Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Programmer Socks]

Another arc would be her slipping in the shower and snapping her ankle, rendering her even more immobile than she already is for a solid 2 months or so.

Shower? It would have to be a car wash. Tess sized herself out of conventional showers and baths about 200lbs ago. At best Tess gives herself a quick going over with a rag on a stick every week, other than that she'll use spray deodorant and scent in an attempt to mask her body odour. She'll be nose-blind to her own reek by now.

 

[The Hardest R]

Yes, that is still her plan. A rich feeder will want to make an honest woman of her, and then will come her salad days Madonna Inn champagne cake days.

She hooked one sucker into paying her bills for a couple of years in Long Beach, but the bloom went off the rose and now she's stuck again: older and fatter than ever. Tess seems to think she's above starting an Only Hams account and can still play the sugar baby game at 40, but her funds are clearly running low.

I agree with this. She unironically believes a rich john and modeling contracts are just around the corner for her. She knows if she goes full OnlyHams that her future in modeling is over. Plus I suspect she believes that one rich john showering her in cash to do private meets is better than her showing her ThisAss to thousands of losers with five bucks to spend, which she would find demeaning. She’s always felt she’s a cut above “mediocre white men” and now she’d have to exclusively cater to them. This is why she would rather be homeless because she gets to keep her image intact, even if she has no idea where she’s going to live next week. Her ego can’t allow it, which is why she claims 2024 almost broke her.

 

[UnfOrtuNatE BaskEtt]

If The Lovey Tess was on a container ship...and her Massive Arse was the only cargo, and she wanted to skip the queue at The Panama Kanal...coz she is A Sleb.......how much would she have to pay?

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Look, I'm just pointing out that Josh has a legal fund to spend and a love for fat bitches eating cheese...

After all, wouldn't we all love to see Tess dress up like a giant kiwi?

 

[barbie meat]

Another arc would be her slipping in the shower and snapping her ankle, rendering her even more immobile than she already is for a solid 2 months or so.

Look at Evie — cows that dumb and heavy are incapable of letting a broken ankle properly heal, so if this ever happens, it will take a hell of a lot more than 2 months to recover. And she would absolutely balloon up even faster while sitting around on her ass refusing to wear her ankle brace or whatever.

 

[Attractive Sexhaver]

She is so delusional. Even if she had been conventionally hot in her youth, she's too old and used up to keep making money in the thot lifestyle. She's on the wrong side of thirty, and there are much younger women willing to shill fashion brands, or service rich older perverts.

Her one marketable feature was that she had a thin person's face, but now she looks like she got attacked by wasps while escaping a grease fire.

 

[NoReturn]

Tess is still beefing with whoever it was.

 

[No Thank You v 2.0]

Sounds to me like someone is trying to gray-rock her. She wants an emotional response and all she gets is a simple emoji meant to indicate “message received“ and nothing more, and that is of course total narc death.

 

[aphelion]

That hand tattoo looks like misshapen testicles.

 

[multiverse]

Tess is still beefing with whoever it was

"A job, or a business opportunity", eh? So she's trying to trap this dude into an agreement about financial support, and he's not interested.

Hopefully this is a different guy than the one who told her she stank. Because if that's the dude you're banking on, gorl, you need to find another victim.

 

[Constellationzero]

If The Lovey Tess was on a container ship...and her Massive Arse was the only cargo, and she wanted to skip the queue at The Panama Kanal...coz she is A Sleb.......how much would she have to pay?

TOO

WEEKS!!

 

[Angry New Ager]

Tess is still beefing with whoever it was.
View attachment 6785309
View attachment 6785307
View attachment 6785315View attachment 6785317

Oh, FFS Tess—this is totally a you problem.

Sometimes people know they need to acknowledge your message in a positive way, but it either doesn't require a written response, or they're busy with other things besides you and your Narcissistic need to be at the forefront of their thoughts. So the thumb's-up emoji is what you get.

And hey, maybe they're just sick of your shit, and your constant need for more attention and validation from them, and your unrealistically elevated ideas about what they should be doing for you. You've worn their patience and regard for you down to the nubs, so they can't be bothered to do more than give you a thumb's-up.

I'd tell her to put her big-girl pants on, but she's clearly out-fatted all of the big-girl pants.

 

[Bill Evans 45]

That hand tattoo looks like misshapen testicles.

It's the first time I've seen it properly, wtf is it meant to be?

 

[No Thank You v 2.0]

It's the first time I've seen it properly, wtf is it meant to be?

It’s two broken/banged-up hearts attached to a chain, supposedly in honor of her friend’s dead sister, I forget their names, I just know it‘s supposed to be hearts.

 

[I call shenanigans]

Another arc would be her slipping in the shower and snapping her ankle, rendering her even more immobile than she already is for a solid 2 months or so.

If she snaps her ankle it will be at least 6 months before she could mobilise on it again, all due to her weight. There is not a moonboot large enough to immobilise her leg. We saw it with Evie and again with ALR, and look how Evie still is immobile. Amber only got away with it because she had a sprain at most.

 

[The Hardest R]

Oh, FFS Tess—this is totally a you problem.

Hasn’t Tubbers spent years talking about how she does owe anybody anything because she’s such a #bossbitch? Kind of funny how she can’t take what she dishes out.

 

[Free the Pedos]

Europe we're not that used to Tess-sized ham planets lumbering around

Tess would get stares in most of the US. I don’t think the European mind could comprehend her.

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

Tess would get stares in most of the US. I don’t think the European mind could comprehend her.

Agree. Eurokiwi here and I have never seen a person as big as Tess irl. I wish she filmed more of her trip to Switzerland. One of the things thats so great about Anna O'Brien, is the people in the background gawking at her.

 

[Constellationzero]

Tess would get stares in most of the US. I don’t think the European mind could comprehend her.

The stupid tard scribbles
The comealong ring designed to stop her from rooting at the Golden Corral
The grease
The craters
and, most of all...the FUCKING SMELL

would turn heads in the midwest. And not in the way she'd like.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

I have never seen a person as big as Tess irl.

Fuck, I'll amplify on this - I have seen a grand total of 2 persons the size of Tess (and one of those two could give Anna O'Brien a figurative run for her money)... and I live in the motherfucking DEEP SOUTH.

Make no mistake, our deathfat divas aren't commonplace even in Burgerland. They get gawks and stares no matter where they go.