Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Anasa Tristis]

Rocco can start a support group with Becky Gerber's kid.

That is one small comfort, that he won’t be entirely alone with his unique upbringing baggage later. Other kids are being parented by lunatic genderspecials.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Rocco can start a support group with Becky Gerber's kid.

A Gerber daughter could be wed to a Lavery heir and seal the breach

 

[swingbatta]

What else is she going to call him in her writing? The boy? It? My wife’s girlfriends’s son? Her son is the only word she could use for him in her writing just for simplicity and optics alone.

Aha, I see you're not familiar with Quirky Parents Writing About Their Children. There's a number of witty, unconventional things to call a child if you're a twee writer who wants to look cool, which often have the bonus of being gender neutral so as not to box them into outdated gender assumptions.

A few of the ones I've seen include:

• The Child/Spawn/Sprog
• Referring to them solely by their age
• Crotchgoblin (a perennial favorite for edgy parents)
• Rascal/Hooligan (rip Claire and Lola)
• Various nicknames, genuine and contrived (think Monkey or The Little Lord)
• Initials (either their own or, like notable grifter Jack Monroe's child, LB for little boy)

I'm sure if Mal really wanted, she could have come up with a twee nickname for Rocco to show she is clever and cultured while going on about how much she values his privacy. In reality, it'd add a bit of distance between her and the baby; she could capitalize on Funny Parent Stories without actually attaching herself.

The fact that she's instead going hard with "my son" says that she's attached in some way, shape or form--whether that's a latent maternal instinct kicking into high gear or an attachment to the newest toy in the house, it's still going to make things difficult when the BPT dissolves and she's left without him.

 

[Bookwork]

Rocco got lucky today - met Joe's requirements and, so, is loved.

Spoiler: Text

Bibble's six month visit. As predicted, he is medically flawless. Perfect, relaxed, hy drated, in his lane. We love him.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

The fact that she's instead going hard with "my son" says that she's attached in some way, shape or form--whether that's a latent maternal instinct kicking into high gear or an attachment to the newest toy in the house, it's still going to make things difficult when the BPT dissolves and she's left without him.

I get your point, and I am not unfamiliar with the terms. I think Mallory would definitely do this if she actually gave birth to her sprog or spawn, and Lala would definitely embrace such terms. But the throuple is making an important statement about non-conventional, non-biological families by embracing traditional language.

I think the fact Mallory is gendering “her son” who might actually be “her daughter” - according to their own trans theories - isnt an accident. Pretty rich for “Danny” to assume Rocco is a boy because he has a penis! Mallory’s wife has a penis ffs

She is doubling down on traditional family labels in order to give credence to a very untraditional arrangement and ground it in terms that mean something to a general audience . You can only go so far with genderless polyamory trans lingo if you want to connect to Food & Wine readers.

It also might reassure her to claim Rocco as “her son” when in fact he is her husband’s girlfriend son, or maybe more legally accurate her step-son.

I just don’t judge any of these people on their language usage because, much like politicians, trannies are dishonest, manipulative and agenda driven. Mallory might refer to Rocco as “her son” because she feels that way, or just as likely because it helps peddle the PR narrative about her life as a brave transman father she wants the world to buy.

Based on words were also supposed to believe Joe and Mallory and LaLa are a happily married throuple and her father helps her brother molest kids. I’m happy to read into to things, but I never take their words at face value.

 

[TheMeanOne]

Rocco got lucky today - met Joe's requirements and, so, is loved.
View attachment 6515094View attachment 6515096

They're such strange people. And while Lily's more conventionally attractive than anyone else in the throuple, like, she's fighting the hot with the bad hair and overly ripped jeans. Joe always has to ugly-up his partners. He has to push them down to prop himself up. I do not have a good feeling about his capabilities as a dad.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

They're such strange people. And while Lily's more conventionally attractive than anyone else in the throuple, like, she's fighting the hot with the bad hair and overly ripped jeans. Joe always has to ugly-up his partners. He has to push them down to prop himself up. I do not have a good feeling about his capabilities as a dad.

