Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Barbarella]

What is her topic? TedX is usually an inspirational story, right? So is it how she overcame fatphobia in the fashion industry as a single mom? How to manage sex work with a kid at home and come out winning? Perhaps Anorexia is not just for the thin, but it can be conquered with Little Debbie Christmas snack cakes?? Or tricks on how to fly first class with an ass wider than an entire aisle?

I’m curious to see it. I think she had to audition and get her speech approved so it should be full of lies to make her sound good.

No way would I go from Cali to Switzerland and back in a weekend; it’s 14 hours each way. I’d stay at least a week, even if I had to pay costs. I confess to being jealous, Switzerland sounds like a dream. (In the summer.)

Poor Bowie, always pawned off.

 

[The Hardest R]

I'm actually looking forward to watching the talk, will she sit down, will she need help up, will she stand still wheezing out her speech or does she attempt to waddle and talk.

Tess will be wheezing into her microphone the entire time. Lots of verbal pauses, repetitive phrases, and uptalking. Tess is the embodiment of unprofessionalism so I’d be surprised if she practiced much at all. Should be a fun watch!

I’m curious to see it. I think she had to audition and get her speech approved so it should be full of lies to make her sound good.

TEDx has abysmally low standards. They’re not the same as the formal, higher profile TED talks. Tubbers likely got asked because other more prominent plus size models declined and she desperately needs exposure in the hopes it will restart her dead and gay modeling career.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Tess will be wheezing into her microphone the entire time.

Like this?

 

[Unreachable Twat]

Like this?

This was cringe AF but I think Tess's will be even worse and I'm very excited for the lulz

 

[multiverse]

What is her topic?

Fat anorexia.

 

[Unreachable Twat]

Fat anorexia.

For real? Omg this is gonna be even more hilarious than I imagined.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

Can't hide beyond angled and photoshopped selfies huh?

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Holy tub of blubber! The lack of slimming filters is absolutely glorious. I can't stop giggling at how tiny her hands and feet look compared to that massive barrel body and those huge hamhock upper arms that dwarf her skull.

I mean, I could go on about the dress looking like shit, but... I just can't get over how lacking she is in actual curves. She's literally a blob. A blob on tiny feet with little hands and a dumpy face on a bubble of fat topped with a shitty hairdo.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Oh wow. So much to unpack (literally because lol fat), but wow at her wearing a black sack dress and still we can see how the fat are literally dropping down on her legs. Also the charming fat contours where her waist should be... how can she not look at herself and think "shit, I really need to get it together"? Is it narcissism?

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Guys...she probably has some shapewear under there. And she STILL looks like a melting candle.

 

[Barbarella]

OMG. I have a newfound respect for slimming filters.

Just look at her NECK! She looks like it’s a hanging turkey gobbler only with three layers of fat. Her face looks nothing like what we normally see, it’s every hideous 600 lb lifer only in a wig. She’s joined buffalo status with Chinny and Fat Jen. Her pannus is bigger than her This Ass and hangs low, low, low. And the dress is hideous, wrinkled, cheap and heartland great-grandmotherly, which shows she’s sized out of evvereething. Bows? Motherfucking BOWS? Look at her feet spill out of those shoes!

I mean…we been knew… but holy shiite, she fat. I’m low key impressed she could stand up long enough to give a speech.

I hope somebody got her talk. The delusion is going to be immense. Not as immense as her but close.

I think she’s too fat for a cake John. At this point, she’s only going to attract a death John. I sure hope she’s made plans for Bowie. I know Candy is in her 50s but she’s an outlier. Tess looks to be about that weight.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Holy tub of blubber! The lack of slimming filters is absolutely glorious. I can't stop giggling at how tiny her hands and feet look compared to that massive barrel body and those huge hamhock upper arms that dwarf her skull.

I mean, I could go on about the dress looking like shit, but... I just can't get over how lacking she is in actual curves. She's literally a blob. A blob on tiny feet with little hands and a dumpy face on a bubble of fat topped with a shitty hairdo.

View attachment 6676582

The tiny hands and feet are fucking with me because 1) they’re either normal sized, or above average yet still dwarfed by Tess’s other proportions, and 2) because of 1), Tess’s feet look like lotus feet (If you want to feel charitable. The black is also giving cloven hoof vibes.)

Guys...she probably has some shapewear under there. And she STILL looks like a melting candle.

If there is a girdle or bra, then it’s holding on for dear life. Even Lycra has its limits. Her underwear is so tight that you can see the outline of it along with her actual belly.

I also assume that those are supposed to be Ts appliquéd (ironed on?) to the dress but they look more like Ys or upside down dicks.

(Edit: I did not realize those were supposed to be bows until I read @Barbarella ’s comment and noticed the ones on her wrist. Neither scenario is better. Just a dress the average woman would be embarrassed to wear)

But at least Tess got her hair did!

 

[The Queen of Autists]

She thought the bangs would bring their eyes up to her face lol my god unfiltered Tess Munster

Beauty 2.0 indeed!

Is she wearing the dress or the dress is wearing her? That was her choice? I guess she can’t afford a stylist.

