Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Hot CILF in your area]

What are some underrated Ja/ck/ hits?

There's a video where he bakes chocolate cake, and when he puts the frosting or some other topping on, it pours out of the bowl in a congealed and stiff mass.

Since we're entering festive times, you could also show them my favorite holiday atrocity of his (the candy cane velvet cake abomination).

If you want to make them MATI, there is also the video where he cooks (and veritably fucks up) a Thanksgiving meal for a deployed soldier I believe.

If by bag eggs you don't mean the time he tried to make omelettes by boiling stuff in plastic bags (after writing on them with sharpie), then show them that too.

 

[Marc]

@Space Police Though it's been discussed plenty (and likely archived multiple times within the thread), Count Strokula's "review" of the Red Copper 5 Minute Chef Omelet maker is a noteworthy series of two videos:

Here is the original Youtube URL for Jagoff's review. Jack set it to private after the brand threatened to sue (EDIT: AnOnymous reminded me in a below post that they indeed did sue Jack for misrepresenting their product). Below is a reupload of the original on Twitch:

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/210052069

Every time Jack tried to make an omelet, the maker would eventually burst open from a buildup of internal steam pressure; shooting hot egg everywhere. Jack's negative review includes footage of himself attempting to bully an Indian over the phone.

Part 2 is Jack's glowing "redo" of the review, seemingly performed at gunpoint:

Spoiler: Jack had refused to read the giant WARNING on the front of the manual prior to reviewing it the first time.



Note that Jack had lost the use of his right arm so recently that it still resembles an arm in this video; rather than the lynx penis we all know and love. He also looks positively svelte compared to the bifurcated garbage bag of gelatinized sewage we got to see spilling over the counter during AI CHILI MUNTH as he leaned harder and harder into the kitchen island as part of his FDR LARP of being able to stand.

The cover page plainly states that the latch is for storage only; and that sealing the cooker with the latch during operation will prevent steam from venting - inevitably resulting in exactly the mishap Jack kept repeating through user error (which he, of course, never admits to). Jack was (poetically) strong-armed into replacing the original review with an ass-sucking apology schilling the thing as "perfect for any dorm room" as a condition of the court settlement - Despite the fact that dorms generally (and explicitly) prohibit the fire hazard that such cooking appliances represent from being allowed in the first place. Plus, what student wants to be known as "The Omelet Fag"?

 

[Adamska]

My parents have gotten into cooking fail videos, yet they somehow haven't come across Fatty. What are some underrated Ja/ck/ hits? I'll obviously show them the tampon chicken, the bag chicken, the bag eggs, and the old brisket, but what else is there? I won't show the Party Cheese Salad out of contrarianism.

One that comes to me that most wouldn't suggest was his disastrous attempt to cook chicken and polenta. I still to this day believe he just hid the chicken in the oven and lied about cooking it.

I also find his attempt to cook Moqueca, or Brazillian Fish Stew as he calls it, pretty bad. Nothing looked cooked at all in that one either. Oh yeah, that actually reminds me: he used to do a series called "Things that Scare Jack". Pizza and Fish come to mind for that one.

In terms of horrible desserts, the christmas mud cake with the shards of candy cane was pretty bad too.

 

[AltisticRight]

The cover page plainly states that the latch is for storage only; and that sealing the cooker with the latch during operation will prevent steam from venting - inevitably resulting in exactly the mishap Jack kept repeating through user error (which he, of course, never admits to). Jack was (poetically) strong-armed into replacing the original review with an ass-sucking apology schilling the thing as "perfect for any dorm room" - Despite the fact that dorms generally (and explicitly) prohibit the fire hazard that such cooking appliances represent from being allowed in the first place. Plus, what student wants to be known as "The Omelet Fag"?

He is such a worthless manbaby retard. It should already be a sin to buy single-use gimmick appliances that a pan can do better, he's doubling that by refusing to read a piece of paper. Can this fat shit even read? Maybe his googly eyes require faux 3D images to correct. What's wrong with making an omelette in a fucking pan? If that's too much work just make scrambled eggs and top it with some stuff. Either requires less effort than wrangling some chintzy piece of ewaste that requires a fucking mains outlet to function.

 

[semitooth]

My parents have gotten into cooking fail videos, yet they somehow haven't come across Fatty. What are some underrated Ja/ck/ hits? I'll obviously show them the tampon chicken, the bag chicken, the bag eggs, and the old brisket, but what else is there? I won't show the Party Cheese Salad out of contrarianism.

it doesn't highlight his bad cooking as much as it does his stupidity, but I love the grill grates video.

also cant forget his dry vs wet brine chicken...

this monstrosity

also: lazy mans enchiladas, lazy mans alfredo chicken lasagna, the sous vide salmon... the list goes on

 

[AnOminous]

I genuinely believe this to be the worst fucking chili he's ever made. No seriously, I think this is way worse than the Church cook off chili and even that disgusting Chunky Keto one that looked like something Cooking with Kay would make.

