Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Like a year ago it was so bad his penis was too broken for sex, but now our sex life is great.

I'm not even kidding: you need to check out some materials developed around the problems of codependents. Look up Alanon and start scrolling through some checklists.

 

[soup peddler]

I'm not even kidding: you need to check out some materials developed around the problems of codependents. Look up Alanon and start scrolling through some checklists.

I've been uh taking in all the input from this thread and am now reading through these checklists... thank you everyone for the advice. It's helpful getting painful perspectives that my brain refusing to acknowledge/ put-out on its own.

A couple hours ago I tried initiating a conversation pointing out his level of porn consumption and general lack of productively working on his life, and he just hung his head, went despair-despondent, and kind of ignored me until it seemed sufficiently long enough that I wouldn't keep asking.

I am... concerned. I uh think I'm going to make plans to move out in December, because no matter what it's not benefiting either of us to keep living in this situation. I'm stressed and he's wasting his life.

Spoiler: TMI

In addition to the horrible emotional devastation of breaking up with someone in general and the guilt of feeling like you're giving up on someone you love, I am hesitant to break up with him currently because... well, I like hanging out with him, and I am slightly addicted to cuddles? I basically request cuddles for ~2 hours a day, any day where there's enough time. I kind of need it to be happy. I don't really want to enter the dating scene until I move for a new program, so the idea of being without regular cuddles for that long is daunting.

I understand that this is pathetic and obviously not a good reason to keep a doomed relationship going.

 

[frippery]

I've been uh taking in all the input from this thread and am now reading through these checklists... thank you everyone for the advice. It's helpful getting painful perspectives that my brain refusing to acknowledge/ put-out on its own.

A couple hours ago I tried initiating a conversation pointing out his level of porn consumption and general lack of productively working on his life, and he just hung his head, went despair-despondent, and kind of ignored me until it seemed sufficiently long enough that I wouldn't keep asking.

I am... concerned. I uh think I'm going to make plans to move out in December, because no matter what it's not benefiting either of us to keep living in this situation. I'm stressed and he's wasting his life.

Spoiler: TMI

In addition to the horrible emotional devastation of breaking up with someone in general and the guilt of feeling like you're giving up on someone you love, I am hesitant to break up with him currently because... well, I like hanging out with him, and I am slightly addicted to cuddles? I basically request cuddles for ~2 hours a day, any day where there's enough time. I kind of need it to be happy. I don't really want to enter the dating scene until I move for a new program, so the idea of being without regular cuddles for that long is daunting.

I understand that this is pathetic and obviously not a good reason to keep a doomed relationship going.

The unknown is always scarier than what's in front of you until you actually go out there. Then you look back and realize what you had was horrifying.

 

[glass_houses]

In addition to the horrible emotional devastation of breaking up with someone in general and the guilt of feeling like you're giving up on someone you love, I am hesitant to break up with him currently because... well, I like hanging out with him, and I am slightly addicted to cuddles? I basically request cuddles for ~2 hours a day, any day where there's enough time. I kind of need it to be happy. I don't really want to enter the dating scene until I move for a new program, so the idea of being without regular cuddles for that long is daunting.

Get a cat/rat/dog/other domestic pet.

I'm an autist, so touching other humans is problematic for me, but I still have the human need to feel another heartbeat. That's where my rats come in. Tiny, powerful little hearts.

 

[Narinder]

Only just found this thread. Good, more places to hate on trannies. I've got two stories but for now, I'll just tell this one. Sadly, there's no advice that I can be given, I just want to put positive hope out there for a friend long since lost to the cult.

It's kinda long so I'm going to spoiler tag it.

Spoiler: Story

I had a friend that I talked to all the time online. He was just a casual online buddy that I had but we always did a lot of things together, really connected. He was an interesting boy though and he was deeply into the philosophy of masculinity. I think my first warning signs that he was going to troon out as years in advance when he started talking about being upset that he was circumcised. Like, he'd really get into it about how parents shouldn't be able to mutilate their kids.

Frankly, I'd say that's pretty based. He was against mutilation of children. Bit obsessed with dick but hey, guy is gay and I'm not judging. But lo, life loves irony.

So one day, I was hitting a pretty rough spot in my life and couch surfing across the country. I was in Colorado when I remembered that he lived in Denver and I was crashing an hour drive from there. So, I decided to finally meet him in person after knowing him for about five years.

