Funny stories about your period

[EllenDrawsRapeOfHerHaters]

She's not saying that it got stuck in her uterus (wasn't one of Grace Laverey's crazy patrons claiming that?).

Unless I miss my guess, OP masturbated with a cup in place and through the power of Kegels, the cup climbed up and the resulting suction made it difficult to remove later.

Yep. During sex or masturbation, the canal lengthens. Normally it's pretty short, tampons barely fit. The canal stayed at that extended length so I couldn't reach it with any of my fingers , don't make the same mistake I did.

 

[swiftcel]

Not a funny story but...
I'm the only girl with four younger brothers. My mom was out of the house visiting her sister in the hospital a few towns over. I was left at home with my brothers and dad. Of course that was the day mother nature decided to bless little ten year old me with my period. While I was wearing very light colored jean shorts, mind you.

I remember crying. A lot. At first I thought I was dying (I knew what a period was, barely, but it didn't register at first that this was it). My dad had to calm me down and usher me to the bathroom. When I came back out we had a talk that included my younger brothers all who wanted to know why I had sat in paint. I had never been more humiliated in my entire little life, and for several days after that my littlest brother treated me like I was disgusting. To this day he's still the one to always dismissively ask me if I'm on the rag again whenever I show the slightest bit of annoyance with his stupidity.

 

[glass_houses]

To this day he's still the one to always dismissively ask me if I'm on the rag again whenever I show the slightest bit of annoyance with his stupidity.

When he does that, recommend to him that he stop wearing women's undergarments as they are clearly too confining for his testicles and making him ill tempered.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I'm nowhere near this eventuality, but putting things away in a certain cabinet, I got to thinking. You can donate pads and tampons, but what to do with used menstrual cups when you're all done menstruating?

At the moment I'm thinking along the lines of muffin paper angels, or using the stems from artificial flowers to make them into a vase of calla lilies.



I had an original hard latex Keeper that I threw out when it started cracking, and I've tossed a couple of cups I gambled on and absolutely hated. However, there were a few menstrual cups that I ordered, was ambivalent about, but kept in case my vagina changed its demands in the years to come. This is probably like keeping that one dress with shoulder pads, but they don't take up much space--and it means when I finally successfully menopause, I'll have a good handful of cups to dispose of.

 

[Snusmumriken]

I can’t imagine how many trannies have jacked off their butchered peenies to this thread.

 

[Dysnomia]

I had a horrible day completely ruined by the fact that I was on my period.

I had a doctor's appointment at a hospital that's a 40 minute bus ride from here. When I get to the hospital there's a doctor at the security desk saying that the computers in his office are all down. I thought he sounded familiar but I didn't stop to look. I just got in the elevator. I was half an hour early so I decided to use the bathroom because I drank a lot of coffee and needed to check on the status of Aunt Flo. I just started iron again because of anemia and I didn't know what to expect.

The bathroom was horrible. The toilet seat was up and there was piss all over the floor. It was literally impossible for me get anywhere near the toilet seat. So I figured I'd use the office bathroom. When I got to the office there was a sign on the door saying that they were closed due to an IT problem. That's when I made the connection. Just my luck. That guy at the security desk was my doctor. The sign said I could go to their other office at another location and be seen by someone else. But there's no direct bus route there from the hospital. I would have had to walk about two miles to the mall, get on another bus and then brave the bike path down a road with no sidewalk. Hell no.

So I went down to the security desk to tell them that the office was closed. She told me to knock and see if anyone was there so I could reschedule. I went back up and the doctor was with security in the maintenance room. I knocked on the office door and no one was there. It was also locked. So I called the other office and made an appointment for the 20th. When I got into the elevator I somehow ended up on the third floor. That elevator is slow as hell. I decided not to check for another bathroom and just head to the bus because it was coming soon and if I made it then my fare would count as a free transfer and I'd save $2.

So I get on the bus. It looks like a regular bus. It has the right number on it. It's full of school kids but it's 3pm. The bus stops at a loop station and the driver tells me I have to get off because this is as far as he goes. I thought maybe the bus broke down. So I ask him why and he says "this is the school bus".

