. Fuck, that was a turd sandwich.
 
My general opinion on Tom Cruise as an actor is "meh." He's not fantastic, he's not terrible, he's just there. As for the rest of the movie... again, "meh." I really enjoyed the Brendan Fraser version, this looks like the same concept without a sense of humour.

The thing is, these classic monsters aren't scary any more - horror trends have moved on. They're also corny as hell. What can you do with Dracula, Frankenstein or Dr Jekyll that hasn't been done before? Even crossovers between them have been done to death. I would be very surprised if this attempt at a shared universe goes beyond a couple of films.

That being said, if they do a gritty reboot of Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein, then I'll absolutely go and see it.
 
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