To my surprise, when I met him, he was an absolute twink. Which caught me off guard because I'd see IRL pics every a few times a year, seeing what he was up to. He started talking about how his girlfriend liked when he presented himself as feminine. I asked him if he's comfortable with it and he found it liberating, even if he looked liked a prissy faggot. It was pretty clear that his girlfriend had been grooming him into being an absolute fag. She was one of those early 2010s Tumblr girls, including the looks.

About a week or two later, he messages me saying along the lines of "Oops, guess who's trans. I'm going by Sasha now."

I asked him if this is something he was wanting or if this is something his girlfriend was pushing him into, since he for the longest time still was trying to be masculine despite his style of dress. That single question of if it was something he wanted to be doing caused him to not even properly answer me and block me on every platform we had each other on.

I don't get how this woman took a perfectly good guy that loved her, wanted to please her, and somehow twisted him into a troon that cuts out his friends of years. What leads a natal woman to want to completely ruin her boyfriend?

Either way, I hope that he eventually broke up with her and got his head on straight. He was a smart kid, developing artist, and had a bright future ahead of him. I'll never know but I hope he got himself together and didn't end up 41% himself.

 

[Paper Machete]

What leads a natal woman to want to completely ruin her boyfriend?

Some women get a kick out of twisting the dudes they get into relationships with. It's like they like having that power over them and emasculating them and shit. It's real bizarre.

It's quite natural and innate for normal, healthy women to get severe gross icks from dudes being effeminate and faggy. I don't care what anyone tells you. So if a woman is into her man "presenting himself as feminine" there is a whole lot of crazy going on there IMO. It's like a more severe form of the ladies writing articles about pretending to be confused over why they suddenly are bored with their boyfriends after they've nagged them into being cucked pushovers but continue to repeat the process with anyone new. It sounds like that friend already had a heap of problems baked in before the relationship so likely he was a "mark" for this sort of person to latch onto.

The types of relationships people get into is really bizarre and the older you get the more you realize how many of them have jack all to do with being attracted to that person or genuinely liking them. It's honestly sad in a way that a lot of people are just kind of dumb about life choices and don't know what's good for them.

 

[Protistology]

I was going to say “go to Chabad”, because the specter of orthodoxy keeps those types away, but then I saw that you’re gay so that is probably not a comfy option. I’m genuinely sorry you’re stuck in the middle like this. Non orthodox Jewish options are so totally full of libshittery. (And the orthodox options have their own problems, but it’s not troons.)

Read The Rebbe, the Messiah, and the Scandal of Orthodox Indifference. Chabad are minim. Personally, I would only recommend non-Hasidic synagogues. Maybe Breslov. They have some factors in their favor.

 

[Free the Pedos]

Read The Rebbe, the Messiah, and the Scandal of Orthodox Indifference. Chabad are minim. Personally, I would only recommend non-Hasidic synagogues. Maybe Breslov. They have some factors in their favor.

Someone who only has access to a Chabad doesn’t also have a slew of misnagdish and Litvish shuls to pick from.

 

[Cronchyapple]

sperging was going to say “go to Chabad”, because the specter of orthodoxy keeps those types away, but then I saw that you’re gay so that is probably not a comfy option. I’m genuinely sorry you’re stuck in the middle like this. Non orthodox Jewish options are so totally full of libshittery. (And the orthodox options have their own problems, but it’s not troons.)

Hell no I’m never going to chabad ever again. I deleted a full paragraph because it was too PL, but long story short fuck no. If I could take a pill to make me straight I’d do it in a heart beat if it means I could go to chabad and be a normal Jewish girl… but that isn’t really possible.

 

[Lady Round Buns]

Still not talking with my eldest. She keeps in contact with her younger sister, seems to be having a rough time of it. Car problems, health problems, stuff like that. I'm eternally grateful that she still seems to be LARPing, no cross sex hormones or surgeries or anything like that, thank God. I'm not sure how she's caring for her mental health, hopefully she's doing better in that regard than she was the last we talked 2+ years ago.