I got on the fucking school bus.

A lot of the school busses here are just regular city busses that are chartered. It's confusing as hell. They used to have special numbers but not anymore. Now they just use the regular route numbers. I didn't think to look at the rest of the marquee to see what station it was headed to.

I ask the driver why he let me on and he said because I was standing there. Did he think I was a student? You shouldn't be letting random adults onto the school bus. Maybe he thought I was younger. I also had a backpack. He's probably face blind from picking up passengers all day long.

Anyway, he tells me to get on the bus behind him. But that bus passes me right by. So I'm stuck waiting at a decaying loop station for 20 minutes. I thought about using the bathroom at the Dunkin Donuts across the street but if I miss that next bus it's gonna be another 20 minutes until the next one. So I hope for the best and the bus comes. I was gonna tell the driver my situation and maybe not have to pay another $2 from my bus card. But so many people get on for free now that they aren't as understanding as they used to be. And the fares are probably increasing soon because of it.

So I go home, finally pee, change my pad, feed a stray cat and go to the store to get some blueberries and coffee creamer. I was going to get a cheap energy drink at the gas station because I was completely drained of life at that point. But there were two teens fighting in the parking lot and this is the ghetto so you never know when bullets might fly. So I noped out of there and just drank the iced coffee I made in the morning and put in the fridge.

Editing to add that it was 80 degrees. In November. And I was wearing summer clothes. Thank God I put shorts on under my skirt and everything below the waist was black.

Thank you for reading my long ass period story.

 

[Stan]

Anyone got a granny cure for stress incontience s/p a normal childbirth 20 months prior?
I am tired of pissing myself a lil bit when I cough too forcefully

 

[Aunt Carol]

Anyone got a granny cure for stress incontience s/p a normal childbirth 20 months prior?
I am tired of pissing myself a lil bit when I cough too forcefully

Pessary? Grandma-core would be the proverbial potato, but Poise sells an OTC pessary you can try out without involving anyone but you and the cashier.

 

[Stan]

the proverbial potato

w-what does the potato do and where am I supposed to put it?!

 

[Aunt Carol]

w-what does the potato do and where am I supposed to put it?!

Well.

 

[Stan]

Well.

Why would a fresh potato at like 80% water content meaningfully absorb incontinence drips and since it grows in the dirt, how the heck does it not give u TSS after wearing raw potato pieces in your vag for more than like 2 hours.

Ai I would rather wear a pad auntie until I get over this cough and cold, please

 

[Aunt Carol]

Why would a fresh potato at like 80% water content meaningfully absorb incontinence drips

Ohhh; sorry. I forget that I am mostly around grandmas.

No, a pessary doesn't absorb incontinence. It's like wrapping a sprained ankle. You put in a silicone doodad to shore up the pelvic muscles holding the urethra closed, via the roof of the vagina which in this case is acting more like a crawlspace, allowing access to your plumbing from below.
Doctor kind:

OTC kind:


Little silicone pessary for urinary incontinence; slightly bigger silicone pessary for actual prolapse. Potato pessary is usually in the context of uterine prolapse decades after Granny was done having her 12 children.

Ugh, urinary incontinence with coughing makes a cold that much more grueling. A pad is probably the much more sane reaction, and I hope those kids are old enough to be sympathetic to you while you're suffering.

 

[Premium Gonzo]

Sounds a bit basic have you worked on your pelvic floor muscles? It does help a little, although i've not farted one out yet and i've got cough incontinence i usually just wear a pair of period undies does wonders to absorb the urine until i stop coughing and or sneezing. Just having a spare pair to change into if your out and about or trying the old hand drier to dry them out could work.

 

[Inlé]

Had my period at 10, mom was out of town while dad watched me. He's one of those old school guys from before periods were taught in biology class, grew up with no sisters, but when he saw me panicking he stepped up the best way he could.
Not knowing what else to do, he told me to stuff my panties with toilet paper and off we went to the store, watching my huge, stone-faced old man blush and stutter while asking the employee where the "pad aisle" is and then standing there terrified of picking the "wrong type" for me has never left my mind, he was so out of his element and it was hilarious.