It wouldn’t be so funny if it wasn’t so absurdly different from what she pretends to be! If she just walked up there and was like hi I’m Tess this is me, it’s like ok she doesn’t look great but that’s that but it’s the juxtaposition of the two. Like seeing behind the curtain off the wizard of oz!

 

[Brickley]

Like this?

Watched this to tide me over as I eagerly await an upload of the Tess Talk but I have to say this gorl is wearing the ugliest, most unflattering dress I have ever seen.



The print is ugly enough. But I have never seen a dress with an elastic band at the knees. Why would anyone want that? The point of a big flowy dress on a fat girl is to hide her stomach. This highlights the roundness of it, it’s like below her boobs she’s shaped like a big grape.



And then there’s the skinny black band meant to highlight her waist (yet actually highlights the roundness of her stomach again), but for whatever reason it is only around her front, so the back of the dress is completely loose and shapeless. It makes her look way wider than she actually is, and it’s just generally ugly and stupid. It’s like she’s trying to look as ridiculous as possible.

Tess’s dress is also a really strange choice. It is not glamorous at all, as I would imagine she would wear for a big event, nor is it very professional. It’s not a flattering cut. And people say black is supposed to be slimming, but there was never any hope for that with her. She is so huge she’s like an optical illusion with how tiny her hands, feet, and face seem. The Swiss are lucky to get to see her in person, my mind can’t grasp the scale of her through pictures alone.

 

[The Queen of Autists]

S

Watched this to tide me over as I eagerly await an upload of the Tess Talk but I have to say this gorl is wearing the ugliest, most unflattering dress I have ever seen.

View attachment 6676691

The print is ugly enough. But I have never seen a dress with an elastic band at the knees. Why would anyone want that? The point of a big flowy dress on a fat girl is to hide her stomach. This highlights the roundness of it, it’s like below her boobs she’s shaped like a big grape.

View attachment 6676729

And then there’s the skinny black band meant to highlight her waist (yet actually highlights the roundness of her stomach again), but for whatever reason it is only around her front, so the back of the dress is completely loose and shapeless. It makes her look way wider than she actually is, and it’s just generally ugly and stupid. It’s like she’s trying to look as ridiculous as possible.

Tess’s dress is also a really strange choice. It is not glamorous at all, as I would imagine she would wear for a big event, nor is it very professional. It’s not a flattering cut. And people say black is supposed to be slimming, but there was never any hope for that with her. She is so huge she’s like an optical illusion with how tiny her hands, feet, and face seem. The Swiss are lucky to get to see her in person, my mind can’t grasp the scale of her through pictures alone.

Shes dead now so it doesn’t matter lol go HAES!

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Can't hide beyond angled and photoshopped selfies huh?

View attachment 6676559View attachment 6676560View attachment 6676561
View attachment 6676570

I'd like to sincerely thank Mess and whoever posted those pics for making me feel just a little bit better about my own body. I may be fat, but at least I'm still shaped like a human.

eta: It's been a while since I've PLed retardedly on this thread. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Sorry for the DP, but this needs to be said:

S

Shes dead now so it doesn’t matter lol go HAES!

No, she's not. I've gone digging and digging, but the only evidence I can find of that is 1 article that gets her name wrong and doesn't provide any sources.

eta: Upon googling "Kelli Jean Drinkwater obituary", the only result even relating to the article was on fucking 9gag.

 

[The Queen of Autists]

Sorry for the DP, but this needs to be said:

No, she's not. I've gone digging and digging, but the only evidence I can find of that is 1 article that gets her name wrong and doesn't provide any sources.

eta: Upon googling "Kelli Jean Drinkwater obituary", the only result even relating to the article was on fucking 9gag.

My bad thanks for the fact checking! Good catch

 

[Coo Coo Bird]

Does she have a gunt on her knees?

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Watched this to tide me over as I eagerly await an upload of the Tess Talk but I have to say this gorl is wearing the ugliest, most unflattering dress I have ever seen.

View attachment 6676691

The print is ugly enough. But I have never seen a dress with an elastic band at the knees. Why would anyone want that? The point of a big flowy dress on a fat girl is to hide her stomach. This highlights the roundness of it, it’s like below her boobs she’s shaped like a big grape.

View attachment 6676729

And then there’s the skinny black band meant to highlight her waist (yet actually highlights the roundness of her stomach again), but for whatever reason it is only around her front, so the back of the dress is completely loose and shapeless. It makes her look way wider than she actually is, and it’s just generally ugly and stupid. It’s like she’s trying to look as ridiculous as possible.

Tess’s dress is also a really strange choice. It is not glamorous at all, as I would imagine she would wear for a big event, nor is it very professional. It’s not a flattering cut. And people say black is supposed to be slimming, but there was never any hope for that with her. She is so huge she’s like an optical illusion with how tiny her hands, feet, and face seem. The Swiss are lucky to get to see her in person, my mind can’t grasp the scale of her through pictures alone.

She's apparently a model. It gets so much worse:

 

[Miltank]

Is she trying to appear as a drag queen or is that just a side-effect?