Orbiter "Flutter" / "Egg" / "Cabbage Patch" / "Meryl" / "Food Lion lady" - Modern Christory's biggest mystery

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Chris is a man. Guys don't "dry up" like women do, and the sperm quality declines very slowly compared to a womans eggs. It starts at ~40 for a guy, so +5 years is fine. It's like saying it's over for a woman who is 25. If the rumors about the woman being over 30 is true, then we can start talking about the most cursed kid on the internet is about to be born.
Errr excuse me but the kiwifarms consensus on this topic is that old man sperm is the primary cause of autism and not dried up eggs.

You have a very warped view of what is normal if you think that people becoming parents in their late teens is typical; even more so if you think that the outcomes for children born to parents that young are positive (spoiler: teen pregnancy is mostly associated with welfare recipients, drug addicts, and first-generation immigrants from backward hellholes).

Chris's age should be the least of our concerns, genetically speaking. A much more crucial question is what kind of sperm could be capable of withstanding the collective onslaught of HRT, a lifetime of fast food and sedentary living, and the combined developmental disorders of Chris and his cabbage patch concubine, only to still manage to successfully fertilize an egg and give rise to new life?

Could we be about to enter a brave new world where Chris Chan has somehow been selected by nature to father the ultimate Übermensch, or are we instead about to be greeted with a genetic abomination the likes of which the world has neither seen nor could ever comprehend? Whatever happens, interesting times are ahead.
I could have worded that better, excuse me. What I mean is this: You're supposed to lose your virginity to the girl you fancied in highschool, or drunk at a party, or something, when you're 16 - 20, not to a whore at 30. Losing your virginity to a whore at 30 doesn't automatically make you superior to every 20 something incel that can't get laid, it just means you finally reached the finish line... last.

On a similar note, after you're done having an exciting, healthy, vibrant sex life, once you get to your mid 20s, it's time to start thinking of settling down. If you're not a complete utter fuckup you should be able to support a family by this age, or should be able to soon, and according to a quick google search, the optimal age to have a baby is between your late 20s and early 30s. Assuming you want 3, and assuming a 6 month break between pregnancies (also assuming you didn't marry a girl who's way younger than you), and assuming you do everything right, this will take 3 years and 9 months, you have to start at least at 26 to make it before 30.

You also need to think about the future: If you have your last kid at 30, you're gonna be in your 60s by the time your grandkids are being born, you'll have plenty of time to spend with them, and might even get to meet your great-grandkids.

This is all a natural part of life if you're well-adjusted. Normal people don't need to think of or plan this type of stuff, it just happens as a consequence of the natural flow of life, and they're usually fine. Now here's what I'm getting at: Knocking up a very likely mentally ill clout chasing whore half your age at 42 by a complete stroke of luck doesn't automatically make you superior to every 30 something incel who didn't have a family. You're still ~15 years behind everyone else.

People who try to paint Chris as some sort of gigachad success every time he makes a minor step forward in life don't take this into account.
 
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Mark my words.

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Chris is a man. Guys don't "dry up" like women do, and the sperm quality declines very slowly compared to a womans eggs. It starts at ~40 for a guy, so +5 years is fine. It's like saying it's over for a woman who is 25. If the rumors about the woman being over 30 is true, then we can start talking about the most cursed kid on the internet is about to be born.
Mens sperm actually increase in quality with age. High mutational loads means a higher chance of getting extreme genetics, which means a higher chance of getting a genius child. I don't make the rules.
 
@Zeus Blue Thunder It's funny funny to me that you want to "expose" modern Christory or whatever yet you don't even care if you put out misinformation lmfaoView attachment 6686999
I, too, have my suspicions.

That and the fact that he told the site owner to fuck off earlier this month leave me feeling a bit lukewarm about this whole thing.

We don't even know for sure if Chris is back at 14 branchland. For all we know he's still in Finland and is only getting mail at 14 even if things between him and Caden have soured.

We don't know if they have!

This is pure speculation and tardmongering at this point.

I don't care how sensationalized it gets, there is not one shred of evidence and Chris was at most cryptically taunting us.
 
What we are going to have a 3rd demon baby come on 2 is more than enough,

hope Chis was off his pills, then he said this.
 