I miss her very much. I don't think she's even thinking of me at all, which is okay, I understand, she's grown and has made up her mind. It just hurts a little, I did try very hard to be a good parent to her, and I never berated her or insulted her though she was at one time telling people that I did regularly. When she came out as being "bi", I told her all I wanted was for her to be happy, and that is the truth. But it's like that label wasn't enough. She doesn't love herself for some reason, and I don't know how to fix any of this.

It's her birthday soon, I'll send her something, even though I know it will go with no response. I just want her to know I still love her dearly and that I'm thinking of her.

 

[tastelikeluckystrikes]

I've been waffling on posting on this thread for a while but an event that happened a few days ago and some shit she is repeatedly pulling now is making me feel so fucking hopeless and paradoxically this feels like the safest space for me.

I've been with my wife since we were teenagers and we're in our mid 30s now. she never gave any indication of wanting to troon out; she was always more butch than I was but still distinctly feminine in presentation. then she went down this rabbit hole somehow, maybe it started with going on pooner porn subreddits (on her primary reddit account, even) and it spiralled from there. there was no discussion of it, just all of a sudden she was trooning out. And unfortunately somehow within a matter of what felt like weeks she had started hormones, which have made her into an utter menace to society (and by society I mean me), and is constantly going on about things being too "girly". None of this was ever a problem until randomly a few months ago. There's sexual aggression issues now as well, and, to top it all off, for some reason she seems to be trying to pressure me into trooning out via using male pronouns and calling me a man. I cannot stress enough that I am a woman who has never expressed any differently?

I feel like divorce is going to be the only answer, because I don't know what else to do, and I'm really hurt by it.

 

[missnaptime]

I've been waffling on posting on this thread for a while but an event that happened a few days ago and some shit she is repeatedly pulling now is making me feel so fucking hopeless and paradoxically this feels like the safest space for me.

I've been with my wife since we were teenagers and we're in our mid 30s now. she never gave any indication of wanting to troon out; she was always more butch than I was but still distinctly feminine in presentation. then she went down this rabbit hole somehow, maybe it started with going on pooner porn subreddits (on her primary reddit account, even) and it spiralled from there. there was no discussion of it, just all of a sudden she was trooning out. And unfortunately somehow within a matter of what felt like weeks she had started hormones, which have made her into an utter menace to society (and by society I mean me), and is constantly going on about things being too "girly". None of this was ever a problem until randomly a few months ago. There's sexual aggression issues now as well, and, to top it all off, for some reason she seems to be trying to pressure me into trooning out via using male pronouns and calling me a man. I cannot stress enough that I am a woman who has never expressed any differently?

I feel like divorce is going to be the only answer, because I don't know what else to do, and I'm really hurt by it.

have you spoken to her about this and how this makes you feel? i'm really sorry to hear you're suffering like this. marriage counselling may be an option; if you'd both be open to that?? sending support your way, its always hard to lose someone you care about to this ideology.

 

[tastelikeluckystrikes]

have you spoken to her about this and how this makes you feel? i'm really sorry to hear you're suffering like this. marriage counselling may be an option; if you'd both be open to that?? sending support your way, its always hard to lose someone you care about to this ideology.

I have; so far it's just been percieved as an attack--I think part of me hopes that the novelty of it will wear off and she'll listen to what I'm saying in time. But it really does hurt so much.

 

[GluttonousManSlob]

I have; so far it's just been percieved as an attack--I think part of me hopes that the novelty of it will wear off and she'll listen to what I'm saying in time. But it really does hurt so much.

I'm so sorry. What you've got to remember about troons and poons is they behave like addicts. I know you love her and want to help her, but as heartbreaking as it sounds, you ultimately can't save an addict from themselves. Only they can change themselves for the better. She clearly wants to pull you down the rabbit hole too. If you stay and don't comply with her demands, her aggression will most likely escalate.

It's okay to protect yourself. I'm not saying you should divorce her and cut ties immediately, but you need to look after your own wellbeing first. Sacrificing yourself for her won't achieve anything.

 

[glass_houses]

I have; so far it's just been percieved as an attack--I think part of me hopes that the novelty of it will wear off and she'll listen to what I'm saying in time. But it really does hurt so much.

Tell her that you're not a self hating, credulous moron who allowed herself to be groomed into believing that there's no such thing as homosexuality, only "wrong" bodies, and that if she tries to terrorise you into gross pooner sex again, she won't have any limbs left for her to make a crotch sausage.

