Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[biggacracka]

I'm nauseated just thinking about it. At the least, it would contain an internally raw (but still tough) pork chop that Lumpy burnt black on the outside, with an inappropriate bun such as a hard kaiser roll twice the size of the chop soggy and dripping with so much Extra Ultra SHUGUR BBQ sauce that the too-large onion slices would spill out during Jack's only bite with his tongue extended into the sandwich's anus, and the pickle slices forgotten altogether.

Jack would obviously declare the samwich to be KORNAVUR in the video title, and review it hyperbolically, while leaning all of his body weight into the kitchen island at a forty five degree angle for the sake of pretending he can still stand under his own power: "I'm TELL-ig u guuize, if you *aspiration pneumonia gurgle* make one of theez, uuul might NEVER want McDunnells again." *smiles with half a working lip covered in barbecue sauce* "-That stuffz no good for u anywayz. Plus -" *long pause as Jack struggles to remember what he was just going to say*...*laughs nervously while visibly alarmed* "...Uh, you know, you can also make one of these year-round...insteaaad of, uh, only be-ig abul to get a sanwish once a year."

*video ends with only one bite having been taken out of sandwich, and most of it down the front of jagoff's shirt*

Absolute cinema

 

[Guntanator]

While less relevant on the culinary end, last year we also got the S'mores Cupcakes video, where we could hear Jack Jr. using the gamer word on video.

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Ok but why does jr sound like Mickey mouse crawled up his ass and bit him in the balls?

 

[EatYourVeggies]

Chili month has been absolute kino so far. Took me about half a year to catch back up with the thread and I'm just in time for some of the worst cooking so far. The CARNIVOAR-SAFE seafood chili could be one of his most disgusting chilis he's made, along with the brisket-less brisket chili, the rotten church chili and the green puke chili (pictured below)
What I've also noticed is that he's slowly starting to give up. He used to constantly spam low effort merch with grammar mistakes a 10 year old would make, that no one would buy, new video ideas no one cares about (IM APART OF THE JACKPACK), the dilly dolphin AI-generated gift shop, the dead tech and letter channels. He had such complete confidence for things that were utterly worthless, and that is what made Jack special for me. Confident incompetence, the Dunning-Krueger effect personified. He is no longer trying. His Xitter is depressing to read, especially that picture about him having many friends, yet no one giving him likes. He doesn't deserve anyone's empathy but this is making me feel some type of way.

I've been rewatching some of his older non-cooking videos. He always tries to give advice that he doesn't follow himself in a very condescending way. He thinks his lack of qualifications and study makes him paradoxically a better teacher, as if he were a "normal Joe" who unlocked the world's mysteries by """""thinking for himself"""". Example of this: He says you can look at what unhealthy people buy in the supermarket and then avoid buying those products. He is himself a very unhealthy individual who always tells people what foods they should eat.
His face says he completely believes what he is saying is enlightening.
Also note his hat. What does Jesus > World mean? Does he believe that by disregarding his existence on this world, it will make DADDY-JESUS-GOD give him a free pass to ascend to heaven when he dies? Or does he mean that the only thing that truly matters is Jesus, and not our surrounding world? But we know of Jesus because he was part of our surrounding world. Or maybe the simplest solution is true, and he simply wants to seem pious before his audience and his god and did not even attempt to think further. YEAH, GOD GOOD, THEREFORE I WEAR THE GOD GOOD HAT!!

It has been entertaining catching up to present day Jack, and the a-logging in this thread gave me many laughs. Some of you faggots are very funny.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I can just imagine he wheeled up to the handicap section of the theater expecting that this PG-13 action movie starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans and Lucy Liu would be a children's movie. His mind was in Blue's Clues mode when suddenly they start dropping such horrible profanity as "shit" and "asshole". It was probably very jarring for Jack. Too bad he didn't have another stroke.

In his mind "Santa Claus" means it's a kids movie. Meanwhile there's tons of movies out there with Santa that aren't necessarily kid friendly.

On another note, since he's already out watching Christmas movies, I was curious what kind of atrocities we can expect from faux carnivore Jack this year. My personal pick for his most horrid festive dish would be this candy quagmire.

That was an abomination. It should have been confined to the deepest pits of hell. Even the overall look of it was offputting.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

 

[Super Hans v2]

Oh, so that's why his coloring his so fucked - he's using a camera model pushing 15 years. If he's using the same stand it came with it explains why he can't not have the oh so appropriate Dutch Angle too.

 

[p1138]

Oh, so that's why his coloring his so fucked - he's using a camera model pushing 15 years. If he's using the same stand it came with it explains why he can't not have the oh so appropriate Dutch Angle too.