People look like such clowns with that bleached hair, especially past a certain age (she is long past it). And pick either the dramatic quiff or the enormous specs, not both.

 

[TheMeanOne]

And pick either the dramatic quiff or the enormous specs, not both.

It makes it look like she's hiding. I don't think any of these people are actually happy or actually like themselves.

 

[Constellationzero]

And while Lily's more conventionally attractive than anyone else in the throuple

...the FUCK?????

Um, no. She's a frumpy dumpy STRAIGHT looking uggo. Doesn't even look the least bit lez or butch, but frumpy and dumpy like Sideshow the piss poor pantomime dame.

 

[TheMeanOne]

...the FUCK?????

Um, no. She's a frumpy dumpy STRAIGHT looking uggo. Doesn't even look the least bit lez or butch, but frumpy and dumpy like Sideshow the piss poor pantomime dame.

In their wedding/engagement pics Mallory and Joe look like they were sculpted out of mashed potatoes. They both got fat on hormones. Joe looks like a straight up pervert, he's always eye-fucking a camera if he sees one, and Mallory just looks unhealthy most of the time. Lily looks normal & more conventionally attractive by comparison.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Rocco got lucky today - met Joe's requirements and, so, is loved.
View attachment 6515094View attachment 6515096

Spoiler: Text

Bibble's six month visit. As predicted, he is medically flawless. Perfect, relaxed, hy drated, in his lane. We love him.

Has anybody in the IG comments shamed Joe for his ableist language? Sad to see Joe just shitting all over disabled and “medically fragile” babies.

Translating a normal healthy a baby check-up into “medically flawless” is bizarre. Nobody tell Joe there are many years ahead of Rocco before they can rest assured he is “medically flawless” or “healthy” as a pleb would say.

The ending with “we love him” is equally strange. The declaration is coming on the heels of bragging he’s medical flawless, so it seems contingent upon it. Loving your child seems so obvious, to me, that it need not be stated. It’s as if he’s reassuring his audience or himself.

Of course Rocco can’t read that statement so it’s purely for his audience who maybe needed to know the trouple’s latest feelings update about their son. Let’s be thankful Rocco is “medically flawless” otherwise Joe might have some reservations about the whole love thing. If Rocco had CP or a heart defect Joe might have to reconsider the whole unconditional love of offspring issue.

 

[Bookwork]

Has anybody in the IG comments shamed Joe for his ableist language? Sad to see Joe just shitting all over disabled and “medically fragile” babies.

Translating a normal healthy a baby check-up into “medically flawless” is bizarre. Nobody tell Joe there are many years ahead of Rocco before they can rest assured he is “medically flawless” or “healthy” as a pleb would say.

The ending with “we love him” is equally strange. The declaration is coming on the heels of bragging he’s medical flawless, so it seems contingent upon it. Loving your child seems so obvious, to me, that it need not be stated. It’s as if he’s reassuring his audience or himself.

Of course Rocco can’t read that statement so it’s purely for his audience who maybe needed to know the trouple’s latest feelings update about their son. Let’s be thankful Rocco is “medically flawless” otherwise Joe might have some reservations about the whole love thing. If Rocco had CP or a heart defect Joe might have to reconsider the whole unconditional love of offspring issue.

"Medically flawless" made me wonder whether they were warned that geezer sperm raised the risk of birth defects just as Lily's age did.

Some parents might express relief and try to ward off worries about future diagnoses. Joe, however, writes a self-congratulatory product review as he would for a new kitchen clout gadget.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

"Medically flawless" made me wonder whether they were warned that geezer sperm raised the risk of birth defects just as Lily's age did.

Oh they definitively would've had that talk, especially if they went with insemination. Over 35 is considered a "geriatric pregnancy" since risk for complications dramatically. Joe being 40 is also a worry.

I mean, part of the reason why Chris Chan is... well, Chris Chan, is because Barb was 41 and Bob 54 when he was born. Hopefully lil' Rocco won't grow up to be a literal mother fucker with an invisible side-kick that literally kicks police officers in their legs.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

"Medically flawless" made me wonder whether they were warned that geezer sperm raised the risk of birth defects just as Lily's age did.

