Ethan Ralph, Fugitive from Justice

Ralph's anxiety has to be through the roof. During his show he'll weave in warrant cope while an unrelated news clip plays. "It's only a thousand dollar fine... it's just a misdemeanor...I wouldn't even serve a week... Mexico doesn't extradite residents ... I've been through worse.." [x10]

Ralph can and will make this as painful a process for himself as possible. I'm reminded of a Shakespeare quote from funnily enough Julius Caesar: "Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste death but once."
 
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Mynameisdark said:
Ralph's anxiety has to be through the roof. During his show he'll weave in warrant cope while an unrelated news clip plays. "It's only a thousand dollar fine... it's just a misdemeanor...I wouldn't even serve a week... Mexico doesn't extradite residents ... I've been through worse.." [x10]
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Needless to say that's absolute bullshit. Mexico extradites U.S. citizens all the time. It's just not likely for a misdemeanor, but if he keeps taunting the judge he may FAFO.
 
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Mynameisdark said:
Ralph's anxiety has to be through the roof. During his show he'll weave in warrant cope while an unrelated news clip plays. "It's only a thousand dollar fine... it's just a misdemeanor...I wouldn't even serve a week... Mexico doesn't extradite residents ... I've been through worse.." [x10]

Ralph can and will make this as painful a process for himself as possible. I'm reminded of a Shakespeare quote from funnily enough Julius Caesar: "Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste death but once."
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Shakespeare, Dostoevsky, Ralph - they all were the greatest writers of their time. Speaking of Dostoevsky, he described the rage pig with astonishing precision.
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Dixieland Buckaroo said:
Ralph did claim on stream that Nick paid him. It would be more intriguing if the State knew that before issuing the warrant. Clearly the talked to Harry during the investigation, so they had some background info
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Interesting he'd be that stupid to make the admission - I shouldn't be surprised, should I? Regardless of the severity of the crime, paying someone to commit a crime, and sending funds for such is in itself a felony, even if the crime is minor. Of course, technically, that makes Ralph also an accessory to that felony and thus the circle of "unintended consequences" comes full circle.

I doubt the DA would bother himself but you never know, now that we have a fugitive hiding out in Mexico refusing to face the music, perhaps the DA would be interested in this. I can only hope.

To be sure, Ralph is slamming Nick with requests for money right the fuck now saying "Nick, this is the cost of the business" and demanding he cover the expenses that will be associated.

Happy thanksgiving to you both. And to Harry Morris who no doubt will be raising a glass tonight to the fiasco that Ethan has created. Cheers to your pleasant thanksgiving.
 
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MadStan said:
Interesting he'd be that stupid to make the admission - I shouldn't be surprised, should I? Regardless of the severity of the crime, paying someone to commit a crime, and sending funds for such is in itself a felony, even if the crime is minor. Of course, technically, that makes Ralph also an accessory to that felony and thus the circle of "unintended consequences" comes full circle.

I doubt the DA would bother himself but you never know, now that we have a fugitive hiding out in Mexico refusing to face the music, perhaps the DA would be interested in this. I can only hope.

To be sure, Ralph is slamming Nick with requests for money right the fuck now saying "Nick, this is the cost of the business" and demanding he cover the expenses that will be associated.

Happy thanksgiving to you both. And to Harry Morris who no doubt will be raising a glass tonight to the fiasco that Ethan has created. Cheers to your pleasant thanksgiving.
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I do doubt a DA would give enough of a shit. The only reason he might is to make a statement. There's been an influx of internet retards doing "pranks", doxxing etc. that are real crimes and they seem to think they are exempt because in their little internet hugboxes they are gassed up by other retards who think it's based.

So you could spitroast the piggy as a warning: your little internet games can have real consequences. Especially when it comes to digital witness intimidation, which I'm sure is a new and growing trend.

Still very unlikely to happen and honestly it doesn't matter. Ralph being totally buckbroken and exiled to Mexico and constantly worrying about getting extradited is funnier than him actually being extradited.
 
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Oh Darn said:
What do you do as a highway patrol if you encounter a pigman of indeterminate nationality with no papers on him? My assumption is they’d run prints and at that point confirm that it was the Memphis Mongoloid himself
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True, but since he’ll be dressed in a serape, fake bushy mustache, comically huge sombrero, using a bad fake accent, AND driving on the shoulder if he can get a car while loudly proclaiming “NO, OFFISER, AH AM NAWT THEES “ETHAN OLEEVER RALPH” YEW SPEEK OF! MAY AMO EES SHANAYNAY MCPIGGIETITS.” they’ll have to take him in and do the requisite identity checks Just to be sure.
 
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AncientPhosphur said:
Imagine not having friends that could take in your pets for a stay instead of abandoning them at a shelter or in Ralph’s many cases just piling up a bunch of food in a room.
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His current cope is that the reason he's not turning himself in ATM is that all his friends are too busy to check in on the cats. That it's the holidays and the logistics are simply impossible. Let's pretend he has friends (he doesn't) that could check in on the cats. It's been a few weeks since the warrant was issued. Yes, having to fly across the US to face a warrant is a massive inconvenience, but he's just letting the time pass by. Anyone could have coordinated the cats being taken care of within 2 weeks.

This is why I don't think he'll ever cross the border legally again. 2-3 weeks turns into 2-3 months real fast when you're a passive bitch like the Ralphamale, and he's self-aware enough to know there's no justification in the world that won't make it worse for him. What's funny is I don't even think he'd face jail time of he does to Minnesota in January/February. Just the possibility of facing consequences terrifies him and drives his anxiety through the roof.
 
