Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[Hennimore]

I made an audible noise when I saw him breaking out the can opener. For those not in the know the can opener is his long time arch nemesis, this is an ongoing feud since the first apartment. A decade of uploads and he has yet to figure out how a can opener works.

 

[Jobama]

 

[Slim Boglim]

The thing with cobes is that he was fucked from the start. Even if he wasn’t autistic and mentally ill he’d still be absurd stupid.

Just look at him it’s like when scientists hand a chimp a tool just to see if they can somewhat discern what it’s for and they all get impressed when the chimp kind of half heartedly rubs a saw against a branch.

It’s not just a matter of not being able to use a can opener, plenty of people can’t due to a dexterity or muscle coordination thing. No, he genuinely just can’t figure out what he’s supposed to do with it. He is absolutely fucking bewildered by a can opener. Sitting there just completely puzzled.

“In 10 thousands years we have not come up with a way to use can openers properly.”

What does that even fucking mean?

 

[Hennimore]

“In 10 thousands years we have not come up with a way to use can openers properly.”

What does that even fucking mean?

On some level he knows it's a simple thing and that he looks like an absolute idiot for not knowing how to use it so of course he has to protect his fragile ego by claiming that actually every single human on the planet has trouble with can openers but the only reason people make fun of him for it is because he is autistic. That's always been his cope when he has to do battle with the dreaded can opener.

It's just amazing to me that he still hasn't even figured out the first step. He always tries to turn it sideway and hook it on the lip. He hasn't figured out that you need to pierce the can before you can start turning the gear. Usually he will battle with it for about 10-15 minutes, have a freak out and then start taking a knife to the can.

 

[Jobama]

I don't know why the misconception that Cobes is a jovial nice fellow became so rampant in the last couple years. He has gone on the record saying that he would be laughing gleefully if anyone who trolled him got raped and killed

Honestly I think it's the newer people,

Yeah I feel like it comes from an overcorrection to the unhinged a-logging from the past couple of years. You're really right because it seems to mostly be coming from people who started watching him recently or joined the forum in the past year and a half or so. There are "wholesome" lolcows out there like ulillillia but Josh is not one of them. Now sure, that doesn't mean that the the a-logging from the old subreddit wasn't out of control but it also doesn't mean that Josh is some wholesome chungus like people are making him out to be.

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

Unsurprising that a retarded person is too retarded to know they're retarded

 

[semitooth]

excellent thumbnail lmao

 

[a bar of tactical soap]

View attachment 6581129

Fascinating. This is the content I watch Cobra for.

Seeing him fail at basic tool usage is like some sort of fucked up improv skit about the life cycle of an inbred lemming.

 

[Swiss46]

If you know you can't use a can opener why wouldn't you buy one of the cans with a tab on the top? Society already came up with a solution for people to stupid to use can openers.

 

[Cambiar]

One hour supercut of Josh struggling to use a can opener dating all the way back to 2013 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwW5oH8dz4

 

[Nod Flenders]

If you know you can't use a can opener why wouldn't you buy one of the cans with a tab on the top? Society already came up with a solution for people to stupid to use can openers.

Cobes is a retard. That's why he won't buy a can with a tab.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

If you know you can't use a can opener why wouldn't you buy one of the cans with a tab on the top? Society already came up with a solution for people to stupid to use can openers.

I was going to say get a $20 electric can opener but he'd probably struggle with that as much if not more.

 

[biggacracka]

I was going to say get a $20 electric can opener but he'd probably struggle with that as much if not more.

Wouldn't be surprised if fans/troles sent him at least one that he never even bothered to open, like the tripod graveyard and other stuff he received over the years

 

[The Stranger]

One hour supercut of Josh struggling to use a can opener dating all the way back to 2013 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwW5oH8dz4

@5:42 "I'll figure it out eventually, I'm not that retarded"
>still hasn't figured it out 10 years later

 

[bonified retard]

Wouldn't be surprised if fans/troles sent him at least one that he never even bothered to open, like the tripod graveyard and other stuff he received over the years

Yep

 

[Irregardless]

 gawddamm iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit t
Cobes you were winning, dumbass. View attachment 6575502
View attachment 6575503

Really cool Josh. Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

It's times like this that remind me while I might be sympathetic to Josh and generally root for him to live a better life, he is lolcow for a reason and is also a pretty big piece of shit.
I've overlooked a lot of his bitch fits and drama queen behavior the past year, but this shit is just retarded and petty. Major moral L from the boy.

 

[bonified retard]

Doordash breakdown for the last food hack. Pricing based off his local Albertson's and Wendy's. I couldn't find the pork brains anywhere on doordash, but they're around $4-5 online. Pretty sure this is a leftover can from the last time he used pork brains. Also left the tips on the default option even though he likely didn't tip / min tipped. The free delivery is a first time promo, so he most likely had to pay that fee, so it should even out.




Total: $71.32
Basically a 75 dollar burger when you factor in the pork brains and bacon grease.

 

[ibeatmywife]

Doordash breakdown for the last food hack. Pricing based off his local Albertson's and Wendy's. I couldn't find the pork brains anywhere on doordash, but they're around $4-5 online. Pretty sure this is a leftover can from the last time he used pork brains. Also left the tips on the default option even though he likely didn't tip / min tipped. The free delivery is a first time promo, so he most likely had to pay that fee, so it should even out.

View attachment 6582478
View attachment 6582480

Total: $71.32
Basically a 75 dollar burger when you factor in the pork brains and bacon grease.

He did this for us not himself he is a generous king

 

[LaVieKL]

excellent thumbnail lmao

Wonder when the prion disease will start to kick in, if that hasn't happened already
To quote:
Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease is marked by changes in mental abilities. Symptoms get worse quickly, usually within several weeks to a few months. Early symptoms include:

• Personality changes.
  
• Memory loss.
  
• Impaired thinking.
  
• Blurry vision or blindness.
  
• Insomnia.
  
• Problems with coordination.
  
• Trouble speaking.
  
• Trouble swallowing.
  
• Sudden, jerky movements.

. TMDNWTFIU

 

[biggacracka]

Wonder when the prion disease will start to kick in, if that hasn't happened already
To quote:
Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease is marked by changes in mental abilities. Symptoms get worse quickly, usually within several weeks to a few months. Early symptoms include:

• Personality changes.
  
• Memory loss.
  
• Impaired thinking.
  
• Blurry vision or blindness.
  
• Insomnia.
  
• Problems with coordination.
  
• Trouble speaking.
  
• Trouble swallowing.
  
• Sudden, jerky movements.

. TMDNWTFIU

Between the duster, spice, spray paint and other chemicals, prions are the least of his worries me thinks. If anything I wouldn't be surprised to learn that they somehow fixed the current holes in his brain.
First boglim tu end up better than they started with mad (lol)cow disease