If Caden kick Chris out does that mean he returned to the Sonichu temple or are we about to see the homeless saga?
I can't imagine him being allowed back while Barb is still alive or otherwise there. Then again I have no clue what's up with her these days.
 
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Is it even confirmed he's actually dating Flutter? AFAIK he never confirmed anything, but he was complaining about the "friend zone" a few months ago. Could be they're not even dating and he's just imagining their future together a la Megan Schroeder.
I mean technically yeah but I think at this point it makes more sense that they are together. We know that Flutter is Finnish and I think we've all moved on from the notion that she lives in Virginia. With that in mind, why waste so much money on just a friend? I mean she pays for everything. Hell, I'd bet that she paid for him to go to Finland.
Or all the rumors made him cut contact.
Ehh. If I had to guess I think Caden cut him off because Chris must've told him his plans to move to Finland and Caden realized that wouldn't be profitable for him. But I'm just spitballing here, don't have anything to back it up.
 
Ehh. If I had to guess I think Caden cut him off because Chris must've told him his plans to move to Finland and Caden realized that wouldn't be profitable for him. But I'm just spitballing here, don't have anything to back it up.
I thought Chris was confirmed to be back in Virginia? Wasn't he spotted in his car earlier this month?
 
I thought Chris was confirmed to be back in Virginia? Wasn't he spotted in his car earlier this month?
Yeah I've heard that too. I mean about a future move and Caden is like "fuck it well if he's leaving I might as well cut him off now" or something like that. I mean if Flutter is pregnant I think Chris would want to be with her and the child. I also don't see them moving to the States, especially if the theory that she comes from money is correct.
 
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I mean technically yeah but I think at this point it makes more sense that they are together. We know that Flutter is Finnish and I think we've all moved on from the notion that she lives in Virginia. With that in mind, why waste so much money on just a friend? I mean she pays for everything. Hell, I'd bet that she paid for him to go to Finland.

Ehh. If I had to guess I think Caden cut him off because Chris must've told him his plans to move to Finland and Caden realized that wouldn't be profitable for him. But I'm just spitballing here, don't have anything to back it up.
Flutter is deranged enough to spend money meeting up with a man infamous for creating a Sonic OC and molesting his 80 year old mother. Sure, for a normal person that would be a lot to spend on a friend, but absolutely nothing about this situation is normal.
 
Yeah I've heard that too. I mean about a future move and Caden is like "fuck it well if he's leaving I might as well cut him off now" or something like that. I mean if Flutter is pregnant I think Chris would want to be with her and the child. I also don't see them moving to the States, especially if the theory that she comes from money is correct.
If Chris moves to Finland he will still have to pay US income taxes.
 
Flutter is deranged enough to spend money meeting up with a man infamous for creating a Sonic OC and molesting his 80 year old mother. Sure, for a normal person that would be a lot to spend on a friend, but absolutely nothing about this situation is normal.
True but I think that if they were just friends it would've been a one time thing, not this long adventure.
If Chris moves to Finland he will still have to pay US income taxes.
I don't think he's thinking about that. I mean does he even have to file taxes for the tugboat?
 
Is it even confirmed he's actually dating Flutter? AFAIK he never confirmed anything, but he was complaining about the "friend zone" a few months ago. Could be they're not even dating and he's just imagining their future together a la Megan Schroeder.
Chris has to have found something to pass the time since he cut down on Internet appearances. Also they're are a lot of strange people out there, I see no reason why Chris couldn't have finally found someone nuts like himself.
 
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Is it even confirmed he's actually dating Flutter? AFAIK he never confirmed anything, but he was complaining about the "friend zone" a few months ago. Could be they're not even dating and he's just imagining their future together a la Megan Schroeder.
yeah I was thinking chris could be talking some hypothetical baby that he wants to have or some alternate dimension baby
 
Chris has to have found something to pass the time since he cut down on Internet appearances. Also they're are a lot of strange people out there, I see no reason why Chris couldn't have finally found someone nuts like himself.
Oh yeah he's famous enough now it's surely POSSIBLE he found somebody as nuts as him. But I'm skeptical he actually made a baby announcement because there are so many other possibilities that are just as/more likely.
 
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What a time to be alive. The Former virgin with rage is finally going to be a dad... good fucking luck with having a parent in general.

This also means that your average incel definitely has a chance to grab China as well!
 
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