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HackerX said:
This is why I don't think he'll ever cross the border legally again. 2-3 weeks turns into 2-3 months real fast when you're a passive bitch like the Ralphamale, and he's self-aware enough to know there's no justification in the world that won't make it worse for him
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I believe there is zero chance that Faith and Matt are unaware of the outstanding warrant since I believe both of them read threads here. So even if he sneaks over the border to do that visit they know where and when he'll be and its an easy call to the cops to get him locked up for the Ho-Ho-Holidays
 
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MaltVinegarRespecter said:
I believe there is zero chance that Faith and Matt are unaware of the outstanding warrant since I believe both of them read threads here. So even if he sneaks over the border to do that visit they know where and when he'll be and its an easy call to the cops to get him locked up for the Ho-Ho-Holidays
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Matt has previously not wasted an opportunity to get him served with court papers. Even at his Bowl-O-Rama surrounded by Groypers supposedly watching out for him, he got served within ten minutes of arriving.

So yeah, I fully believe Matt will turn him in for this warrant if he shows up, even just for the sole purpose of screwing him over.
 
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AnOminous said:
Needless to say that's absolute bullshit. Mexico extradites U.S. citizens all the time. It's just not likely for a misdemeanor, but if he keeps taunting the judge he may FAFO.
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The funny thing is that if he had just turned himself in on a weekday (and had some money on him) he would most likely be out in less than 24 hours. Or he if he hired an attorney he could just schedule a hearing and "turn himself in" then, quashing the warrant and getting a signature bond. It's just a misdemeanor, Mr. Gunt. Why is you trying to go all habeas corpus on their asses??? Oh yeah, because Ethan Ralph is a CWC tier cow who doesn't even have a tugboat. :story:
 
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HackerX said:
That's really the crux of it all and Ralph is acutely aware. IMO, He's got 3 options:

1. Book a flight to Minnesota and turn himself in.

2. Risk a trip to California (or wherever stateside) and risk getting extradited, with the cost likely falling onto him if he is.

3. Shit in his pants and do nothing in Mexico for the rest of his life.

Now with option 1, that would require Ralph to be a man and face the consequences. He's never done that before so why the hell would he start now?

Option 2, if the court does force him to pay for his own extradition, he's never going to pay. (He said as much on the KEELSTREAM) That's another shitstorm that makes things exponentially worse.

Option 3 is it. The only way Ralph is ever crossing the border again is illegally. What's worse is he has no US driver's license. No passport. He's effectively an illegal alien whenever he's in the US at this point. I'll lose my shit if somehow Ralph gets rounded up by ICE and deported back to Mexico if it means he thinks it's the only way to avoid Minnesota.

This warrant has fucked him harder than almost anything has fucked him before. He was coping so much today about "well, I knew it wasn't going to work, but I wanted to show the court I want to resolve this matter. Showing that effort is what counts". Do you know who else did that??? CWC any time he got caught being a retard, apologized, and wanted credit for apologizing.
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Oh it gets sooo much better. Can you imagine Ralph paying off some Coyotes to smuggle him back to the US with Trump in the White House? He will end up getting his ass kicked in by the actual Military, before being handed off to ICE to kick his ass again. All while the chain of paperwork simply says "This is the stupidest humanlike thing on the planet". I don't know about you all, but I am looking forward to his deranged letter to President Trump pleading to be allowed to visit (but not pay child support to) his poor widdle baby boy.

The best Holiday Movie this season will be Gunts attempts to go home for Christmas.
 
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HackerX said:
That's really the crux of it all and Ralph is acutely aware. IMO, He's got 3 options:

1. Book a flight to Minnesota and turn himself in.

2. Risk a trip to California (or wherever stateside) and risk getting extradited, with the cost likely falling onto him if he is.

3. Shit in his pants and do nothing in Mexico for the rest of his life.
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I don't think (1) is even an option. He doesn't have a passport and on his previous trip to Minnesota, he had to cross at a land border with some sort of ID card before he could fly on.

I think (2) leads to an inevitable arrest at the border and extradition to Minnesota. Ralph in cuffs and leg irons first in jail and then transported to Minnesota. I don't think he can legally cross without them seeing the warrant and him getting arrested.

(3) is always an option because this is Ralph.

Realistically he has to hire a good local minnesota attorney to try and negotiate with the judge. But the judge may not be interested. The judge has taken this whole thing really far already. A national warrant for something like this is somewhat unusual and then rejecting his letter without comment was a real sign that the judge isn't playing around.

If the judge wants to push this to the limit, the judge can create "the last temptation of the Ragepig" where if Ethan Ralph ever wants to enter the US again, he is going to have to surrender at the border, be dragged to Minnesota in chains, probably be fined an amount equal to the state's expenses, be lectured by the judge and them dumped outside the courthouse to find his own way home.

The only thing I can really say is that Ralph deserves all of this. Suffa piggy!
 
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Slobber Knobber said:
How the fuck does he not have a passport? Did the Horse steal it when she fled the stable?
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He lost his Driver's license a very long time ago, after he got into that accident. He actually physically lost his passport while he was traveling as a Xannax zombie to California several months ago.
 
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Blue Miaplacidus said:
He lost his Driver's license a very long time ago, after he got into that accident. He actually physically lost his passport while he was traveling as a Xannax zombie to California several months ago.
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How do you even lose that? How retarded do you have to be short of being conked on the back of the head with something and robbed blind?
 
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