Some parents might express relief and try to ward off worries about future diagnoses. Joe, however, writes a self-congratulatory product review as he would for a new kitchen clout gadget.

All the estrogen and T blockers in Joe’s system probably had him worried about what it might make his sperm produce.

Funny how those little “insignificant” things suddenly start to cause worry down the road of trans euphoria. If Joe think his kid is in the clear thanks to a standard six month check up he’s in for a rude awakening.

After the first week most new Dx don’t come until kids start needing to hit the big milestones like talking, walking, potty training, etc… No surprise Joe would think this way, most men are pretty oblivious to all the various worries women are aware of when it comes to kids.

After the first month most Dx are made thanks to mothers noticing and observing things about a child, and telling a doctor about it. The well baby check ups are more for making sure the baby is being properly cared for, not running health diagnostics.

Joe is probably worried about autism and Rocco joining KF as a result.

It’s a good thing Mallory has never had a bit of regret about mutilating her body and was relieved Joe found LaLa to bear her husband’s child. Whew! I worried we were going to get some pregnant people nightmare but luckily that won’t happen since Joe has a low sperm count and doesn’t have sex with Mallory.

 

[Aunt Carol]

The ending with “we love him” is equally strange. The declaration is coming on the heels of bragging he’s medical flawless, so it seems contingent upon it.

I wonder what the cutoff is for Rocco. Are they going to take him to the Apothetae for asthma, or would it have to be something as significant as juvenile diabetes?

What if Rocco ends up with food allergies, his body unconsciously restricting Joe's culinary creativity?

 

[monstrous bubo]

Joe is probably worried about autism and Rocco joining KF as a result.

I’m holding out for the Bobby Joe Lavery, CPA arc, but True and Honest Farmer would be pretty special too.

What if Rocco ends up with food allergies, his body unconsciously restricting Joe's culinary creativity?

That would be the result of terf preschool teachers and their hick midwestern palates depriving his sweet genius child of the full gamut of experiences. Experiences like this:


link | archive

Joe might want to read this before his next fermentations and/or feeding them to the baby.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I’m holding out for the Bobby Joe Lavery, CPA arc, but True and Honest Farmer would be pretty special too.



That would be the result of terf preschool teachers and their hick midwestern palates depriving his sweet genius child of the full gamut of experiences. Experiences like this:

View attachment 6519210
link | archive

Joe might want to read this before his next fermentations and/or feeding them to the baby.

There are a lot of comedy options for the ending of this saga. But the horror option involves botulism, and while I'd normally dismiss that as a very remote possibility, in this case- I'm concerned.

 

[Haram-Habibi]

But the horror option involves botulism, and while I'd normally dismiss that as a very remote possibility, in this case- I'm concerned.

I'll be hoping that Rocco is a very picky eater when he finally can eat big people food, and he'll refuse to eat Joe's revolting concoctions, fermented or not.

I hope the little mite will refuse anything but cheerios, apple, banana, goldfish crackers, chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese.

 

[Bookwork]

I’m holding out for the Bobby Joe Lavery, CPA arc, but True and Honest Farmer would be pretty special too.



That would be the result of terf preschool teachers and their hick midwestern palates depriving his sweet genius child of the full gamut of experiences. Experiences like this:

View attachment 6519210
link | archive

Joe might want to read this before his next fermentations and/or feeding them to the baby.

Food poisoning! Is this a sign that I should start believing in God? It takes only one answered prayer to make a life-time convert.

At least there are two toilets in that house. With careful synchronization, only Mallory was left to shit and puke behind the garage.

But surely they won't blame Joe's culinary delights. It will be some midwestern hick's incompetence that nearly killed them all.

ETA - No wait. Mallory will now research The Best Kitchen Sanitation Practices because it was her inadequate cleaning that is to blame. Precious article forthcoming.

 

[sarna]

I hope the little mite will refuse anything but cheerios, apple, banana, goldfish crackers, chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese.

Catching autism from Joe's senior citizen sperm could save young Rocco's life from Joe's cooking.