I'd say, "mental health treatment and couple's counselling" but I'm 99.99% certain that you'll just be told that you're a disgusting bigot and you need to poon out too.

If she wants to be seen as a man then see her as exactly that: a self hating man who got addicted to porn, decided that women are mindless animals only good for sex and house cleaning, and that all lesbians just need to find the right dick and they'll be cured. Now isn't that affirming?

Even if she hadn't pooned out, your wife's buried self loathing would have come to the surface eventually and fucked things up eventually. Cut your loses and run before she starts putting roofies in your food and shooting testosterone into your unconscious body so she can "fix" you.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I've been waffling on posting on this thread for a while but an event that happened a few days ago and some shit she is repeatedly pulling now is making me feel so fucking hopeless and paradoxically this feels like the safest space for me.

I've been with my wife since we were teenagers and we're in our mid 30s now. she never gave any indication of wanting to troon out; she was always more butch than I was but still distinctly feminine in presentation. then she went down this rabbit hole somehow, maybe it started with going on pooner porn subreddits (on her primary reddit account, even) and it spiralled from there. there was no discussion of it, just all of a sudden she was trooning out. And unfortunately somehow within a matter of what felt like weeks she had started hormones, which have made her into an utter menace to society (and by society I mean me), and is constantly going on about things being too "girly". None of this was ever a problem until randomly a few months ago. There's sexual aggression issues now as well, and, to top it all off, for some reason she seems to be trying to pressure me into trooning out via using male pronouns and calling me a man. I cannot stress enough that I am a woman who has never expressed any differently?

I feel like divorce is going to be the only answer, because I don't know what else to do, and I'm really hurt by it.

Weird for the person with a reputation of being an alleged incel misogynist to be the one saying this to the lesbian feminist but...

Doesn't all this remind you of the DV PSAs you have seen in the past?

 

[missnaptime]

also - not to derail the conversation too much - but remember when i posted about worrying about leaving a social group infested with troonery??

i left!!!! i left!!! and my health has genuinely improved. i feel so much less depressed and stressed. its still a very fresh thing, but i've actually had the chance to enjoy my hobbies again. i treated myself to a pair of good knitting needles. it's been so so lovely.

its been wonderful. i wasn't nearly as alone as i thought i would be. thank you all for your support in helping me get the courage to get out. i know it sounds gay, but knowing i wasn't alone in this really helped. i've begun to make some wonderful friends at kickboxing, too. to anyone who needs to hear it; its okay to go. its okay to prioritise your needs and wants. its okay to leave if it gets too much and you can't take the troonery anymore.

 

[Protistology]

It's quite natural and innate for normal, healthy women to get severe gross icks from dudes being effeminate and faggy. I don't care what anyone tells you. So if a woman is into her man "presenting himself as feminine" there is a whole lot of crazy going on there IMO. It's like a more severe form of the ladies writing articles about pretending to be confused over why they suddenly are bored with their boyfriends after they've nagged them into being cucked pushovers but continue to repeat the process with anyone new. It sounds like that friend already had a heap of problems baked in before the relationship so likely he was a "mark" for this sort of person to latch onto.

Case in point: Amanda Lynn Morris. Transed Digibro and then jumped ship.

I've been waffling on posting on this thread for a while but an event that happened a few days ago and some shit she is repeatedly pulling now is making me feel so fucking hopeless and paradoxically this feels like the safest space for me.

I've been with my wife since we were teenagers and we're in our mid 30s now. she never gave any indication of wanting to troon out; she was always more butch than I was but still distinctly feminine in presentation. then she went down this rabbit hole somehow, maybe it started with going on pooner porn subreddits (on her primary reddit account, even) and it spiralled from there. there was no discussion of it, just all of a sudden she was trooning out. And unfortunately somehow within a matter of what felt like weeks she had started hormones, which have made her into an utter menace to society (and by society I mean me), and is constantly going on about things being too "girly". None of this was ever a problem until randomly a few months ago. There's sexual aggression issues now as well, and, to top it all off, for some reason she seems to be trying to pressure me into trooning out via using male pronouns and calling me a man. I cannot stress enough that I am a woman who has never expressed any differently?

I feel like divorce is going to be the only answer, because I don't know what else to do, and I'm really hurt by it.

Roid rage is a common but rarely discussed problem with pooners.