 

[glass_houses]

Had my period at 10, mom was out of town while dad watched me. He's one of those old school guys from before periods were taught in biology class, grew up with no sisters, but when he saw me panicking he stepped up the best way he could.
Not knowing what else to do, he told me to stuff my panties with toilet paper and off we went to the store, watching my huge, stone-faced old man blush and stutter while asking the employee where the "pad aisle" is and then standing there terrified of picking the "wrong type" for me has never left my mind, he was so out of his element and it was hilarious.

You have a good dad.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

I've always had insanely heavy periods but can't use tampons so obviously places like school where you can only use the bathroom at specific times were hell. I bled through an overnight pad during a 7th grade history class so badly that I was quite literally sitting in a puddle. The teacher had beef with my older brother and therefore me and assumed I was trying to skip class too when I asked to use the bathroom. I had a spare pad, but bathrooms were closed during lunch due to vandalism and fights so I hadn't changed it for hours.

I didn't want to just blurt out that I was sitting in a pool of blood because I was surrounded by middle school boys who were already bullying me. This was also the 2000s when it was still relatively taboo to bring up openly so when the bell rang, I waited until everyone else had left, moved the chair near the teacher's desk when she stepped out so no one else would sit in it, replaced the chair at my desk with another to cover my tracks, and left to change into my gym shorts. I didn't ever say anything and she never confronted me. It was so bad, it was dripping off my skirt and I had to sacrifice a hoodie to keep from leaving a trail halfway across the school like a horse with a fucking nosebleed.

I wonder if multiple female teachers announcing you could ask them for menstrual products the following week had anything to do with me. I want to feel embarrassed but bitch should've just let me go to the bathroom instead of forcing me to sit there for another forty minutes.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

but bathrooms were closed during lunch due to vandalism and fights

Like, I know that the school system is a fucking shambles and that teachers are grievously underpaid, but denying children access to the bathrooms during one of their free times instead of thinking of ANY OTHER SOLUTION should be illegal.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

Like, I know that the school system is a fucking shambles and that teachers are grievously underpaid, but denying children access to the bathrooms during one of their free times instead of thinking of ANY OTHER SOLUTION should be illegal.

There were a handful of teachers who would let you go during class, otherwise it was "you should've gone before school" or "wait until lunch" if it was before lunch, and after lunch it was "just wait until school is over" or "you should've gone during lunch". I went to the shittiest school in the county and people were legit getting their ribs broken and starting fires in the trashcans but unless you wanted to miss lunch by tracking down one of the three admins with a key, you just didn't use the bathroom if the teacher didn't trust you. I genuinely wonder sometimes if I could've sued them for all the UTIs they were causing.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

There were a handful of teachers who would let you go during class, otherwise it was "you should've gone before school" or "wait until lunch" if it was before lunch, and after lunch it was "just wait until school is over" or "you should've gone during lunch". I went to the shittiest school in the county and people were legit getting their ribs broken and starting fires in the trashcans but unless you wanted to miss lunch by tracking down one of the three admins with a key, you just didn't use the bathroom if the teacher didn't trust you. I genuinely wonder sometimes if I could've sued them for all the UTIs they were causing.

I don't know about suing, but you/your parents should absolutely have banded together with families of other normal children and brought that to a school board meeting or similar. Forcing children to hold their piss and sit in pads sodden with menstrual blood is fucking egregious.

My question would have been "Why should my child have to suffer and have not only her education but also her physical health affected, instead of adequate punishment and prevention being meted out to the students setting fires and assaulting others?"

 

[cactus]

I don't know about suing, but you/your parents should absolutely have banded together with families of other normal children and brought that to a school board meeting or similar. Forcing children to hold their piss and sit in pads sodden with menstrual blood is fucking egregious.

My question would have been "Why should my child have to suffer and have not only her education but also her physical health affected, instead of adequate punishment and prevention being meted out to the students setting fires and assaulting others?"

And I know being a school janitor sucks donkey balls, but it's their job to clean. The bathroom being closed during lunch just screams laziness to me. And if it's illegal for my job to deny me a bathroom, surely it's illegal for the school to do so.