IT IS MY BELIEF THAT PPP, AKA ASHTON JOEL PARKS, DOES NOT WASH HIS ASS AFTER POOPING
DURING ONE STREAM A FEW MONTHS BACK, PPP INTERRUPTED THE SHOW TO ANNOUNCED HE DESPERATELY NEEDED TO TAKE A DUMP LEAVING ANDY SUDDENLY ALL ALONE WITH THE CHAT. AFTER A MERE 5 MINUTES HE RETURNED. GIVEN THAT IT IS NOT POSSIBLE THAT, WITHIN A MERE 5 MINUTES, HE MANAGED TO TAKE A DUMP, WIPE, WASH HIS ASS OUT (PRESUMABLY IN THE SHOWER BECAUSE THERE IS A 0% CHANCE PP OWNS A BIDET), THAN RETURN TO STREAM, AS WELL AS GIVEN HIS NUMEROUS STATEMENTS ABOUT TOILET PAPER (MOST RECENTLY WITH FOUSEY AND THAT ONE STREAM OF HIM POOPING AND NOT WIPING, LET ALONE WASHING, AFTERWARDS), IT CAN BE SAFELY PRESUMED THAT PPP BELIEVES, ERONIOUSLY, THAT MERELY USING TOILET PAPER IS SUFFICE TO CLEAN ONE'S ASS AFTER RELIEFING HIMSELF (SPOILER ALERT: IT IS NOT)
GIVEN THAT PPP IS 29 YEARS OLD, AND WE CAN SAFELY ASSUME HE HAS NEVER WASHED HIS ASS IN HIS LIFE, THIS MEANS THAT PPP WALKS AROUND WITH 29 YEARS OLD CRUSTED POOP SMEARED ALONG HIS ASSCHEEKS. IS THIS THE KIND OF PERSON WE REALLY WANT TO BE LECTURED OR MORALIZED BY? A MAN WHO LACKS THE DECECY TO WASH HIS OWN ASS? I THINK NOT. I SAY THAT A MAN WHO CANNOT EVEN WASH HIS OWN ASS IS NOT A MAN AT ALL BUT MORE LIKENABLE TO A FILFTHY COMMON SWINE