I agree because even after years of getting jaded looking at utterly revolting Jack chilis to the point they barely get a response from me any more, this particular chili actually made me feel slightly nauseous just looking at it. It's astoundingly fucking vile. I could at least conceive of eating a few of Jack's chilis, although I'd be hating life and wishing I had a can of generic store brand chili instead.

There were even like two maybe that reached the level of "meh looks okay I guess."

Not even the prisoners in Andersonville would eat this shit.

oh I know all that lol I have been a hatewatcher since all the way back when /ck/ first found him. extra hate him too because he pretends to be a christian.

I always loved the old ja/ck/ threads, when they'd cleverly hide them because there was always some janny deleting them. I always thought that was like one guy because many of them would last hours and go to autosage. He was one of my first cows and it's always kind of amazing to look back and see how comparatively better he was then, and he was an incompetent idiot even then.

Here is the original Youtube URL for Jagoff's review. Jack set it to private after the brand threatened to sue him for misrepresenting their product. Below is a reupload of the original on Twitch:

They didn't just threaten to sue him. They actually did sue him in federal court.

Docket for TELEBRANDS CORP. v. GIVEME, INC., 2:18-cv-00198 - CourtListener.com

Docket for TELEBRANDS CORP. v. GIVEME, INC., 2:18-cv-00198 — Brought to you by the RECAP Initiative and Free Law Project, a non-profit dedicated to creating high quality open legal information.

www.courtlistener.com

The re-"review" was part of the settlement.

also cant forget his dry vs wet brine chicken...

That reminds me of the equally disgusting raw McCormick's chicken classic.

Go to the part where he cuts into the chicken which spews red liquid.

 

[TheMovieGuy]

My parents have gotten into cooking fail videos, yet they somehow haven't come across Fatty. What are some underrated Ja/ck/ hits? I'll obviously show them the tampon chicken, the bag chicken, the bag eggs, and the old brisket, but what else is there? I won't show the Party Cheese Salad out of contrarianism.

His butter chicken video made me gag the first time I saw it.

 

[AltisticRight]

His butter chicken video made me gag the first time I saw it.

I'd be asking why I wasn't yoinked out and sent off to a stem cell research lab if my mum were to cook that. Luckily it's not the case.

 

[TheMovieGuy]

I'd be asking why I wasn't yoinked out and sent off to a stem cell research lab if my mum were to cook that. Luckily it's not the case.

its truly one of his most repulsive videos, Jack and dairy work about as well together as Indians and polite society do.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

My parents have gotten into cooking fail videos, yet they somehow haven't come across Fatty. What are some underrated Ja/ck/ hits? I'll obviously show them the tampon chicken, the bag chicken, the bag eggs, and the old brisket, but what else is there? I won't show the Party Cheese Salad out of contrarianism.

He's got a lot of fails but beyond the ones you've mentioned the Bison burger ranks right up there with the worst of the worst.

He over seasons it, puts the cold cheese on the burger, adds more of his gloopy sauce over top and... when he cuts into it it's still raw. I don't mean blue. I don't mean pink. I mean it's literally raw and had to be ice cold. Yet he's acting like it's perfectly done.

Some fails are when he kept saying his Yorkshire Pudding came out "perfect" when they were little blond hockey pucks. When he used blueberries instead of juniper berries. Or when he used regular anise instead of star anise in his version of Pho including thick slices of beef and big horking pieces of onion of all things.

Then there's the buttermilk experiments where the chicken is undercooked and he just pulls it out of the marinade, dumps it on the cookie sheet and cooks it. There's like a single browned patch on it. It's just disgusting.

 

[Aurelianus]

My parents have gotten into cooking fail videos, yet they somehow haven't come across Fatty. What are some underrated Ja/ck/ hits? I'll obviously show them the tampon chicken, the bag chicken, the bag eggs, and the old brisket, but what else is there? I won't show the Party Cheese Salad out of contrarianism.

In regards to product reviews, the Yoshi Blade review is still one of the more memorable ones for me. It's pre-stroke Jack but there's something especially idiotic about attempting to cut a wooden spoon with a knife.

 

[Neko GF]

EL MOCAJETE, - SPRINGFIELD, TN​

(12/04/2024)

Original:

Preserve Tube: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=0e3esdQtDMQ

Spoiler: Local Archive (480p):

 

[Quixotic Man]

Whenever people on this thread reminiscence about past Jack my first though is he has finally gone up to the great chili bowl in the sky.

Given how much salt must have been in his fish sauce, cream cheese, egg, and bacon stew, it would not have surprised me.

Edit: As for Mocajete, if everything on those plates isn't directly from Sysco's ready food division, I am the Pope.

 

[LordofCringe7206 Vol. 2]

He's got a lot of fails but beyond the ones you've mentioned the Bison burger ranks right up there with the worst of the worst.