 

[Fapcop]

...Yeah. I love him and he has many great qualities, but I'm freaking out and already mourning all the time I wasted to some degree. I guess it's not a 10 year relationship, but man.




To be 100% clear, his porn situation is really, really bad, and the biggest reason I'm kind of out of hope. The first time I asked him to curb his porn addiction, his reaction was basically to laugh and say 'no way, that's too hard'. In subsequent conversations, he promised to curb it and has actually, but it's still pretty bad. Like a year ago it was so bad his penis was too broken for sex, but now our sex life is great.

Yikes! Our poor Baron! Shit sucks, and I wish you luck whatever you decide.

Is he watching porn all day, and then using you as a cum dump to keep you off his case? Is he thinking about all the porn he watches while being with you? or does he genuinely love you and love having sex with you?

Not to defend porn or coomer culture, but it really has less to do with sex, and nothing to do with love, and is more about self soothing behavior. Closer to taking a hit of crack, if that makes sense than to cheating.

Aside from the occasional degenerate who wants to choke their gf or wants to do anal because he’s seen it in porn, porn usually doesn’t “travel to the bedroom” so to speak.

So maybe there's hope for her. Maybe I can help her to not destroy herself, after all.

It sucks that I can't share the joy I feel for potentially being able to take her out of the troondom path elsewhere, but at least here I do. Please wish me luck, fellow kiwis!

Yay! Good news. I’m sure it’ll be a tremendous relief for her to hear that some of the things she’s struggling with are neither unusual nor strange.

She’ll likely ask you herself, whether you ever thought about transitioning or still want to do it, which will be a great occasion for explaining how dangerous, detrimental and risky that shit is.

Hope it’ll work out!

also - not to derail the conversation too much - but remember when i posted about worrying about leaving a social group infested with troonery??

i left!!!! i left!!! and my health has genuinely improved. i feel so much less depressed and stressed. its still a very fresh thing, but i've actually had the chance to enjoy my hobbies again. i treated myself to a pair of good knitting needles. it's been so so lovely.

its been wonderful. i wasn't nearly as alone as i thought i would be. thank you all for your support in helping me get the courage to get out. i know it sounds gay, but knowing i wasn't alone in this really helped. i've begun to make some wonderful friends at kickboxing, too. to anyone who needs to hear it; its okay to go. its okay to prioritise your needs and wants. its okay to leave if it gets too much and you can't take the troonery anymore.

Must be pretty sweet not to hear about navelgazing gender bullshit, “dysphoria” and degeneracy.

I’m stoked for you!

 

[salt]

fem autist here. i used to think i was 'non binary'; i wanted a double mastectomy, the works. thankfully, i grew out of it, and i'm comfortable in my identity and knowing i'm a woman, who just happens to like being buff, having muscles, and doing some stereotypically 'male' things.

i was a pretty lonely teenager, i have a history of loneliness, depression, anxiety, because i was sped and had different interests from normal people. i got into a digital lgbt friendgroup, and then, that was that. my entire formative years from around 14 onwards were entirely online, because i didn't have any irl friends to connect with.

you wouldn't believe some of the degeneracy i've seen. men sleeping on dog beds, calling themselves 'foxdog girls', barking, men identifying as a puppy, proudly announcing they have 'zoomies' (yes, really); did fakers who claim to have the fucking kamen riders and for some fucking reason doctor who as alters, a man who refers to himself as 'it' and 'this one'....

i know these people. i have met some of them in real life. the lot of them are riddled with mental illness and come from broken homes. one of my housemates is actually a really chill troon who is super nice. he's been the only normal one i've been able to find.

i feel like i'm going insane. i have nobody i can talk to about this. i spoke to a literal priest for guidance and he's drunk the koolaid, but stated that 'if it was his child, he would think a lot more deeply and seriously about the matter'.

just what do i do? i feel like i'm watching a trainwreck in slow motion. do i exit quietly, do i try and say something? i've been pulling away for a while now, but tits impacting my health and i'm scared of the ramifictions it could have for me.

Find new friends by joining local clubs based on your interests. Get more involved at church.

If it’s just about having seen the degeneracy — IDK maybe you’re perseverating a bit? You don’t have to pay attention to freaks. If it’s distressing you, try getting into something else. These people are a weird little minority and you can just ignore them.