A 15 year old camera like that should be able to do white balance and color just fine. The likely bigger issue is that he's too fucking stupid to go through the settings and actually set any of it. He's probably got a couple auto settings turned on, never updated the firmware, and has no idea how to adjust anything to actually look better, not that he's capable of seeing that himself anyway.

 

[Marc]

I find myself doubting that the guy who regularly films himself struggling to read restaurant menus directly in front of his face, then records the table or the floor while he asks his wife for help remembering the word "STEAK" within thirty seconds of having read it out-loud while he put his finger on the word like Helen Keller, is going to trifle with the color balance settings in his old camcorder, or even knows where he is.

 

[Rod Dangerous]

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The Canon 60D is 14 years old. Jack attended the YouTube meet-up 14 years ago. I doubt YouTube gave him that camera; he probably won it as some event prize.

 

[Revelator]

The Canon 60D is 14 years old. Jack attended the YouTube meet-up 14 years ago. I doubt YouTube gave him that camera; he probably won it as some event prize.

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I could see him getting it from a church raffle, cackling and saying "I never win anything! I never win anything!"

 

[Falcon Sebben]

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No fucking way that Fatty McStrokeypants here is the "new media". He tried to whore himself out as an influencer and has been trying to pretend to be one ever since.

And SUUUUUURE Jewtube gave him a camera for being such a good boy.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

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Jack always mentions his distaste of the Mcrib every year during this time of the season.

I remember in a couple of videos I watched in the past from him, he always states something along the lines of " when pork is at their lowest sales, McDonald's buys it all up and creates the Mcrib"

EDIT: https://youtu.be/itMyswZXFd8?si=5jNV8UdfaDTIFS-D found a past video explaining Jack's logic.

Yeah, McRib is obviously not real ribs and it's just cheap pork, but god damnit it's delicious. I'll eat it if I am at McDonald's and they have it. Obviously it's not healthy but in moderation it's fine. At least it's cooked properly

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Yeah, McRib is obviously not real ribs and it's just cheap pork, but god damnit it's delicious. I'll eat it if I am at McDonald's and they have it. Obviously it's not healthy but in moderation it's fine. At least it's cooked properly

I just don't get the appeal. I know why people like it. It's a limited time thing. I guarantee you that if it was available year round it wouldn't have the fanbase it does.

 

[Helvítis Túristi]

While less relevant on the culinary end, last year we also got the S'mores Cupcakes video, where we could hear Jack Jr. using the gamer word on video.

Ok but why does jr sound like Mickey mouse crawled up his ass and bit him in the balls?

It sounds more like he's saying "That dick is terribly cold" which might explain why he's screaming at such a high pitch.

 

[Tiresome]

I just don't get the appeal. I know why people like it. It's a limited time thing. I guarantee you that if it was available year round it wouldn't have the fanbase it does.

Get good quality ground pork, season it, form it into a patty. BBQ it or broil it, paint with your favorite sauce, put on a roll with onions and pickles. Takes 20 minutes but for some reason people lose their minds about a cheap version just because it gets handed through a car window.

 

[AltisticRight]

Anyway more dumbass tweets from Jack

What bathroom scale? Scalfatty is too fat for any of them.

Something Jack never did even when he still had something resembling a brain and two functioning arms.

This makes a lot of sense because he can't even reach his fat arse to wipe it. Tammy needs to be on wiping duty. There's no way for him to rub it.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Get good quality ground pork, season it, form it into a patty. BBQ it or broil it, paint with your favorite sauce, put on a roll with onions and pickles. Takes 20 minutes but for some reason people lose their minds about a cheap version just because it gets handed through a car window.

There you go and it probably tastes better than what McDonald's makes.

There's one reason you go to McDonald's or fast food for that matter. You're in a rush, you need something now or you don't have access to a kitchen.

Scalfatty on the other hand is all about the food and wanting to try the latest offerings because he's a junkie and this is his drug.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

The road should do its job

 

[AltisticRight]

The road should do its job

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It's getting bad because of fat useless niggers like Jack Scalfani with dumb big cars because he's a massive pussy. Also fat useless pigs like Jack is a net negative for the public because resources are required to keep his lardy butt alive.
Think of this as the pareto distribution of fat faggots. People like Jack are a burden.

 

[The Stranger]

It's getting bad because of fat useless niggers like Jack Scalfani with dumb big cars because he's a massive pussy. Also fat useless pigs like Jack is a net negative for the public because resources are required to keep his lardy butt alive.
Think of this as the pareto distribution of fat faggots. People like Jack are a burden.

We should legally be allowed to hunt fat people for their blubber