He over seasons it, puts the cold cheese on the burger, adds more of his gloopy sauce over top and... when he cuts into it it's still raw. I don't mean blue. I don't mean pink. I mean it's literally raw and had to be ice cold. Yet he's acting like it's perfectly done.

Some fails are when he kept saying his Yorkshire Pudding came out "perfect" when they were little blond hockey pucks. When he used blueberries instead of juniper berries. Or when he used regular anise instead of star anise in his version of Pho including thick slices of beef and big horking pieces of onion of all things.

Then there's the buttermilk experiments where the chicken is undercooked and he just pulls it out of the marinade, dumps it on the cookie sheet and cooks it. There's like a single browned patch on it. It's just disgusting.

His bison burger isn't super gross as some of his other dishes. Like all his dishes he always tends to botch it in some way, but with his beef dishes I feel that they are at least somewhat passable compared to how badly he messes up with things such as chicken, fish and pork.

Any of his chicken recipes that he has done has me gagging as he puts raw, slimy undercooked chicken into his mouth.

 

[p1138]

EL MOCAJETE, - SPRINGFIELD, TN​

(12/04/2024)

Original:

Preserve Tube: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=0e3esdQtDMQ

Spoiler: Local Archive (480p):

View attachment 6714484

"every single meat had a different seezning on it"

Well no fucking shit? The pile of shrimp for the shrimp tacos isn't going to have the same seasoning as the pile of grilled chicken.

Edit: As for Mocajete, if everything on those plates isn't directly from Sysco's ready food division, I am the Pope.

Ignoring the fact that he couldn't spell the name of the restaurant correctly in the thumbnail or title of the video, of course Chef Sysco is his favorite.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

it doesn't highlight his bad cooking as much as it does his stupidity, but I love the grill grates video.

also cant forget his dry vs wet brine chicken...

this monstrosity

also: lazy mans enchiladas, lazy mans alfredo chicken lasagna, the sous vide salmon... the list goes on

Jack seems way more tolerable then, which goes to show how much of a miserable douche he is now

 

[AnOminous]

Like all his dishes he always tends to botch it in some way, but with his beef dishes I feel that they are at least somewhat passable compared to how badly he messes up with things such as chicken, fish and pork.

At least with a solid cut of beef, you generally have a lot more slack to fuck around with rareness/rawness.

 

[Marc]

EL MOCAJETE, - SPRINGFIELD, TN

Mush brain thoughts:

1:29 - "En teh chipz ur WUAARMM - thath uh......thszz like wurm MEH-rin-eruh fur yer cheese dicks."

I laughed at Jack failing to get the entire menu in the frame; so he adds a disclaimer that he's "just gonna show" us "an oversight."

2:11 - "Guize, u no how emporkin' pitchers...R, fur me...in MENUS."

2:31 - "Ee-ben thashrmp HAZ sneezning.......I'm BARRY IMPRESS."

3:00 - *covering mouth like Japanese school girl with progeria and glaucoma* "Egghreythin HAS sneezning...Uganda Surprise."

3:45 -*zooms in on cup of birria dipping broth ONLY 1/3 of the way full!* "looks like they skimp on the..." Tammy cuts Jack off to insist that the broth is already in the tacos; with an adequate amount of broth in the cup. Jack was about to tard rage over Tammy having been cheated out of a portion of broth that would have surely overflowed onto the plate and table the first time someone dunked a taco in.

4:03 - *pointlessly narrating Tammy trying to eat* "u DUNKIT....N u BYE TIT...." *long pause* "THATS...u get it?."

4:35 - *audibly voiding bowels* "N DAT BIG BOOOWL A GUACAMOLE...AGH AAAAGGGGH."

4:45 - "Aahm...so...u be back??? U COME BACK HERE?."

5:00-5:25 needs to be seen to be believed.

5:54 - "idntnoif the GROOPerKINDAruff."

As detailed in the above clip, Jack ended up giving the restaurant an A+ grade after the Hammy twins gave it a B+ and A-, respectively (Jack‘s reasoning for his glowing review was that “the chips were warm, and the guacamole had everything"). Jagoff then immediately forgot the grade he gave the place, asked Tammy what he had graded it, and then didn't seem to believe her. He ends with "WUHL...If I didn't say EGG PLUS I'll give it EGG PLUS AGAIN." Around thirty seconds had passed since he had said it. The guy’s brain has turned into one of his garbage chili video thumbnails.

 

[Gulls on Film]

His butter chicken video made me gag the first time I saw it.

I always chuckle at this because it's one of the last things he did before his most recent stroke, and it's him just cooking chicken in a pound of butter and cream. I imagine his body saying "okay, fuck you asshole, this is the last straw."


Look at this video order, it's pure kino.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Jack's anatomy is amazing - a whale from the front and a square from the side.